Monday, January 1, 2024

Faith

As the new year begins, I've chosen my theme. I spent 2023 growing stronger in my faith in Jesus, while practicing gratitude for all the ways I have been blessed. This year, my faith will take on even bigger meaning. I will walk in my faith daily and be an example to others on how trusting in God can transform your life, can guide you, and can enrich every aspect of your day.

FAITH

Living with faith, growing your faith, trusting in your faith is not an easy endeavor. God never promised us a problem-free life, and for many, these problems seem insurmountable. To live by faith means that you trust even when you can't see it, even when it doesn't make sense, even in your deepest pain. You live with an eternal perspective, not a worldly perspective. In your deepest sorrow, you can turn to God to bring you through it.

As Greg and I continue in our commissioning as leaders at our church, we are entrusted to live this way, to show others the power of belief, and this new purpose in my life brings peace, perspective, and abundance. I'm excited and humbled to see what 2024 brings in my church community and beyond.

I committed to finding gratitude in 2023. While I still struggled and some days seemed brutally hard, I never went long without realizing my blessings and shifting my perspective to the good in my life and in the world. 

It was fun to look back on the previous year and to reflect on the adventures, and as I looked through all our countless photos I definitely had a big smile on my face. It was a good year, a difficult year, a year of abundance and learning and growing. With all the plans we have for 2024, I have no doubt that the positives will far outweigh any struggles, that we will see so many new things and experience far more than we can see right now. We have choices on how we want to begin a year, and I'm beginning this one looking forward while coming to peace with the past and all that it has taught me.

Back in July, I posted about our year so far, so I'll continue here where we left off....the second half of 2023 in pictures....enjoy!



Ending July with family in Seattle

My first race since 2021 (Snoqualmie, WA)

We lost a very special friend, Alison, to cancer in July

Great friends+Austin=LOVE

Summer of concerts continues - Bryan Adams, Seattle, August

Greg's first time in Nashville, August

Luke Bryan, Bridgestone Arena


Gibson Garage+caught in the rain

Just have to trust

Greg is funny with his gifts

I'm pretty funny, too

Back in Seattle on a gorgeous day, September

It may have been cold and rainy, but we had a blast on Mt. Rainier


Visited my sister on her birthday

We have a lot of advenutres!

Important reminder to walk out our faith

Sometimes my dogs are cute


I went to Seattle about a dozen times this year.
The rain did not stop me from getting in miles (October)

Weekend trip to Michigan, October

Hanging with Greg at work

Left my mark in Greg's office

25th Anniversary trip booked!

Back in Seattle, November

Greg traveled to Tokyo for the first time

I got terrible news about my spine (herniated and bulging discs)

Last trip of the year to Seattle for me, December

It's Christmas time!

Off to a party

Our 29th Christmas together

Last day of 2023!

Two more weeks until the milestone

Facts


It was a busy, fruitful, and totally crazy year. So much love, so much travel, so much growth, so much perseverance, so much hope. 

In two weeks, we head to Napa and then to Seattle to celebrate my birthday. While the thought of entering my 50s seems crazy to me, I'm looking forward to celebrating this month with those I love the most. 




Tuesday, December 19, 2023

My body is trying to kill me

Welp. 

So where were we? I was getting help for a “pulled muscle” and hoping to get back to running so I could race a half marathon to celebrate my newfound AARP status. 

That didn’t go as planned.

My pulled muscle actually ended up being a herniated disc in my lumbar spine, plus three more bulging discs. The pain I was having became excruciating. It actually scared the shit out of me.

I did not see this coming at all.

While I’m so thankful I found the right doctors and got the scans I needed for an accurate diagnosis and I have a great physical therapist helping me get back to being a marathoner…..holy Jesus, this is hard as hell. I have had five PT appointments so far, and today we actually progressed to more impact and added weight to the exercises. Positive forward momentum is what I am hoping for!

So the herniated disc is the worst of it all, but it’s not the only thing. Do you have popcorn handy? I feel like we need popcorn.

I have started referring to myself as the most messed up healthy person out there, because while I've spent nearly two decades focused on being healthy, functional, strong, and "young for my age" (for crap's sake, I was a personal trainer!), I have entirely too many frustrating physical issues. For the third time in 3 years, I have been sidelined from running for an issue not even related to running. A herniated disc might not be as big of an issue as that damn busted rotator cuff from 2020, but it's a pretty big deal regardless, enough so that I have to take recovery really seriously and be dedicated to daily physical therapy for the foreseeable future. Coming back to running without nerve pain is going to be a huge endeavor. I'm tired of huge endeavors, you know?

Anyway.....a recap of my history unrelated to rotator cuffs and herniated discs to get up to speed on everything I've been dealing with the last few months....

In 2009, I was diagnosed with eosinophilic esophagitis, which is a chronic immune system disease where white blood cells called eosinophils build up in the esophagus, creating strictures that can cause food to get stuck. It's a potentially deadly disease if left untreated, as you can choke to death due to the strictures. It can be triggered by allergens and acid reflux, of which I have both. I have actually had this disease my entire life, but didn't have a name for it. All I knew was that I could never swallow any pills other than tiny ones, and food often got stuck in my throat, causing spasms and an inability to swallow for hours at a time. I finally went to an ENT, who then referred me to a gastroenterologist. I had an upper endoscopy done, where my esophagus was actually stretched (and then repeated two months later) and I had an official diagnosis.

So all the people who made fun of me for never being able to swallow pills....screw you. I physically couldn't and not one doctor thought to look further into that. They all thought it was psychological. 

For the past 14 years, I've been on and off acid reducers, and have had several upper endoscopies done with my esophagus stretched each time. It was looking like I would need to repeat this process every two to three years for the rest of my life. I had come to terms that this was just the hand I was dealt, and I was thankful to always have great health insurance and the financial ability to continue to pay for the procedures. 

Late last year, however, I got hopeful news. My allergist mentioned a drug, Dupixent, that had just gotten approval to treat eosinophilic esophagitis and would be the very first drug that would treat the actual disease, and not just the symptoms. It's a drug that is typically used for eczema and asthma (basically, shit that happens when your body attacks itself), but had shown promising results of actually reducing the number of eosinophils in the esophagus. I was thrilled at the possibility of actually getting control of my disease vs. just managing it. I started the weekly injections in March (I inject myself...it's not so bad). 

My insurance was requiring me to get another upper endoscopy done (my last one was in November 2022), in order to see if the medication was working. It's an extremely expensive drug and I needed positive results. Right after being informed of needing to get this scheduled by January, I had an episode that landed me in the ER in September.

While on a walk in Seattle, I started having intense chest pains, had trouble taking deep breaths, and my heartrate skyrocketed. I made it back to the apartment, thankfully, but my distress was increasing rapidly, so much so that I had to call 911. I had no idea where an ER was and just needed help. I didn't know if it was my heart or something else, but the pain was rapidly increasing. I got to head to the ER in an ambulance....oh how fun (and embarrassing).

Virginia Mason Hospital in downtown Seattle took great care of me. I had EKGs, a cat scan, tons of blood work done, and I got to rest a bit. The pain decreased but never dissipated completely. I had some scar tissue that showed up in my lungs (probably from my recent bout of Covid) and they could tell I had eosinophilic esophagitis, but nothing was totally alarming. It basically all pointed to a major acid reflux attack. I needed to chill out and go see my gastroenterologist for an upper endoscopy, which got scheduled for December 15. In the meantime, I needed to again be on an acid reducer in the hopes my stomach issues resolved themselves. I had a several more weeks of constant stomach pain but eventually it did substantially dissipate. 

Unfortunately I had one more intense physical ailment that scared the crap out of me before I had the opportunity to have my procedure. On December 4, while in Seattle (why does this city try to kill me?), I had a very sudden, very unexpected allergic reaction. About two hours after I had eaten, and right after an easy elliptical workout (during which I felt like absolute crap), I felt my bottom lip start to tingle. Within minutes, I could tell it was starting to swell. It very quickly reached an alarming level and I did a video visit with Teledoc. The doctor was concerned enough to tell me to head to the ER as it could move to my throat and cause anaphylaxis. 

Ever taken an Uber to the ER? I have!!

Greg met me at the ER (it's only a half mile from his office), and they saw me very quickly. At that point it wasn't getting any worse (the two Benadryl I had taken as soon as it started finally kicked in) but I needed to be monitored for about two hours to be sure it didn't spread. They got me set up by the nurse's station to hang out, I sent Greg back to work, and I got settled in to hope the swelling dissipated and I could just go home. People pay good money to get lip filler to look as ridiculous as me and I really don't understand that at all. 

While I was there, I got to witness a drug overdose, someone convulsing, someone vomiting in front of me, a screamer, a drunk lady in very bad shape (doctor quote: "were you drinking to celebrate or because you're really sad right now?"), and a dude on drugs who threw his shoes at the nurses next to me. Downtown Seattle on a Monday afternoon is pretty exciting, people.

My lip finally reduced in size within two hours, and they gave me even more meds, so I was ready to head back home. I even made it to Greg's work event on our rooftop that night for a little while, although I was drowsy from the drugs and didn't stay long. 

Now, mind you, this is all happening while I'm trying to do physical therapy for my back. Frankly, I'm getting tired of all this shit. I want a normal week in the life of a healthy Steph. Too much to ask?

So now we are at December 15, I have eliminated some things from my diet so I don't have another allergic reaction, and I am ready for my procedure to check on my esophagus and my stomach. It all went very smoothly, I even let Greg videotape me coming out of anesthesia because I was damn hilarious (Me: "can they give me more drugs?", Greg: "maybe we can get some to go!", me: "that's illegal. It killed Michael Jackson"....intriguing stuff right there). And now for the first bit of positive news in a really long time....

The drugs are working! Dupixent is actually REDUCING the eosinophils in my throat, it looks great, there's no sign of the gastritis that likely prompted September's ER visit, and I can continue taking the medication and don't need to see my gastroenterologist until June. It was honestly the absolute best case scenario.

After several months of frustrating ailments that seemed to keep happening one after another, this was welcome news! 

I know that some of my gastrointestinal struggles likely stem from chronic emotional stress. It's been a challenging couple of years and our routine as a family has taken a bit of a beating. As much as I try to manage my stress, I've had several bouts of being "too" stressed, it's affected my body and my frustration has increased. I need to continue to find ways to practice gratitude, to pray, to look for the positive, and to center myself. There are so many things that have been out of my control, but I am the only one in charge of my reactions to what life throws at me, and I need to better own that and to look for ways to steer my life in a better direction when I can. 

There are so many things to look forward to in 2024....starting with a 50th birthday trip to Napa with Greg, my in-laws, and some friends next month. Knowing that I'm physically healthier on some fronts, and working towards being more physically functional (and a marathoner again!) definitely reduces my anxiety. I don't want to get stuck in the funk...I want to LIVE. 





Thursday, October 26, 2023

Positives and Negatives

So many plans...so many ways they can get screwed up! 

It's been a rough couple of months for me, so I'll start with the crappy stuff. 

Back in early September, I had a bit of a health scare while in Seattle that required a trip to the ER. I'm fine, but it requires a follow up with my specialist here in Round Rock, scheduled in early November. I seem to be improving but I likely will need a minor procedure done before the end of year. This all came only a couple weeks after having a pretty bad bout of Covid. Could be related, not really sure. The good thing is that for the most part, I'm feeling better. I have had blood work done and things look good on that front.

(This of course happens when I'm starting serious marathon training for my February 4 race)

During September I was also having some sciatica trouble, had a pulled gluteus medius, and just general tightness in my hips/back. I did what I could and continued strengthening and running, but it was slow going. On October 15, I ran 10 miles and actually felt pretty great. Unfortunately the good feelings didn't last as within a couple hours, I had debilitating sciatica. I hoped some rest that day and night would help it ease up, but I woke up Monday in even more pain. It just wasn't normal and my movement was severely limited. I was scheduled to fly with Greg to Seattle the next day, and found an Airrosti provider a few minutes' walk from our apartment there, so I booked him. There was just no way I was getting to the bottom of my pain without some professional help.

Unfortunately, the news wasn't great. I have a severely inflamed gluteus medius and piriformis, and very tight psoas muscles. What I was doing was actually making it worse, not better, and I had to immediately stop running (which I had already done) and only do the physical therapy and stretching prescribed by the doctor. The inflammation needed to come down in order for me to be able to start running again.

With less than 4 months from my marathon and not nearly enough base miles in the bank, I had to downgrade my race to the half marathon. I refuse to half-ass marathon training. I will never disrespect the distance by not putting in sufficient work leading up to the race, and with my ability to run still questionable, I would not be able to properly train. 

A big fat positive in all this - Greg is signed up for the half and is going to run it with me. I told him he could race on his own, but because he's pretty much the best husband ever, he would rather enjoy the race with me.

SWOON




I saw my regular Airrosti provider here in Texas yesterday and he found the same issues that the other doctor did, and I have added work to do to get me back in shape. It's not going to be easy, but I have to follow doctor's orders. 


I'm really REALLY hoping I can resume running next week. Slowly and carefully of course. 

I have another marathon on my radar for June of next year, The Light at the End of the Tunnel marathon in Snoqualmie. Should be plenty of time to be a good patient, get my body into better shape, and complete a respectable training cycle. 

So what's happening that's positive?

The Best Husband Ever has booked us our 25th anniversary trip for next year. 

25 years!!

The gratitude I feel at that kind of milestone is immense. We could just be hanging out at home in our pajamas to celebrate and I would love and appreciate every second of it, but instead we will be on an Alaskan cruise, embarking just down the road from our apartment in Seattle. I am not a cruise girl and have only been on one over 20 years ago, but I have always thought an Alaskan cruise would be so fun and interesting. I'm really excited!

Did I mention 25 years??

Another really meaningful thing we've started is leading a marriage class (ReEngage) at our church and we are working on being commissioned as leaders. Giving back and building community as church leaders is something I'm pretty passionate about and it feels good to have a new purpose. My faith is my Number One, and if I can reach others and help them improve their marriages, well then that's pretty freaking awesome, isn't it?

I was also able to fly to Michigan to see a few of my incredible friends this month. Just what my heart needed. 

Being down on my luck physically....and missing Greg a lot since he's in Seattle so much and I don't always get to go with him....is tough to deal with. I have good days and bad days, but I'm trying to practice gratitude and pray for contentment in all circumstances (thank you Philippians 4:11). 

So here's to making more memories, great marriages, awesome travel, the bestest friends, and seriously cool adventures. 


Monday, August 7, 2023

First Race Report in a REALLY REALLY Long Time

FINALLY.....I actually ran another race. 2022 had a whopping ZERO races for me. I had foot surgery in March and didn't really have a desire to race again until recently. Foot surgery and my lack of effort made me slower....resulting in lack of motivation....and I could go on and on with excuses. 

BUT I FINALLY RACED AGAIN....and that's really all that matters.

First things first....I hardly trained, with a couple 12 milers thrown in and 20-25 miles per week total. Did I mention a lack of motivation? I have no excuses other than I just hardly trained. Not the usual Steph Hahn attitude, but alas, it is what it is. Kind of a lot going on this past year. Training wasn't a priority. Being uncomfortable wasn't a priority. 

(Side note: I don't want this particular version of Steph Hahn to hang around much longer).

I went into this "training" with one goal....just run a damn race. I picked one in North Bend, WA, since we have a place in Seattle and I knew I'd be there a lot, and it's a beautiful area, and Greg got his BQ there. Lots of great reasons! It also helped that it's a downhill of 1100 ft, so the pressure was off a bit. Even with mediocre training, maybe gravity would help me not be embarrassed by my pace. Secretly, I really did want to break two hours. Logically, I knew even that, with how little I was actually running, would be a long shot. I'd have to really want it, and to feel really good. My personal best is 1:47.....kinda laughable at this point in my life, but still something I aspire to again in the future. 

Checking out the finish the day before the race

The morning of the race was pretty uneventful. It was EARLY AS HELL. We had to leave downtown Seattle at 4:15 to get to the drop off point at 5:00, to walk uphill for at least a mile to the start (and it was quite a hill, over 300 feet of climbing). I'm glad I wanted to park so early, because I beat the port-o-potty lines and was able to start the race on time, unlike dozens of unlucky people still needing to pee. 




The weather was incredible, mid-50s and overcast. For a half marathon, I'm perfectly happy with that weather (for a marathon, however, I want to be freezing my ass off). The course is on a dirt trail in the Snoqualmie area on the Iron Horse Trail, which has a very gradual downward slope, so subtle you almost can't tell. But it does help your pace and your heartrate. 

I was making all sorts of bargains with myself. I wanted to start off not fast AT ALL, just ease into a faster-than-easy-run pace and hold that for at least 30 minutes just to see how I tolerated it. After the first couple miles coming in around 9:40-9:45, I determined I really liked that pace. I really liked the trail. And I absolutely LOVED the scenery. I was glad I elected to forgo headphones, because listening to nature (waterfalls!) beat music hands down. I highly recommend it.


I was really enjoying myself. I honestly didn't even care if my finish time started with a 2. I just wanted to have fun, enjoy the beauty of my surroundings, and express gratitude that I was racing again, feeling really good, was healthy, my husband and in-laws were waiting for me at mile 8, and not everyone gets to do this shit. If I felt like speeding up eventually, I would, but a 9:30-ish pace half marathon was also something to celebrate for sure. 

I spent a lot of my time watching my footing. Having tripped on a run back in 2020 and decimating my rotator cuff and embarking on the worst year of my life rehabbing it, I was nervous as hell I would trip on a rock. But eventually I did chill out (with one eye on those damn rocks just to be safe). No tripping happened!

I paid attention to when my watch was beeping at the miles in relation to where the mile markers were placed and for the most part I was within 10-15 seconds at each mile, although mile 7's marker seemed to be way off. I assumed my GPS was probably pretty accurate. I hit 6 miles, according to my watch, at 57:54 (9:39 avg pace). Would be pretty hard to break two hours without significantly speeding up, and I really didn't want to. I had a fear of feeling like utter garbage if I turned on my speed, and crashing and burning in agony at the end, and I very very much wanted to cross the finish line feeling happy and excited. 

But then mile 7 was in 9:11 and I didn't realize I sped up much. Granted, it wasn't a lot faster, but it felt pretty effortless and in line with the previous miles, so maybe that was the boost I needed to just push a little bit harder. 

The mile 7 mile marker came way earlier than I expected, but I think that was a race crew mistake, because 8 was more in line with my GPS. It was also mile 8 where I found the family! Cedar Falls has a trailhead and is a perfect spectator spot. Five years ago I saw Greg here during his marathon. Seeing them certainly gave me a big boost and I kept my pace a little quicker than expected. I yelled to Greg to expect me to finish in 2:05. 

I looked dumb in all the pics from the front so here's my backside at Mile 8

I continued to speed up and at this point decided that 2:05 was too slow and I could cut it down to 2:03 or so and that would be really respectable, plus I felt great! (Have I mentioned that already?)

Mile 8 was 9:04, mile 9 was 9:06 and it still didn't feel particularly hard. But I could feel the fatigue in my legs, partly due to low miles in training, partly due to the downhill. With only four more miles to go, I wanted to speed up a little bit more, ease back if I needed to, but never go below a 9:15. 

Mile 10 was 8:51 and that excited the shit out of me. I was remembering what it was like to be fast(er). And I wanted that again. 

Mile 11 was 9:05 and according to my watch, with 2.1 miles to go I was at 1:43:13. Wasn't going to break 2 hours without running the rest in 8 minute flat pace (big fat NOPE), but it was going to be more like a 2:01 if I could speed up just a little bit more. 

I hit the 12 mile marker at just under 1:52 and at this point I'm a little wistful I didn't speed up more just a bit earlier. But again, if the mile markers were accurate (and I thought they were pretty close since they almost totally coincided with my watch), I'd be at 2:01. 

Imagine my surprise when I saw the finish line flags WAY earlier than expected, when I thought I still had about a third of a mile left to run. I was running about 8:20 pace at this point and just did my best to run hard past all the flags (state flags for all the participants, yet I didn't see Texas...hmmmm....) and across the finish line. 


I FELT FREAKING AMAZING AND STRONG AND SO DAMN HAPPY CROSSING THAT FINISH LINE. 

I looked at my watch after I stopped it.

2:00:12

12.99 miles

So the mile markers weren't totally accurate after all....and my GPS didn't quite keep up. 

(And yes, the course was accurate and certified at 13.1 miles, it started and finished in the exact right spots, so there were NO mistakes on distance). If I had run just 1 second per mile faster, I would've broken 2 hours!

I honestly didn't expect that I could run that well AND still feel as good as I did. I didn't race all out, I didn't kill myself to get to the finish line as fast as I could, I instead ran comfortably hard, kept my heartrate from redlining (it was pretty much zone 3 majority of the race), and I finally remembered that I'm a damn good runner when I put in the time and effort and volume a fast race requires. I got my feet wet again, got my runner's high, and the itch to race again finally came back in full force.

And I barely broke a sweat doing it (THANK YOU PHENOMENAL PACIFIC NORTHWEST WEATHER). 

Having Greg, Ed, and Linda at the finish line was the icing on the cake. I love my freaking family.

I took the same selfie from when Greg raced!


My husband is hot

I'll be running this course again next June as I plan to sign up for Light at the End of the Tunnel (so will Greg but he just doesn't realize it yet).

But first? My 18th marathon on February 4, 2024, to celebrate turning 50, with Greg waiting for me at the finish after he races the half marathon that day. 

I hate saying I'm blessed, but I am damn blessed. 


AND NOW FOR SOME BONUS CONTENT....

So great to have Ed and Linda there


Greg got me a scooter. I successfully navigated it.

I love sending Greg funny mugs

Living less than a mile from the arena meant BRYAN ADAMS CONCERT!

I went on a lot of walks because HELLO....it's gorgeous here

He loves me and my weirdness....can't you tell?