Disappointment and learning to move on

You know all those posts about chasing a Boston Qualifying time? And that I was running Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon this past weekend to achieve my goal after months of hard work and sacrifice?

Well, I crushed my goal.

Sort of.

Long story short, the course, due to a marking mistake, was short by .29 miles. Therefore Boston will not be accepting any of our BQ times. I ran BQ -6:41, far under the standard. With a full 26.2 I would've been about BQ -4:15, still far under the standard. Like I said, I crushed my race.

But it doesn't count. I am not an official Boston Qualifier.

After the race, and after I took at look at my Garmin, I noticed that my watch said 25.91. The time that I ran was not an inconceivable time considering how well I was running that race, but it did seem a little crazy to me to see a 3:48 on the clock as I crossed when I thought I was on target for a 3:50. But I hoped it was a Garmin mistake and I didn't want to jump the gun or be dramatic and whine about what my watch said. I couldn't imagine that with only one little part of the course with the potential for a mistake, that a mistake could really have happened.

The race director maintained the course was accurate, so I continued to hold out hope and called myself a BQ marathoner.

But today, they conceded that it was short, they sent an email detailing exactly what happened, and they owned up to the mistake and acknowledged that they really screwed things up for Boston Qualifiers. When I got that official email, I finally allowed myself to feel some emotion about it. I hadn't yet cried about the possibility, but now that it was official, I couldn't really hold back.

It's a huge disappointment. It's like going for that big promotion and working really hard for months on a project, and then getting passed over for it after doing everything in your power to succeed. Or, as the course director said, getting engaged and then finding out your spouse-to-be is already married, while standing at the altar with him. Yeah, that's about right.

But anger doesn't get me anywhere. It just makes me bitter. Bitter doesn't get me another BQ. This is a lesson in grace. The course director is human and he screwed up. We've all been there. I'm mad at him, but I can forgive his mistake. I don't really have much of a choice if I'm going to regroup and go for another great marathon performance.

I do have a really good race report to write. I'm so proud of this race, even if the ending isn't quite what I thought it was. I think I had a great training plan and executed it well and I know it can help another marathoner out to read about it. So I want to write all about that weekend and I will.

The tears will subside, the muscle soreness will soon be gone, I'll be ready to run again in a couple days, and I'll get my body and mind ready to tackle the course in Baton Rouge on January 14. Something tells me the race director (same group that puts on Mississippi Gulf Coast) will have five extra people at each course turnaround point to make sure the cones are exactly where they need to be. They know we'll be watching. They have invited us to run Baton Rouge for free (I have already registered and will ask for a refund), or we can come back to Mississippi for free, so they are trying to do what they can to help us out and get us to succeed again.

The race report will be on the way this week and I'm excited to write it.

Well, it was almost correct