Keep Showing Up

Remember when I said back when I first injured myself and wouldn't be running for months that I would never take running for granted again?

I'm trying so hard to remind myself to never take running for granted again. 

It's just that it's hard and while I usually don't shy away from hard things, I'm feeling pretty sad about the days when it felt somewhat easy.

It's not even so much about my pace (which of course is slower than it used to be at the same effort), but about how I FEEL. My breathing sucks, I feel awkward, there's no "flow." I know the pace changes will happen naturally, and that they probably won't happen until I incorporate speed work, but I just want to remember what it feels like to finish a run invigorated rather than irritated that it didn't feel smooth. I don't have the runner's high I used to have. 

I will admit that in the 50 degree temps and lower humidity of this morning, I felt better than I had in awhile. I wish that included sub-10 minutes with my heart rate in the 120s, but alas, we can't have everything. But overall, considering I ran longer than I have since injury (8 miles!), I felt pretty good when I was done. I ran anywhere from 10:15 to 11:08 miles, so in my old "easy/recovery pace" zone, and my heartrate average was 133, which is better than it's usually been. I do have a few wins to claim from this run, so I'm trying to look at the positive. 

I RAN 8 MILES!! Not long ago it seemed like that distance was a pipe dream and I did it without much difficulty today. 

I think it's time to incorporate speed work once a week. That won't involve anything crazy, just a minute or two at a time at probably a moderate pace rather than anything faster than my old marathon pace. Who knows? I have no idea how speeding up is going to feel, both physically and mentally. I still have a lot of demons to slay with regards to fear while running. Since my injury occurred because I tripped on a tiny thing while running, I'm still pretty terrified of doing that again and pretty much permanently losing shoulder function if I fall on it again. Unreasonable fear, probably, but fear nonetheless. How is this going to translate to trying to run faster? Is it going to hinder me? Remains to be seen. 

My virtual 5K is next weekend but since I have done zero faster running, I have no expectations. I'll just cruise at an effort that is not super easy but not hard and the it will be what it will be. It doesn't matter what that translates to....I have to complete it based on where my fitness is at right now and what is smart in my recovery. Most of all, I have to be thankful that I can run at all. 

I have to destroy these demons in my head that is making it hard for me to love running. I miss my love of running and need it to come back. I need patience and to have faith.

Luckily my first of two marathons I'm registered for is still 35 weeks away, and the second is 40 weeks away. I have a TON of time to build up my endurance and to be comfortable with the distance. Time isn't important. Merely making my endurance comeback is what is important. 

I read a book called "My Name is Hope" by John Mark Comer and in this book, he describes endurance as follows:

Is there a more perfect definition? We can apply this to many different areas of life. I have this message board hung on a wall in an area of the house I walk past several times a day as a reminder of how to approach challenges. Getting back into shape is definitely one of those challenges.

Did I mention that a month ago I stopped drinking until my May vacation? What was I thinking?? That might be harder than the running drama. 

Spring Cleaning

The dark winter is almost over!

This winter was stupid dark so I'm particularly looking forward to a change of seasons. 

When I last wrote a blog post, back in January, I was a few weeks into physical therapy, not running yet, but trying to find some semblance of a routine to keep my sanity. I let go of my 2020 goals, many of which were derailed by my accident in October. I set some new goals that were realistic for 2021.

I am now 20 weeks post-surgery on my complete rotator cuff tear. Hard to believe it's been 20 weeks already. I have completed 23 physical therapy sessions and am in the strength phase of therapy. I have 7 sessions left to go and will continue to go once a week and stretch out the strength phase as long as I can with my therapist. I am only about halfway in my recovery, realistically, and even after 40 weeks will not have my strength back to normal. I started running 6 weeks ago and am no where near back to normal on that front. That will definitely take a long time to get back. My body and mind are simply not the same as they were on October 18, when I was nearing the peak of marathon training.

The hardest part of this journey I never wanted to be on is getting my mind right. I am struggling with coming to terms with my body. It was so strong before this and now I feel like the 47 year old I am and I absolutely hate that feeling. I feel sorry for myself too often. I am angry too often. I am impatient and frustrated. I feel weak both physically and mentally.

I know a lot of people who have had rotator cuff repair, but I don't know anyone who had damage as extensive as mine. It's tough to hear about how they were in physical therapy a week after surgery, when I had to wait 6 weeks, that they were fine after a few months, when I will be looking at feeling "fine" after a year. My recovery is not comparable to others so I have a hard time finding encouragement to follow. It's pretty isolating sometimes. My therapist tells me I'm doing great, and there are some sessions where I'm pleasantly surprised at my progress, but then there are days when I'm frustrated that putting a can on the shoulder-height shelf is a struggle. 

I am trying to remember how hard things were when I first started doing active exercises and how little my arm would move on its own to how I can reach quite far with it now, that I really have made tremendous progress. But then I remember I used to be able to do 100 pushups and I fear I'll never be able to be that strong again. People tell me I'm crazy, that it takes time, but my mind is just too impatient. 

I miss being a marathon runner. Sure, I can go out and run continuously now, versus the run/walk intervals I had to start with in February. But I just now barely hit 6 miles and it was hard. My pace is incredibly slow and my heartrate and effort are nowhere near as low as they used to be at that pace. I have not tried any type of speed, but am thinking of incorporating short speed intervals in 2-3 weeks. I know in my head exactly what I need to do and what the progress should look like, but I hate how hard this is. I absolutely hate it. 

I know my attitude is being affected by other things around me, things that are out of my control, and I can't help but think it's penetrating my brain in negative ways. My youngest child continues to test me daily and I've exhausted my ability to help turn the tide. It's my kid's journey to complete. The tools are there, the support is there, but I can't make anyone do what they should do. Personal responsibility and hard work are they only thing that will help at this point. It's pretty maddening for a parent. And as helpful as some try to be, they do not understand the magnitude of this journey. It's the one that Greg and I are on, and only Greg and I. We are the only two that understand it. We've been living it for so many years now. It's not helping my own fortitude, that's for sure. The atmosphere in our country also continues to be painful to witness, when so much of it is avoidable and stupid. People unnecessarily turning against one another is completely wrong on so many levels, and it never needed to be this way. Add to that the countless lives that have been destroyed in this last year....and it's a recipe for depression, to put it bluntly. 

Of all the things to do to myself, it had to be this injury and surgery? Just stupid!!

BUT.....I am still in charge of my destiny. So while I will feel sorry for myself, I will be pissed at what my body feels like right now, I will be pissed off at others for their lack of grace and intelligence, I am still in charge of the trajectory of my life. 

So what does that look like?

I am RUNNING. It's not much, but I am running. I can now run 3 days in a row and will be doing that this week. I can continue to up my distance slowly. I focus on my effort, my form, my hydration, my breathing in the hopes of finally having a breakthrough. My breathing sucks, my effort is sometimes too high, and I feel like I'm in someone else's body, but as a former coach I know that consistency will produce results eventually. I KEEP SHOWING UP.

I signed up for another marathon yesterday on a total whim. I'm already registered for Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon on December 12, and now I'm also registered for The Louisiana Marathon on January 16. It's called the Beach to Bayou Challenge and I did it in 2017/2018 (when I qualified for Boston). I have no plans to be that fast yet, but I think having this big of a challenge will keep me motivated to be consistent. Plus I love those races. Then in October of 2022 I want to run Chicago (I deferred 2020), and THAT is when I will try to be fast. 

Next month I'm running the virtual BAA 5K because who doesn't want a Boston shirt and medal? It will be a slow 5K compared to the past but fun nonetheless. I like Boston and I like medals!

I am also traveling for the first time in over a year! My husband and I are going to Florida for our anniversary in May for a long weekend on a beach. I need the time away, to reset and recharge and just enjoy time with only my husband. I had hoped to travel internationally this summer, but with restrictions still so changeable and the need for a negative Covid test to return to the United States has me very wary to leave the country just yet. I'm not afraid of traveling or being around people, but I don't like the thought of being restricted from reentry! So we will wait a bit longer on that. Thankfully, Florida is less restrictive than a lot of states and has beautiful beaches so it's a very nice compromise for now. 

I am ready for the tide to turn on life. I think we ALL are. It's been a ridiculous year of heartache for many. 

Bucket List Update

In September 2012, I wrote a Bucket List.

I thought it would be fun to go back and reevaluate where my head was at six years ago. I have changed so much in these last six years and have many other things I'm focusing on and I figured looking at this list would make me laugh at its absurdity (I also need to do a bucket list regarding non-sports related desires. So many things to do in this life and so little time!).

It's actually not that crazy of a list!

1. Run a sub-4 hour marathon. I have always had the ability to run a sub-4. I just didn't really believe it...something just about every marathoner has struggled with. The only time I tried before this past year was back in 2012. Unfortunately, the weather was horrendous and I completely fell apart and didn't even come close. A few weeks after this, however, I ran a 1:51 half. I was in shape to go sub-4 at this time in my life but a combination of the wrong kind of training, horrid weather, and a crappy mental attitude made that impossible. I didn't believe I could or even try again until 2017. That's when I succeeded....TWICE in five weeks. Although my December 2017 race was about a quarter mile short I still consider it a sub-4. I was feeling awesome at that end of that race and it's just really unfortunate that it was mismarked. Let's just count my 10 minute warm up before the race and call it a full marathon, ok? Awesome, thanks.

2. Run an ultramarathon. Nope. Haven't done this. My last long trail race, a 30K at night back in 2013, kind of turned me off to trail races of any kind of significant distance. I like running trails, but other goals have gotten in the way of me making trail running a habit. I haven't tapped into the desire to run an ultra. So I would no longer consider this a bucket list item.

3. Boston Qualify. I didn't even get the qualifying times right when I wrote this post. I said I needed a 3:50 at age 45, and it was actually 3:55. Super cool I got to knock two items off my list in the same race. Now I really do have to run a 3:50, however, as the qualifying standards shifted by another 5 minutes. Seven years ago, you could run a 4:00 marathon as a 45 year old and it's now 10 minutes tougher. I'm actually really glad for this. It makes me that much more focused on quality training. Plus, hopefully this means most qualifiers can actually gain entry into the race, instead of 25% being denied entry. Oh, and that silliness I wrote of maybe not actually running Boston, but just qualifying? Ha! I'm definitely running that race! Go watch the Boston documentary and you'll understand why.

4. Complete a triathlon. I've done seven! I think? But I only competed for two seasons. That part of my life may be behind me, but you never know!

5. Run around Lake Georgetown in its entirety. Have not even come close, nor attempted this in any way, shape, or form. I think my longest run on the lake might be 8 miles. When or if I get into trail running, I will for sure do this. It's a little over a marathon, with a lot of technical parts, so it's not for the timid.

6. Run the Rome Marathon. I'd still love to do this, but it won't be in 2020. Funny thing is, this was actually going to be my husband's one-and-done marathon, but he ran his first this year. Yes, honey, I said your "first." You're going to run another one.

7. Century Ride. Longest ride is 53 miles so I am a very long way away from this goal. I don't know when I'll spend the time to build up to this, but someday I would like to. Cycling has not appealed to me in about a year. I actually have a bit of a fear of it because of the horrible attitude of drivers towards cyclist and the number of accidents that cyclists suffer with cars. I'm simply a little afraid of getting back out there.

8. Run Rim to Rim (to Rim?). I'm thinking one way across the Grand Canyon is plenty, and yes, I'd love to do it still!

9. Back to back marathons. Um...nope. This will not happen. I did back to back 5Ks and half marathons in one weekend and that destroyed me. I was injured for months and had to back out of a marathon because of it. Taking on something like that just doesn't work for me. So we can say goodbye to this item!

10. Complete an Ironman. Sooooo....this was a joke entry, but there was actually a few months last year when I decided that I was going to do an Ironman (clearly I was on drugs). Because I have not gotten back my desire for triathlons, I'm putting this on the back burner, maybe indefinitely.

So, six years later I have completed three of my bucket list items. I'm keeping four of them (Lake Georgetown, Rome, Century Ride, and Rim to Rim), and getting rid of the other three. With only four items on my list, I need some new ones. So here we go:

1. Run a marathon with my husband. We were going to do this in Boston, but the cutoff was so insane that he missed it despite a 4:43 cushion. Still bitter, still sad, and still frustrated as hell. But we will run a marathon together. I'm thinking either CIM next year since I deferred my 2018 entry, or Chicago in 2020 since we have guaranteed entry (unless they change the current rules), but we will see if I can convince him.

2. Qualify for New York City Marathon. It's already insanely difficult to qualify. I would need a 3:38 full or a 1:42 half and although 3:38 was my original goal for Boston, my injury has my time goal up in the air. I would LOVE to qualify and run it just once. I'll keep working at it.

3. Break 7 minute pace in a 5k. My best is 7:12 pace. And it was a short course, but details. It's not easy to chip away at 5K pace, and getting another 12 seconds per mile out of my legs would be pretty epic. I'd really have to focus on that kind of goal, however, and I'm just having so much fun with the endurance stuff right now.

4. Break 8 minute pace in a half marathon. I wanted to attempt this in Houston in January, but I have lost too much fitness from my injury layoff so it's really unlikely to happen yet, but I really really really do want to accomplish this! I need a fall 2019 half marathon, maybe?

5. Pace a marathon. I keep saying I'm going to be a pacer. I just need to do it! A couple more solid sub-4 marathons under my belt and I will feel more comfortable with the idea.

6. Win a race. I have actually come so close to accomplishing this. Not looking for an overall win (ha!), but overall female. Three times I have come in 2nd in a race, and 3rd twice. The thing is, if you're not a super fast runner and I'm not, it's really a combination of picking the right SMALL race and hoping nobody fast shows up! The shorter the race, the better for me. To actually outright win one would be the coolest thing, even if it's because of luck! Super long shot, but always a fun thought.

And now to come up with a non-sport related list....how fun! What's on your bucket list??

Believe

Several months ago I used a quote in one of my blog posts about my training.

Be mindful of the deceptive paralysis that can take hold when you become intimidated by your increasingly faster paces.

If I had allowed myself to freak out over the pace I was running as I started my 5k on April 22, there's no way I would've ended up averaging 7:12 pace.

Okay, so it wasn't technically a 5K, because I am notorious for picking races that come up short. It's absolutely frustrating as I really have no idea what to call my PR. Most of my fastest "5Ks" have been on short courses. And some of them I didn't even wear my watch so I actually have no clue just how short they were. Going into yesterday's race I was calling my 5K PR 23:30 because that's how fast I ran a portion of my April 8 10K race and the fastest official 5K I have.

But I digress. I could've continued running 7 minute pace for 58 seconds to make it a full 5K. Maybe I should have after I collected my medal.

Back to my point.

In looking at last year's results, I saw that the winning female ran it in 23:27, so I had it in the back of my mind that perhaps I'd go for the win at this race. I forgot that half the race is run in a vineyard, weaving through several rows of vines. Probably not ideal for trying to win or to PR. But still, it depended on who showed up, but I knew based on this race's history that heck, maybe I could win it? It gave me something to shoot for. I also was hoping for a true legitimate 5K PR on a full 3.1 mile course.

Unfortunately, because apparently a full 3.1 mile course is just too much to ask for when I run 5K races, they had to change the course at the last minute. Heavy rain the night before caused the vines to become way too muddy, so they weren't going to let us run through them. They instead had the brilliant idea to have us do two loops of the road. Sounds ok, sure, but unfortunately it was pretty much a cluster.

On the positive side, I came in 3rd place female, 10th overall, and 1st in my age group. Freaking awesome run, that's for sure!

Before the race

Why does that dude have his hands in his pockets?

My plan was to stay as close to any female that was in front of me and hope that either I could overtake them or they'd bonk (I'm a horrible person). The leader got out in front quickly and was running exceptionally well. She also looked 16. There was also a lady right in front of me, probably about 10-15 seconds ahead, that I basically paced off of. I was running hard, and it was not at all comfortable, and my heartrate very quickly got up to 150. But I didn't want her to get too far ahead. So there I sat in 3rd place for that first loop. The first place girl looked to be getting at least a minute ahead of me.

My first mile came in at 7:16. I have never ever ever in my life ran a mile that fast to start a 5K race. It didn't feel like a 7:16. It felt like a 7:40. I did my absolute best to not completely freak myself out over this. Hence the importance of that quote above.

I'm so serious. This is the first loop.

As we came in to finish the first loop, we intersected with the rest of the runners and walkers (there were over 500 people so in the 10 minutes or so it took us to run that first loop they had barely gotten everyone through the start). It was an absolute shit show because nobody was telling us which side of the cones to run on, for the back of the pack to stay to one side, or anything. We were completely winging it. And even though there were about a dozen runners ahead of me flying past them, the majority of the walkers still took up the entire width of the road and were not moving an inch. The leaders were literally weaving through these participants. I actually got run off the road around a turn at one point because someone stepped directly in front of me. Once we got back into the neighborhood roads there was a bit more room to navigate but it was still a mess. Nobody was moving to one side. I had to yell "on your left" multiple times and hoped that these folks would understand that the runners on their second loop were coming through and we all needed to work together to make this a successful race.

In the meantime, the leading female seemed to possibly be slowing down, but the second place girl wasn't slowing down at all and I was still 10-15 seconds behind her. She was freaking killing it.

Mile 2 came in at 7:19, a little bit of a slowdown but not too bad considering the obstacle course.

The pain of the second loop

At this point I did realize the course would be short. We did the turnaround for loop 2 at just under 1.5 miles. I wasn't horribly bummed because I knew that although it wouldn't be an official 5K, I was still running my fastest 3-ish mile race I've ever run and it was a real kick to see if I could hold on for dear life or not. Chasing the second place girl was definitely pushing me to keep pace. She was not giving me an inch!

As we came in on the very last turn with about a 10th of a mile to go, and I continued to weave through people and run on the grass shoulder of the road (seriously, people still weren't moving to the right), I gave it everything I had to finish strong and maintain 3rd place female.

I crossed the line of my 2.96 mile race in 21:17 officially. 7:12 pace. My last mile was skirting sub-7 and I think I may have been able to dip below it had I been able to run for another .14 miles. But regardless I was pretty dang happy that I was 40 seconds per mile faster in this race than in my 10K from 2 weeks ago. Honestly didn't even think I'd run much faster than 7:30 pace. Didn't even think I could do that.

I may have been freaking out over my miles coming in so much faster than I thought they would, but somehow I was able to maintain it and even get faster during that last mile.

My ugly finish line face makes me laugh

So glad that is over

Ain't gonna lie, however, running zone 4 and 5 for all but 2 minutes of that run HURT LIKE A BITCH. Average heartrate was 160, just about the same as my 10K race on April 8. My Garmin was super happy with me because it added two points to my VO2 max, which had gone down a few points since my marathon. It's the little things that make me happy.

I love that they gave out bottles of wine to the age group winners

Greg took first in his half marathon (ahem...11.3 mile) race

April ended up being a really lazy month except for these races. I was in the gym strength training more consistently, but I was also sick for several days. I only ran 85 miles in April, my lowest mileage in a very long time. But in May, I have been able to run much more consistently. I should be well over 100 miles by the time June rolls around. This will set me up better when I start official marathon training in July. I'll be ready to up the intensity and volume safely. A part of me feels really guilty about this "laziness" but the smarter side of me knows that a break was good for me. It will help me be completely ready for the next marathon cycle. Going into it with these new PRs and newfound confidence in my speed is priceless to me. A year ago I couldn't even come close to running that pace.

However, I'm a little worried about a pain I've been having intermittently behind my right knee. I've never had pain there before, and I've been foam rolling, stretching, and doing trigger point above and below it in the hopes of finding the culprit, but no luck for the long term. Yesterday it didn't bug me, but today it did, so it's a little weird. I have an appointment with a doctor on Friday. I'm not messing with it and want it worked out.

I really am so ready to start official training!

Fix the Distance

I have a big frustration mounting and I'm trying to articulate my thoughts on it.

There's a disturbing trend in the racing world that is really hindering my desire to get back into triathlon and it's causing me to shy away from considering many running races.

RACE DISTANCE INACCURACY

Whatever happened to race distance accuracy? When I think about all the races I've run that have been inaccurate on the expected distance, it really surprises me. And it's mostly mistakes that cause the race to be short.

Frankly, if you post that your race is going to be a certain distance, I expect that race to be that distance. If you say it's a 5K, and it's really 2.9 miles but you charged me $35 to run this supposed 5K? Not cool. If you charge $120 for a half marathon but it ends up being 11.3 miles? That is REALLY not cool. If you put on an Ironman that can cost $800 to register for and the distance isn't 140.6 but more like 136? I can't even begin to describe the level of frustration that I feel on that one.

Yet this has been reality in countless races in the last few months.

With regards to a certified marathon, this is especially a huge deal. You simply CAN'T make a mistake on the distance of the race. In my case, it caused my Boston Qualifying time to be nullified and I had to try again. Considering I spent 8 months working towards that goal, making a mistake of a quarter mile was a big freaking deal.

Last weekend, several teammates and I ran in a half marathon and 5k race. My husband competed in the half marathon while I did the 5K. My goal was to PR this race and I knew I was totally capable of it. I have no idea what my 5K PR truly is because my three "fastest" times are on short courses. So while my results show me as having run a 22:40 and a 23:09, I know those were more around 3 miles and not 3.1 miles so I can't technically claim them. My fastest accurate 5K on record is 24:00, but I ran a 5K portion of my fastest 10K in 23:30. So basically it was time to erase all of that and bust out a true 5K PR on a 3.1 mile course.

Didn't happen. This race was at a winery and 1.6 miles of it was supposed to be in the vines. There was rain in the forecast for the 2 weeks leading up to the race, so the race organizers knew that there might be an issue with a the vines being too muddy to run. This isn't their first year....they know you can't run the vines if it's too muddy. They did not have a back up plan in place to get people a full 3.1 mile race. Instead, they had us double the road portion, which was only about 1.5 miles. In looking at the course and the road closures they had secured, having a backup plan to give runners a full 3.1 miles would not have been an issue. They chose to have us run the road portion twice, and don't even get me started on how much of a mess that ended up being. All those details will be in my race recap. I ended up running 7:12 pace for that ~3 mile race, which would have been a new PR by far. Yet, once again, my fastest 5K time is on another inaccurate course.

This, however, pales in comparison to the disaster of the half marathon course. Again, the last part of the course would have gone through the vines, but they had to cut that part out. There was no back up plan in place, even though having them run an out-and-back on the already closed roads would have been easy for them to do. They charged $120 for this half marathon. That is a whole lot of money for only running 11.3 miles. Three of my team members would have run huge PR's on this course, but they don't count. And they paid $120 to run this. Thankfully the pre- and post-race festivities were a lot of fun and we all really enjoyed ourselves. But still...

*sigh*

I'm frustrated. This frustration has been building all year, and these last two weeks have really brought it out in full force. All those thoughts have been mulling around in my mind and it was time to get it out.

Now let's talk about the disaster of Ironman Texas. They announced right before the race that for "athlete safety" the bike course would only be 110 miles instead of 112. This is the third year in a row the bike course has been short, plus there's all sorts of chatter that the run course is about 300 meters short. There was a world record time set on Saturday, but it doesn't count although it's possible had the course actually been 140.6 it still may have been a world record time. Three years in a row that they've messed up the distance of the course. This is not only a race that costs several hundred dollars just to register for, but it's also the North American championship. Plus, don't even get me started on the massive drafting that was allowed during the entire bike portion. Truly shameful.

I talked about doing Ironman Texas if I do a full iron distance triathlon. Now, that's off the table. I can't support a race that cares so little about integrity. An Ironman is 140.6 miles. Period. Just like a marathon is 26.2 miles. These athletes deserve so much better after pouring out their blood, sweat, tears, hearts....everything! And a substantial amount of money.

Fix the damn distance of your race courses.

So I'm frustrated. I was toying with returning to triathlon, for maybe a couple sprint races, maybe longer. I've missed it.

I'm disillusioned, however. I feel like so many of these races are so focused on profit that they miss those little (or not so little) details that the athletes find very important. When you're disillusioned, you're not motivated. When you're not motivated, training feels like a chore. When you show up to a race wondering what the actual distance might end up being, that's not exactly a good pre-race mindset.

I was very picky about the longer distance running races that I chose coming into this next marathon season. They are big city marathons and half marathons and have impeccable reputations, so anything that may go wrong would be a huge anomaly. They don't have a track record for screwing things up (hello, Ironman Texas) and the courses are tried and true and accurate and (hopefully) not changing. I'm doing a local 5K in June, but signed up before they published the course. Luckily it was really inexpensive so I'm not going to worry so much about accuracy. There's another local 5K that is put on monthly that I know is a perfectly measured course, and that one is always an option to run to get my legitimate PR.

I feel better getting it off my chest.

Tempo is King

Tempo runs HURT.

But they are so awesome and when I'm done with one, I always feel on top of the world.

A tempo run, or "threshold run," is a faster-paced workout that feels "comfortably hard." They increase our lactate threshold and metabolic fitness, and because of this, we get faster and more efficient at these faster paces. And for further understanding, and to totally steal from the Runner's World definition, I'll go into the science a little.

During tempo runs, lactate and hydrogen ions - by-products of metabolism - are released into the muscles. The ions make the muscles acidic, eventually leading to fatigue. The better trained you become, the higher you push your "threshold," meaning your muscles become better at using these by-products. The results is less-acidic muscles (that is, muscles that haven't reached their new threshold), so they keep on contracting, letting you run farther and faster. 

In order to realize this training effect, you have to put in enough time at the right effort.

On Tuesday mornings during the fall and winter, we do tempo runs of about 60 minutes. Our fearless leader, Christine, determines what paces we run based on a recent 5K race result, or something close to that. We have a short, mid, and long tempo pace assigned by her. Based on what she has assigned for me, I assume these are 5K+15 sec/mi for short tempo, 5K+30 sec/mi for mid tempo, and 5K+45 sec/mi for long tempo. One week we may do 2 miles warm up, 4 miles at short-tempo, and 1 mile cooldown, and then the next week run 1 mile warm up, 5 miles at mid-tempo, and 1 mile cooldown. Or even a progressive tempo, starting at long tempo pace and speeding up to short tempo for the last bit. Truth be told, we don't see a lot of runs only running long tempo pace.

Heartrate tends to be about 85-90% of our maximum. Perceived effort of 8 out of 10. Conversation not really possible beyond a few words here and there.

In other words....OUCH.

I truly believe these runs are exactly why I gained the confidence to try to qualify for Boston. When we first started running these back in late 2016, I thought Christine was nuts for thinking I could run those kinds of paces for so long in a mid-week workout. Then I ran a faster 5K in February and she dropped 15 seconds/mile off of my tempo paces, pushing me to run them all even faster. Currently I'm another 15 seconds/mile faster than that (because of my Turkey Trot pace in November...dang it!). But she's been right every single time. I absolutely can run these paces, for miles at a time, and still feel alive afterwards.

I still remember one particular run back in October when I ran my fastest 5 miles ever during one of these tempo runs. I averaged 8:19 pace and I remember thinking that I could absolutely run faster than that if it was a race. Four weeks later I ran the 5 mile Turkey Trot in 7:45 pace. If you had told me over the summer that I'd be doing that, I never would have believed you. But Christine totally believed in us, and she pushed us, and she was right every single time! Some Tuesday mornings were harder than others for sure, but they were all successful tempo runs.

The long run might be the bread and butter of marathon training, but if your goal is to go beyond just gaining endurance and actually want to "race" the marathon, I absolutely believe the tempo run is right up there in importance.

This past Tuesday was really the first workout I've done since the Louisiana Marathon when I could truly see the speed I had built up during peak marathon training. We ran a 1 mile warmup, 5 miles at mid-tempo, then 1 mile cooldown. My mid tempo target pace is 8:15, although that's based off my 5 mile race pace and not a 5K (I need to race a 5K soon). However, after two hard marathons, I think 8:15 was certainly an acceptable goal. Truth be told, I didn't think I could actually hit that pace but I was going to give it a good shot. The humidity was pretty brutal that morning and I know some of the other runners were struggling in it, and although I didn't really get too bothered by it, I am now wondering if I could've run even better had it been drier out. Anyway....I ended up averaging exactly 8:15/mile during that 5 miles of tempo pace. With warm up and cooldown, I ran 8:51 average for 7 miles that morning. That was my fastest Tuesday morning workout and my second fastest 5 miles I've ever run. With as tough as this recovery has been and as patient as I've had to be, I am so thrilled that I could see a glimpse of the fitness I had at peak training and that I can get that back again.

I'm telling you, tempo runs WORK. If you're not doing them, why not?

Success

I am so glad that is over.

The last five weeks have been very stressful for me. It felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders, needing to get a legitimate Boston Qualifying time, while recovering from an illegitimate Boston Qualifying performance, and putting way more pressure on myself than I should have. I just wanted it to be over and done with and to breathe a huge sigh of relief that I wouldn't need to keep trying again and again to succeed.

I DID IT.

Five weeks after elation and heartbreak at Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon, I am an official Boston Qualifier, having run 3:49:53 at The Louisiana Marathon.

3:49:53!

You know what that 5:07 under my qualifying time means?? It means that I will likely know within a few days rather than a few weeks whether my time is accepted. I won't be in the last group to register, wondering whether I squeaked in under the cut off or not. Up until this point, the strictest cut off was 3:23, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that 5:07 is enough. If they open up registration again after my group registers, then I know I will be accepted.

I'll be running the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2019, as a QUALIFIER!!

It's surreal to me that I could improve on my marathon time so much that I could earn myself a spot at the starting line. I finally figured out how to race a marathon. It just took 9 years and 12 marathons to get it right. My 13th and 14th marathons were nearly perfect and finally showed me what I'm capable of.

But, Marathon #14 was still so different from Marathon #13. It was an epic battle of wills practically from the start. Where do I even begin?

I was a nervous wreck the entire week leading up to the race. The weather forecast was not really helping. It would be cold, but in all honesty, it was almost going to be TOO cold. The forecast kept dropping until it was set to be about 25 degrees at the start and not getting above freezing until I was well over halfway done with the race.

Packing for the race wasn't easy. How many layers would I want? What if the forecast changed again? Do I wear tights or capris, long sleeves or short sleeves, have a throwaway jacket, one or two pairs of socks? I basically packed about five different outfits. This would be my coldest race ever and it was making me nuts! On a positive note, I was running the 5K the day before, so it would give me a chance to test out clothing to see if I felt too cold or too warm.

Deja Vu time again - running both the 5K and the Marathon

LOUISIANA 5K

Saturday morning really was a lot of fun. My husband decided to also run the 5K and one of my friends, Tony, was also with us and was running the 5K while trying for a Boston Qualifying time in the marathon as well. It was COLD, windchill of 22 because of the 10 mph winds. My face hurt. But I layered up, sucked it up, and got my cold butt to the start line. The crawfish platter we'd earn for running both days was totally worth the freezing temps (not really.)

My plan was to run about 20 seconds faster than race pace overall, trying not to overdo it too much but trying to shake out my nerves. I had only run twice during the week so my legs were nice and rested. Greg was going for a sub-7 min pace 5K and Tony, who I had been coaching for this marathon, was told to take it easier than he'd like (he didn't listen). My first mile was right at my super stretch goal race pace of 8:35, and I picked up my pace slowly after that, finishing with a 7:40 final mile. Overall I ran 25:06, an 8:05 pace, about a full minute faster than last year's 5K but it seemed easier, so that was really nice. The cold weather probably helped. I got too warm during the race so I knew I was overdressed and it gave me a good idea on how to dress for Sunday's marathon.

I had a super competitive age group as my 25:06 got me 8th out of 112 in my age group. I was 28th overall woman, so there were a large number of those faster ladies in the 40-44 age group! Greg ran a 21:34, meeting his goal at 6:58 pace, and missing an award by 5 seconds. He's damn fast. Tony got a talking to since he didn't listen to me and raced too hard to pull off a 22:55 and first place Grandmasters. He's a pain in my butt.

The finish festival at the Louisiana Marathon is the best I've ever experienced but we only stuck around long enough to get a couple beers, some gumbo, and collect Tony's award for being the fastest old guy. Greg and I also collected our Beach to Bayou medals for racing at Mississippi Gulf Coast and Louisiana. We spent the rest of the weekend teasing Greg about his destination 5Ks and that he should start a 50 state 5K club. I need to get that guy to run another half marathon or actually want to run a marathon.

SUNDAY MORNING...

I was an absolute bundle of nerves as soon as I woke up. I was scared and excited and I pretty much wanted to cry. I was looking forward to racing through Baton Rouge, because it's a great city, but I knew I'd be in a lot of pain and just hoped it wasn't so much pain that I couldn't enjoy the sights.

I wore the same thing as I did in Mississippi, plus the pink jacket

Greg was awesome. He ran all the way back to the hotel to grab a second pair of socks for me because my feet were frozen as we waited for the race to start. Having to wear two pairs of socks during the marathon was definitely a first for me. But it really was stupid cold.

Tony and I spent several minutes warming up before the start. Just like in Mississippi, there would be no warm up miles in this race. We would both be going out racing right from the start. My stretch goal was 8:42 pace, which would get me under my 3:48:17 time from the shortened course Mississippi race. But what I really wanted as an "A" goal was to get under 3:50, giving myself the 5 minute buffer on my qualifying time. I'd have to run a few seconds per mile faster than Mississippi. I planned to speed up sooner than I did in Mississippi and just try to hold on to that pace, and hopefully speed up further, in the second half. It would once again be a big risk, just like in Mississippi, but I was willing to take that risk. If I didn't, then I'd kick myself for not putting in a surge sooner and missing my goal. Tony needed a 3:40 to qualify and didn't really have any goal under that necessarily; he just wanted to qualify whether it would be enough to get into the race or not.

Louisiana is a much bigger race than Mississippi. Instead of starting with 440 other marathoners, we started with over 3000 people, marathoners and half marathoners together. The half/full split wouldn't happen for 11 miles, and there are seven miles that meander around the lake by LSU. This was where I was going to get very nervous. Mississippi was straight for 24 miles, so I never added on any distance due to turns. In Baton Rouge, I needed to cut the tangents as tight as possible, which would mean paying attention to any runners behind me so I didn't cut anyone off. I'd have to be hyper focused for several miles until we left that area and moved into the neighborhoods, where there were many more straight sections. My goal was to add in less than 2/10ths of a mile.

FIRST 10K

The race started off without much fanfare. I planned to get through the first two miles in 18:20 and they came in at 18:09, with a 9:08 and 9:01. Those were the only miles over 9 for the entire race. Looking back, it's pretty funny that so much of my race mimicked how I ran Mississippi. I passed the 4:00 hour pace group during mile 3, and that mile was a bit fast at 8:41. I needed to chill out and relax. I slowed it down to around 8:45-8:50 pace for the next few miles. The first opportunity to see Greg would be at the 10K point, and this was where I planned to give him the lightweight jacket I was wearing over my tank/arm sleeves. I was a little nervous about taking off the jacket, however. I was sweating but not really very warm. It was still probably only about 27 degrees out, with very little wind thankfully. I wasn't wearing a throwaway I could toss wherever (I wanted to keep that jacket!), so either I needed to give Greg my jacket now or have to wait until I saw him again at the halfway point.

Running my pace felt only "ok." It wasn't as easy and effortless as in Mississippi. The combination of the sub-freezing temps and the shortened recovery period was most certainly having an effect on how I felt. I tried not to let it get to me, because I knew this was still a pace I could run and hold. It just would hurt more, and I wasn't looking forward to how that would feel. I needed to get over it, though, because my goal was way more important to me than a few hours of discomfort. I was terrified of failing.

I saw Greg right before the timing mat at the 10K point and I threw my jacket at him and stuck my tongue out at him like a moron. Nice photo, honey.

I was so glad to see him. I am so thankful he decided to come with me and that his parents could watch the kids at home while we were gone. I'm not sure I could have done this without knowing I would see him during the race. 

I hit the timing mat at 55:15, 8:54 average pace, with 6.22 miles on my watch, running a bit faster than I had in Mississippi. This was where I wanted to be.

ONTO THE HALFWAY POINT

After I left Greg, it was time to put my game face on. 20 miles to go and it needed to be fearless. I was warmed up (okay, so actually now I was kind of freezing my ass off without my jacket). I was in a good groove on my pace, not needing to look at my Garmin very much. It would soon be time to speed things up into the 8:30 range. We were running around the lake and I was focused on all the turns on this part of the course. There was one lady running right off my left shoulder who kept telling me she was on my left. I think she thought I was going to run her off the road or something because I was staying close to the edge. Thankfully she pushed ahead of me and stayed there for awhile because I didn't need someone getting feisty with me when I was, in fact, being vigilant about not cutting anyone off. I noticed that a lot of the runners were also trying to run the tangents well so it was fairly easy to follow along with them. 

I eased into some faster miles after a bit of a slow mile 7 (8:54). By mile 10 I was down to 8:51 average pace overall and hadn't added too much distance on yet (my Garmin read 10.03 miles when I passed the 10 mile marker). I think I was speeding up a bit too fast here as mile 10 was 8:36 and it felt like a little bit of a struggle, so I held back a bit during mile 11 (8:51) and calmed down, before easing back into some faster miles. Now it was time to have my miles in the 8:30s and hopefully not slow down. Damn, this wasn't going to be easy at all.

Greg was hanging out at the 13 mile marker and he was a sight for sore eyes. As I passed him I told him this wasn't going to be easy but he reassured me with his faith in me and off I went past him. 

I hit the halfway point timing mat at 1:55:49, and my Garmin read 13.15 miles, so I had run the tangents pretty well up until this point. I was a minute ahead of my halfway point time in Mississippi. From 10K to 13.1 I had run 8:47 pace.

HALFWAY POINT TO 19 MILES

It got a little awesome and then it started getting really hard. This was most definitely a different race than in Mississippi, yet at the same time it was a better race than that one was. I was now pulling 8:30 miles, including my fastest marathon mile to date at Mile 15 in 8:28. After seeing me at Mile 13, Greg ran through the neighborhood and waited for me around a corner before I hit mile 14. He's kind of awesome like that. I had been chatting with a couple runners who were aiming for a sub-4 (they did it, by the way!).

Mile 14 included an out and back section, where I got to see that Tony was about 3/4 of a mile ahead of me and we high-fived and then about halfway between us was the 3:45 pacer. Do you have any idea how awesome that was? I was only a couple minutes behind the 3:45 pacer, something I never in my life thought I would ever be. And the running buddy who I had coached through this training cycle was well on his way to a huge PR and possible BQ. This was also the section that needed to be 100% accurate on a turnaround in one location. Sure enough, as we came upon the turnaround I noticed a permanent painted "x" right there in the road. It was accurate! Big weight off my shoulders, that's for sure. It was really the only point on the course that could have gotten screwed up and it didn't. 

I think what kept me going during this 6 mile stretch was knowing that I would see Greg at mile 19. I wanted as many miles under 8:40 as I could get, but it just was not at all easy to hold that pace mile after mile. My heartrate was okay, however. I was still averaging no more than 150 and I wasn't seeing any unusual 160+ spikes. I think I was just feeling the fatigue from having done this only 5 weeks prior. Doing that is just damn hard. 

Greg was a sight for sore eyes at Mile 19. He mentioned something about a 3:45 being mine, but he was a liar. 3:40-something, sure, but I didn't think I could catch that pacer. 

I hit the 19 mile timing mat at 2:46:27 and had dropped my average pace down to 8:47. My mileage on my Garmin showed 19.07 so I was still doing very well not adding much distance. From 13.1 to 19 miles I had run 8:35 average pace. I still needed to try to drop the pace more, however.

THE FINAL STRETCH

This was where things just got HARD for me. I needed to maintain some semblance of a pace under 8:50 in order to break 3:50. It was a good thing I kept running the numbers in my head on how fast I needed to run to hit my goals, because it did keep my mind off the pain somewhat and it made the miles go by a bit faster. 

When mile 20 came in at 8:44 and then mile 21 at 8:48, but it didn't feel any slower, I sort of wanted to cry a little. I refused to slow down anymore and was getting really really worried I would truly hit the wall. Mile 20 to 24 messed with my head like you wouldn't believe. I knew I had less than an hour to run, and then when I had only five miles left, I only had to pull 9:50 miles to BQ, and 8:50 miles to break 3:50. I could do it. It would hurt, but it was totally within reach and that is about the only thing that got me through the next 45 minutes of this race. 

I'm pretty sure I did hit the wall somewhere around mile 22. I was full on in hell at this point. Everything was hurting, my mind was playing ridiculous tricks on me, and there was a lady that was run/walking, except when she ran she was probably going 7:30 pace, would pull out in front of me, and then start walking. Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate when you can't shake someone who keeps walking right in front of you? Eventually I didn't see her again and my focus went back to my own fight to finish strong.

After a long straight stretch, there are a couple turns that will eventually lead to North Blvd. and the final 2 kilometers of the race. Every turn I made, my mind became clearer as I could finally see the light at the end of this incredibly dark tunnel. Miles 22-24 were 8:49, 8:51, and 8:51....certainly very steady despite feeling like I was turning into a sloppy runner but not what I wanted to be running. I figured I could try to make a final surge after hitting the 24 Mile marker, but I still struggled through that mile, getting through it in 8:53. 

Right before the 25 Mile marker comes the only real hill during this race, an overpass. I don't think it looked so bad, and frankly was surprised that it didn't even feel any worse than running the flats. Perhaps it was the recruitment of some different muscles, I don't know, or the elation of knowing my final mile was coming up. As I crested the hill and passed the mile marker, my watch showed just under 3:40. A little over 10 minutes to run the final 1.2 miles. I had absolutely no choice but to speed up if I wanted to break 3:50. This was it...do or die!

I used the short downhill on the other side of the overpass to try to relax. I slowly quickened my pace until I saw the lap pace on my watch drop to the 8:30s. Oh, my gosh, this mile was SO DAMN HARD. I had so little left in the tank that even though there were less than 10 minutes to go, it was going to be a battle. I kept looking straight ahead, hoping to see the final turn coming up at 4th Street that would take me to the last 3 or 4 minutes and the finish line. The previous 3 hours and 40 minutes had seemingly gone by fast, but every minute now was a slow crawl...isn't that how it always is at the end?

I looked at my watch every 20 or 30 seconds to be sure my pace wasn't slowing. It wasn't, thankfully, staying right around 8:35. I just needed to get to the 26 mile marker with 1:50 to spare and I would be just fine. I passed it at 3:48:10 after running an 8:36 mile 26.

1 minute and 43 seconds later, I crossed the finish line.

3:49:53

A BQ by 5:07

The feelings I had when I stopped my watch were surreal. That's the best way to describe it. It just didn't seem like this had actually happened. I had pulled off the impossible, and had run even faster than at Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon. It was a whole hell of a lot harder, but I had managed to fight through those last miles to accomplish my goal. I didn't beat the shortened course time in Mississippi of 3:48:17, but that's okay. This was still my new personal best. An 8:46 pace marathon. A Boston Qualification by 5:07. 

(Side note: somehow in the finish chute, I restarted my watch, and I'm still thoroughly pissed about that. I edited the Garmin entry to reflect that I stopped my watch at the finish at 3:48:54 and 26.3 miles, but sadly my Garmin watch stats now show my fastest marathon as 3:57, the time I noticed I had inadvertently restarted my watch. Small beans in the big picture, but still annoying.)

I saw Greg and Tony right away. Tony was still in the finish chute waiting for me, Greg on the sidelines with what sure looked like tears in his eyes. I got my medal from the sweetest young lady, who gave me purple Mardi Gras beads from around her neck in addition to that hard earned medal. She asked for a hug, and I started crying. It wasn't the ugly cry finish in Mississippi, but rather much more subdued, but the tears were still there. What a sweet volunteer she was to give me the hug I desperately needed.

I got hugs from Greg (more tears!) and Tony (and more tears again!), who missed a BQ by only 51 seconds (those 51 seconds that he should have tacked on to his 5K, but hey, he gets to be 1st Grandmaster! Haha), but took 23 minutes off of his PR and ran a sub-4 hour marathon for the first time ever. A 3:40:51 marathon was just phenomenal. He and I were in an incredible amount of pain as we tried walking out of the chute. A few steps, cramping, a few more steps, whining, a few more steps. Did I mention I was still REALLY REALLY COLD? Greg got me blue and yellow balloons and made a sign for me to celebrate my second BQ (and first legitimate BQ). 

Just wow. 

Now, 3 days later, I'm still in a little bit of awe. I honestly don't know where that strength came from to do this twice in 5 weeks, to do it faster (barely!) the second time, and to push myself to Boston Qualifying caliber. I get to run the Boston Marathon and it just seems so damn crazy. I am one stubborn woman who just never gave up, even when I wanted to, even when my doubts were overwhelming, right up until those last few minutes of that race, when I finally knew I could do it and that I would. I'm also in awe that I basically coached myself (and Tony) to these new marathon times. I wrote the plan and executed it without anyone telling me what to do, with the exception of Tuesday morning interval and tempo workouts. Coach Christine from my triathlon group was the boss that morning every week. She would tell me what to run and how fast to run and I did what she said. Tony and I have to give her so much credit for making us truly see how fast we could run. Our determination combined with great running buddies, great advice, and priceless support all around, helped us to succeed.

It's interesting to me to look back on the past 38 days and everything that's happened. I BQ'd on December 10, only to see that the course was short. My time would've been just under 3:51 had the course been accurate. I had to recover fast and smart and try not to lose too much fitness over the next five weeks so I could do it again. I BQ'd again, this time by more than the 4:00 minute buffer I would've had in Mississippi. I think that's a really big positive to take out of this. I had a better finish time in Louisiana, so I have to see that as a silver lining to the stress from the last five weeks. Had my BQ counted in Mississippi, I doubt I would've raced as hard in Louisiana, and quite possibly would've only run the half marathon. I also learned something from this race that didn't really come into play in Mississippi. Be careful of hydration. I did not hydrate enough because of the cold and I'm sure that slowed me down a bit at the end. I still would've felt pretty icky but perhaps a little less. I fueled with gels very well, however, and I'm pleased with that. Every 45 minutes practically on the dot I had a gel and that was enough nutrition for me, in addition to the salt a couple of times during the race plus the hydration mix in my water bottle. But the water consumption was too little and I need to be better about that in cold weather. 

We learn something from every single race, no doubt about that. 

I have to note that I had three teammates running the Houston Marathon, and each of them ran a great race, too. Two new PRs and a BQ. I was actually the slowest marathon out of all five of us, so it was certainly a really great day. 

The rest of the day consisted of gumbo, beer, rum and coke, a hot bath, pizza, Fireball, more beer, king cake, Starbucks, and some good times checking out Mike the Tiger on LSU campus. Poor Greg had his hands full babysitting us. But I think it was worth it to him to be able to see me run another awesome marathon.

BOSTON!!!