Positives and Negatives

So many plans...so many ways they can get screwed up! 

It's been a rough couple of months for me, so I'll start with the crappy stuff. 

Back in early September, I had a bit of a health scare while in Seattle that required a trip to the ER. I'm fine, but it requires a follow up with my specialist here in Round Rock, scheduled in early November. I seem to be improving but I likely will need a minor procedure done before the end of year. This all came only a couple weeks after having a pretty bad bout of Covid. Could be related, not really sure. The good thing is that for the most part, I'm feeling better. I have had blood work done and things look good on that front.

(This of course happens when I'm starting serious marathon training for my February 4 race)

During September I was also having some sciatica trouble, had a pulled gluteus medius, and just general tightness in my hips/back. I did what I could and continued strengthening and running, but it was slow going. On October 15, I ran 10 miles and actually felt pretty great. Unfortunately the good feelings didn't last as within a couple hours, I had debilitating sciatica. I hoped some rest that day and night would help it ease up, but I woke up Monday in even more pain. It just wasn't normal and my movement was severely limited. I was scheduled to fly with Greg to Seattle the next day, and found an Airrosti provider a few minutes' walk from our apartment there, so I booked him. There was just no way I was getting to the bottom of my pain without some professional help.

Unfortunately, the news wasn't great. I have a severely inflamed gluteus medius and piriformis, and very tight psoas muscles. What I was doing was actually making it worse, not better, and I had to immediately stop running (which I had already done) and only do the physical therapy and stretching prescribed by the doctor. The inflammation needed to come down in order for me to be able to start running again.

With less than 4 months from my marathon and not nearly enough base miles in the bank, I had to downgrade my race to the half marathon. I refuse to half-ass marathon training. I will never disrespect the distance by not putting in sufficient work leading up to the race, and with my ability to run still questionable, I would not be able to properly train. 

A big fat positive in all this - Greg is signed up for the half and is going to run it with me. I told him he could race on his own, but because he's pretty much the best husband ever, he would rather enjoy the race with me.

SWOON

I saw my regular Airrosti provider here in Texas yesterday and he found the same issues that the other doctor did, and I have added work to do to get me back in shape. It's not going to be easy, but I have to follow doctor's orders. 

I'm really REALLY hoping I can resume running next week. Slowly and carefully of course. 

I have another marathon on my radar for June of next year, The Light at the End of the Tunnel marathon in Snoqualmie. Should be plenty of time to be a good patient, get my body into better shape, and complete a respectable training cycle. 

So what's happening that's positive?

The Best Husband Ever has booked us our 25th anniversary trip for next year. 

25 years!!

The gratitude I feel at that kind of milestone is immense. We could just be hanging out at home in our pajamas to celebrate and I would love and appreciate every second of it, but instead we will be on an Alaskan cruise, embarking just down the road from our apartment in Seattle. I am not a cruise girl and have only been on one over 20 years ago, but I have always thought an Alaskan cruise would be so fun and interesting. I'm really excited!

Did I mention 25 years??

Another really meaningful thing we've started is leading a marriage class (ReEngage) at our church and we are working on being commissioned as leaders. Giving back and building community as church leaders is something I'm pretty passionate about and it feels good to have a new purpose. My faith is my Number One, and if I can reach others and help them improve their marriages, well then that's pretty freaking awesome, isn't it?

I was also able to fly to Michigan to see a few of my incredible friends this month. Just what my heart needed. 

Being down on my luck physically....and missing Greg a lot since he's in Seattle so much and I don't always get to go with him....is tough to deal with. I have good days and bad days, but I'm trying to practice gratitude and pray for contentment in all circumstances (thank you Philippians 4:11). 

So here's to making more memories, great marriages, awesome travel, the bestest friends, and seriously cool adventures. 

Mid Year Shenanigans

I'm starting to feel like I'm the world's worst runner. I have my first race since December 2021 in about two weeks, and while it's *only* a half marathon, I'm feeling a bit unprepared. It's definitely low mileage, mediocre-effort training, I'm not even attempting anything near a personal best, and I could completely embarrass myself. But on the bright side, it'll get my feet wet again on the race front, it'll be in the Seattle area (thank you cooler temps), and it's got a net downhill of about 1100 feet. So low mileage be damned....it'll still be a great time!

Greg met up with me on my 12 miler around Lake Union

In the meantime, while I'm in Austin I'm LITERALLY DYING. The heat has been on another level this summer....either that or I'm just a big fat baby now that I spend so much time in the Pacific Northwest and constantly lose all my heat acclimation. After a week in Seattle, I tried running in 80+ degrees this morning. It was pretty freaking pathetic, but 6 miles were done and I feel pretty good about that.

Speaking of races.....

I SIGNED UP FOR A DAMN MARATHON!!

On February 4, I'll be running Marathon #18 in Huntington Beach. I'm equal parts excited and terrified. It means I actually have to take this running thing seriously again. I'm planning to write up a plan as I approach August and recover from the half marathon. It'll be lower mileage than my last few marathons, and I don't have a time goal (YET), and I need to take my nutrition more seriously, and I need to stop being a loser. So basically, it'll be entertaining I'm sure. Maybe I'll even start treating this blog like a running blog again.

I'm trying to convince Greg to become more of a runner again, but he's fighting me on that. A girl can dream, though. I love running with him. He's pretty freaking awesome.

ANYWAY, although my running isn't taking center stage in my life, I have been doing fun things! I've taken quite a few trips to Seattle with Greg over the past few months, and have more coming up....and I'm loving it. I don't love that he has to travel there almost every week, and I'm home in Austin without him way too much, but the times I get to go with him are so special to me. Seattle is just a damn cool city, the weather is phenomenal in the summer, we get to explore a lot (without a car 95% of the time!), and Greg kicks ass at work (as much as one can kick ass at Amazon). We've entertained the idea of buying a place there (almost certainly not going to), we have a whole list of things we still want to do, and are about to renew our apartment lease (eek!). 

The view that never gets old

Just this last week, the kids came out with us for the first time. Brady has never been there, and Dani hadn't been there since we moved into the apartment. A lot of fun was had, a lot of togetherness was had, and I was not ready to come back home to Austin. The dogs missed us, though. And the pool had turned green in our absence so that was neat. 

(I think I'm getting closer to being ready to sell my house)

Watched Lake Union fireworks from the rooftop on 4th of July

San Luis Obispo's Bubblegum Alley came first. Sorry, Seattle.

Mount Rainier

In addition to a lot of traveling, we are being crazy concert people as well. We've already seen Duran Duran this year (my first time seeing them in 30 years!), unfortunately Thomas Rhett and Cole Swindell were canceled in Louisiana last month, then we are seeing Bryan Adams in Seattle and Luke Bryan in Nashville next month, and lastly 3 Doors Down in Austin at the end of summer. Basically, we are booking things on a whim and having a great time doing it. And we aren't inviting the kids to any of it because it's way more fun to just date your spouse.

ALSO....MY KIDS GRADUATED!!! My son graduated with his Bachelor of Science in Computer Science with Cum Laude honors from the University of Texas at Tyler in April, and my daughter graduated from high school in May. They both still live at home for now and that's just fine by me! They are pretty awesome dog sitters for when I'm off causing trouble with Greg. 

An award for Top Computer Science Student of 2023

All the grandparents, too!

Happy Kid!

Once Fall comes around, Greg and I are embarking on another journey. We plan to help lead a marriage ministry/class at our church along with several other phenomenal couples. This is going outside our comfort zone but we feel we have something to offer other couples, whether they are really struggling or are just going through a rough patch. Becoming more involved at church has been incredibly important to me for the last year and I'm looking forward to growing as a faith leader. 

Speaking of faith, can I just again say how grateful I am for my Christian faith? It has saved my life, my sanity, my family, and my marriage. Surrendering to God is the best thing I've ever done. And I know Greg will agree! It's the foundation for every single thing in our lives. 

As the year comes to a close in a few months, fully expect me to be slightly (not just slightly) freaking out over my impending 50th birthday in January. But until then, enjoy a few more pictures of a pretty great 2023. 

Birthday #49

And Greg's #49

Anniversary #24

Fishing at Lake Palestine

Cool Seattle retro sign

We might be famous

Can't beat the sunset

Great Wheel

Mount Rainier

First time here!

Is this what I need?

Whale watching

No blog is complete without the dogs

New Year New You?

 I hate New Year's Resolutions. They're cheesy. They don't stick. And why wait until a new year to make a change you know needs to happen?

But here I am, knowing I need to do SOMETHING in this new year.

I'm 14+ months out from my horrible shoulder surgery. Physically I'm fine. Mentally, I'm messed up. That injury and surgery, followed by a hip problem and personal life stress really put me through the wringer in 2021. I just couldn't get a good grasp on it.

I ran my 17th marathon on December 12 and while it was much slower than my personal bests, it was a fairly consistent effort. I was weak, however, and I don't like how that felt. Come to find out that I got Covid while on our trip and got very ill right after the race. This virus messed with my respiratory system for three weeks. Probably didn’t help that I depleted my body’s defenses in a marathon. I got everyone else in my family, including my mom, sick as well. I backed out of my January marathon, after first downgrading to the half. I had to throw in the towel when the virus wouldn't go away.

I'm not very pleased with how my training cycle went. I know I bit off more than I could chew and I tried adjusting when I knew I needed to. I struggled to come to terms with my new limitations and my slower pace. I didn't do everything I could have to fix these things, and for that I'm quite regretful. I'm usually stronger and more motivated than that and it's frustrating to see so much weakness creep into my life and training. 

I suppose a lot of this is understandable. I'm struggling with coming to terms with this "pandemic" and the continued failed response to it. I don't have the stomach for tyranny and I'm sickened by the mental toll this has all taken on society, particularly on our kids....including my own. I'm exhausted. A really smart man I follow on social media said everything lately was "hyberbolic, partisan, exaggerated, and exhausting" and he definitely accurately described it. I just want a break for our country. So yeah, it's hurting me in many ways and that has creeped into my passions and I'm frankly pissed off.

So now that my training cycle is over (which coincides with the new year), it's time for me to take stock of how it went. What worked? What definitely didn't work? What do I need to do more of? Less of? What's holding me back? How do I fix that?

I ordered a training log/journal and am excited to receive it and start writing in it. I'm brainstorming in my head in the meantime on what I need to do right now before I even think of a new training cycle.

First....MORE STRENGTH TRAINING

Once I was done with physical therapy sessions, I let this slide. I did the bare minimum and as my mileage increased, the strength training decreased. Big mistake. This MUST be a priority. So for the next few months, I'll be strength training at least 3 times per week.

Second....SPEED WORK

I obviously did a lot of speedwork in my marathon training, but I want to focus on shorter and faster sessions rather than so much marathon and half marathon paced work. I think that combined with more strength training will set me up well for my next training cycle. 

Third....FIND PURPOSE ELSEWHERE

This is kind of hard to describe. I'm feeling a bit like I'm flailing around in the world, without a definitive place for myself. My husband is our provider, my kids are both in school, my son is figuring out his future after college....they all have a specific PLACE. I don't have a career at the moment, something that is intentional for our family, but it does also mean that I struggle with how I can feel purposeful. Without purpose, we can quickly lose ourselves. I know that I am important to my family....there are a lot of things that I provide that help them in their own endeavors that are not tied to money or work or school. But it's not very tangible and that bugs me some days. I'd like to better define my purpose....yes, that seems very obscure and open-ended, but it's the best way I can describe it right now. This doesn't directly align with training as it does with just being a more well-rounded person, in a way strengthening my mind as much as I'm strengthening my body.

Fourth...PRIORITIZE SLEEP AND RECOVERY

Simply put....I didn't get enough sleep. Since my marathon and my illness, I've been sleeping upwards of 9 hours per night and my body is still craving that level of sleep, so apparently I needed it. 

Fifth...BETTER MEAL PREP

I typically do eat very well, and I'm particular about ingredients. But when I spend just a little extra time meal planning and prepping the week tends to go better for me physically and mentally. When I am fueling regularly and properly, it comes out positively in my mood and my training. I have the time....I just need to prioritize that time.

I think this is a good start to getting a handle on getting out of my physical and mental funk. Baby steps leads to big gains, as long as we are consistent and intentional! 

STOP

Lacking motivation? Exhausted? Hit a plateau? INJURED??

THEN STOP.

What you're doing isn't working.

Take a step back and look at the last few weeks, last few months, whatever it takes, to find the culprit of your struggles. Don't tell me it's the weather. It's not summer yet.

I know why I'm sometimes struggling. I'm on the right track and I hope to fix it permanently soon. Or until I do the next dumb thing. I'm a runner, after all. 

I saw a couple posts by runners who I follow on Instagram and it got me thinking about this issue I see time and time again from me and my running buddies/social media influences. The constant struggle to get through a training cycle unscathed....it's a big problem! Been there, done that. Tired of it. Tired of seeing it from others, too. (harsh, yes, I know)

This particular post pointed out the four things that you need to become faster, but it also totally applies to the concept of STAYING HEALTHY, both mentally and physically, in a training cycle. I've adapted it with a few extra points:

• 80% easy running (typically not what you *think* is slow, but SLOWER)
• 20% hard running (and NEVER on consecutive days)
• Consistency
• Specified training (every run has a purpose, every small step is part of the big picture)

The second post I saw is a quote from the Growth Equation:

Peak performance does not result from heroic efforts. It results from consistent small steps that compound over time.

So which part is your weakness? 

Do you know what 80% easy looks like? It means that out of 5-6 days per week of running, perhaps 50 miles per week, only 10 of those miles, or maybe 2 of the days, are at a hard effort. Hard effort is Zone 4+, maybe still high zone 3 if you're like me and the gears take awhile to heat up as I get more fit, or because your specified training calls for marathon pace and that might not necessarily get you to Zone 4 right away. Easy effort is Zone 1-2. Zone 3 can be the gray zone and when you have more Zone 3 than Zones 1-2, you're in trouble. 

That 20% of hard running should never be on consecutive days. 48 hours or more between hard efforts. Easy miles or rest in between. Your body CRAVES easy miles to build your aerobic engine and allow your body to recover instead of becoming overly fatigued, leading to bad form and injuries. 

I recently wrote up my marathon training plan for this next cycle and once I hit 6 days per week of running, this is how my week will shape up:

• Mon: Recovery Run
• Tues: Intervals (always with a warm up and cooldown)
• Wed: Easy Run (and long-ish)
• Thurs: Tempo Run (always with a warm up and cooldown)
• Fri: Off
• Sat: Easy Run
• Sun: Long Run (with race pace miles incorporated every 2-3 weeks)

Lots of easy paced stuff throughout the week.

Matt Fitzgerald explains all of this so thoroughly and much more eloquently than I ever could in his book, "80/20 Running." 

CONSISTENCY is a big BIG problem for a lot of people. You run a couple days one week, or take a whole week off, for whatever reason, then jump right back into 30 miles per week for a couple weeks, then take more time off. You can't stick to a training plan if your life depended on it. You can't commit to running on specific days, thinking it's okay to push things off a day or two, and then try to play catch up. JUST NO. Be committed and consistent, and if you have to take time off, ease into things. My first two weeks back after my 15 weeks off running after my surgery involved less than 10 miles of running. I still only run 25-30 miles per week and it's been nearly 4 months since my return to running. 

Specified training is just that. SPECIFIC runs on specific days, each with a specific purpose to build upon your overall fitness and lead you to the start line healthy and fit. Easy runs to build your base and aerobic endurance without overtaxing your body, recovery runs to recover from hard efforts while continue to add volume and endurance, long runs to increase endurance and your confidence in longer races, interval workouts to develop speed and efficiency, tempo runs to improve lactate threshold....you get the idea. Include a variety of running into your plan, in an appropriate schedule, and your fitness and speed and health will gradually improve....injury free. 

There are countless pace calculators out there to help you determine appropriate pace zones, calculators to help with heart rate zones, charts based on effort if heart rate zones aren't your thing. The point is, everyone should understand what their individual easy pace range is (hint, it's not marathon pace but rather MUCH slower). Everyone should understand their current fitness and adapt accordingly. Everyone has the ability to make up a schedule and stick to it. 

Coming off of an injury and getting right back into regular hard workouts and high volume, or running through an injury, is not smart nor is it heroic. I've only run 10 miles straight once since my return. I haven't run over 30 miles per week. I am chipping away at each baby step as it comes, knowing that each step creates big gains overall. Everyone should understand that big leaps can lead to big falls, that the turtle really can win the race.

Are you seeing gains? Or are you feeling overly fatigued and have nagging injuries? Then stop what you're doing, reassess where you can make positive changes, and set the wheels in motion.

 

New Training Plan

I'm a planner. I love to write up a plan, to have a timeline, to have detailed steps of how to get to my goal. So basically, writing my own training plans is perfect for me. I'm really detail oriented and I love the process of hashing out how I want to get myself prepared for the starting line. Now that I've graduated from physical therapy and have no limitations on my running, I feel prepared to sit down and plan my comeback!

I'd love to say that I'm going to blow this training out of the water, but let's be real. I'm not in 3:45 marathon shape, nor will I be by December 13. But I honestly think, that even with my struggles getting back into running, I can run a 4:00 marathon. I have 31 weeks until race day and will officially begin my training 22 weeks out, on July 12. Training for a 4:00 marathon sounds so much more doable than a 3:45. The training paces aren't daunting to me, even in my current running shape. 

The next few weeks are all about maintaining what I'm doing, adding in little bits of volume and intensity as I go. I'm running about 5 days a week now, and I've just added in a second quality workout per week, in addition to the intervals I've been running the past few weeks on Tuesdays. I'm getting close to about 30 miles per week, so my base is good right now. I'll continue the 5 days per week with speedwork and either a tempo run or progression run, and a long run every Sunday. I probably will not go beyond 10 or 11 miles in my long run until training officially starts. Just several more weeks of consistent running, increasing volume and extending the duration of intervals. 

I've definitely learned over the years that one of the most important things when tackling a marathon is CONSISTENCY. If I can consistently get in good volume weeks leading up to training, building up my base, then I'll be ready to add in more intensity and higher volume without hurting myself. The discipline I've cultivated over the past few weeks is paying off now, thankfully! I'm determined to get out there on my run days and do my best, even when I'm not feeling up to it. I keep ramming into my head that I have to be consistent if I want to get back to where I was pre-injury.

I'm not going to do the Hansons plan this time around. It's just too intense with too much volume for what my goals are. I'm not going to try to hit a Boston Qualifying time (which means the next time I do try, I'll actually be aging up....that's a nice little bonus for getting old). There's no need for me to run 55-65 mile weeks every single week. I'll be sitting around more like 50 mile weeks towards the end of the training, spending most weeks in the 40-50 mile range. I think that's a good place for me to be in....intense, but not too overwhelming. But I AM going to use the Hansons pace charts and pace adjuster for weather in determining my training paces. And I'm really glad I am, because as I was looking them up it reminded me that marathon training is A LOT of easy miles, and when I'm planning to run a slower marathon than previous cycles, it really means slowing it down. It's a huge relief.

So how does that break down for me for this cycle? A 4:00 marathon is 9:09 pace, so I'm using 9:05 as my marathon pace, giving me a few seconds room to be under 4:00. In good weather (temps in the 50s or colder, which is impossible in a Texas summer), that would mean my recovery runs are over 11:15 pace (yes, REALLY), my easy runs are no faster than 10:30 and ideally more like 10:45, my 5K-10K interval paces are about 8:00-8:20, and tempo paces probably around 8:30. If I want a more moderate long run, I'd run those around 9:50. 

But in a Texas summer when some of the worst mornings are over 75 degrees and high humidity, I'll be adding 30-40 seconds per mile to my easy/recovery runs and about 20-30 seconds per mile to my speed runs. That mean a lot of runs over 11:00 pace. To say that is a huge weight off my shoulders is an understatement! I'll get the same benefit of the faster paces but won't be overtaxing myself in the heat. The adjustments are so important, and they work! Leading up to my last marathon before I hurt myself, I took those adjustments seriously and was feeling pretty great as the weather starting getting cooler. 

In all honesty, I'm probably not running slow enough right now as often as I should. I'm not tackling a huge amount of miles yet, but once I do I need to be more mindful. 

In addition to maintaining consistency, I'll continue to ram it into my head that 80% of my miles are EASY MILES. Not pseudo easy, but truly easy. My Strava won't be flashy, but I'd rather see easy runs than an injured runner because I was running myself into the ground day in and day out. 

I have a second marathon that I'm signed up for 5 weeks after Mississippi Gulf Coast. If all goes well, I might try to run that one balls to the wall. I've got nothing to lose! Then by the time Chicago 2022 rolls around, I should be ready for that Boston Qualifying attempt. The great part? That's during the qualification window for Boston 2024, when I'll be 50 and can run 5 minutes slower to qualify (3:55). 

I'm a planner! And I'm getting excited!

Keep Showing Up

Remember when I said back when I first injured myself and wouldn't be running for months that I would never take running for granted again?

I'm trying so hard to remind myself to never take running for granted again. 

It's just that it's hard and while I usually don't shy away from hard things, I'm feeling pretty sad about the days when it felt somewhat easy.

It's not even so much about my pace (which of course is slower than it used to be at the same effort), but about how I FEEL. My breathing sucks, I feel awkward, there's no "flow." I know the pace changes will happen naturally, and that they probably won't happen until I incorporate speed work, but I just want to remember what it feels like to finish a run invigorated rather than irritated that it didn't feel smooth. I don't have the runner's high I used to have. 

I will admit that in the 50 degree temps and lower humidity of this morning, I felt better than I had in awhile. I wish that included sub-10 minutes with my heart rate in the 120s, but alas, we can't have everything. But overall, considering I ran longer than I have since injury (8 miles!), I felt pretty good when I was done. I ran anywhere from 10:15 to 11:08 miles, so in my old "easy/recovery pace" zone, and my heartrate average was 133, which is better than it's usually been. I do have a few wins to claim from this run, so I'm trying to look at the positive. 

I RAN 8 MILES!! Not long ago it seemed like that distance was a pipe dream and I did it without much difficulty today. 

I think it's time to incorporate speed work once a week. That won't involve anything crazy, just a minute or two at a time at probably a moderate pace rather than anything faster than my old marathon pace. Who knows? I have no idea how speeding up is going to feel, both physically and mentally. I still have a lot of demons to slay with regards to fear while running. Since my injury occurred because I tripped on a tiny thing while running, I'm still pretty terrified of doing that again and pretty much permanently losing shoulder function if I fall on it again. Unreasonable fear, probably, but fear nonetheless. How is this going to translate to trying to run faster? Is it going to hinder me? Remains to be seen. 

My virtual 5K is next weekend but since I have done zero faster running, I have no expectations. I'll just cruise at an effort that is not super easy but not hard and the it will be what it will be. It doesn't matter what that translates to....I have to complete it based on where my fitness is at right now and what is smart in my recovery. Most of all, I have to be thankful that I can run at all. 

I have to destroy these demons in my head that is making it hard for me to love running. I miss my love of running and need it to come back. I need patience and to have faith.

Luckily my first of two marathons I'm registered for is still 35 weeks away, and the second is 40 weeks away. I have a TON of time to build up my endurance and to be comfortable with the distance. Time isn't important. Merely making my endurance comeback is what is important. 

I read a book called "My Name is Hope" by John Mark Comer and in this book, he describes endurance as follows:

Is there a more perfect definition? We can apply this to many different areas of life. I have this message board hung on a wall in an area of the house I walk past several times a day as a reminder of how to approach challenges. Getting back into shape is definitely one of those challenges.

Did I mention that a month ago I stopped drinking until my May vacation? What was I thinking?? That might be harder than the running drama. 

Spring Cleaning

The dark winter is almost over!

This winter was stupid dark so I'm particularly looking forward to a change of seasons. 

When I last wrote a blog post, back in January, I was a few weeks into physical therapy, not running yet, but trying to find some semblance of a routine to keep my sanity. I let go of my 2020 goals, many of which were derailed by my accident in October. I set some new goals that were realistic for 2021.

I am now 20 weeks post-surgery on my complete rotator cuff tear. Hard to believe it's been 20 weeks already. I have completed 23 physical therapy sessions and am in the strength phase of therapy. I have 7 sessions left to go and will continue to go once a week and stretch out the strength phase as long as I can with my therapist. I am only about halfway in my recovery, realistically, and even after 40 weeks will not have my strength back to normal. I started running 6 weeks ago and am no where near back to normal on that front. That will definitely take a long time to get back. My body and mind are simply not the same as they were on October 18, when I was nearing the peak of marathon training.

The hardest part of this journey I never wanted to be on is getting my mind right. I am struggling with coming to terms with my body. It was so strong before this and now I feel like the 47 year old I am and I absolutely hate that feeling. I feel sorry for myself too often. I am angry too often. I am impatient and frustrated. I feel weak both physically and mentally.

I know a lot of people who have had rotator cuff repair, but I don't know anyone who had damage as extensive as mine. It's tough to hear about how they were in physical therapy a week after surgery, when I had to wait 6 weeks, that they were fine after a few months, when I will be looking at feeling "fine" after a year. My recovery is not comparable to others so I have a hard time finding encouragement to follow. It's pretty isolating sometimes. My therapist tells me I'm doing great, and there are some sessions where I'm pleasantly surprised at my progress, but then there are days when I'm frustrated that putting a can on the shoulder-height shelf is a struggle. 

I am trying to remember how hard things were when I first started doing active exercises and how little my arm would move on its own to how I can reach quite far with it now, that I really have made tremendous progress. But then I remember I used to be able to do 100 pushups and I fear I'll never be able to be that strong again. People tell me I'm crazy, that it takes time, but my mind is just too impatient. 

I miss being a marathon runner. Sure, I can go out and run continuously now, versus the run/walk intervals I had to start with in February. But I just now barely hit 6 miles and it was hard. My pace is incredibly slow and my heartrate and effort are nowhere near as low as they used to be at that pace. I have not tried any type of speed, but am thinking of incorporating short speed intervals in 2-3 weeks. I know in my head exactly what I need to do and what the progress should look like, but I hate how hard this is. I absolutely hate it. 

I know my attitude is being affected by other things around me, things that are out of my control, and I can't help but think it's penetrating my brain in negative ways. My youngest child continues to test me daily and I've exhausted my ability to help turn the tide. It's my kid's journey to complete. The tools are there, the support is there, but I can't make anyone do what they should do. Personal responsibility and hard work are they only thing that will help at this point. It's pretty maddening for a parent. And as helpful as some try to be, they do not understand the magnitude of this journey. It's the one that Greg and I are on, and only Greg and I. We are the only two that understand it. We've been living it for so many years now. It's not helping my own fortitude, that's for sure. The atmosphere in our country also continues to be painful to witness, when so much of it is avoidable and stupid. People unnecessarily turning against one another is completely wrong on so many levels, and it never needed to be this way. Add to that the countless lives that have been destroyed in this last year....and it's a recipe for depression, to put it bluntly. 

Of all the things to do to myself, it had to be this injury and surgery? Just stupid!!

BUT.....I am still in charge of my destiny. So while I will feel sorry for myself, I will be pissed at what my body feels like right now, I will be pissed off at others for their lack of grace and intelligence, I am still in charge of the trajectory of my life. 

So what does that look like?

I am RUNNING. It's not much, but I am running. I can now run 3 days in a row and will be doing that this week. I can continue to up my distance slowly. I focus on my effort, my form, my hydration, my breathing in the hopes of finally having a breakthrough. My breathing sucks, my effort is sometimes too high, and I feel like I'm in someone else's body, but as a former coach I know that consistency will produce results eventually. I KEEP SHOWING UP.

I signed up for another marathon yesterday on a total whim. I'm already registered for Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon on December 12, and now I'm also registered for The Louisiana Marathon on January 16. It's called the Beach to Bayou Challenge and I did it in 2017/2018 (when I qualified for Boston). I have no plans to be that fast yet, but I think having this big of a challenge will keep me motivated to be consistent. Plus I love those races. Then in October of 2022 I want to run Chicago (I deferred 2020), and THAT is when I will try to be fast. 

Next month I'm running the virtual BAA 5K because who doesn't want a Boston shirt and medal? It will be a slow 5K compared to the past but fun nonetheless. I like Boston and I like medals!

I am also traveling for the first time in over a year! My husband and I are going to Florida for our anniversary in May for a long weekend on a beach. I need the time away, to reset and recharge and just enjoy time with only my husband. I had hoped to travel internationally this summer, but with restrictions still so changeable and the need for a negative Covid test to return to the United States has me very wary to leave the country just yet. I'm not afraid of traveling or being around people, but I don't like the thought of being restricted from reentry! So we will wait a bit longer on that. Thankfully, Florida is less restrictive than a lot of states and has beautiful beaches so it's a very nice compromise for now. 

I am ready for the tide to turn on life. I think we ALL are. It's been a ridiculous year of heartache for many. 

Uncertain Plans

 As we get further into August, I am becoming increasingly aware of my flagging motivation to properly train for my next race. It's hard to believe there is still so much uncertainty. Next week is technically the start of my 18-week training cycle for Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon, which is scheduled to take place on December 13.

Today I received my "In Training" t-shirt for registering within the first week, and I really like it! But it's also a little bittersweet as I look at it. Marathon training is hard, and I was already 5 weeks into training for Chicago before the plug was pulled on that race. I have still been running and am actually maintaining a solid 40+ mile/week average. 

But dammit, it's hard. Summer in Texas means even before sunrise, temps are ALWAYS in the 70s or low 80s. Every single day. Dew points hover over 70 and are sometimes 75+. Day in and day out, even with slowing my pace considerably, it gets tough. The motivation declines. The desire just isn't there some days.

It was so different 3 years ago when I started training for my first BQ. I was so determined and there was no real fear of the race not happening. Life was so much easier back then! Last year I trained to BQ again and didn't have much trouble with motivation. But this year? Just ugh.

Today, my husband was going to sign up to run the half marathon while I ran the full, but he noticed a little caveat in the registration terms that I honestly do not remember seeing, or I scanned over it very quickly and it didn't stand out to me.

Runners bring their own pre-race and during-race hydration/nutrition

Oh, boy.

I always carry a handheld 18 ounce water bottle when I race long distances. I refill at the water stops. I can get through a half marathon, in cooler weather, with just that 18 ounces if necessary. But a full marathon requires way more hydration than that. So am I supposed to run with a camelback? I never do that and the thought of starting a race with 50+ ounces of water in a camelback sloshing around? That doesn't seem too appealing. Or a vest with spots for a couple water bottles? Would that even be enough hydration for 3 hours, 45 minutes of running? Or do I have Greg be my water stop and switch water bottles out at certain spots on the course? 

So Greg didn't register, just in case I need him. Using a spectator as my hydration sherpa is something I obviously don't do since it's not technically allowed under USATF rules, and since I am gunning for a BQ, I'm very cognizant of racing 100% within the rules. But in a race with no on-course hydration support? That provides a bit of a conundrum. In a situation like this, however, it may be reasonable to assume that assistance may actually be allowed.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is thinking about this.

So, in the meantime, I will start my specified training (with a very easy and lower mileage week next week before the intensity and volume kicks up). I will try to silence the doubt inside my head. It's easier said than done right now. I knew when I registered that the race may not occur, and that was the risk I was willing to take. I can defer my entry if need be, and besides, it's not an expensive race anyway. What I'm really worried about is not developing the focus and fortitude I need to hone in on my time goal. Getting a Boston Qualifying time is at the upper end of my ability, so it's not something that will just come to me without much effort. I need to be ready for my A game on race day. Without the mental strength developed over the course of the training cycle, it become difficult to tune into that mindset. I've done it before and I know I can do it again if I can shake off all the extraneous BS. 

Times are still so damn uncertain. On top of race uncertainty, there have been a lot of other stressors impacting my daily life. I haven't talked too much about them like I have in the past, but the stress is there and front and center and ever-present in my daily life. It wears on you. I'm honestly just not doing well with it. 

Did I mention my son moves out in 13 days? And I paid my first college tuition and college apartment rent for him this week? That was definitely eye-opening and painful!

2020, you are such a pain in the ass.

 

 

Writing has become very difficult

I have started countless blog posts, only to delete them. I don't often find myself struggling for words, but right now I'm struggling. Everything I write seems shallow and dumb and unimportant.

I don't like having this attitude. This is my blog, this is about my life, my thoughts, my experiences. Despite the global issues surrounding us, this is still my life and I want to live it to the best of my abilities. Finding joy and freedom in everyday things leads to peace.

That means I get to write about me if I want to. This isn't ignoring anything else going on in the world. If you are a friend in real life and spend time with me, then you know that I often have meaningful conversations with those I love. I am a deep thinker, a free thinker, and can absolutely make a difference in this world with how I choose to live my life and the values I choose to impart upon my children. Judging someone's intentions based on whether they shout from the rooftops their values or if they quietly live them and show them to the world through everyday actions isn't effecting change. Judging is not at all necessary and can be quite destructive. On another note, opinion discrimination is a disgusting practice and is the exact opposite of tolerance. Think about that. Think really really hard about that.

Here, on my blog, I'm going to talk about running right now.

I am about to embark upon a very ambitious training block in the hopes I get to run the Chicago Marathon. But I honestly don't have any delusions that I'm going to be running the Chicago Marathon. I think it will be a couple more months beyond that before there's any thought to a race. However, I would like to begin my training regardless. Honestly, I am struggling with motivation, as the world continues to lack normalcy and security. So how to I push through this obstacle?

By reminding myself of HOW to train properly, by reminding myself of WHY I need to train properly.

First and foremost, I must take care of my body. I must baby it while also pushing it to be stronger. I will be running six days a week, for up to about 65 miles per week, with two "something of substance" workouts per week, as the Hanson Marathon Method refers to them. These are the interval, "strength," and tempo runs. Every other week, the long run is run at a more moderate pace. This means that 3-4 runs per week are easy runs. Really easy runs. If we don't take that easy part seriously, we can't succeed at the SOS workouts. Through an 18 week block, this method gets you to the starting line ready to smash your goal, hopefully!

So, let's talk easy. Hanson bases your pace ranges on current fitness and marathon goal. My marathon goal is still 3:45 since I haven't quite hit that yet. This equates to an 8:35 overall pace. My workout paces would be as follows:

Recovery - 11:01
Easy Aerobic - 9:39-10:21 (based on the book, but online calculators show the range is even slower, at up to 11:05)
Moderate/Long - 9:18
Marathon Pace Tempo - 8:35
Strength - 8:25 (after a block of shorter speed training, we start running strength workouts run at 10 seconds under marathon pace, in repeats of 1.5 to 3 miles)
Speed - 7:33-7:52 (we do a speed block in the first half of the training cycle, of up to 1600 meter repeats)

However, and this is really important to remember, these paces are based on relatively ideal weather conditions. Hanson adjusts pace based on less-than-ideal weather. And what do we have from May to October in Texas? LESS THAN IDEAL WEATHER. So I won't actually be running any of these paces, but rather SLOWER.

For example, let's give this morning's weather as an example. It was 75 degrees and 90% humidity when I started my run. If I plug that info into the pace adjuster (found online), my paces are now as follows:

Recovery - 11:15+ (there's not an actual field for this in the online calculator, so it basically becomes slow enough to stay in Zone 1 as much as humanly possible...that to me says over 11:15 pace, which I've never actually done! Might need to change that)
Easy Aerobic - 10:04-11:51 (in other words, you've got all sorts of wiggle room)
Moderate/Long - ~9:45 (again, it's not exact online, so this is my average interpretation, but some miles could likely be slower)
Marathon Pace Tempo - 9:16 (yes, that's 41 seconds per mile slower than marathon pace)
Strength - 9:05
Speed - 7:56-8:30

There's a wide range because we all react differently to heat and humidity, but the general consensus is that in order to maximize the gains from training, you must go by effort and throw a lot of your expected paces out the window when weather gets rough. If I need to run 10:45 to stay in Zone 2 on my easy days, then that's what I will run. Some days I might be able to push it to 10:15 or faster without overdoing it. For my long runs every other week, the key is to stay easy to moderate and avoid threshold. In good weather, 9:18 pace wouldn't be a problem. In bad weather, it's definitely going to be much closer to 10:00. Tempo days are used to mimic the marathon, so my effort at 9:16 pace in bad weather would equal my effort on race day in good weather.

I need to remember that it's okay to run 11 minute miles. How am I supposed to run 6 days per week and push myself everyday and not get injured? The answer is I DON'T. I need to run miles that feel pointless and slow, because my head knows that this is how we actually get faster.

So this means that over the course of my training, depending on weather, I could see my run average in the 8's or all the way to the 11's. There should be a big range of training paces throughout the cycle. But the majority should absolutely be much slower than marathon pace, particularly in a climate like ours.

If your goal is a 3:30 marathon (about 8:00 pace), then I shouldn't be seeing from you a bunch of runs averaging in the mid-8's. But I do see this from people ALL THE TIME. And then there's the people that run in the 10's for almost every run, and their marathon goal is 4:30 (10:16 pace). That makes no sense whatsoever. Either you are running too hard everyday or your goal is too weak. If you're finding yourself saying that there's no way you could run your usual pace for 26.2 miles, but you're also in the same breath saying that pace is "easy," then you're probably not running an actual easy pace. Confusing as heck, right?

This is why I like paying attention to my heart rate in addition to going by effort. It keeps me honest. My Zone 2 heart rate range is 127-141. I get lucky and can run well under 10:00 pace and still maintain that appropriate effort, but other days it's just not happening (like a couple times this past week!). I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to slow down to maintain the right effort and keep my heart rate in check. The benefit is the same.

My last hard workout was on Tuesday and we did a marathon pace workout, with a warm up mile, then two sets of two miles at marathon pace with an easy mile in between. The weather was upper sixties so I adjusted my marathon pace to 8:50 vs 8:35. I averaged closer to 8:40 for all four marathon pace miles, but my heartrate stayed in Zone 3, telling me I was definitely running the correct pace for the conditions and how I felt that particular day. I was also breaking in my carbon fiber shoes, and that could've allowed me to run 5 seconds per mile or so faster than I expected at the same effort. All in all, I chose the right pace in the right conditions and executed the workout properly without overexerting myself and missing the mark on the point of that particular workout. Even in the fourth mile, marathon pace did not feel very difficult, which it shouldn't four miles in.

It's obvious I love data and I love analyzing and I love seeing it all come together in a training block.

I am fearful that the weather will take a bigger toll on me this summer, even if I properly adjust all my paces. I am not a happy camper when it's hot out. I am fearful that despite telling myself, it's okay to view marathon pace at 9:16 instead of 8:35, it's going to bug me a lot and I'm going to sabotage myself and run faster and overdo it. When you see others running much faster, but with the same general marathon goals, it's hard to hold back and stay in your lane and do what you know YOU should be doing. Putting faster runs on Strava is just so much sexier than 11:00 pace runs when you're talking about running a BQ marathon as a goal.

I also need to continue to focus on my form during my runs. Running slower miles can contribute to a breakdown in your form if you don't pay attention. I do worry about this, so I need to remind myself throughout each run to go through my checkpoints and make sure I'm not exhibiting a form breakdown.

My hope is that I can throw all my misgivings out the window just like I did back in 2017 when I first embarked on my BQ goal. I was successful then, and I am itching to be successful again.

But did I mention my motivation is lacking? It really is. I know that some of this is because my mental strength is being tested by society. Some of it is because we haven't heard an update from Chicago Marathon yet and in the wake of the Boston Marathon cancellation, it makes me antsy to be so unsure.

I'm going to spend some time this week reading a really phenomenal book by Dr. Jordan Peterson called "12 Rules for Life." I'm truly fascinated by this genius of a man and looking forward to finding my best self through knowledge and learning. I'm also learning to drown out the negativity from the pervasive culture that tells me to shut up and that my opinion is wrong, although I'm admittedly not successful on that front. I'm just getting really f*cking angry.

God Bless!

April Check in + Virtual Racing

It's been over a month since my last blog post, but I haven't felt like writing. What could I possibly say that hadn't been said before? This is a crappy time, the stress is ridiculous, and the unknown is even worse. I miss our normal lives, and I am fearful of how different our "normal" will become when we are able to reopen our country.

We are all feeling some pretty intense emotions right now.

But I've been thinking this week about a few things that I really did want to write about. The bad emotions can be greatly helped when we think of gratitude, and I've made it a point to repeat to myself the things I am grateful for.

1. My husband still has a job. He's working ridiculous hours, sometimes from 6am to 11pm holed away in his office, with time here and there to eat and interact. But he has a job, he's busy (job security?), and for that I am incredibly grateful. 

2. My daughter doesn't have to worry about the social stress from being on a 4000+ student high school campus, although she desperately misses her close friends.

3. We have a house big enough for us to all make our own space. We aren't on top of each other, and we can all find quiet places when we need them. I may never downsize.

4. I am still able to exercise (and I do have a lot to say about that, particularly since this is a running blog!)

5. We are able to find food in the grocery stores and make good meals and are cooking so much more than normal.

6. While our grocery bill is much higher, our other expenses are much lower. We don't need to buy gas and we haven't been ordering drinks at restaurants and those two things alone are saving us a lot of money!

7. My dogs are thrilled we are always around and have warm laps.

Now I want to talk about my running.

I'm supposed to run the Chicago Marathon in October, but I have to be honest...I don't expect there to be any major marathons for the rest of the year, so I am not counting on it. I am pretty sure I'll be deferring to 2021, but will make that decision when I'm forced to. For now, I have a hotel room booked and no plane tickets yet!

The lack of certainty surrounding my marathon has had no impact on the amount of running I'm doing. I am actually running more in an off season than I have ever run. I'm almost at marathon volume, but with far more easy miles. In a typical week, I am running 40+ miles with probably 90% of them at an easy zone 1 and 2 heartrate pace. The high volume of easy vs fast miles is keeping my body feeling absolutely great. I'm running really really well right now and it's weird.

At the beginning of March, I was under a great deal of stress (not even coronavirus related), and it affected my running negatively. My heartrate was constantly elevated. But I kept being consistent and still getting out there and running, keeping it easy. After a few weeks, and within the confines of this stay-at-home order, my running has improved dramatically. My heartrate has slowly come down while my pace has quickened. In a nutshell, it's been amazing. Being able to still get out there almost everyday and exercise has been vital to keeping my emotions in check. There are a million things we can't control, but we can certainly control getting in some exercise.

There is a local 5K race held every month that costs only $1, but because of the stay-at-home order, the race has gone virtual. Greg and I ran last month's together at more of a half marathon pace and got our results listed and it was fun! This month, the race director decided to add in a 10K, half marathon, and marathon distance in addition to the 5K, over a 4-day period. We could run any or all distances and submit our times. I started my week running as normal, with a hard interval run on Tuesday that went very well. I had planned to run the rest of my miles easy and then "race" a half marathon over the weekend to count for the virtual race. But in looking at the weather forecast, it seemed like Thursday would be the best time to run (the virtual dates were April 16-19). I ran for an hour Wednesday as normal, and then figured why not just race on Thursday, even though I wasn't at all rested, nor had I even fueled very well. I didn't even have a route in mind, just knew I'd run in the neighborhood. Didn't really matter, since I had no intentions of running faster than marathon pace (8:35).

So here we are on Thursday morning. I didn't even bother with a warm up and set out to run the first couple miles at a faster-than-normal-but-not-fast pace. Easy pace for me is around 9:30-10:15 and I ran that first mile in 8:55, so definitely a bit faster than it felt (good sign?). Mile 2 came in at 8:24 and I'm not lying when I say I absolutely thought I was running slower. It freaked me out a little, as it was early on and I didn't want to get caught up in that "but I felt so good in the beginning" mentality and then hate myself at Mile 10.

The miles just kept clicking off in the low 8's and I honestly felt just fine. It wasn't easy at all, but it felt very doable for 13 miles. I saw Greg at four miles in and he ran a few miles with me back towards our house so I could refuel. Greg acted as my water stop volunteer so I didn't need to lose too much time. He was done with his run, so now I had about six more miles to run to finish this out. I was on pace to run about a 1:50 half marathon, which technically would be my third fastest ever. This seemed completely unreal to me and like it must be some kind of fluke. But then again, I still had six miles to go.

I ended up speeding up a bit and my miles were just flying by in just over 8:00 pace, and I calculated I could actually come really close to my PR of 1:47:49. By the time I realized this, I couldn't speed up enough to actually break it, and besides, it wouldn't have been much fun to say you ran a PR and it technically not count. But I knew if I just kept running, I was on pace to run my second fastest and that became the plan with the last 5K to go.

I ended up running 1:48:26 for 13.11 miles and an 8:16 pace. I ran the first half in about 8:22 pace, so it was a nice negative split. And I was strangely not that tired after I was done. My average heartrate was only 149 and it was a Zone 3 run. For my January race, where I PRd on a net downhill (very gradual) course with a slight tailwind, my average heartrate was 158.

I just think this is so weird. I haven't been doing any specialized training. Just running a lot of easy miles, staying consistent, running long every weekend, and doing one hard workout per week. EASY MILES MAKE YOU FASTER!!

So now I still have all these miles I still want to run this weekend. I decided that this morning, I would run the virtual 10k BUT DEFINITELY NOT FAST. My 10k PR is a 7:52 average (48:54), not in the cards two days after a fast half marathon. I'm crazy but not that crazy. Once again, I thought marathon pace would be just fine.

I actually did warm up for this one, a nice 1.25 mile jog with the husband, who was going to run a fast 5K. I eased into an uncomfortable pace that didn't hurt my legs too badly (they were fatigued, but not sore). First mile was an 8:29, and the second mile wasn't much quicker so it seemed like this was the pace my body would go. Fine by me! My heartrate once again was very much in control, solid Zone 3. It ended up being a very good run overall, and I negative split it. My last mile was 7:49 and that really made me happy! My time overall was 51:15 and an 8:14 pace. It was also my second fastest 10K ever.

Two races, two days apart, second fastest in both. When I wasn't rested, wasn't fueled, and had run 44 miles the week before. I don't recommend an unconventional approach like that to racing, but it sure worked out well for me this week!

My body isn't used to that many fast miles in one week, so I'm taking the next couple runs very easy. I still plan to run long tomorrow, but all in Zones 1 and 2.

What does this mean for marathon training that is supposed to start in less than two months? Well, I'm going to continue running 40+ miles per week, continue with one hard workout each week, and start my training plan mid-June. Regardless of whether Chicago happens or not, I will still train for it and I will still run a marathon that day. It won't be a PR marathon (because if I did that I would run a BQ pace and it would piss me off to no end to BQ but not really BQ because it certainly won't count). I have never run a marathon distance by myself outside of a race. But I will do it. I'm running so well right now and want to keep this up.

I'm going to forget about the fact that summer is coming and Texas summers suck and I'm going to actually die running in the heat. I won't think about that right now.

Feeling Guilty & Fast Miles & What's Coming Up Next & Picking Marathons

I haven't written a post in a few weeks, so it's time to play catch up.

I'm feeling pretty much mentally exhausted STILL. I never know what each week is going to bring and I start the week with a mixture of dreadful anticipation and cautious optimism. The start to the semester hasn't exactly been easy for my youngest. She's missed several days of school and it's a battle to get her to change her perspective on a few stressful feelings she's having. This mom just needs a break of more than a day or two from the drama.

These feelings of mine are now morphing into massive guilt. I'm an introvert, so being busy and constantly around activity and noise and conversation can drain me when I'm already tired and in need of a recharge. Sometimes interactions are good, but I'm continually feeling like I need solitude lately. It's frustrating. So now I feel guilty because I'm not good at reaching out and making plans right now. I'm great at responding to texts (well, the vast majority of time) and that seems to be my go-to interaction. Isolating, yes indeed. So there's a balance to be found somewhere in there, and I'm seeking it out. In the meantime...GUILT.

ANYWAY....moving on....

Two weeks ago, I wasn't sure if I would be racing the half I had signed up for. I was a little ambivalent about it, as it wasn't an A race, but it was a fast course and it would've been fun to see how fast I could run. My hamstring was sore and I was leaning towards being careful rather than actually injuring myself.

Thankfully, I was feeling pretty great the day before, so I decided to get my butt to the start line. The weather was perfect and I couldn't have asked for more.

What a good decision I made.

I hadn't really had structured training between my December 8 marathon and this race, 6 weeks later. I was keeping up my long runs, and incorporating tempo runs and intervals twice a week, but I kind of made it up as I went along, just trying to keep up my fitness without being crazy. So what I could do on race day was kind of an unknown. I didn't have much to lose, and I wasn't putting a lot of pressure on myself, so I could afford to let go and see what happened. If I imploded, it wasn't going to be a big deal.

Can I just say that putting so little pressure on myself is like the magic pill?

IMAGINE THAT.

I ran a 97 second half marathon PR. At 46 years old. Six weeks after a tough marathon. A week after hurting my hamstring. Go figure.

I'm really proud of how I executed this race. It wasn't perfect, but I pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do, and didn't freak myself out during the race. I just kept pushing, mile after mile.

I had written down a pacing plan that would get me to my stretch goal of sub-1:48. My PR going into the race was a 1:49:26, set last January in Houston. Breaking 1:48 was a pretty lofty goal, much like my hopes to run a 3:45 marathon, but nonetheless, I wrote out a pacing plan just in case the day was going well for me.

My first mile was supposed to be an 8:45. After a very slow first couple minutes (hold up.....let me interrupt this blog post to bitch for just a second. WHAT IN THE HECK in up with people who line up with a certain pace group when they have zero intention of running that pace? I lined up between the 1:50 and 1:55 pace group, off to the side, because that aligned pretty closely with how I wanted to start the race. Almost immediately, I was stuck behind people running AT LEAST a minute per mile slower than that, people who started walking within 90 seconds of the start, and I was on the far right side intentionally so I didn't hold anyone back myself. It is by far one of the biggest pet peeves I have at race starts. It's just disrespectful to not place yourself properly so as to not impede other runners. OK, rant over...).....I noticed that the pace was about 9:30, so much slower that what I wanted to be running. I maneuvered around a couple people and picked up the pace to what I thought felt more like an 8:30-ish, hoping to still salvage an 8:45 mile.

Mile 1: 8:33 (well, that's nice because no way did I think I was running fast enough to have hit 8:33)

I maintained the pace I was running, and it felt pretty good. Like, way better than I expected to feel. Still early, but I was taking it as a good sign.

Mile 2: 8:08 (had planned to run a couple of miles at 8:30, so I knew this was probably a bit much)

Slowed it down a bit and ran Miles 3 and 4 in 8:10 and 8:08 (so I TOTALLY didn't actually slow down).

So at this point, I'm four miles in and over a minute under my goal time at that checkpoint. DAMN. So for the next two miles, I really did slow it down a bit and give myself a breather.

Mile 5: 8:16
Mile 6: 8:13

Almost halfway done and I'm still feeling like this pace is completely doable. I felt so good considering my heart rate was solidly in Zone 4 and I was pushing threshold. Don't get me wrong, it was a hard pace to run, but my head just kept telling me to keep running hard and it would be fine. So I listened to my head.

At this point, we are running on a stretch of the course that nobody likes. Great Northern Blvd just sucks. It's over a mile long, runs along a freeway, and it just boring as hell. There were more spectators that I expected, so that was a boost, plus I'm used to running it in the opposite direction as I did when I ran the Austin Marathon five times. This direction felt much better. I must've still wanted to get it over with because I ran Mile 7 in 8:02.

This is the point where my head started doing math. I was averaging 8:13 according to my Garmin, but I was a few seconds off from the mile markers due to some turns early in the race. Still, my pace was in line with my stretch goal and it was a pace I felt I could keep running. I was way under my personal best pace. Even if I ran around 8:25-8:30, I could still break my PR. But I was going to try to click off miles as low in the 8's as I possibly could.

I never looked at my lap (current mile) pace during the race. I was running by feel and just trying to get into a rhythm. It was working very well.

Mile 8: 8:04
Mile 9: 8:09
Mile 10: 8:12 (if memory serves me correctly, there was an uphill stretch here)

Now, with a 5K to go, I knew this race was going to be really really good. I only needed a 27 minute final 5k to break my PR and I was hoping for more like 25 minutes.

The hills come in the last couple miles of this race and if you're not careful, they can kick your butt and take away all your gains. As I approached each one, I just focused on the fact that they were short hills and there was a downhill after each one, plus that I really was almost done with the race. We were running through UT campus and I was loving it. The steepest hill comes with only about a half mile left in the race, so once you are done with that, it's smooth sailing to the finish.

Mile 11: 8:12
Mile 12: 8:08 (those hills! Was really hoping for sub-8)
Mile 13: 8:03 (and still no sub-8)
Last .19: 1:29

Making that last turn with about 2/10ths of a mile to go and seeing the finish line was so awesome!  I didn't have any kind of finish kick, and ran that last section at 7:43 pace. I crossed the finish line just barely breaking 1:48.

1:47:49!

The husband ran a personal best of 1:38:07!

I was so thrilled with this race! My hamstring didn't hurt much and my heel with mild tendonitis didn't hurt at all (it yelled at me the next day, though). I'm so glad I made the choice to run this race.

I learned a couple things about myself during this race.

1. I'm getting better and better at figuring out when to back off pace and when to push it. The half marathon distance is perfect for being fearless and not foolish, just long enough to test you but not long enough to totally destroy you. Because I couldn't speed up much heading to the finish line, I know that I didn't hold back during the race. I ran my best and didn't have a final burst of energy that I failed to leave out on the course. I think this is awesome because it tells me I ran hard.

2. I wasn't crazy to think I could qualify for Boston at CIM in December. I had the fitness that day, I just didn't get the weather I needed. Had it been like 3M weather, I have no doubt I would've hit my goal. It was a gratifying realization.

3. It's easy to get caught up in age. I turned 46 four days before this race, and at that age I think a lot of people believe personal best times could be a thing of the past. It never occurred to me that my age was a factor. I still don't think it is, and I'm glad I'm not letting it control me. Sure, it's going to come into play sooner rather than later, but until then I still want to see how fast I can get.

So what's next for me?

On March 1, I will be running the Atlanta Half Marathon, which takes place the day after the Olympic Marathon Trials. I am excited to see the Trials, especially since my husband is coming with me. He and I are both running the half, and he gets to run with Meb, who is the 1:40 pacer. I'm just planning on running hard but not too hard. I don't feel the need to shoot for another PR, especially since that course is very hilly. I'm going to enjoy the experience of my first visit to Atlanta.

March to June will include just one other race so far, a 10K trail race the last weekend in March. Then I'm going to just enjoy running because I love it, and I'm going to keep up my base mileage, running mostly easy, but still with a good bit of volume.

June 10 is the official start of my Chicago Marathon Training. Running through the summer months at a high volume is daunting, no doubt. But I know how to adjust for the weather and I know how to be disciplined with hydration and rest. It will be interesting, regardless. I'm pretty excited that my husband is also running this race. I'm going to train differently this time around and use the Hanson's Marathon Method. It's an 18 week program that has you running about 45-65 miles per week, 6 days a week, with your max long run at 16 miles. There's a lot of data to back up the cumulative fatigue theory behind the plan, so I'm all in on trying it out. Plus, I'm happy with the volume on this plan....it's high, but not overwhelming.

With Chicago being on October 11, it means that I have the entire winter race season open and I've been thinking a lot about how I want to approach it. I could run a second marathon, and having a backup is probably not a bad idea. I've been wanting to go back to Biloxi and run the Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon again, so right now that's my top pick for a second marathon. It's flat, fast, straight, and beautiful. I'm still avoiding Texas marathons and enjoying looking at other destinations for now.

Dang, I had a lot to say.