New Training Plan

I'm a planner. I love to write up a plan, to have a timeline, to have detailed steps of how to get to my goal. So basically, writing my own training plans is perfect for me. I'm really detail oriented and I love the process of hashing out how I want to get myself prepared for the starting line. Now that I've graduated from physical therapy and have no limitations on my running, I feel prepared to sit down and plan my comeback!

I'd love to say that I'm going to blow this training out of the water, but let's be real. I'm not in 3:45 marathon shape, nor will I be by December 13. But I honestly think, that even with my struggles getting back into running, I can run a 4:00 marathon. I have 31 weeks until race day and will officially begin my training 22 weeks out, on July 12. Training for a 4:00 marathon sounds so much more doable than a 3:45. The training paces aren't daunting to me, even in my current running shape. 

The next few weeks are all about maintaining what I'm doing, adding in little bits of volume and intensity as I go. I'm running about 5 days a week now, and I've just added in a second quality workout per week, in addition to the intervals I've been running the past few weeks on Tuesdays. I'm getting close to about 30 miles per week, so my base is good right now. I'll continue the 5 days per week with speedwork and either a tempo run or progression run, and a long run every Sunday. I probably will not go beyond 10 or 11 miles in my long run until training officially starts. Just several more weeks of consistent running, increasing volume and extending the duration of intervals. 

I've definitely learned over the years that one of the most important things when tackling a marathon is CONSISTENCY. If I can consistently get in good volume weeks leading up to training, building up my base, then I'll be ready to add in more intensity and higher volume without hurting myself. The discipline I've cultivated over the past few weeks is paying off now, thankfully! I'm determined to get out there on my run days and do my best, even when I'm not feeling up to it. I keep ramming into my head that I have to be consistent if I want to get back to where I was pre-injury.

I'm not going to do the Hansons plan this time around. It's just too intense with too much volume for what my goals are. I'm not going to try to hit a Boston Qualifying time (which means the next time I do try, I'll actually be aging up....that's a nice little bonus for getting old). There's no need for me to run 55-65 mile weeks every single week. I'll be sitting around more like 50 mile weeks towards the end of the training, spending most weeks in the 40-50 mile range. I think that's a good place for me to be in....intense, but not too overwhelming. But I AM going to use the Hansons pace charts and pace adjuster for weather in determining my training paces. And I'm really glad I am, because as I was looking them up it reminded me that marathon training is A LOT of easy miles, and when I'm planning to run a slower marathon than previous cycles, it really means slowing it down. It's a huge relief.

So how does that break down for me for this cycle? A 4:00 marathon is 9:09 pace, so I'm using 9:05 as my marathon pace, giving me a few seconds room to be under 4:00. In good weather (temps in the 50s or colder, which is impossible in a Texas summer), that would mean my recovery runs are over 11:15 pace (yes, REALLY), my easy runs are no faster than 10:30 and ideally more like 10:45, my 5K-10K interval paces are about 8:00-8:20, and tempo paces probably around 8:30. If I want a more moderate long run, I'd run those around 9:50. 

But in a Texas summer when some of the worst mornings are over 75 degrees and high humidity, I'll be adding 30-40 seconds per mile to my easy/recovery runs and about 20-30 seconds per mile to my speed runs. That mean a lot of runs over 11:00 pace. To say that is a huge weight off my shoulders is an understatement! I'll get the same benefit of the faster paces but won't be overtaxing myself in the heat. The adjustments are so important, and they work! Leading up to my last marathon before I hurt myself, I took those adjustments seriously and was feeling pretty great as the weather starting getting cooler. 

In all honesty, I'm probably not running slow enough right now as often as I should. I'm not tackling a huge amount of miles yet, but once I do I need to be more mindful. 

In addition to maintaining consistency, I'll continue to ram it into my head that 80% of my miles are EASY MILES. Not pseudo easy, but truly easy. My Strava won't be flashy, but I'd rather see easy runs than an injured runner because I was running myself into the ground day in and day out. 

I have a second marathon that I'm signed up for 5 weeks after Mississippi Gulf Coast. If all goes well, I might try to run that one balls to the wall. I've got nothing to lose! Then by the time Chicago 2022 rolls around, I should be ready for that Boston Qualifying attempt. The great part? That's during the qualification window for Boston 2024, when I'll be 50 and can run 5 minutes slower to qualify (3:55). 

I'm a planner! And I'm getting excited!

Keep Showing Up

Remember when I said back when I first injured myself and wouldn't be running for months that I would never take running for granted again?

I'm trying so hard to remind myself to never take running for granted again. 

It's just that it's hard and while I usually don't shy away from hard things, I'm feeling pretty sad about the days when it felt somewhat easy.

It's not even so much about my pace (which of course is slower than it used to be at the same effort), but about how I FEEL. My breathing sucks, I feel awkward, there's no "flow." I know the pace changes will happen naturally, and that they probably won't happen until I incorporate speed work, but I just want to remember what it feels like to finish a run invigorated rather than irritated that it didn't feel smooth. I don't have the runner's high I used to have. 

I will admit that in the 50 degree temps and lower humidity of this morning, I felt better than I had in awhile. I wish that included sub-10 minutes with my heart rate in the 120s, but alas, we can't have everything. But overall, considering I ran longer than I have since injury (8 miles!), I felt pretty good when I was done. I ran anywhere from 10:15 to 11:08 miles, so in my old "easy/recovery pace" zone, and my heartrate average was 133, which is better than it's usually been. I do have a few wins to claim from this run, so I'm trying to look at the positive. 

I RAN 8 MILES!! Not long ago it seemed like that distance was a pipe dream and I did it without much difficulty today. 

I think it's time to incorporate speed work once a week. That won't involve anything crazy, just a minute or two at a time at probably a moderate pace rather than anything faster than my old marathon pace. Who knows? I have no idea how speeding up is going to feel, both physically and mentally. I still have a lot of demons to slay with regards to fear while running. Since my injury occurred because I tripped on a tiny thing while running, I'm still pretty terrified of doing that again and pretty much permanently losing shoulder function if I fall on it again. Unreasonable fear, probably, but fear nonetheless. How is this going to translate to trying to run faster? Is it going to hinder me? Remains to be seen. 

My virtual 5K is next weekend but since I have done zero faster running, I have no expectations. I'll just cruise at an effort that is not super easy but not hard and the it will be what it will be. It doesn't matter what that translates to....I have to complete it based on where my fitness is at right now and what is smart in my recovery. Most of all, I have to be thankful that I can run at all. 

I have to destroy these demons in my head that is making it hard for me to love running. I miss my love of running and need it to come back. I need patience and to have faith.

Luckily my first of two marathons I'm registered for is still 35 weeks away, and the second is 40 weeks away. I have a TON of time to build up my endurance and to be comfortable with the distance. Time isn't important. Merely making my endurance comeback is what is important. 

I read a book called "My Name is Hope" by John Mark Comer and in this book, he describes endurance as follows:

Is there a more perfect definition? We can apply this to many different areas of life. I have this message board hung on a wall in an area of the house I walk past several times a day as a reminder of how to approach challenges. Getting back into shape is definitely one of those challenges.

Did I mention that a month ago I stopped drinking until my May vacation? What was I thinking?? That might be harder than the running drama. 

Spring Cleaning

The dark winter is almost over!

This winter was stupid dark so I'm particularly looking forward to a change of seasons. 

When I last wrote a blog post, back in January, I was a few weeks into physical therapy, not running yet, but trying to find some semblance of a routine to keep my sanity. I let go of my 2020 goals, many of which were derailed by my accident in October. I set some new goals that were realistic for 2021.

I am now 20 weeks post-surgery on my complete rotator cuff tear. Hard to believe it's been 20 weeks already. I have completed 23 physical therapy sessions and am in the strength phase of therapy. I have 7 sessions left to go and will continue to go once a week and stretch out the strength phase as long as I can with my therapist. I am only about halfway in my recovery, realistically, and even after 40 weeks will not have my strength back to normal. I started running 6 weeks ago and am no where near back to normal on that front. That will definitely take a long time to get back. My body and mind are simply not the same as they were on October 18, when I was nearing the peak of marathon training.

The hardest part of this journey I never wanted to be on is getting my mind right. I am struggling with coming to terms with my body. It was so strong before this and now I feel like the 47 year old I am and I absolutely hate that feeling. I feel sorry for myself too often. I am angry too often. I am impatient and frustrated. I feel weak both physically and mentally.

I know a lot of people who have had rotator cuff repair, but I don't know anyone who had damage as extensive as mine. It's tough to hear about how they were in physical therapy a week after surgery, when I had to wait 6 weeks, that they were fine after a few months, when I will be looking at feeling "fine" after a year. My recovery is not comparable to others so I have a hard time finding encouragement to follow. It's pretty isolating sometimes. My therapist tells me I'm doing great, and there are some sessions where I'm pleasantly surprised at my progress, but then there are days when I'm frustrated that putting a can on the shoulder-height shelf is a struggle. 

I am trying to remember how hard things were when I first started doing active exercises and how little my arm would move on its own to how I can reach quite far with it now, that I really have made tremendous progress. But then I remember I used to be able to do 100 pushups and I fear I'll never be able to be that strong again. People tell me I'm crazy, that it takes time, but my mind is just too impatient. 

I miss being a marathon runner. Sure, I can go out and run continuously now, versus the run/walk intervals I had to start with in February. But I just now barely hit 6 miles and it was hard. My pace is incredibly slow and my heartrate and effort are nowhere near as low as they used to be at that pace. I have not tried any type of speed, but am thinking of incorporating short speed intervals in 2-3 weeks. I know in my head exactly what I need to do and what the progress should look like, but I hate how hard this is. I absolutely hate it. 

I know my attitude is being affected by other things around me, things that are out of my control, and I can't help but think it's penetrating my brain in negative ways. My youngest child continues to test me daily and I've exhausted my ability to help turn the tide. It's my kid's journey to complete. The tools are there, the support is there, but I can't make anyone do what they should do. Personal responsibility and hard work are they only thing that will help at this point. It's pretty maddening for a parent. And as helpful as some try to be, they do not understand the magnitude of this journey. It's the one that Greg and I are on, and only Greg and I. We are the only two that understand it. We've been living it for so many years now. It's not helping my own fortitude, that's for sure. The atmosphere in our country also continues to be painful to witness, when so much of it is avoidable and stupid. People unnecessarily turning against one another is completely wrong on so many levels, and it never needed to be this way. Add to that the countless lives that have been destroyed in this last year....and it's a recipe for depression, to put it bluntly. 

Of all the things to do to myself, it had to be this injury and surgery? Just stupid!!

BUT.....I am still in charge of my destiny. So while I will feel sorry for myself, I will be pissed at what my body feels like right now, I will be pissed off at others for their lack of grace and intelligence, I am still in charge of the trajectory of my life. 

So what does that look like?

I am RUNNING. It's not much, but I am running. I can now run 3 days in a row and will be doing that this week. I can continue to up my distance slowly. I focus on my effort, my form, my hydration, my breathing in the hopes of finally having a breakthrough. My breathing sucks, my effort is sometimes too high, and I feel like I'm in someone else's body, but as a former coach I know that consistency will produce results eventually. I KEEP SHOWING UP.

I signed up for another marathon yesterday on a total whim. I'm already registered for Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon on December 12, and now I'm also registered for The Louisiana Marathon on January 16. It's called the Beach to Bayou Challenge and I did it in 2017/2018 (when I qualified for Boston). I have no plans to be that fast yet, but I think having this big of a challenge will keep me motivated to be consistent. Plus I love those races. Then in October of 2022 I want to run Chicago (I deferred 2020), and THAT is when I will try to be fast. 

Next month I'm running the virtual BAA 5K because who doesn't want a Boston shirt and medal? It will be a slow 5K compared to the past but fun nonetheless. I like Boston and I like medals!

I am also traveling for the first time in over a year! My husband and I are going to Florida for our anniversary in May for a long weekend on a beach. I need the time away, to reset and recharge and just enjoy time with only my husband. I had hoped to travel internationally this summer, but with restrictions still so changeable and the need for a negative Covid test to return to the United States has me very wary to leave the country just yet. I'm not afraid of traveling or being around people, but I don't like the thought of being restricted from reentry! So we will wait a bit longer on that. Thankfully, Florida is less restrictive than a lot of states and has beautiful beaches so it's a very nice compromise for now. 

I am ready for the tide to turn on life. I think we ALL are. It's been a ridiculous year of heartache for many. 

The ridiculous journey to Boston

I need to play catch up on the journey to Boston story. For those who don't know the whole, long, ridiculous, exhausting story, here are the previous blog entries that pretty much tell it:

My first attempt at a BQ....not so fast!!

My second, successful attempt at a BQ

My husband's crazy idea

My husband's crazy marathon and BQ

The Boston cut-off

So yeah....in a nutshell:

• I qualified for Boston a mismarked course, so no official BQ for me
• I legitimately qualified again 5 weeks later on a perfectly marked course, with 5:07 to spare
• Husband decides to run his FIRST marathon just so he can qualify and run with me in Boston
• He crushes his first marathon, getting a BQ with 4:43 to spare
• Oh, crap, the cut off was 4:52. He missed actually getting into Boston by 9 seconds. 

And then that same week we got that crap news, I injured my hamstring. It was a shit show of a week.

Thankfully, I'm back up and running, and just crushed a personal best in the half marathon in Houston last weekend (race recap soon!).

So, not only did I get a PR this past week, but it was also my birthday on the 15th and on that same day, the husband got the BEST NEWS EVER.

He would run the Boston Marathon after all. He works for Dell EMC and they get several sponsor bibs in conjunction with raising money for a local Hopkinton charity called the Michael Lisnow Respite Center. You can read about this incredible charity HERE. Not only that, but because he is a Boston Qualifier, he gets to use that time to be seeded in the first waves (likely the second one) rather than being put in the charity runner wave, meaning that I wouldn't have to move back in order to run with him. He could come back to my wave (likely the third) and run with me around others with my same speed.

This is not how I would have wanted to write my Boston Marathon story, but it sure makes for a good story, doesn't it? I think it's pretty spectacular that not only does the husband get to run after all, but he also gets to raise money for a charity that Dell EMC has been in partnership for many many years. I really encourage you to read more about it in the link above.

Also, if you are so inclined, we'd love for you to consider a donation to help support the charity, and us in our quest to spend our 20th anniversary together running the oldest marathon in the world!

Click here to donate to the Michael Lisnow Respite Center

79 more days!!

The Process

I began this blog post last week and then decided to not post it until after I gained acceptance into the Boston Marathon. Well....

I AM IN!!

I got my confirmation of acceptance today and of course, immediately burst into tears. In the lead up to this morning, the Boston Athletic Association was making it really clear that it would be tougher than ever to get into the race.

Here's my post from last week:

*****

It's finally here...registration week!

I have lots of family and friends who are not runners, and I know the Boston Marathon process can seem pretty darn confusing. When I first started running, I had no idea you had to qualify to run it. And then I had no idea they had a charity program. And then they changed up all the rules a few years ago, and it got more confusing.

Qualifying doesn't necessarily get you into the race. You can check "Qualified for Boston" off your bucket list, but to secure a spot at the starting line, it can be tougher than that.

Back in 2012, Boston changed up the rules because the race was selling out so fast and some of the fastest runners out there weren't getting into the race. The qualifying standards got tougher, and they instituted a rolling registration schedule.

Currently the qualifying standards are as follows. They are based on gender and age group, and your qualifying time needed is based on your age on Boston Marathon race day.

MEN

18-34: 3:05
35-39: 3:10
40-44: 3:15
45-49: 3:25
50-54: 3:30
55-59: 3:40
60-64: 3:55
65-69: 4:10
70-74: 4:25
75-79: 4:40
80+: 4:55

WOMEN

18-34: 3:35
35-39: 3:40
40-44: 3:45
45-49: 3:55 <----that's me!
50-54: 4:00
55-59: 4:10
60-64: 4:25
65-69: 4:40
70-74: 4:55
75-59: 5:10
80+: 5:25

The qualifying window is typically 7-19 months prior to race day, mid-September to mid-September. Registration is in the September in the year prior to the race. The qualification window for the race will close when registration closes, so you can qualify right up until the last minute.

The registration process goes on for about 2.5 weeks. It is a rolling admission schedule, starting with the fastest qualifiers in his or her age group.

The first day of registration, in this case September 10, is for those who met their standard by 20 minutes or more. On the third day, September 12, it is opened up for those who met their standard by 10 minutes or more. On the fifth day, September 14, it is opened up for those who met their standard by 5 minutes or more. Each new group gets a chance to register provided the field size has not been met.

The second week of registration, starting on September 17, includes all qualifiers provided they reopen it. They will announce the evening of September 15 if they are reopening registration for all qualifiers. Then registration is typically open for a couple more days, and then they will announce if the field size has now been met and if they will be able to accept all qualifiers up to this point. With the exception of 2013, there have been too many applicants for the available spots and this is where it kind of sucks.

Because there are too many applicants, they have to determine where a cut-off needs to be. It's not first-come, first-serve, but rather based on how far under your qualifying time you were able to run. Last year was the strictest cut off since they began this new process, at 3 minutes, 23 seconds under your respective qualifying standard. So if you ran a 3:31:37 and you needed a 3:35 to qualify, you got in. But if you ran a 3:31:38, you did not. Pretty brutal!

It takes them over a week to determine what this cut off is going to be since it's based on how many register and who registers. I would imagine it's a nerve-wracking wait to find out if you are really getting in or if you'll have to try again next year.

I have a cushion of 5 minutes, 7 seconds, so I get to register on September 14. I will be on pins and needles waiting for the announcement on September 15 on if they will be reopening registrations for all qualifiers. If they do, then I know my cushion was big enough.

Greg has a cushion of 4 minutes, 43 seconds. So he has to wait until September 17 and will be one of those who is on pins and needles. However, I would imagine if they reopen, then that kind of cushion should be enough. You never know for sure until the announcement, but I think he'd be pretty safe.

I had an interesting road to my qualification. My first shot at it, at Mississippi Gulf Coast, ended in disappointment not because I didn't run fast enough, but because the course was mismarked and came up short. I calculated that had it been accurate I probably would've qualified with about a 4:10 cushion, not fast enough to avoid the dreaded wait. But because Boston is not accepting any times for that race, I had to run another qualifying time. I did that in Baton Rouge a few weeks later, and ended up with a bigger cushion that what I would've had in Mississippi. While at the time, the shock of a messed up course was agonizing after all that hard work and a great race, it could end up being a blessing in disguise. I honestly don't think I would've pushed as hard at the Louisiana Marathon knowing I had already qualified with over 4 minutes to spare. Or maybe I would've wanted that 5 minutes. I just don't know for certain. Instead, I HAD TO qualify to actually get the opportunity to apply to run Boston. Wouldn't it be crazy if the cut off is 4:15 or something like that? I'm not sure I would've been fast enough in Mississippi! That truly would've sucked.

So there you have it. The crazy Boston Marathon registration process.

They will also be indicating if there will be any changes to the qualification standards for future races. Will they toughen the standards again? Should they? I'm in the camp that thinks they should toughen the standards starting in 2021, particularly if it's a very large cut off again this year. But maybe it'll be smaller and they won't feel the need to tighten things. It certainly would give me a kick in the pants to push myself even harder in the coming years if I want to continue to qualify.

*****

And now....here we are on Monday, September 17, and they did reopen registration for all qualifiers, but they very clearly stated that they would only take a "small percentage" of Week 2 submissions. The cut off is going to be massive. Greg is sitting on a 4:43 under and he registered this morning. He will need to wait about 9 days to find out if it's enough. I think he'll be just fine and we will REALLY celebrate when he gets that email!

Random Thoughts

In the last week, I've started and deleted a few blog posts. None of them sounded right to me, and frankly, I thought they were boring.

It's been 18 days since the marathon, and I'm definitely finding a dullness in the aftermath. Don't get me wrong, I am still so thrilled with my race and impatient for April 15, 2019, to get here. Heck, for registration to get here in September even.

But there's definitely a lull in the storm right now and I'm feeling a little all over the place.

So maybe that's how this blog post should be. Random and all over the place.

I'm slowly getting back into 30+ mile running weeks, but the comeback is slow. My legs are still pretty spent, although I've had a few good runs. This morning's was not so good as I tried to incorporate some short speed intervals into the run. It was a little too much and my heartrate was too high and it felt like too much of a chore. So back to some really easy miles this weekend and we'll try again for the speed next week. This slow comeback is probably completely to blame for the lull I feel.

I've got a few races on my calendar, two 10k's and a 12-person 200-mile relay. I'd like to have some strong performances so I am focusing my training on those races right now. I'll be keeping long runs and some good volume into my training plan, with some tough speedwork thrown in as soon as my body can handle it. I haven't raced a road 10K since 2012, and much longer than that since I've tried to PR, so it's time to shave a whole heck of a lot of minutes off my really soft 10K PR. I'm hoping for good weather and a 48 minute race. My other 10K is a trail race, so that will be a nice change of pace. The relay will require some long run dedication, and I'm fine with that as it's a great excuse to keep up on my weekend long runs, which I love (for the most part!).

But we all know my mind has been really consumed with thoughts of Boston. My apologies already, because I'm officially obsessed. My thoughts have been a bit crazy at times. It still seems surreal to me.

I'm a decent runner, but I've had a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of being good enough for the Boston Marathon. It's always seemed like the race for OTHER people, and I was always in awe when my friends would qualify and run it. It wasn't until pretty recently that I started to really think about my chances. Back in 2016 when I realized the qualification window for my new age group opened up the next year (for the 2019 race, when I'd be 45), I couldn't get it out of my head. My husband traveled to Hopkinton for business and bought me a Boston shirt to get me excited about the possibility of chasing this goal. He took photos and the start and finish and it definitely affected him being there. He wanted this for me, too. The seeds had been planted and the journey would begin.

But in reality, I had so far to go. I just wasn't a good marathoner and even a 3:55 seemed insane to me. But it was worth a shot. I knew I needed to whittle my weight down to 125 pounds (while keeping my muscles and strength...not of this skinny crap without substance for me) and really increase my running volume and the quality of my training plan if I had any shot to get that much better. Luckily, I had time on my side (although, in hindsight, it wasn't a lot of time at all).

The thought that I wasn't deserving of joining this elite group of runners was always in the back of my mind - ALWAYS - no matter how confident I appeared to be on the outside. I'm just not one of those folks that's seen a lot of glory. I fall short often (that sure sounds whiny), and I don't really view myself as much of a "winner." To be a Boston Qualifier, you've gotta be damn good.

Waiting until I turned 45 would give me far better chances of succeeding. To go from a 3:45 to a 3:55 qualification time was huge to me. It almost felt like cheating to be able to qualify in the 45-49 age group while I was still 43 years old, but after realizing that tons of other people have this advantage as well made me feel a little better, and this is how Boston has it set up, so who am I to argue?

Something sure clicked in my brain over the summer because I accomplished the things I set out to do - weight loss, higher volume, no injuries, faster paces. It came together for me and I ended up running two really stellar races. I legit earned my place at the start line (you know, provided 5:07 is a good enough buffer).

When the fiasco with the shortened course happened in Mississippi, it very easily could have broken me. I honestly wasn't surprised something like this would happen to me. After all, I wasn't one of those folks that wins. So of course, even though I ran a fantastic race, of course it didn't matter and I wasn't really a qualifier. Frankly, the fact that it didn't break me kind of shocks me. I struggle with many mental issues, so this could've gone pretty badly for me.

But, except for a few really down days, I don't think this was much more than a blip for me in the land of self-pity. I bounced back almost right away. My good attitude seemingly came out of nowhere.

I've been thinking a lot about that attitude, which leads me to the next random thoughts on this post.

GRACE. Y'all know what grace is, but few people truly know how to show it. Our country is in the midst of a complete failure of grace...it seems like nobody has any idea of how to show it and instead people retreat into their own little selfish spheres, and it's truly sad. People are just awful to each other about the smallest things. I had to show a whole heck of a lot of grace to the race directors of Mississippi and Louisiana (my second chance marathon). I could've ripped into them like countless other folks did. But I refused to. They felt bad enough. Grace could help carry me to the start line in Louisiana. There was definitely a higher power at work on my mind in this, however. No way could I have had the kind of attitude I had without some major intervention on God's part. He found a way to speak through me and my misfortune. Not that I want to pat myself on my back, but I am really proud of how I handled that situation.

CONTROL. I had zero control over the disqualification of the Mississippi course. Anything I did or said or whined about wasn't going to change what happened. But there were a million things I could control and I had to push the situation out of my head so I could get back in the game and work on all those things within my control. I was in control of my training, my diet, my sleep, all the things I needed to be on top of to have another great race day. And I could control my attitude. I HAD TO.

I honestly think those two things are what carried me across that second finish line in 3:49:53. Sure, I had to be physically capable, but if I had allowed the Mississippi situation anymore room in my head, it would have derailed the race in Louisiana. Mind games can ruin the most perfect race. Not to say it wasn't a struggle. Forcing the disqualification out, coupled with forcing my doubt out of my head, helped me succeed a second time.

But the DOUBT. Oh my gosh, there was so much doubt no matter how much I knew I was capable of an encore BQ. How could I not doubt it? I had never even come close to a 3:55 before, and here I was trying to do it TWICE in 5 weeks? What kind of crack was I smoking? So yeah, pushing the doubt out was just a wee bit difficult.

Something pretty amazing happened at that start line, though. The stars aligned, my mind was right, the course was spectacular, and my legs and my heart did what was expected of them.

So needless to say, I'm now obsessed with Boston and the fact that I will be running with thirty thousand others from Hopkinton to Boyston Street. Envisioning the race gives me goosebumps. Remember, this race is for the best marathoners out there! A year ago, I was a crappy marathoner! This isn't something that was supposed to happen for little ol' me. But it sure looks like reality now, and reality is pretty sweet, I must say.

Perhaps I'm focusing so much on this small aspect of my life because I feel so OUT of control in other areas. There are plenty of times when I feel like the world's worst parent and my son and I are struggling mightily to get along with each other. My daughter and I are doing okay, and after a really difficult time, she seems to be feeling better about herself. But I honestly don't have much control over where their heads are, as much as I try to support and guide them. Having my running goals is a good way to channel my energy into something healthy that I can control (....or mostly control). It's a big fat positive in the middle of some difficult and negative years on the parenting front. Perhaps this is why I cling so fiercely to my physical health...I can control it almost entirely and it gives me a sense of peace and direction and strength. I now feeling a whole new blog post taking shape in my mind as I write this.

Thanks for listening to my randomness. It always helps to write it out and work through it.

Success

I am so glad that is over.

The last five weeks have been very stressful for me. It felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders, needing to get a legitimate Boston Qualifying time, while recovering from an illegitimate Boston Qualifying performance, and putting way more pressure on myself than I should have. I just wanted it to be over and done with and to breathe a huge sigh of relief that I wouldn't need to keep trying again and again to succeed.

I DID IT.

Five weeks after elation and heartbreak at Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon, I am an official Boston Qualifier, having run 3:49:53 at The Louisiana Marathon.

3:49:53!

You know what that 5:07 under my qualifying time means?? It means that I will likely know within a few days rather than a few weeks whether my time is accepted. I won't be in the last group to register, wondering whether I squeaked in under the cut off or not. Up until this point, the strictest cut off was 3:23, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that 5:07 is enough. If they open up registration again after my group registers, then I know I will be accepted.

I'll be running the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2019, as a QUALIFIER!!

It's surreal to me that I could improve on my marathon time so much that I could earn myself a spot at the starting line. I finally figured out how to race a marathon. It just took 9 years and 12 marathons to get it right. My 13th and 14th marathons were nearly perfect and finally showed me what I'm capable of.

But, Marathon #14 was still so different from Marathon #13. It was an epic battle of wills practically from the start. Where do I even begin?

I was a nervous wreck the entire week leading up to the race. The weather forecast was not really helping. It would be cold, but in all honesty, it was almost going to be TOO cold. The forecast kept dropping until it was set to be about 25 degrees at the start and not getting above freezing until I was well over halfway done with the race.

Packing for the race wasn't easy. How many layers would I want? What if the forecast changed again? Do I wear tights or capris, long sleeves or short sleeves, have a throwaway jacket, one or two pairs of socks? I basically packed about five different outfits. This would be my coldest race ever and it was making me nuts! On a positive note, I was running the 5K the day before, so it would give me a chance to test out clothing to see if I felt too cold or too warm.

Deja Vu time again - running both the 5K and the Marathon

LOUISIANA 5K

Saturday morning really was a lot of fun. My husband decided to also run the 5K and one of my friends, Tony, was also with us and was running the 5K while trying for a Boston Qualifying time in the marathon as well. It was COLD, windchill of 22 because of the 10 mph winds. My face hurt. But I layered up, sucked it up, and got my cold butt to the start line. The crawfish platter we'd earn for running both days was totally worth the freezing temps (not really.)

My plan was to run about 20 seconds faster than race pace overall, trying not to overdo it too much but trying to shake out my nerves. I had only run twice during the week so my legs were nice and rested. Greg was going for a sub-7 min pace 5K and Tony, who I had been coaching for this marathon, was told to take it easier than he'd like (he didn't listen). My first mile was right at my super stretch goal race pace of 8:35, and I picked up my pace slowly after that, finishing with a 7:40 final mile. Overall I ran 25:06, an 8:05 pace, about a full minute faster than last year's 5K but it seemed easier, so that was really nice. The cold weather probably helped. I got too warm during the race so I knew I was overdressed and it gave me a good idea on how to dress for Sunday's marathon.

I had a super competitive age group as my 25:06 got me 8th out of 112 in my age group. I was 28th overall woman, so there were a large number of those faster ladies in the 40-44 age group! Greg ran a 21:34, meeting his goal at 6:58 pace, and missing an award by 5 seconds. He's damn fast. Tony got a talking to since he didn't listen to me and raced too hard to pull off a 22:55 and first place Grandmasters. He's a pain in my butt.

The finish festival at the Louisiana Marathon is the best I've ever experienced but we only stuck around long enough to get a couple beers, some gumbo, and collect Tony's award for being the fastest old guy. Greg and I also collected our Beach to Bayou medals for racing at Mississippi Gulf Coast and Louisiana. We spent the rest of the weekend teasing Greg about his destination 5Ks and that he should start a 50 state 5K club. I need to get that guy to run another half marathon or actually want to run a marathon.

SUNDAY MORNING...

I was an absolute bundle of nerves as soon as I woke up. I was scared and excited and I pretty much wanted to cry. I was looking forward to racing through Baton Rouge, because it's a great city, but I knew I'd be in a lot of pain and just hoped it wasn't so much pain that I couldn't enjoy the sights.

I wore the same thing as I did in Mississippi, plus the pink jacket

Greg was awesome. He ran all the way back to the hotel to grab a second pair of socks for me because my feet were frozen as we waited for the race to start. Having to wear two pairs of socks during the marathon was definitely a first for me. But it really was stupid cold.

Tony and I spent several minutes warming up before the start. Just like in Mississippi, there would be no warm up miles in this race. We would both be going out racing right from the start. My stretch goal was 8:42 pace, which would get me under my 3:48:17 time from the shortened course Mississippi race. But what I really wanted as an "A" goal was to get under 3:50, giving myself the 5 minute buffer on my qualifying time. I'd have to run a few seconds per mile faster than Mississippi. I planned to speed up sooner than I did in Mississippi and just try to hold on to that pace, and hopefully speed up further, in the second half. It would once again be a big risk, just like in Mississippi, but I was willing to take that risk. If I didn't, then I'd kick myself for not putting in a surge sooner and missing my goal. Tony needed a 3:40 to qualify and didn't really have any goal under that necessarily; he just wanted to qualify whether it would be enough to get into the race or not.

Louisiana is a much bigger race than Mississippi. Instead of starting with 440 other marathoners, we started with over 3000 people, marathoners and half marathoners together. The half/full split wouldn't happen for 11 miles, and there are seven miles that meander around the lake by LSU. This was where I was going to get very nervous. Mississippi was straight for 24 miles, so I never added on any distance due to turns. In Baton Rouge, I needed to cut the tangents as tight as possible, which would mean paying attention to any runners behind me so I didn't cut anyone off. I'd have to be hyper focused for several miles until we left that area and moved into the neighborhoods, where there were many more straight sections. My goal was to add in less than 2/10ths of a mile.

FIRST 10K

The race started off without much fanfare. I planned to get through the first two miles in 18:20 and they came in at 18:09, with a 9:08 and 9:01. Those were the only miles over 9 for the entire race. Looking back, it's pretty funny that so much of my race mimicked how I ran Mississippi. I passed the 4:00 hour pace group during mile 3, and that mile was a bit fast at 8:41. I needed to chill out and relax. I slowed it down to around 8:45-8:50 pace for the next few miles. The first opportunity to see Greg would be at the 10K point, and this was where I planned to give him the lightweight jacket I was wearing over my tank/arm sleeves. I was a little nervous about taking off the jacket, however. I was sweating but not really very warm. It was still probably only about 27 degrees out, with very little wind thankfully. I wasn't wearing a throwaway I could toss wherever (I wanted to keep that jacket!), so either I needed to give Greg my jacket now or have to wait until I saw him again at the halfway point.

Running my pace felt only "ok." It wasn't as easy and effortless as in Mississippi. The combination of the sub-freezing temps and the shortened recovery period was most certainly having an effect on how I felt. I tried not to let it get to me, because I knew this was still a pace I could run and hold. It just would hurt more, and I wasn't looking forward to how that would feel. I needed to get over it, though, because my goal was way more important to me than a few hours of discomfort. I was terrified of failing.

I saw Greg right before the timing mat at the 10K point and I threw my jacket at him and stuck my tongue out at him like a moron. Nice photo, honey.

I was so glad to see him. I am so thankful he decided to come with me and that his parents could watch the kids at home while we were gone. I'm not sure I could have done this without knowing I would see him during the race. 

I hit the timing mat at 55:15, 8:54 average pace, with 6.22 miles on my watch, running a bit faster than I had in Mississippi. This was where I wanted to be.

ONTO THE HALFWAY POINT

After I left Greg, it was time to put my game face on. 20 miles to go and it needed to be fearless. I was warmed up (okay, so actually now I was kind of freezing my ass off without my jacket). I was in a good groove on my pace, not needing to look at my Garmin very much. It would soon be time to speed things up into the 8:30 range. We were running around the lake and I was focused on all the turns on this part of the course. There was one lady running right off my left shoulder who kept telling me she was on my left. I think she thought I was going to run her off the road or something because I was staying close to the edge. Thankfully she pushed ahead of me and stayed there for awhile because I didn't need someone getting feisty with me when I was, in fact, being vigilant about not cutting anyone off. I noticed that a lot of the runners were also trying to run the tangents well so it was fairly easy to follow along with them. 

I eased into some faster miles after a bit of a slow mile 7 (8:54). By mile 10 I was down to 8:51 average pace overall and hadn't added too much distance on yet (my Garmin read 10.03 miles when I passed the 10 mile marker). I think I was speeding up a bit too fast here as mile 10 was 8:36 and it felt like a little bit of a struggle, so I held back a bit during mile 11 (8:51) and calmed down, before easing back into some faster miles. Now it was time to have my miles in the 8:30s and hopefully not slow down. Damn, this wasn't going to be easy at all.

Greg was hanging out at the 13 mile marker and he was a sight for sore eyes. As I passed him I told him this wasn't going to be easy but he reassured me with his faith in me and off I went past him. 

I hit the halfway point timing mat at 1:55:49, and my Garmin read 13.15 miles, so I had run the tangents pretty well up until this point. I was a minute ahead of my halfway point time in Mississippi. From 10K to 13.1 I had run 8:47 pace.

HALFWAY POINT TO 19 MILES

It got a little awesome and then it started getting really hard. This was most definitely a different race than in Mississippi, yet at the same time it was a better race than that one was. I was now pulling 8:30 miles, including my fastest marathon mile to date at Mile 15 in 8:28. After seeing me at Mile 13, Greg ran through the neighborhood and waited for me around a corner before I hit mile 14. He's kind of awesome like that. I had been chatting with a couple runners who were aiming for a sub-4 (they did it, by the way!).

Mile 14 included an out and back section, where I got to see that Tony was about 3/4 of a mile ahead of me and we high-fived and then about halfway between us was the 3:45 pacer. Do you have any idea how awesome that was? I was only a couple minutes behind the 3:45 pacer, something I never in my life thought I would ever be. And the running buddy who I had coached through this training cycle was well on his way to a huge PR and possible BQ. This was also the section that needed to be 100% accurate on a turnaround in one location. Sure enough, as we came upon the turnaround I noticed a permanent painted "x" right there in the road. It was accurate! Big weight off my shoulders, that's for sure. It was really the only point on the course that could have gotten screwed up and it didn't. 

I think what kept me going during this 6 mile stretch was knowing that I would see Greg at mile 19. I wanted as many miles under 8:40 as I could get, but it just was not at all easy to hold that pace mile after mile. My heartrate was okay, however. I was still averaging no more than 150 and I wasn't seeing any unusual 160+ spikes. I think I was just feeling the fatigue from having done this only 5 weeks prior. Doing that is just damn hard. 

Greg was a sight for sore eyes at Mile 19. He mentioned something about a 3:45 being mine, but he was a liar. 3:40-something, sure, but I didn't think I could catch that pacer. 

I hit the 19 mile timing mat at 2:46:27 and had dropped my average pace down to 8:47. My mileage on my Garmin showed 19.07 so I was still doing very well not adding much distance. From 13.1 to 19 miles I had run 8:35 average pace. I still needed to try to drop the pace more, however.

THE FINAL STRETCH

This was where things just got HARD for me. I needed to maintain some semblance of a pace under 8:50 in order to break 3:50. It was a good thing I kept running the numbers in my head on how fast I needed to run to hit my goals, because it did keep my mind off the pain somewhat and it made the miles go by a bit faster. 

When mile 20 came in at 8:44 and then mile 21 at 8:48, but it didn't feel any slower, I sort of wanted to cry a little. I refused to slow down anymore and was getting really really worried I would truly hit the wall. Mile 20 to 24 messed with my head like you wouldn't believe. I knew I had less than an hour to run, and then when I had only five miles left, I only had to pull 9:50 miles to BQ, and 8:50 miles to break 3:50. I could do it. It would hurt, but it was totally within reach and that is about the only thing that got me through the next 45 minutes of this race. 

I'm pretty sure I did hit the wall somewhere around mile 22. I was full on in hell at this point. Everything was hurting, my mind was playing ridiculous tricks on me, and there was a lady that was run/walking, except when she ran she was probably going 7:30 pace, would pull out in front of me, and then start walking. Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate when you can't shake someone who keeps walking right in front of you? Eventually I didn't see her again and my focus went back to my own fight to finish strong.

After a long straight stretch, there are a couple turns that will eventually lead to North Blvd. and the final 2 kilometers of the race. Every turn I made, my mind became clearer as I could finally see the light at the end of this incredibly dark tunnel. Miles 22-24 were 8:49, 8:51, and 8:51....certainly very steady despite feeling like I was turning into a sloppy runner but not what I wanted to be running. I figured I could try to make a final surge after hitting the 24 Mile marker, but I still struggled through that mile, getting through it in 8:53. 

Right before the 25 Mile marker comes the only real hill during this race, an overpass. I don't think it looked so bad, and frankly was surprised that it didn't even feel any worse than running the flats. Perhaps it was the recruitment of some different muscles, I don't know, or the elation of knowing my final mile was coming up. As I crested the hill and passed the mile marker, my watch showed just under 3:40. A little over 10 minutes to run the final 1.2 miles. I had absolutely no choice but to speed up if I wanted to break 3:50. This was it...do or die!

I used the short downhill on the other side of the overpass to try to relax. I slowly quickened my pace until I saw the lap pace on my watch drop to the 8:30s. Oh, my gosh, this mile was SO DAMN HARD. I had so little left in the tank that even though there were less than 10 minutes to go, it was going to be a battle. I kept looking straight ahead, hoping to see the final turn coming up at 4th Street that would take me to the last 3 or 4 minutes and the finish line. The previous 3 hours and 40 minutes had seemingly gone by fast, but every minute now was a slow crawl...isn't that how it always is at the end?

I looked at my watch every 20 or 30 seconds to be sure my pace wasn't slowing. It wasn't, thankfully, staying right around 8:35. I just needed to get to the 26 mile marker with 1:50 to spare and I would be just fine. I passed it at 3:48:10 after running an 8:36 mile 26.

1 minute and 43 seconds later, I crossed the finish line.

3:49:53

A BQ by 5:07

The feelings I had when I stopped my watch were surreal. That's the best way to describe it. It just didn't seem like this had actually happened. I had pulled off the impossible, and had run even faster than at Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon. It was a whole hell of a lot harder, but I had managed to fight through those last miles to accomplish my goal. I didn't beat the shortened course time in Mississippi of 3:48:17, but that's okay. This was still my new personal best. An 8:46 pace marathon. A Boston Qualification by 5:07. 

(Side note: somehow in the finish chute, I restarted my watch, and I'm still thoroughly pissed about that. I edited the Garmin entry to reflect that I stopped my watch at the finish at 3:48:54 and 26.3 miles, but sadly my Garmin watch stats now show my fastest marathon as 3:57, the time I noticed I had inadvertently restarted my watch. Small beans in the big picture, but still annoying.)

I saw Greg and Tony right away. Tony was still in the finish chute waiting for me, Greg on the sidelines with what sure looked like tears in his eyes. I got my medal from the sweetest young lady, who gave me purple Mardi Gras beads from around her neck in addition to that hard earned medal. She asked for a hug, and I started crying. It wasn't the ugly cry finish in Mississippi, but rather much more subdued, but the tears were still there. What a sweet volunteer she was to give me the hug I desperately needed.

I got hugs from Greg (more tears!) and Tony (and more tears again!), who missed a BQ by only 51 seconds (those 51 seconds that he should have tacked on to his 5K, but hey, he gets to be 1st Grandmaster! Haha), but took 23 minutes off of his PR and ran a sub-4 hour marathon for the first time ever. A 3:40:51 marathon was just phenomenal. He and I were in an incredible amount of pain as we tried walking out of the chute. A few steps, cramping, a few more steps, whining, a few more steps. Did I mention I was still REALLY REALLY COLD? Greg got me blue and yellow balloons and made a sign for me to celebrate my second BQ (and first legitimate BQ). 

Just wow. 

Now, 3 days later, I'm still in a little bit of awe. I honestly don't know where that strength came from to do this twice in 5 weeks, to do it faster (barely!) the second time, and to push myself to Boston Qualifying caliber. I get to run the Boston Marathon and it just seems so damn crazy. I am one stubborn woman who just never gave up, even when I wanted to, even when my doubts were overwhelming, right up until those last few minutes of that race, when I finally knew I could do it and that I would. I'm also in awe that I basically coached myself (and Tony) to these new marathon times. I wrote the plan and executed it without anyone telling me what to do, with the exception of Tuesday morning interval and tempo workouts. Coach Christine from my triathlon group was the boss that morning every week. She would tell me what to run and how fast to run and I did what she said. Tony and I have to give her so much credit for making us truly see how fast we could run. Our determination combined with great running buddies, great advice, and priceless support all around, helped us to succeed.

It's interesting to me to look back on the past 38 days and everything that's happened. I BQ'd on December 10, only to see that the course was short. My time would've been just under 3:51 had the course been accurate. I had to recover fast and smart and try not to lose too much fitness over the next five weeks so I could do it again. I BQ'd again, this time by more than the 4:00 minute buffer I would've had in Mississippi. I think that's a really big positive to take out of this. I had a better finish time in Louisiana, so I have to see that as a silver lining to the stress from the last five weeks. Had my BQ counted in Mississippi, I doubt I would've raced as hard in Louisiana, and quite possibly would've only run the half marathon. I also learned something from this race that didn't really come into play in Mississippi. Be careful of hydration. I did not hydrate enough because of the cold and I'm sure that slowed me down a bit at the end. I still would've felt pretty icky but perhaps a little less. I fueled with gels very well, however, and I'm pleased with that. Every 45 minutes practically on the dot I had a gel and that was enough nutrition for me, in addition to the salt a couple of times during the race plus the hydration mix in my water bottle. But the water consumption was too little and I need to be better about that in cold weather. 

We learn something from every single race, no doubt about that. 

I have to note that I had three teammates running the Houston Marathon, and each of them ran a great race, too. Two new PRs and a BQ. I was actually the slowest marathon out of all five of us, so it was certainly a really great day. 

The rest of the day consisted of gumbo, beer, rum and coke, a hot bath, pizza, Fireball, more beer, king cake, Starbucks, and some good times checking out Mike the Tiger on LSU campus. Poor Greg had his hands full babysitting us. But I think it was worth it to him to be able to see me run another awesome marathon.

BOSTON!!!

Racing all the races

There have been times when I wanted to race EVERYTHING. At least a race a month, maybe more. The last couple years? Not so much.

Some years it's just better to be particular about what you do. Racing can be hard, and recovery can take awhile, and the last thing I want to do is mess up my body and turn out mediocre race after mediocre race. It's also very expensive. If I wanted a sub-par performance, I can do that in training without the $150 entry fee.

In 2017, I completed 4 5K's (one was legit racing, three were for fun, and two of the fun ones were the day before a marathon), one 5 mile race, one trail 10K, two marathons, one half marathon (training run), and one relay. That was plenty of "racing" for me.

As for this year, it remains to be seen what it's going to look like. My main focus right now is marathons. My year will take shape completely dependent on how the Louisiana Marathon turns out this weekend. If I BQ, and by what I think is enough of a margin, then perhaps Boston 2019 will be my next marathon. If I don't succeed in this goal and want to try for another one during the 2019 qualification timeframe, I'll have to find another marathon. That will be my priority. This means that once again, I'll be the world's worst triathlete.

But I'm okay with that. I'm finding that when I stretch my focus across too many goals, then I suffer. It's much better for me to focus on just one thing at a time. I feel like I'm in such great marathon shape right now, and I LOVE THAT, so for now that focus is exactly right for me.

A part of me misses all the racing I used to do, but then again not having to worry about tapering and recovery of minor races meant that my focus during the training season was 100% on my marathon training plan. Using the one half marathon I did as a training run was the best decision, although at the the time I was irritated about the weather derailing my ability to race it. In hindsight, by slowing it down and focusing on form, cadence, and breathing, without having to worry about a recovery period after the race, it did me far more good than had I raced it. I swear, you learn something new every training cycle!

I did race the 5 miler 2 1/2 weeks before the marathon, and because it was a short race in very cold temps, it ended up serving as a big confidence boost, a lesson in pace control and breathing, and exactly how to deal with freezing temps since that's what race day offered up. Because of it's short duration, there was no recovery required beyond one rest day. Instead, I was able to chalk it up as an intense speed session.

I'm nervous as heck going into race week. Louisiana Running Festival is this weekend, with a shakeout 5k on Saturday (aiming for marathon pace in that one), and then the marathon on Sunday. Start temps won't be above 30 if this forecast holds (and I think it will, or just get colder, because since the 15 day forecast came out, all it's done is get colder and colder and colder), so I know I'm being blessed with the exact conditions I need to run my very best. I have to hope that I did my recovery correct. My body is not perfect, but I think my grit and determination can make up for any deficits caused by the marathon last month. I know, based on the data, that I still had something in me to push even harder in Mississippi, so I'm going to try my best to tap into that on Sunday. I will be crossing that finish line with NOTHING left. Greg should have that inhaler ready!

I know what it feels like to qualify for Boston. It's the most indescribable feeling for someone like me, who wasn't born with a bunch of talent and had to fight hard to get to that caliber. I need to be thinking of that during every moment of that race.

And then, when it's all done, I can think about how the rest of my year will shape up and where my focus can be. Marathoner or triathlete...or both? Remains to be seen!