My first half marathon in over 2 years is coming up in 27 days and I'm nervous and excited. I want to run well, but there are always those little uncertainties that creep in and threaten my confidence. Will it be too warm for me to run well? Will I give up at mile 5 before I've really gotten into a comfortable rhythm? Will I got out too fast and screw up the whole race? And the biggest one of all - will my Achilles tendon be okay?
I haven't run 12 miles since my last marathon in February. I ran 11 in March plus several 10 milers both on the treadmill and outside this summer. But 12 is kind of the "holy grail" for me when it comes to half marathon training. It's only 1.1 miles short of the half marathon, and I know I can always push through just one more mile, so if I can get in a decent 12 miler I have the confidence going into the race, knowing that my body will hold up. I did my 12 miler yesterday morning, taking advantage of the lower morning temperatures and lower humidity. It was 11 days after my last long run of 10 miles, so I felt fairly rested and very much ready for the challenge.
When I woke up at 5am it was 71 degrees and only about 40% humidity. It was projected to drop a couple of degrees over the course of the next 2 hours so I was going to be in great shape weather-wise. My ankle felt "okay," a bit tight but not in pain. I was hydrated and fueled.
I forgot how incredibly peaceful it can be when you're running at 5:30am. It was absolutely beautiful out, with a nice full moon to help with visibility. I didn't see a lot of other runners out at all, which surprised me. Although they are more likely to be out on Saturdays, and this was a Sunday. I took it very easy the first couple of miles and was actually surprised that my quads felt slightly fatigued. I had run 4 miles with my training group (in a conservative 39 minutes) the day before, but I didn't figure that would make too much of a difference in how my legs felt. I'm definitely not used to running the day before a long run so perhaps that made a bit of a difference in how my legs felt. I shook it off and just focused on maintaining a nice pace.
After a few miles I definitely was getting into a groove. I felt like I could keep running a little bit faster with every mile. I could feel a bit of fatigue as I crept up on double digits in my mileage, but that was to be expected. The middle miles flew by fairly quickly. I missed this feeling! It's been awhile :) The only thing that was slightly unnerving to me was that my ankle felt kind of tight during the run. I wouldn't call it painful, but I was aware of the tendinitis.
I did a couple things differently in this run. Instead of hydrating with a sports drink like Pure Sport, I was using Nuun (very few calories) and getting my calories during the run strictly with gels. Usually I go lighter on the gels because I'm fueling with a calorie-filled sports drink. I prefer Nuun more than anything else now, so I wanted to test it out. Second, I never looked at my pace on my Garmin. I checked my mile splits to see if I was slowly increasing my pace, but I strictly did this run by feel.
I'd say these two things were a huge success. The Nuun and extra gel worked great. I never felt super fatigued or under-fueled. By focusing less on "expected" pace and more on feel, I was able to listen to my body better and it paid me back with almost perfect negative splits: 10:00, 9:56, 9:45, 9:42, 9:37, 9:27, 9:26, 9:20, 9:18, 9:12, 9:03, 9:05 for just under 1 hour, 54 minutes in 12 miles. It didn't feel like I was running that much quicker at the end of the run versus the beginning, and that's always my goal....to make a quicker pace feel natural to me. In a race, if I kept this up and gave it my all during that last mile, I could potentially have a 2:03 half marathon time. I would be THRILLED with a 2:03.
So I think I was able to accomplish what I set out to do: comfortably finish a 12 mile run, do it with little Achilles pain, fuel and hydrate properly, have negative splits, and build confidence going into my half marathon.
Bring it on!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
An update, stream of consciousness, and what's coming up
I'm really trying to figure out this whole blogging thing. I'm terrible about keeping it regular, I'm terrible about keeping up with my favorite blogs, I'm terrible about commenting on those blogs, I'm terrible about putting time aside to dedicate to all of the above.
But I still love this. Blogging is pretty great.
An update on me...
Last time I left you with crappy negative thoughts and a new injury. I'm trying to ignore the crappy people that give me crappy thoughts, and I'm doing okay with that. I saw my buddy the podiatrist (Dr. Scott Pattison) and he was really nice to me even after I completely forgot about my first appointment. He didn't even give me a shot or anything as punishment. He didn't even tell me to really rest much! My Achilles tendinitis is minor at this point but does need some TLC. Icing and this nifty anti-inflammatory cream that I rub on my ankle 4 times per day. And stretching. And changing things up a bit...like cross training and not so much treadmill work. I think I may actually survive this thing.
Stream of consciousness...
I've had all sorts of little ideas I've had for blog posts but since I suck at blogging, I'm just going to throw a bunch of random things at you instead of actually sitting down for an extended period of time and writing an entire blog post about said ideas.
1. I miss my sister. It totally sucks. This has been a terrible couple of weeks for me grief-wise. She's been gone for 2 years and 1 month and her birthday (#40) just passed. The tears are pretty regular and come at inopportune times.
2. I need to find more time to scrapbook. It used to be a passion. I need to rediscover that passion. I have so many amazing, awesome, fabulous pictures and stories to tell from the past few years.
3. I ran a 5K yesterday. I started off at PR pace (24:40 is my PR) and I think I could have at least been at 25:15 or faster. But I stopped at a little over a mile in to help a friend with asthma problems. I was worried about her and didn't feel right continuing on, so we ran it together. We finished in 28:40. I'm pretty damn impressed by her. Still a great workout for me.
4. I'm worried about these wildfires. My husband left town this morning. I don't like being here worried without him. I thought I moved to Texas. The air looks like Los Angeles and the wildfires are so California-esque. I guess I've got quite a bit of familiarity with wildfires.
5. My kids will not stop arguing with each other. They are totally making me crazy. I can't really be in the same room with both of them for more than about 30 minutes at a time. They are just awful to each other. Please let this phase pass for at least 5 minutes. Please.
6. Did I mention I miss my sister? It sucks. I REALLY miss her. I want her back. Can't someone make that happen already?
7. I'm tired of people who think they are better than others. Everyone needs a dose of humble pie.
8. We finally have a break in our excruciating heat. I may be off by a day or two but I think Austin had 80 days of 100+ degree temperatures. I believe yesterday was the first time it didn't hit 90 since May. This morning it was 61 degrees out when I woke up. I have seen a sub-70 degree temp in so long I forgot what it felt like. I wore a jacket this morning.
9. I've started cooking more and finding fun new recipes. I kinda like it. But I also still like take-out and being lazy. I'm not much of a cook, but at least I'm trying.
10. I had a pretty fun and bizarre (for me) workout this morning. 50 flights of stairs. Upper body workout. Core work. 1.5 miles of walking at a 2-4% incline. Then I thought it would be swell to throw in a random 1 mile run. Started it at 8 mph, pushed it up to 8.4. Mile ended up being 7:24. Not bad a day after a race, and after all that other exercise first. I was fatigued and ran a 7:24 mile. Feels good. Well, except for the shin splints.
11. I've never run a sub-7 minute mile. Next week I am going to do that.
What's coming up for me...
Today I am going to register for another race. My awesome friend Diana lives in Washington D.C. and she's the one who got me into running back in 2007. We're going to run the Rock n Roll USA Half Marathon on March 17 in D.C. To run in our nation's capital sounds pretty much perfect to me. I get to see things like this:
My next race is the See Jane Run Half Marathon in Austin on October 9. I'm excited and nervous. I think my ankle will hold up just fine and I think I can turn a respectable performance. We'll see if it's a PR (1:59:26) performance, but I'm not necessarily training for that. First and foremost I need to take care of my ankle. I know I've gotten faster this summer, but we'll have to see how that translates to a long distance. And the weather in October can be pretty unpredictable. I have a lot of friends running, too, so I know that no matter what it will be a great time.
Did I mention that next week I'm going to run my very first sub-7 minute mile? I'll have my sweet hubby by my side.
But I still love this. Blogging is pretty great.
An update on me...
Last time I left you with crappy negative thoughts and a new injury. I'm trying to ignore the crappy people that give me crappy thoughts, and I'm doing okay with that. I saw my buddy the podiatrist (Dr. Scott Pattison) and he was really nice to me even after I completely forgot about my first appointment. He didn't even give me a shot or anything as punishment. He didn't even tell me to really rest much! My Achilles tendinitis is minor at this point but does need some TLC. Icing and this nifty anti-inflammatory cream that I rub on my ankle 4 times per day. And stretching. And changing things up a bit...like cross training and not so much treadmill work. I think I may actually survive this thing.
Stream of consciousness...
I've had all sorts of little ideas I've had for blog posts but since I suck at blogging, I'm just going to throw a bunch of random things at you instead of actually sitting down for an extended period of time and writing an entire blog post about said ideas.
1. I miss my sister. It totally sucks. This has been a terrible couple of weeks for me grief-wise. She's been gone for 2 years and 1 month and her birthday (#40) just passed. The tears are pretty regular and come at inopportune times.
2. I need to find more time to scrapbook. It used to be a passion. I need to rediscover that passion. I have so many amazing, awesome, fabulous pictures and stories to tell from the past few years.
3. I ran a 5K yesterday. I started off at PR pace (24:40 is my PR) and I think I could have at least been at 25:15 or faster. But I stopped at a little over a mile in to help a friend with asthma problems. I was worried about her and didn't feel right continuing on, so we ran it together. We finished in 28:40. I'm pretty damn impressed by her. Still a great workout for me.
4. I'm worried about these wildfires. My husband left town this morning. I don't like being here worried without him. I thought I moved to Texas. The air looks like Los Angeles and the wildfires are so California-esque. I guess I've got quite a bit of familiarity with wildfires.
5. My kids will not stop arguing with each other. They are totally making me crazy. I can't really be in the same room with both of them for more than about 30 minutes at a time. They are just awful to each other. Please let this phase pass for at least 5 minutes. Please.
6. Did I mention I miss my sister? It sucks. I REALLY miss her. I want her back. Can't someone make that happen already?
7. I'm tired of people who think they are better than others. Everyone needs a dose of humble pie.
8. We finally have a break in our excruciating heat. I may be off by a day or two but I think Austin had 80 days of 100+ degree temperatures. I believe yesterday was the first time it didn't hit 90 since May. This morning it was 61 degrees out when I woke up. I have seen a sub-70 degree temp in so long I forgot what it felt like. I wore a jacket this morning.
9. I've started cooking more and finding fun new recipes. I kinda like it. But I also still like take-out and being lazy. I'm not much of a cook, but at least I'm trying.
10. I had a pretty fun and bizarre (for me) workout this morning. 50 flights of stairs. Upper body workout. Core work. 1.5 miles of walking at a 2-4% incline. Then I thought it would be swell to throw in a random 1 mile run. Started it at 8 mph, pushed it up to 8.4. Mile ended up being 7:24. Not bad a day after a race, and after all that other exercise first. I was fatigued and ran a 7:24 mile. Feels good. Well, except for the shin splints.
11. I've never run a sub-7 minute mile. Next week I am going to do that.
What's coming up for me...
Today I am going to register for another race. My awesome friend Diana lives in Washington D.C. and she's the one who got me into running back in 2007. We're going to run the Rock n Roll USA Half Marathon on March 17 in D.C. To run in our nation's capital sounds pretty much perfect to me. I get to see things like this:
My next race is the See Jane Run Half Marathon in Austin on October 9. I'm excited and nervous. I think my ankle will hold up just fine and I think I can turn a respectable performance. We'll see if it's a PR (1:59:26) performance, but I'm not necessarily training for that. First and foremost I need to take care of my ankle. I know I've gotten faster this summer, but we'll have to see how that translates to a long distance. And the weather in October can be pretty unpredictable. I have a lot of friends running, too, so I know that no matter what it will be a great time.
Did I mention that next week I'm going to run my very first sub-7 minute mile? I'll have my sweet hubby by my side.
Friday, August 19, 2011
So what's up with me?
I haven't blogged in almost a month. I've had ideas on what to write about but something is always getting in the way of getting it out....our schedule, writer's block, the desire to nap frequently....I guess I just haven't been feeling very inspired.
Since I resigned from our HOA board, I'd like to say that my stress level has gone down and I suppose in a few ways it has. It's nice to have that time free for other things, but I don't seem to be any less busy. We have managed to keep our schedule pretty full, and while a lot of it has been fun and great (I love my friends!!!), some things just seem like such a time-sucker. I'd love nothing more than 5 solid days of absolutely no distractions. Doesn't everyone!?
I think I'm going through a phase of just being very disconcerted, very disillusioned, and I guess downright depressed about things I see around me, in the news, in the world in general. It seems stupid to let a lot of little things (and I suppose some big things) just get me in the dumps, but I suppose that's what has happened. My faith in the human race is being tested. I'm appalled at the things I see not just in the news but even around me with people I know. It's disgusting to me that there is such a level of selfishness in people that they can think of no one else but themselves, that some have no regard for how they treat others or how their actions may effect others. It just seems like so many people's priorities are put into the wrong things....whether it's material, for pleasure, and even a sense of superiority over others. I'm seeing it all and I'm disturbed.
I admit that I'm not perfect....FAR FROM IT. I have moments of wanting to be purely selfish. But it always comes back down to my priority - MY FAMILY. They come first with me. That's part of the reason that I resigned from the board. I felt like they were getting shafted with my time and I needed to put a stop to that. Plus they needed a less stressed mom and more quality time. If I need time to myself, I take it, and it makes me a better mom when I circle back to them. It's not at their detriment.
Poor Greg keeps getting an earful from me about how things and people are just pissing me off, and luckily he totally understands and often feels the same way. I need to shake this resentment, however, and get back to focusing on happy things. Getting it out on the blog seems to be a good start. Maybe writing about my feelings will be a good start to moving onto more positive feelings.
So what else is up with me?
I think I'm injured.
For a few weeks now I've felt some discomfort in my right Achilles tendon after a run. A little bit of pain, some stiffness, a little inflexibility. I find it stiffens up when I've been immobile for a bit as well. Sure sounds like tendonitis to me, so I'm going with that. Of course, rest is one of the things that is recommended to "cure" it, but we all know that's not really going to happen. About the only thing that would force me to rest is a fracture. I'm stubborn like that. But I do know that I need to baby the tendon if the problem is going to go away. So for right now, I'm doing yoga for increased flexibility, doing extra stretching after runs, icing about 3 times per day, taking anti-inflammatories after my runs, and praying for healing. I'm going to look into accupressure as well.
My half marathon is in 7 weeks and I want to have a good time. I want to walk away from it uninjured and ready for my next marathon in January. I need this injury to be resolved.
I've resently felt a bit discouraged about my running. I had a very tough 10 miler two weeks ago that prompted a week-long rest from running. I had a hard time keeping up my usual pace, felt overheated, ended up taking walking breaks, and was stiff and sore afterwards. I focused on stretching, core, and flexibility for that rest week and it seemed to help me both physically and mentally. I've had good runs this week, including a really great speedwork session on Monday. Tomorrow I'm running a 10 miler outside - my first outside long run in quite awhile because of the heat. But I think my Achilles needs to feel something different than a treadmill, so outside I'm running. I know it will be slower and hotter than I'm used to, but I'll be just fine. I plan to run before sunrise, will do two 5 mile loops so I can switch out my hydration at my house and have an icy towel handy to cool off with. I think it will be good to change things up.
School starts on Tuesday and my training group - Round Rock Fit - officially starts up on the 27th. I'm a coach again this year and I'm thrilled to be getting back to what I love....training with some of the coolest people out there. And with training officially starting that means cooler temps are around the corner. After 65 triple digit days and dozens more above 90 degrees since April it seems hard to believe. But I have to grasp that hope or this heat really will make me absolutely insane. It's been AWFUL. It's really no fun to keep breaking heat records and now we've endured the hottest summer ever around here....EVER. Freezing temp runs will never feel better and I can't wait!
Since I resigned from our HOA board, I'd like to say that my stress level has gone down and I suppose in a few ways it has. It's nice to have that time free for other things, but I don't seem to be any less busy. We have managed to keep our schedule pretty full, and while a lot of it has been fun and great (I love my friends!!!), some things just seem like such a time-sucker. I'd love nothing more than 5 solid days of absolutely no distractions. Doesn't everyone!?
I think I'm going through a phase of just being very disconcerted, very disillusioned, and I guess downright depressed about things I see around me, in the news, in the world in general. It seems stupid to let a lot of little things (and I suppose some big things) just get me in the dumps, but I suppose that's what has happened. My faith in the human race is being tested. I'm appalled at the things I see not just in the news but even around me with people I know. It's disgusting to me that there is such a level of selfishness in people that they can think of no one else but themselves, that some have no regard for how they treat others or how their actions may effect others. It just seems like so many people's priorities are put into the wrong things....whether it's material, for pleasure, and even a sense of superiority over others. I'm seeing it all and I'm disturbed.
I admit that I'm not perfect....FAR FROM IT. I have moments of wanting to be purely selfish. But it always comes back down to my priority - MY FAMILY. They come first with me. That's part of the reason that I resigned from the board. I felt like they were getting shafted with my time and I needed to put a stop to that. Plus they needed a less stressed mom and more quality time. If I need time to myself, I take it, and it makes me a better mom when I circle back to them. It's not at their detriment.
Poor Greg keeps getting an earful from me about how things and people are just pissing me off, and luckily he totally understands and often feels the same way. I need to shake this resentment, however, and get back to focusing on happy things. Getting it out on the blog seems to be a good start. Maybe writing about my feelings will be a good start to moving onto more positive feelings.
So what else is up with me?
I think I'm injured.
For a few weeks now I've felt some discomfort in my right Achilles tendon after a run. A little bit of pain, some stiffness, a little inflexibility. I find it stiffens up when I've been immobile for a bit as well. Sure sounds like tendonitis to me, so I'm going with that. Of course, rest is one of the things that is recommended to "cure" it, but we all know that's not really going to happen. About the only thing that would force me to rest is a fracture. I'm stubborn like that. But I do know that I need to baby the tendon if the problem is going to go away. So for right now, I'm doing yoga for increased flexibility, doing extra stretching after runs, icing about 3 times per day, taking anti-inflammatories after my runs, and praying for healing. I'm going to look into accupressure as well.
My half marathon is in 7 weeks and I want to have a good time. I want to walk away from it uninjured and ready for my next marathon in January. I need this injury to be resolved.
I've resently felt a bit discouraged about my running. I had a very tough 10 miler two weeks ago that prompted a week-long rest from running. I had a hard time keeping up my usual pace, felt overheated, ended up taking walking breaks, and was stiff and sore afterwards. I focused on stretching, core, and flexibility for that rest week and it seemed to help me both physically and mentally. I've had good runs this week, including a really great speedwork session on Monday. Tomorrow I'm running a 10 miler outside - my first outside long run in quite awhile because of the heat. But I think my Achilles needs to feel something different than a treadmill, so outside I'm running. I know it will be slower and hotter than I'm used to, but I'll be just fine. I plan to run before sunrise, will do two 5 mile loops so I can switch out my hydration at my house and have an icy towel handy to cool off with. I think it will be good to change things up.
School starts on Tuesday and my training group - Round Rock Fit - officially starts up on the 27th. I'm a coach again this year and I'm thrilled to be getting back to what I love....training with some of the coolest people out there. And with training officially starting that means cooler temps are around the corner. After 65 triple digit days and dozens more above 90 degrees since April it seems hard to believe. But I have to grasp that hope or this heat really will make me absolutely insane. It's been AWFUL. It's really no fun to keep breaking heat records and now we've endured the hottest summer ever around here....EVER. Freezing temp runs will never feel better and I can't wait!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Tough Decisions
Our lives are constantly filled with decisions that we need to make, some big, some small, some far reaching, some private. Some are easy ones to make...others require hours, days, even weeks of analyzing, deliberating, praying, and soul searching.
I've recently had to make such a decision. For over 2 years I served on our neighborhood's Board of Directors, an exciting position in the beginning, one I enjoyed as it offered me an outlet for some creativity (I started the website) and the ability to help out friends and neighbors by making our neighborhood even better. I knew there would be some uncomfortable tasks, and there were. But unfortunately there were also many things that we simply couldn't anticipate, particularly because it's a relatively new neighborhood, and these things consumed huge amounts of time, caused a lot of stress, and had implications beyond what we expected. It just wasn't too much fun. However, I made a commitment to serve until November of 2011.
There have been many, many times I've wanted to resign. To say being on an HOA Board is a thankless job is an understatement. People feel they can cut you down, insult you, and spew incorrect information without any thought to how it makes one feel. I've put up with a lot of crap the last 2+ years, but because I wanted to keep my integrity I refused to quit. Some people in particular felt like it was their life's calling to disagree with pretty much anything the Board said or wanted to do. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to be fair, calm, and professional when all you want to do is tell someone to go to Hell and not come back?
Although the insults seem to have waned in the last several months, the job hasn't gotten easier. It's taken up a lot of my time and just wasn't filled with fun tasks. There were so many things we wanted to be able to do, but due to several different circumstances we just haven't been able to. Instead our time seemed to be filled with fixing problems, and not moving forward.
The last week has been particularly difficult. I was finding myself having to make some tough decisions but completely paralyzed from doing so. I felt I was put into some difficult circumstances and no matter what my decision was it wasn't going to be the "right" decision. It was heartbreaking to me that my emotions were getting the better of me, that the stress was overtaking my life and subsequently sucking the joy out of each day.
My family is the most important thing to me...but Mama wasn't happy. And when Mama isn't happy, it's hard to give the right amount of focus to the family and to truly give my husband and my kids what they deserved.
So I had a decision to make. Stick it out for 4 more months and commit to something that would take up hours upon hours of my time each week and certainly not be easy....OR I could resign, to hang my hat up for good and move on. It may on the surface seem like a very easy decision to make but it wasn't. I had two other board members to think about, people I had developed a friendship with, and I had my integrity to consider. Was I "giving up" or did I truly give it my best shot? Was I reneging on a commitment or doing what was best for everyone?
In the course of all this angst, we got some potentially bad news on Wednesday that Greg's job was in jeopardy because of company-wide layoffs. This is the first time he'd ever felt like he might be laid off in his 12 years with his company. Something his boss said just gave him a sinking feeling. He's a valuable employee and a true asset to his company, but if your position is eliminated there's really not much you can do but move on. To say this was even more stress-inducing is an understatement. I knew we'd be okay, that it could be a blessing in disguise, but the unknown was just overwhelming to me.
I did a lot of praying and entirely too much thinking over the course of a few days. To be frank, I was just plain miserable. I cried. I was exhausted. But then on Sunday, I had a moment of clarity. I realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I had other things that needed my focus, namely my family. Ultimately they are what I live for. A volunteer position is just that - a VOLUNTEER position. I had volunteered my time, I had served, but I had no true obligation to continue if it wasn't what I really wanted to focus my energy on.
What I DID want to do was to be with my family, to have a clear mind and clear heart, to spend my time doing things that brought me joy, to be SELFISH with my time for once. The only way I could do that was to give up my position, no matter what that could mean for others. I had to start thinking of myself and to stop being a martyr because I thought I was doing what was "right." Taking time away from my family was not what was right at all, however.
Once I hit the "send" button on my resignation email, I immediately felt so much better. A huge weight was suddenly off my shoulders. I felt free to give back to my family and to my husband. It was the right decision.
If there is something in your life that isn't what you want it to be, then see if you can change it. If it's something that you can let go, then maybe that's what you should do. There is no joy in life when we wake up everyday dreading what we need to do. There is no joy when we don't feel good about the tasks ahead of us. We must put ourselves and our loved ones first and foremost on our priority list. I want to be a good wife, a good mom, and a positive influence to others. I can't do that when I'm crying and tearing my hair out.
Yep, I feel better now.
I've recently had to make such a decision. For over 2 years I served on our neighborhood's Board of Directors, an exciting position in the beginning, one I enjoyed as it offered me an outlet for some creativity (I started the website) and the ability to help out friends and neighbors by making our neighborhood even better. I knew there would be some uncomfortable tasks, and there were. But unfortunately there were also many things that we simply couldn't anticipate, particularly because it's a relatively new neighborhood, and these things consumed huge amounts of time, caused a lot of stress, and had implications beyond what we expected. It just wasn't too much fun. However, I made a commitment to serve until November of 2011.
There have been many, many times I've wanted to resign. To say being on an HOA Board is a thankless job is an understatement. People feel they can cut you down, insult you, and spew incorrect information without any thought to how it makes one feel. I've put up with a lot of crap the last 2+ years, but because I wanted to keep my integrity I refused to quit. Some people in particular felt like it was their life's calling to disagree with pretty much anything the Board said or wanted to do. Do you have any idea how hard it is to try to be fair, calm, and professional when all you want to do is tell someone to go to Hell and not come back?
Although the insults seem to have waned in the last several months, the job hasn't gotten easier. It's taken up a lot of my time and just wasn't filled with fun tasks. There were so many things we wanted to be able to do, but due to several different circumstances we just haven't been able to. Instead our time seemed to be filled with fixing problems, and not moving forward.
The last week has been particularly difficult. I was finding myself having to make some tough decisions but completely paralyzed from doing so. I felt I was put into some difficult circumstances and no matter what my decision was it wasn't going to be the "right" decision. It was heartbreaking to me that my emotions were getting the better of me, that the stress was overtaking my life and subsequently sucking the joy out of each day.
My family is the most important thing to me...but Mama wasn't happy. And when Mama isn't happy, it's hard to give the right amount of focus to the family and to truly give my husband and my kids what they deserved.
So I had a decision to make. Stick it out for 4 more months and commit to something that would take up hours upon hours of my time each week and certainly not be easy....OR I could resign, to hang my hat up for good and move on. It may on the surface seem like a very easy decision to make but it wasn't. I had two other board members to think about, people I had developed a friendship with, and I had my integrity to consider. Was I "giving up" or did I truly give it my best shot? Was I reneging on a commitment or doing what was best for everyone?
In the course of all this angst, we got some potentially bad news on Wednesday that Greg's job was in jeopardy because of company-wide layoffs. This is the first time he'd ever felt like he might be laid off in his 12 years with his company. Something his boss said just gave him a sinking feeling. He's a valuable employee and a true asset to his company, but if your position is eliminated there's really not much you can do but move on. To say this was even more stress-inducing is an understatement. I knew we'd be okay, that it could be a blessing in disguise, but the unknown was just overwhelming to me.
I did a lot of praying and entirely too much thinking over the course of a few days. To be frank, I was just plain miserable. I cried. I was exhausted. But then on Sunday, I had a moment of clarity. I realized I just couldn't do it anymore. I had other things that needed my focus, namely my family. Ultimately they are what I live for. A volunteer position is just that - a VOLUNTEER position. I had volunteered my time, I had served, but I had no true obligation to continue if it wasn't what I really wanted to focus my energy on.
What I DID want to do was to be with my family, to have a clear mind and clear heart, to spend my time doing things that brought me joy, to be SELFISH with my time for once. The only way I could do that was to give up my position, no matter what that could mean for others. I had to start thinking of myself and to stop being a martyr because I thought I was doing what was "right." Taking time away from my family was not what was right at all, however.
Once I hit the "send" button on my resignation email, I immediately felt so much better. A huge weight was suddenly off my shoulders. I felt free to give back to my family and to my husband. It was the right decision.
If there is something in your life that isn't what you want it to be, then see if you can change it. If it's something that you can let go, then maybe that's what you should do. There is no joy in life when we wake up everyday dreading what we need to do. There is no joy when we don't feel good about the tasks ahead of us. We must put ourselves and our loved ones first and foremost on our priority list. I want to be a good wife, a good mom, and a positive influence to others. I can't do that when I'm crying and tearing my hair out.
Yep, I feel better now.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
The DREADMILL
Ever since I started running I have hated the idea of treadmills. Why run on a treadmill in a gym if you can enjoy the beautiful outdoors that God gave us? The trails around my house and neighborhood are peaceful, wonderful, relatively flat, and span several miles. The streets in the neighborhood offer countless different routes and a guarantee you'll see someone you know while on your run. There's really nothing NOT to love.
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HOWEVER.....
If you have ever been in Texas in the summer, you know it's pretty much like Hell on Earth. Even at 5am the humidity will hover at over 85% and the temp rarely dips below 75 degrees. It doesn't sound bad temperature-wise until you get about a mile into your run and realize you can't breathe and that's sweat dripping off your elbow. It's enough to make even a hardcore runner take pause and realize it doesn't feel good at all. Sure, a runner can slog through it and get those miles in, but is it enjoyable?
Two years ago I signed Greg and I up for the Napa-to-Sonoma Half Marathon, which would take place in mid-July. Temperatures at the race would probably be in the 50s and 60s, humidity hit or miss. Scenery: spectacular. Wine at the finish. A race meant for me and Greg to run together. Something I didn't really think too much about was TRAINING for said race. Training up until July in Texas. Doing a 12 mile run in 80 degrees, plus countless runs over 8 miles leading up to that. To put it bluntly, it was miserable. The race itself was pretty great, but I vowed that would be the last summertime half marathon I would ever train for in the hot Texas summer.
Last year I had a bout of exhaustion that derailed any quality summertime running. I struggled every time I was out there. I pretty much maxed out at 4 miles and it simply was not enjoyable for me at all. I was typically running at a 9:45 pace or slower, whereas my usual training pace is 9:15-9:30. I was dejected that I was getting slower and struggling so much. My marathon training season pace really wasn't much better, although I was able to enjoy some cooler and more comfortable, albeit slower than usual, runs during the fall and winter.
I knew I needed to make a change this season if I wanted to maintain my running shape. I had no choice but to embrace the dreaded TREADMILL, or as my running friends like to call it, THE DREADMILL. *cue foreboding music here*
Up until my first day in my gym my longest treadmill run was 4 miles, plus I had done a 5 mile run with a walking break at 3. I jumped right into my new routine, however, and was consistently posting 4 and 5 mile runs, and even a 10K, within the first month at the gym. I do strength training and core work before my treadmill runs so I'm already slightly fatigued before I even start. If someone, especially a dude, hops on the treadmill next to me, I usually crank up the speed and push myself more than usual. After I missed a 10k race because of traffic, I immediately headed to the gym and got my frustrations out on the treadmill. I posted a 44-minute 5 mile run, which is almost my 10k race pace. I do speed interval workouts consistently so I can continue to push my pace. I'm running harder, faster, more efficiently, and I'm not dreading every single run. I get to watchyoung buff dudes people during their workouts, or read the headlines on the TVs set up in front of the cardio equipment. I can sleep in later and not worry about how hot and sunny it's getting outside. If I want to run at 11am I can, when it's 95 degrees outside.
Today I posted my very first 10 mile non-stop treadmill run. Well, almost non-stop. You see, the treadmills at our gym max out at 60 minutes, so when that session was up (at 6.3 miles), I paused, took my shirt off (it gets warm in our gym! I still sweat a lot), reset the 'mill for another 3.7 miles and continued on my quest for double-digits. I ran it in 1:34, which is 9:25 pace. Last week I did 5 miles, then strength training, then another 5 miles for a total running time of 1:33, a 9:18 pace. It's a huge difference from how I felt running long runs last year.
Last week Greg and I did a couple of short runs outside during late morning. I'm running a 5K on September 5 and a half marathon on October 9 so I do need to stay slightly acclimated to outdoor running. It was already very hot when we started, but I just ran with what felt comfortable. I rarely looked at my Garmin to check my pace, but when I did I was consistently seeing sub-9 minute pace, and it felt easy. During the last mile of one of the runs, when I was definitely feeling the heat, I ended up running FASTER. I absolutely attribute it to my treadmill runs.
Color me shocked....I AM LOVING THE TREADMILL.
HOWEVER.....
If you have ever been in Texas in the summer, you know it's pretty much like Hell on Earth. Even at 5am the humidity will hover at over 85% and the temp rarely dips below 75 degrees. It doesn't sound bad temperature-wise until you get about a mile into your run and realize you can't breathe and that's sweat dripping off your elbow. It's enough to make even a hardcore runner take pause and realize it doesn't feel good at all. Sure, a runner can slog through it and get those miles in, but is it enjoyable?
Two years ago I signed Greg and I up for the Napa-to-Sonoma Half Marathon, which would take place in mid-July. Temperatures at the race would probably be in the 50s and 60s, humidity hit or miss. Scenery: spectacular. Wine at the finish. A race meant for me and Greg to run together. Something I didn't really think too much about was TRAINING for said race. Training up until July in Texas. Doing a 12 mile run in 80 degrees, plus countless runs over 8 miles leading up to that. To put it bluntly, it was miserable. The race itself was pretty great, but I vowed that would be the last summertime half marathon I would ever train for in the hot Texas summer.
Last year I had a bout of exhaustion that derailed any quality summertime running. I struggled every time I was out there. I pretty much maxed out at 4 miles and it simply was not enjoyable for me at all. I was typically running at a 9:45 pace or slower, whereas my usual training pace is 9:15-9:30. I was dejected that I was getting slower and struggling so much. My marathon training season pace really wasn't much better, although I was able to enjoy some cooler and more comfortable, albeit slower than usual, runs during the fall and winter.
I knew I needed to make a change this season if I wanted to maintain my running shape. I had no choice but to embrace the dreaded TREADMILL, or as my running friends like to call it, THE DREADMILL. *cue foreboding music here*
Up until my first day in my gym my longest treadmill run was 4 miles, plus I had done a 5 mile run with a walking break at 3. I jumped right into my new routine, however, and was consistently posting 4 and 5 mile runs, and even a 10K, within the first month at the gym. I do strength training and core work before my treadmill runs so I'm already slightly fatigued before I even start. If someone, especially a dude, hops on the treadmill next to me, I usually crank up the speed and push myself more than usual. After I missed a 10k race because of traffic, I immediately headed to the gym and got my frustrations out on the treadmill. I posted a 44-minute 5 mile run, which is almost my 10k race pace. I do speed interval workouts consistently so I can continue to push my pace. I'm running harder, faster, more efficiently, and I'm not dreading every single run. I get to watch
Today I posted my very first 10 mile non-stop treadmill run. Well, almost non-stop. You see, the treadmills at our gym max out at 60 minutes, so when that session was up (at 6.3 miles), I paused, took my shirt off (it gets warm in our gym! I still sweat a lot), reset the 'mill for another 3.7 miles and continued on my quest for double-digits. I ran it in 1:34, which is 9:25 pace. Last week I did 5 miles, then strength training, then another 5 miles for a total running time of 1:33, a 9:18 pace. It's a huge difference from how I felt running long runs last year.
Last week Greg and I did a couple of short runs outside during late morning. I'm running a 5K on September 5 and a half marathon on October 9 so I do need to stay slightly acclimated to outdoor running. It was already very hot when we started, but I just ran with what felt comfortable. I rarely looked at my Garmin to check my pace, but when I did I was consistently seeing sub-9 minute pace, and it felt easy. During the last mile of one of the runs, when I was definitely feeling the heat, I ended up running FASTER. I absolutely attribute it to my treadmill runs.
Color me shocked....I AM LOVING THE TREADMILL.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
I won! I won!!
One cool thing about getting into tweeting and blogging is finding those totally awesome friends who host giveaways on their blogs (although the best part is just finding great people who are supportive, inspirational, and completely fabulous). For example, my friend Tricia is always giving away awesome running stuff on her blog, Endurance Isn't Only Physical, and I've entered a couple of them...along with a billion other folks because Tricia is one popular chickie. She recently hosted a giveway for a medal display. Greg and I have been talking about how we really need to get some kind of medal holder because we now have 13 total between the two of us. It's getting kind of obnoxious how we're displaying them.
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When Tricia announced her Allied Medal Display giveaway I got super excited...not only because I could get a great solution for FREE, but because the displays are exactly what I'm looking for. I'll be adding at least 4 more medals to my collection in the next 8 months so I needed a display that was going to hold what I already had with room to add more.
And you know what??? I WON!!!! Here's the display I plan to order:
Pretty awesome, don't you think? Thanks Tricia and thanks Allied Medal Displays!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Which is worse? Watching The Bachelorette or getting shot in the head?
I will admit that I'm kind of a Bachelor junkie. I've watched most seasons of both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but do tend to skip the seasons of the people who just completely annoy the crap out of me. Take, for example, Bachelorette #6, Ali Fedotowsky. She's a pretty girl, but let's face it. She's ANNOYING. That little whine of hers? Holy cow, it makes me want to scream. When she whined and carried on when she had to leave during Jake's Bachelor season, I literally threw things at the TV. ABC then did the unthinkable - they cast her as the next Bachelorette. That was going to be one season I avoided. Weeks and weeks of non-stop Ali whining was not my cup of tea.
* side note - Greg made the mistake of turning it on during week 3 or 4 and we subsequently got totally sucked into it...of course. That may have had a lot to do with the beefcake on her season. Just saying.
ABC did it again. They cast the most annoying girl of Brad Womack's Bachelor season, Ashley Hebert, as the next Bachelorette. Now granted, most of the ladies on Brad's season were pretty awful, but Ashley? Miss Indecisive, Miss "I Can't Communicate"? Would there really be 25 men actually interested enough in her to want to be on the show? She may be perfectly fine in real life (who knows??), but as a TV reality star? Are you flipping kidding me? It stills boggles the mind that Mr. Womack even kept her around as long as he did.
I immediately told Greg that NO! We weren't watching the next season. He didn't listen. He invites people to our house to watch it. I'm forced into it.
So what's my solution? BLOGGING!! It's most definitely time for me to blog about my irritation. This will not be pretty, I'm sure.
One of the things that bugged the crap out of me about Ashley during Brad's season was that she was so wishy-washy about her feelings for him. When he confronted her about their "future", she didn't exactly get all giddy at the idea that in order to become his wife she'd have to move to Austin. Well, DUH. He owns bars in Austin. It's his life. You can't exactly move that somewhere else, now can you? But to be a dentist? Last I checked there are dentists in every city in America. And her insecurity was off the charts. Did you think you wouldn't be competing with other women on THE FREAKING BACHELOR? Well, there's another big DUH for you. So instead of getting all freaked out, insecure, bitchy, and annoying, just chill out, enjoy your dates, and take the opportunities as they come for time alone. You got the first one-on-one date, lady....CHILL OUT. She just got worse and worse as the season continued. What a mess.
It was painfully clear that this is one woman who is completely not ready for marriage, sacrifice, compromise, and anything that involves being selfless. To cast her as The Bachelorette certainly makes for dramatic (you knew I'd use that word) reality TV...but not GOOD reality TV, that's for sure.
I don't read up on spoilers, so I have no idea how the season will play out. I'm convinced she ends up with no one. If I'm wrong, don't ruin it for me. While I keep saying I'm not going to finish out this season, Greg has other ideas. But I still say she ends up with no one.
Before I continue my Ashley-bashing, I will point out a few good things about her. Because, let's face it, I'm not completely insensitive and mean. She is a decently pretty girl and of course she's in shape. Two completely pointless things in the long run. Anyone who bases everything on looks is just asking for disappointment in life. Actually, being in shape is kinda important. It's vital to be healthy and not a couch potato. But I digress. She's cute enough. She is apparently educated, as she's in the middle of dental school. She will be Dr. Ashley Hebert soon, supposedly, and it's good that she plans to have a rewarding career that will provide future stability for her family. Lastly, she obviously wants to be in a relationship, but I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Desperation breeds disappointment. I'm running out of good things to say. Oh...she has nice teeth.
Now let's start the long list of why Ashley sucks as The Bachelorette and why she is subsequently sucking the joy of watching the show out of every ounce of my being.
1. Worst Judge of Character EVER.
Okay, seriously, Ash, you were WARNED about Bentley. Now, mind you, it was from Michelle Money, the biggest freakshow on Brad's season. But still, YOU WERE WARNED. Had I been in her shoes, I just would've flat out confronted Bentley on Day 1 about what was said about him. If there's one thing I've learned after so many years of watching friends go through bad relationship crap, it's that if there's a warning about someone, IT'S USUALLY TRUE. At least in some capacity. And even if she hadn't been warned about him, Bentley has sleeze written all over him. Compared to some of the other guys on the season, he's a total slimebucket. The guy can't even carry on a meaninful conversation. And he spends entirely too much time on his hair. A guy who spends more time that I do in front of the mirror has got to go. Plus, this is the guy WHO WALKED AWAY! Yes, he told her it was for his daughter (which we all know was BS anyway) but still, HE WALKED AWAY! And left her hanging! If that didn't give her red flags to realize this guy was not worth it, then nothing was going to knock sense into her and her judgement (or lack thereof).
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2. Her Inability to Communicate
Watching Ashley and Bentley try to have a conversation is worse than having my fingernails pulled out one by one. Although that's never actually happened to me, I'm pretty sure it would suck worse than anything else ever. That's what it's like trying to sit through two communication-duds trying to get their feelings out. I tried to get Greg to fast forward through their last scene together but he's the remote Nazi and he wouldn't budge. I think he likes me to suffer.
And then there's the scene where she tells all the guys that she saw Bentley in Hong Kong. Really, could she have handled it any worse? "Hi guys, I totally fell for Bentley, and I had unresolved feelings, and I got to see him here in Hong Kong, but he's gone now, and everything is okay, and all you guys are better than him anyway." That's not really how she said it all, but that's the general idea. How easy would it have been to tell them she hadn't been able to shake him, although she was developing strong feelings for them as well, and she felt she needed more closure from him to truly move on and give the guys the attention they deserved. Did she have to mention she completely fell for him? And then to blow it all off like it was no big deal and not even give them an opportunity to say much to her about it. What does she then do? Walks away. Uh....okay. Yeah, that's a good problem solver right there.
Kudos to Mickey for taking off. He finally figured it out.
3. Her ridiculously annoying INSECURITY
Can this woman just get over it already? Insecurity breeds more insecurity. Look in the mirror, find some self-love, stop freaking out over every little thing. Yes, when William roasted her, that sucked, but he was a tool. I would have been pissed off, too, but MOVE ON ALREADY. Be secure in yourself, realize that you have things to offer, and get to know these guys on your own personal merits. Insecurity is incredibly unattractive. No man wants to spend his life trying to bolster up your sagging ego and reassuring you that you're swell. Talk about exhausting. And a relationship-killer. I've been insecure before and it's stupid. I like myself a lot now. I've been with Greg for 16 years. Yay! I got over it and found success.
4. Her choice of clothing....or lack thereof
Ashley, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: It's not necessary to constantly wear itty bitty little miniskirts and to show your abs in 90% of the scenes. As a matter of fact, it kinda makes you look easy. No, not just kinda. It REALLY makes you look easy. Of course you have a nice body, but why not leave just a little to the imagination? If you're always having to cross your legs when you sit so the guys aren't looking up your super short skirt, then maybe it's time to put some jeans on instead. And is it necessary for every dress to be skintight? And every shirt SEE THROUGH? I laughed out loud during the boxing group date when she was parading around in her sports bra. A tank wasn't good enough? seriously? We know you have good abs, my dear. But if you find it necessary to use your body to attract the guys' attention, then what does that truly say about what you have to offer them?
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5. Her lip biting
Okay, so we all have stupid little physical quirks that might be deemed unattractive and annoying to others. But Ashley's lip biting drives me batty. Sometimes it's her lip, sometimes the inside of her cheek, but she constantly does it. Especially when she's on the hot seat by one of the guys. It's like her nervous little tick. And you know what it says to me? That she resorts to it because the girl CAN'T COMMUNICATE! She has no idea how to get her feelings out in a constructive, meaningful way, so she bites her own face. Add to it her constant use of "uh huh" and you have yourself one irritating chick.
So now that I've shown my mean side in spades by trashing Ashley, what do I think about the guys? I really have no idea, because I've spend so much time focusing on my annoyance with the Bachelorette that I almost forget that there are worthy guys still on the show. Good looking worthy guys. I will say that I thought I liked Ryan, but if the other guys are that completely annoyed with him, it's likely I'd get fed up pretty quickly, too. Never mind that he's hot. I do like J.P. and Ben the winemaker. Well, duh, of course I'm going to like the winemaker. Maybe that's what I need to focus on in the next episode. Staring at the guys. Yeah.....
* side note - Greg made the mistake of turning it on during week 3 or 4 and we subsequently got totally sucked into it...of course. That may have had a lot to do with the beefcake on her season. Just saying.
ABC did it again. They cast the most annoying girl of Brad Womack's Bachelor season, Ashley Hebert, as the next Bachelorette. Now granted, most of the ladies on Brad's season were pretty awful, but Ashley? Miss Indecisive, Miss "I Can't Communicate"? Would there really be 25 men actually interested enough in her to want to be on the show? She may be perfectly fine in real life (who knows??), but as a TV reality star? Are you flipping kidding me? It stills boggles the mind that Mr. Womack even kept her around as long as he did.
I immediately told Greg that NO! We weren't watching the next season. He didn't listen. He invites people to our house to watch it. I'm forced into it.
So what's my solution? BLOGGING!! It's most definitely time for me to blog about my irritation. This will not be pretty, I'm sure.
One of the things that bugged the crap out of me about Ashley during Brad's season was that she was so wishy-washy about her feelings for him. When he confronted her about their "future", she didn't exactly get all giddy at the idea that in order to become his wife she'd have to move to Austin. Well, DUH. He owns bars in Austin. It's his life. You can't exactly move that somewhere else, now can you? But to be a dentist? Last I checked there are dentists in every city in America. And her insecurity was off the charts. Did you think you wouldn't be competing with other women on THE FREAKING BACHELOR? Well, there's another big DUH for you. So instead of getting all freaked out, insecure, bitchy, and annoying, just chill out, enjoy your dates, and take the opportunities as they come for time alone. You got the first one-on-one date, lady....CHILL OUT. She just got worse and worse as the season continued. What a mess.
It was painfully clear that this is one woman who is completely not ready for marriage, sacrifice, compromise, and anything that involves being selfless. To cast her as The Bachelorette certainly makes for dramatic (you knew I'd use that word) reality TV...but not GOOD reality TV, that's for sure.
I don't read up on spoilers, so I have no idea how the season will play out. I'm convinced she ends up with no one. If I'm wrong, don't ruin it for me. While I keep saying I'm not going to finish out this season, Greg has other ideas. But I still say she ends up with no one.
Before I continue my Ashley-bashing, I will point out a few good things about her. Because, let's face it, I'm not completely insensitive and mean. She is a decently pretty girl and of course she's in shape. Two completely pointless things in the long run. Anyone who bases everything on looks is just asking for disappointment in life. Actually, being in shape is kinda important. It's vital to be healthy and not a couch potato. But I digress. She's cute enough. She is apparently educated, as she's in the middle of dental school. She will be Dr. Ashley Hebert soon, supposedly, and it's good that she plans to have a rewarding career that will provide future stability for her family. Lastly, she obviously wants to be in a relationship, but I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Desperation breeds disappointment. I'm running out of good things to say. Oh...she has nice teeth.
Now let's start the long list of why Ashley sucks as The Bachelorette and why she is subsequently sucking the joy of watching the show out of every ounce of my being.
1. Worst Judge of Character EVER.
Okay, seriously, Ash, you were WARNED about Bentley. Now, mind you, it was from Michelle Money, the biggest freakshow on Brad's season. But still, YOU WERE WARNED. Had I been in her shoes, I just would've flat out confronted Bentley on Day 1 about what was said about him. If there's one thing I've learned after so many years of watching friends go through bad relationship crap, it's that if there's a warning about someone, IT'S USUALLY TRUE. At least in some capacity. And even if she hadn't been warned about him, Bentley has sleeze written all over him. Compared to some of the other guys on the season, he's a total slimebucket. The guy can't even carry on a meaninful conversation. And he spends entirely too much time on his hair. A guy who spends more time that I do in front of the mirror has got to go. Plus, this is the guy WHO WALKED AWAY! Yes, he told her it was for his daughter (which we all know was BS anyway) but still, HE WALKED AWAY! And left her hanging! If that didn't give her red flags to realize this guy was not worth it, then nothing was going to knock sense into her and her judgement (or lack thereof).
2. Her Inability to Communicate
Watching Ashley and Bentley try to have a conversation is worse than having my fingernails pulled out one by one. Although that's never actually happened to me, I'm pretty sure it would suck worse than anything else ever. That's what it's like trying to sit through two communication-duds trying to get their feelings out. I tried to get Greg to fast forward through their last scene together but he's the remote Nazi and he wouldn't budge. I think he likes me to suffer.
And then there's the scene where she tells all the guys that she saw Bentley in Hong Kong. Really, could she have handled it any worse? "Hi guys, I totally fell for Bentley, and I had unresolved feelings, and I got to see him here in Hong Kong, but he's gone now, and everything is okay, and all you guys are better than him anyway." That's not really how she said it all, but that's the general idea. How easy would it have been to tell them she hadn't been able to shake him, although she was developing strong feelings for them as well, and she felt she needed more closure from him to truly move on and give the guys the attention they deserved. Did she have to mention she completely fell for him? And then to blow it all off like it was no big deal and not even give them an opportunity to say much to her about it. What does she then do? Walks away. Uh....okay. Yeah, that's a good problem solver right there.
Kudos to Mickey for taking off. He finally figured it out.
3. Her ridiculously annoying INSECURITY
Can this woman just get over it already? Insecurity breeds more insecurity. Look in the mirror, find some self-love, stop freaking out over every little thing. Yes, when William roasted her, that sucked, but he was a tool. I would have been pissed off, too, but MOVE ON ALREADY. Be secure in yourself, realize that you have things to offer, and get to know these guys on your own personal merits. Insecurity is incredibly unattractive. No man wants to spend his life trying to bolster up your sagging ego and reassuring you that you're swell. Talk about exhausting. And a relationship-killer. I've been insecure before and it's stupid. I like myself a lot now. I've been with Greg for 16 years. Yay! I got over it and found success.
4. Her choice of clothing....or lack thereof
Ashley, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: It's not necessary to constantly wear itty bitty little miniskirts and to show your abs in 90% of the scenes. As a matter of fact, it kinda makes you look easy. No, not just kinda. It REALLY makes you look easy. Of course you have a nice body, but why not leave just a little to the imagination? If you're always having to cross your legs when you sit so the guys aren't looking up your super short skirt, then maybe it's time to put some jeans on instead. And is it necessary for every dress to be skintight? And every shirt SEE THROUGH? I laughed out loud during the boxing group date when she was parading around in her sports bra. A tank wasn't good enough? seriously? We know you have good abs, my dear. But if you find it necessary to use your body to attract the guys' attention, then what does that truly say about what you have to offer them?
5. Her lip biting
Okay, so we all have stupid little physical quirks that might be deemed unattractive and annoying to others. But Ashley's lip biting drives me batty. Sometimes it's her lip, sometimes the inside of her cheek, but she constantly does it. Especially when she's on the hot seat by one of the guys. It's like her nervous little tick. And you know what it says to me? That she resorts to it because the girl CAN'T COMMUNICATE! She has no idea how to get her feelings out in a constructive, meaningful way, so she bites her own face. Add to it her constant use of "uh huh" and you have yourself one irritating chick.
So now that I've shown my mean side in spades by trashing Ashley, what do I think about the guys? I really have no idea, because I've spend so much time focusing on my annoyance with the Bachelorette that I almost forget that there are worthy guys still on the show. Good looking worthy guys. I will say that I thought I liked Ryan, but if the other guys are that completely annoyed with him, it's likely I'd get fed up pretty quickly, too. Never mind that he's hot. I do like J.P. and Ben the winemaker. Well, duh, of course I'm going to like the winemaker. Maybe that's what I need to focus on in the next episode. Staring at the guys. Yeah.....
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