Uncertain Plans

 As we get further into August, I am becoming increasingly aware of my flagging motivation to properly train for my next race. It's hard to believe there is still so much uncertainty. Next week is technically the start of my 18-week training cycle for Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon, which is scheduled to take place on December 13.

Today I received my "In Training" t-shirt for registering within the first week, and I really like it! But it's also a little bittersweet as I look at it. Marathon training is hard, and I was already 5 weeks into training for Chicago before the plug was pulled on that race. I have still been running and am actually maintaining a solid 40+ mile/week average. 

But dammit, it's hard. Summer in Texas means even before sunrise, temps are ALWAYS in the 70s or low 80s. Every single day. Dew points hover over 70 and are sometimes 75+. Day in and day out, even with slowing my pace considerably, it gets tough. The motivation declines. The desire just isn't there some days.

It was so different 3 years ago when I started training for my first BQ. I was so determined and there was no real fear of the race not happening. Life was so much easier back then! Last year I trained to BQ again and didn't have much trouble with motivation. But this year? Just ugh.

Today, my husband was going to sign up to run the half marathon while I ran the full, but he noticed a little caveat in the registration terms that I honestly do not remember seeing, or I scanned over it very quickly and it didn't stand out to me.

Runners bring their own pre-race and during-race hydration/nutrition

Oh, boy.

I always carry a handheld 18 ounce water bottle when I race long distances. I refill at the water stops. I can get through a half marathon, in cooler weather, with just that 18 ounces if necessary. But a full marathon requires way more hydration than that. So am I supposed to run with a camelback? I never do that and the thought of starting a race with 50+ ounces of water in a camelback sloshing around? That doesn't seem too appealing. Or a vest with spots for a couple water bottles? Would that even be enough hydration for 3 hours, 45 minutes of running? Or do I have Greg be my water stop and switch water bottles out at certain spots on the course? 

So Greg didn't register, just in case I need him. Using a spectator as my hydration sherpa is something I obviously don't do since it's not technically allowed under USATF rules, and since I am gunning for a BQ, I'm very cognizant of racing 100% within the rules. But in a race with no on-course hydration support? That provides a bit of a conundrum. In a situation like this, however, it may be reasonable to assume that assistance may actually be allowed.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is thinking about this.

So, in the meantime, I will start my specified training (with a very easy and lower mileage week next week before the intensity and volume kicks up). I will try to silence the doubt inside my head. It's easier said than done right now. I knew when I registered that the race may not occur, and that was the risk I was willing to take. I can defer my entry if need be, and besides, it's not an expensive race anyway. What I'm really worried about is not developing the focus and fortitude I need to hone in on my time goal. Getting a Boston Qualifying time is at the upper end of my ability, so it's not something that will just come to me without much effort. I need to be ready for my A game on race day. Without the mental strength developed over the course of the training cycle, it become difficult to tune into that mindset. I've done it before and I know I can do it again if I can shake off all the extraneous BS. 

Times are still so damn uncertain. On top of race uncertainty, there have been a lot of other stressors impacting my daily life. I haven't talked too much about them like I have in the past, but the stress is there and front and center and ever-present in my daily life. It wears on you. I'm honestly just not doing well with it. 

Did I mention my son moves out in 13 days? And I paid my first college tuition and college apartment rent for him this week? That was definitely eye-opening and painful!

2020, you are such a pain in the ass.

 

 

Writing has become very difficult

I have started countless blog posts, only to delete them. I don't often find myself struggling for words, but right now I'm struggling. Everything I write seems shallow and dumb and unimportant.

I don't like having this attitude. This is my blog, this is about my life, my thoughts, my experiences. Despite the global issues surrounding us, this is still my life and I want to live it to the best of my abilities. Finding joy and freedom in everyday things leads to peace.

That means I get to write about me if I want to. This isn't ignoring anything else going on in the world. If you are a friend in real life and spend time with me, then you know that I often have meaningful conversations with those I love. I am a deep thinker, a free thinker, and can absolutely make a difference in this world with how I choose to live my life and the values I choose to impart upon my children. Judging someone's intentions based on whether they shout from the rooftops their values or if they quietly live them and show them to the world through everyday actions isn't effecting change. Judging is not at all necessary and can be quite destructive. On another note, opinion discrimination is a disgusting practice and is the exact opposite of tolerance. Think about that. Think really really hard about that.

Here, on my blog, I'm going to talk about running right now.

I am about to embark upon a very ambitious training block in the hopes I get to run the Chicago Marathon. But I honestly don't have any delusions that I'm going to be running the Chicago Marathon. I think it will be a couple more months beyond that before there's any thought to a race. However, I would like to begin my training regardless. Honestly, I am struggling with motivation, as the world continues to lack normalcy and security. So how to I push through this obstacle?

By reminding myself of HOW to train properly, by reminding myself of WHY I need to train properly.

First and foremost, I must take care of my body. I must baby it while also pushing it to be stronger. I will be running six days a week, for up to about 65 miles per week, with two "something of substance" workouts per week, as the Hanson Marathon Method refers to them. These are the interval, "strength," and tempo runs. Every other week, the long run is run at a more moderate pace. This means that 3-4 runs per week are easy runs. Really easy runs. If we don't take that easy part seriously, we can't succeed at the SOS workouts. Through an 18 week block, this method gets you to the starting line ready to smash your goal, hopefully!

So, let's talk easy. Hanson bases your pace ranges on current fitness and marathon goal. My marathon goal is still 3:45 since I haven't quite hit that yet. This equates to an 8:35 overall pace. My workout paces would be as follows:

Recovery - 11:01
Easy Aerobic - 9:39-10:21 (based on the book, but online calculators show the range is even slower, at up to 11:05)
Moderate/Long - 9:18
Marathon Pace Tempo - 8:35
Strength - 8:25 (after a block of shorter speed training, we start running strength workouts run at 10 seconds under marathon pace, in repeats of 1.5 to 3 miles)
Speed - 7:33-7:52 (we do a speed block in the first half of the training cycle, of up to 1600 meter repeats)

However, and this is really important to remember, these paces are based on relatively ideal weather conditions. Hanson adjusts pace based on less-than-ideal weather. And what do we have from May to October in Texas? LESS THAN IDEAL WEATHER. So I won't actually be running any of these paces, but rather SLOWER.

For example, let's give this morning's weather as an example. It was 75 degrees and 90% humidity when I started my run. If I plug that info into the pace adjuster (found online), my paces are now as follows:

Recovery - 11:15+ (there's not an actual field for this in the online calculator, so it basically becomes slow enough to stay in Zone 1 as much as humanly possible...that to me says over 11:15 pace, which I've never actually done! Might need to change that)
Easy Aerobic - 10:04-11:51 (in other words, you've got all sorts of wiggle room)
Moderate/Long - ~9:45 (again, it's not exact online, so this is my average interpretation, but some miles could likely be slower)
Marathon Pace Tempo - 9:16 (yes, that's 41 seconds per mile slower than marathon pace)
Strength - 9:05
Speed - 7:56-8:30

There's a wide range because we all react differently to heat and humidity, but the general consensus is that in order to maximize the gains from training, you must go by effort and throw a lot of your expected paces out the window when weather gets rough. If I need to run 10:45 to stay in Zone 2 on my easy days, then that's what I will run. Some days I might be able to push it to 10:15 or faster without overdoing it. For my long runs every other week, the key is to stay easy to moderate and avoid threshold. In good weather, 9:18 pace wouldn't be a problem. In bad weather, it's definitely going to be much closer to 10:00. Tempo days are used to mimic the marathon, so my effort at 9:16 pace in bad weather would equal my effort on race day in good weather.

I need to remember that it's okay to run 11 minute miles. How am I supposed to run 6 days per week and push myself everyday and not get injured? The answer is I DON'T. I need to run miles that feel pointless and slow, because my head knows that this is how we actually get faster.

So this means that over the course of my training, depending on weather, I could see my run average in the 8's or all the way to the 11's. There should be a big range of training paces throughout the cycle. But the majority should absolutely be much slower than marathon pace, particularly in a climate like ours.

If your goal is a 3:30 marathon (about 8:00 pace), then I shouldn't be seeing from you a bunch of runs averaging in the mid-8's. But I do see this from people ALL THE TIME. And then there's the people that run in the 10's for almost every run, and their marathon goal is 4:30 (10:16 pace). That makes no sense whatsoever. Either you are running too hard everyday or your goal is too weak. If you're finding yourself saying that there's no way you could run your usual pace for 26.2 miles, but you're also in the same breath saying that pace is "easy," then you're probably not running an actual easy pace. Confusing as heck, right?

This is why I like paying attention to my heart rate in addition to going by effort. It keeps me honest. My Zone 2 heart rate range is 127-141. I get lucky and can run well under 10:00 pace and still maintain that appropriate effort, but other days it's just not happening (like a couple times this past week!). I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to slow down to maintain the right effort and keep my heart rate in check. The benefit is the same.

My last hard workout was on Tuesday and we did a marathon pace workout, with a warm up mile, then two sets of two miles at marathon pace with an easy mile in between. The weather was upper sixties so I adjusted my marathon pace to 8:50 vs 8:35. I averaged closer to 8:40 for all four marathon pace miles, but my heartrate stayed in Zone 3, telling me I was definitely running the correct pace for the conditions and how I felt that particular day. I was also breaking in my carbon fiber shoes, and that could've allowed me to run 5 seconds per mile or so faster than I expected at the same effort. All in all, I chose the right pace in the right conditions and executed the workout properly without overexerting myself and missing the mark on the point of that particular workout. Even in the fourth mile, marathon pace did not feel very difficult, which it shouldn't four miles in.

It's obvious I love data and I love analyzing and I love seeing it all come together in a training block.

I am fearful that the weather will take a bigger toll on me this summer, even if I properly adjust all my paces. I am not a happy camper when it's hot out. I am fearful that despite telling myself, it's okay to view marathon pace at 9:16 instead of 8:35, it's going to bug me a lot and I'm going to sabotage myself and run faster and overdo it. When you see others running much faster, but with the same general marathon goals, it's hard to hold back and stay in your lane and do what you know YOU should be doing. Putting faster runs on Strava is just so much sexier than 11:00 pace runs when you're talking about running a BQ marathon as a goal.

I also need to continue to focus on my form during my runs. Running slower miles can contribute to a breakdown in your form if you don't pay attention. I do worry about this, so I need to remind myself throughout each run to go through my checkpoints and make sure I'm not exhibiting a form breakdown.

My hope is that I can throw all my misgivings out the window just like I did back in 2017 when I first embarked on my BQ goal. I was successful then, and I am itching to be successful again.

But did I mention my motivation is lacking? It really is. I know that some of this is because my mental strength is being tested by society. Some of it is because we haven't heard an update from Chicago Marathon yet and in the wake of the Boston Marathon cancellation, it makes me antsy to be so unsure.

I'm going to spend some time this week reading a really phenomenal book by Dr. Jordan Peterson called "12 Rules for Life." I'm truly fascinated by this genius of a man and looking forward to finding my best self through knowledge and learning. I'm also learning to drown out the negativity from the pervasive culture that tells me to shut up and that my opinion is wrong, although I'm admittedly not successful on that front. I'm just getting really f*cking angry.

God Bless!

It's Race Week!

After 18 weeks, I'm finally in the home stretch of my marathon training cycle. In six days, I'll toe the line in Folsom, California, and run my 16th marathon.

It never gets any less nerve wracking.

I go back and forth between thinking I'm prepared to run a PR race, and then I get massive nerves thinking that maybe I'm not quite there. It hasn't been a perfect training cycle (are they ever?), but I know that I put in great effort and I'm in very good shape right now. I had a biometric screening done for my health insurance this morning, and I'm at my ideal racing weight and my blood pressure was great, and I'm really pleased with that! I haven't weighed myself once during this cycle, so to see my efforts quantified with the number I was hoping for is a confidence boost.

Since my peak week of training, I've focused on less volume and intensity to repair my body and prepare it for the stress of 26.2 miles. Last Thursday was our Turkey Trot 5 miler, and my plan wasn't to race it but to get into a groove and just cruise at a difficult pace and finish feeling good. The start of the race was very congested and there were many people in front of me running over 10 minute per mile pace, while I had planned to run about 8:15-8:30. So that first mile was all over the place for me, dodging past people when I could and hoping for an opening in the crowd to settle in. It took about a half mile before the crowd opened up and I could finally relax a bit. First mile was an 8:16, which was quicker than I expected. Mile 2 was definitely faster than I had wanted to run, at 7:48, so I backed off for the next couple miles, running 8:05 and 8:06. I still felt pretty good, like I could continue to run that pace without overdoing it for the rest of race. Last mile came in at 7:50 so I averaged about 8:00 overall. I was very pleased that my average heartrate was 153 and I never hit zone 5. Two years ago I ran a faster race, but I was still over two weeks out from my marathon, so I felt like I could run all out then, while this time I knew that just wouldn't be necessary or really smart for me. Feeling good at 8:00 pace ten days before CIM seems pretty great to me! I didn't feel any weird pains or muscle tightness, so I know my taper is going well.

But then there's always that one run in the taper that screws with your head. That was my easy run this past Saturday morning. It was 73 degrees and extremely humid out. Not quite as bad as our summer, but way warmer than what we've typically been running in for the last couple months. To be honest, I felt like total crap on that run. My heartrate was too high (I didn't even look during the run, but analyzed after) and my breathing sucked. Fortunately, however, yesterday's easy 10 miler was a million times better. It was 30 degrees cooler and only about 40% humidity (exactly what I want for race day). I got stronger as the run progressed, and it was my last longish run of the cycle.

I do, however, feel like I might have a touch of tendinitis in my left heel. It's staying at bay, and I'm hoping the rest after the race will help it to settle down. I didn't feel it during the Turkey Trot, but I did feel it during my weekend runs. Funny enough, it's always my right side that bugs me, so to have a pain on my left side is different. My right side isn't giving me any trouble right now!

For this week, I'll only be running easy pace, with maybe a few strides thrown into tomorrow's run. Now is the time for me to continue to baby my body - sleeping well, eating well, hydrating, foam rolling, icing, and relaxing. I got a deep tissue massage last Tuesday and it was absolutely wonderful. I've scheduled my next massage for 3 days after the race, and I have a feeling I might start getting addicted to these massages. Sorry, Greg!

I travel to Sacramento on Friday morning, and Greg will follow that night. I am staying right near the finish line and I know being in that area will get me excited for the race. Seeing the finish line set up is always a boost, plus there's the Capitol 5k on Saturday morning (I'm not running, but will probably go cheer). I've got dinner reservations for Saturday night, and my girlfriend from the Austin area who is running is joining us. I'll be laying low most of Saturday trying to shake my nerves and getting my game face on. I have a really big goal for this race and I definitely need to dial in my focus.

Sunday morning will start super early. The bus to the start line leaves at 5am! That's going to be a little rough, but it was similar in Mississippi two years ago, so I know what to expect. I'm glad that they allow us to hang out on the bus until we have to get to the corrals, because it will be pretty chilly and the rain forecast keeps going back and forth every time I check the weather. I think I might actually prefer a little rain as I tend to naturally speed up. I don't think we are going to have any issue with the temperature during the race as it should stay in the 40s to low 50s the entire time. That's a huge weight off my shoulders. When the Boston forecast shifted from cold rain to warm, sunny, and humid, it totally sucked. One of the reasons that I picked CIM is that the weather is almost always ideal for the race. It appears that this year will be no different.

In other words, I don't have any reason to hold back. Balls to the wall with a BQ as the goal!

If anyone is interested in tracking, they do have runner tracking with the details on the race home page. There's even an app, and I think the app shows 5K splits. I'm working on my pacing plan right now, and if I keep my 5K splits between 26 and 27 minutes I'll hit my goal. That's a lot of 27 minute 5Ks to string together!

About a month ago, I stopped getting sucked into social media. The negativity was just not good for my mental health and I needed to focus on taking better care of myself while heading into the most intense week of training. It's still been quite a stressful month, unfortunately. My daughter has regressed with her struggles and we've put a lot of time, effort, and money into figuring out how to turn the ship back around. Being on edge wondering when things are going to go downhill again is extremely exhausting. On top of that, she sprained her ankle and damaged her ligaments right before Thanksgiving break, which means a boot for six weeks. And then ON TOP OF THAT, she found out the next day that her favorite teacher was having sex with a 17 year old student in her classroom and has been fired and arrested. My poor kid doesn't need anymore bullshit to deal with, and we don't need anymore hysterical episodes to navigate. AND THEN, I found out the version of a medication I'm taking is no longer being covered by my insurance, and now I need to fight for that.

Honestly, I'm surprised I haven't completely lost my shit, because there are times I wonder how much longer I can deal with this. So while I have checked into some Facebook pages (the race, my kids' schools, etc), I'm not participating in any dialogue and avoiding checking Messenger. Texting is my go-to communication right now, and it's working for me.

Six more days!!

Almost Done

I could probably sleep for days. I probably should.

I'm really tired. My legs are really fatigued. And I'm REALLY ready for this week to be over...and it's only Monday.

I'm at the point in training, during a cycle that is testing my physical endurance and my sanity, where I just can't get enough to eat, I can't get enough sleep, and my legs just want to rest.

Miraculously, I'm still hitting my pace targets. I'm battling through the fatigue and still executing.

But oh my gosh, it's not very easy.

As I was running my last long run "workout" (a long run with a marathon pace portion incorporated into it) yesterday, as I was struggling during that first marathon mile to hit my target, I kept reminding myself that this accumulated fatigue will make me stronger for race day, that after my taper, my legs will be fresh and totally willing to run my goal pace. But right then? They were telling me to shut the hell up and go back to bed.

My workout was 16 miles total, with a 4 mile warm up, 8 miles straight of marathon pace, and a 4 mile cooldown. This was at the conclusion of a 59 mile week, with my three previous days totaling 31.8 miles.

TIRED.

But I knew that despite my body's protest, that I could nail the workout and that the more marathon pace miles I strung together, the better I would start feeling. I would get into a zone and before I knew it, I'd be ready for my four cooldown miles.

And that's what happened! Overall, it was a great workout. My four warm up miles averaged 10:25, so they were nice and easy in the cold weather. My eight mile workout averaged 8:35 on the dot (goal pace!!), and my cooldown miles, while feeling very sluggish and slow, actually averaged a decent 10:02. My heartrate data was good, I didn't overdo it, and I'd call the workout a success.

I think the best part was that all the dumb aches and pains that have cropped up here and there over the weeks, were nowhere in sight during the run. Fatigue and muscle soreness, yes. But my IT band behaved, my hamstring didn't feel tight, and the strange ache in my left (left? It's never on my left!) achilles wasn't there. Even after my run, my only problem was being tired, but not particularly sore.

Regardless, I did NOT want to wake up this morning and get out for a recovery run. I actually knocked a mile off what I was supposed to run. I'll still hit a 62 mile week for my peak week, so I don't think that pesky mile really matters in the long run. We gotta do what we gotta do. Considering I wanted to throw in the towel yesterday when my first race pace mile came in at 8:52, I'd say knocking a mile off a recovery run today wasn't too big of a deal.

These next 27 days I am going to do my best to take care of my body. I've removed some distractions from my life temporarily (social media and rum and coke), I'm going to do my best to get some more sleep, I'm eating more, I'm stretching and foam rolling and icing everyday, I'm snuggling with puppies, and I'm reading some awesome books. My travel plans are set, I'm already checking out the weather patterns (so lame), and I'm making sure I have everything I need.

Peak week looks like this:
Monday: 5 recovery miles
Tuesday: 7 mile tempo run
Wednesday: 10 easy miles
Thursday: 10 mile interval run (I'm debating on if it'll be 10x800m or 6x1 mile)
Friday: REST HALLELUJAH
Saturday: 10 easy miles
Sunday: 20 mile long run

After that, it's taper time, with a reduction in volume, then a reduction in intensity, and all the nerves that are expected as you approach race day.

So somebody tell my kids to be nice to me, ok?

History of Boston Qualifying Times

Yesterday, the Boston Athletic Association announced the cut off for qualifiers to be accepted into the 2020 Boston Marathon. You needed to be 1:39 or more under your gender and age-based qualifying time to be accepted. At first glance it sounds like it's so much better than last year's 4:52 cutoff...except that they tightened the standards by 5 minutes for 2020. So in reality, it's equivalent to 6:39 under 2019 standards.

That's really fast.

I didn't have a qualifier for 2020, so it didn't make a difference to me what the cut off was for 2020. I'm putting my hope into getting into the 2021 race, or whenever I may have the opportunity to apply again.

It got me thinking about how difficult it has become to get into the race in the last decade. 

Let's take a look:

In 2011, the B.A.A. announced tightened standards beginning with the 2013 race, and a rolling registration process beginning in 2012 (no longer first come, first served until sell out). Back in 2011 and 2012, you could still run a 4:00 marathon as a 45-49 year old woman (my current age group), plus be 59 seconds over that mark and qualify and be able to register. Starting in 2013, that time tightened to 3:55:00, then tightened again in 2020 to 3:50:00. The cut off time has been all over the map.

So how hard has it gotten for qualifiers to get accepted into the race? I'll use the times of a 45-49 year old woman as an example. The following are the times that these woman had to run in order to get accepted:

2011  4:00:59  9:11 pace
2012  3:58:46  9:06 pace
2013  3:55:00  8:58 pace
2014  3:53:22  8:54 pace
2015  3:53:58  8:55 pace
2016  3:52:32  8:52 pace
2017  3:52:51  8:53 pace
2018  3:51:37  8:50 pace
2019  3:50:08  8:47 pace
2020  3:48:21  8:42 pace

In just one decade, qualifiers have had to get 29 seconds per mile faster in order to run the Boston Marathon. A qualifier is JUST a qualifier. It merely means you've met a pretty tough standard and that you get the opportunity to register for the race. But it's anyone's guess if it's good enough to actually get acceptance. That isn't known until that greatly anticipated announcement is made.

A whole lot of people got their dreams crushed yesterday. I actually thought that with them tightening the standards at the last moment, AFTER the 2020 qualification window had opened, not giving anyone any warning that they would now need to run 5 minutes faster to qualify, that there quite possibly would not even be a cut off this year. And if there was, that it would be less than a minute. I was way off!

When Greg and I qualified by 4:43 and 5:07, respectively, for 2019, neither of us thought we had anything to worry about, that those buffers would be more than enough. Greg ended up missing it by 9 seconds, and I barely made it in by a mere 15 seconds (so thankful that Greg ended up running on the Dell team). It's just so hard to know where to aim! It also makes me wonder if Boston is going to have to make a decision in the coming years to go back to the incredibly difficult 1980's-like standards to seriously cull the field of qualifiers so that every qualifier actually gets into the race. I'd hate for this to happen, but I also hate for qualifiers to be shut out after that hard work.

At the end of the day, I continue to be just so grateful that I can call myself a Boston Marathon finisher. It might be a one-time occurrence if this fast trend continues, so I'll continue to appreciate my experience while still continuing to strive for improvement in my running. It certainly gives me something to aim towards, a standard that I hope I'm able to continue to hit in the coming years, but satisfaction in knowing that on one glorious day in Baton Rouge in January of 2018, I was able to achieve a dream.

12 more weeks

Marathon #16 (California International) in 12 more weeks. My shot to get a Boston Qualifying time so I can run it again in 2021.

I need a 3:50 to qualify with the tightened standards, and I'll be shooting for a 3:45. It's so hard to know how fast you really need to run. Boston 2020 registration is currently happening and they did announce they will not be able to accept everyone who has applied, so it's anyone's guess what the cut off will be (to be announced next week). The competition is just crazy with people getting so much faster and the interest to run Boston being so high. That dang cut off number will make a difference in where my mind is going into CIM. Not that I want to be lax about pushing my finish time to well under 3:50...I really do want that 3:45.

So here's where I'm at.

• I'm over 40 miles per week now and my first 18 miler is this coming weekend. It seems surreal.
• My heartrate data continues to improve, and my VO2 max is climbing again...finally.
• My intervals are getting faster....finally. 
• Still dealing with awful summer temps, though. My lowest temp for a training run in months has been 71 I believe.
• My legs are fatigued and it annoys me. Pretty stupid thing to be annoyed about....IN MARATHON TRAINING. Of course I'm fatigued.
• My mind is NOT where I want it to be. It's not where it was 2 years ago at this same point in training....so I have work to do there.
• I feel like I want more time, even though I don't NEED more time. 

It's time to throw the gauntlet down and focus as well as I possibly can on these last 526 training miles. My nutrition, hydration, sleep, recovery, stress level, strength....all of it needs to be a priority. Stress level is actually probably my biggest issue right now. I especially need to remember that the colder temps are coming and I'm going to feel like a whole new person when they arrive.

But all of this seemingly negative thinking still takes a backseat to how excited I am to travel to Sacramento and do this race. Another state capital to race in (my 5th!), a highly regarded race, a net downhill (albeit only slightly) point-to-point (my favorite), and I get to see friends. We are trying to figure out a way to get Greg there, too, but my flights are astronomically priced now. I should've just booked two tickets while I booked mine!

I do need to get a little excited about one thing. This morning was a sprint interval workout. The last time I did it was July 9 when it was a bit warmer out. The workout is a 15 minute warmup, then 10x 20 sec all out, 5 minute easy jog, then 10x 20 sec all out again. The rest after each interval is a 1 min walk. I jogged most of the first intervals when we did it in July, but was much better this morning about walking and then only jogging in the last 10-15 seconds to get ready for the sprint.

I had a GREAT workout. In July I averaged 6:54 in the first 10 and then 6:42 in the second 10. My recovery intervals were under 12 minute pace on average. This morning I averaged 6:27 in the first 10 and 6:07 in the second 10. I had several intervals under 6:00 min pace, something I don't even remember ever happening. My recovery intervals were about 12:50 average, so I took them easier, but it allowed me to push harder during the sprints. My average heartrate was 6 beats lower. I was also wearing a new pair of shoes (neutral shoes for the first time) and I joked that it was the shoes! I felt really good when I was done with the workout and thought I had more intervals in me. The data that I'm starting to see from my workouts is giving me more confidence.

Why do I love this?

I know that people probably don't understand me, and why I'm passionate about certain things, why certain things are really important to me.

And that's fine.

The beauty in our world lies in our uniqueness. If we were all alike, it would be pretty boring and we'd never learn anything new. So it's okay to not understand me, or not share my passions, or even care about my passions.

But I still like to talk about them. I still like to share them. As a matter of fact, I LOVE talking about what's important to me and why.

Finding out that I truly loved the journey of training for and running marathons was a huge surprise to me. If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be doing this as a hobby and a form of staying healthy and fit, I'd have laughed at you. I hated running, or so I thought.

Funny how when you give something weird or different a chance, you find out so much about yourself that you never even knew or understood.

First, it's always been important to me to be healthy. I have had fits and starts but for the most part, I've always taken very good care of myself. I want to be that 75 year old grandma who doesn't slow down or need assistance to do anything. I don't want my age or health to take control of me, ever. So it's really no surprise that I found a routine that works for me and keeps me healthy. It's not just running....I also make sure my nutrition is 95% good. What you put in your body is vitally important to health, just as exercise, as we all know. If it wasn't running, it certainly could've been something else equally good for me.

So why running? Well, it was easy to get started, it was easy to find running partners, and there were races all over the place to keep me motivated. It didn't cost a lot of money or require any fancy equipment or gym memberships. It was natural. We were meant to run and move our bodies.

Over the past 12 years, running has certainly evolved for me. After my sister passed away from obesity-related complications of flu and lupus in 2009, it spurred me on even more to remain healthy and inspire others to be healthy. It hurts deeply to see so many people in this world be flippant with their health. That would never be me, and I wanted to show others that it didn't have to be them either.

I learned as much as I could about running and proper training. I started running marathons in 2009 but it was more as a hobby and I didn't really push myself much to get better at it. I was much more successful at shorter distances, winning age group awards here and there, but I was very fearful of racing a marathon. "Jogging" one was much less daunting and for the majority of my 12 marathons up to 2017, that's what I did. I "jogged" them. Oh but trust me, they hurt regardless, however.

Well, I frankly got sick and tired of allowing my fear to take over and keep me from taking the marathon distance seriously. I also had allowed some other medical issues to wreak havoc on my wellbeing and in 2017 I was done with that crap. Things were changing.

Enter this crazy plan I hatched to qualify for the Boston Marathon. What a perfect way to face my fear head on. A perfect way to find out just how tough I was, how I could cultivate discipline and confidence and commitment that would hopefully spill out into other parts of my life.

Trying to get better....scratch that....trying to get GOOD at the marathon distance became my passion.

Now, "good" is relative. Boston qualifying standards are relative to your age and gender, so as a soon-to-be 45 year old woman, I had the benefit (I like to think of it as benefit) of having a reasonable qualifying standard of 3:55 (at the time, but has since changed to 3:50 for 2020). That's 8:58 pace. Not a scary pace for me normally, but scary as hell for 26.2 miles straight.

There were so many stressors in other areas of my life that often threatened to take me down. My daughter has gone through years of mental health hell, my son is a genius who lacks discipline, the country is full of people acting out in childish ways against each other, and I was getting burned out by all of it. Finding something that I could put my laser focus on, that would make me feel fantastic about myself, of which I could be in control, seemed ideal. Finding a newfound confidence in something I was fearful of was bound to help me in all other areas of my life.

This passion was sure making a whole lot of sense to me!

So therefore, the Boston Marathon, and being able to run it in 2019, became so important to me. But like with most things in life, it didn't exactly go as planned. I qualified in my 13th marathon....sort of. If the course hadn't been mismarked, it would've been an official qualification. But since it was not, I had to do everything in my power to put that aside and try again. Talk about FEAR. But I did and by a whole lot of luck, I was on the winning side of the nasty 4:52-under-BQ cut off.

I got to run the Boston Marathon and it was everything I ever dreamed it could be.

Boston is not a big deal at all for so many people. Pretty much every time they toe the line at a marathon, they qualify and it's relatively easy for them. There are a lot of people out there who don't know anything BUT a BQ, it's that "easy" for them. So getting into Boston is an annual thing for them. Year after year. Those people are beasts. Some understand how lucky they are, some blow it off as no big deal and don't get why people put so much energy into it.

That is not me at all. Just because I've made it there once does not guarantee I'll do it again. I certainly didn't come close to a qualifying time at Boston this year. I was what you would call a "squeaker." A BQ is the exception, not the rule, for me.

And that's why it's so important to me, why it was such a big deal to me that I got to run that race, why I will use that standard every time I run a marathon. It's HARD for me to run a 3:50. It's not a given. It's something I have to work hard for and fight for with every step, making it that much sweeter and more rewarding when it happens.

So when you think I'm out of my mind for making this one race so important, understand that it's not just about running a marathon. It's about facing my fears, cultivating discipline, becoming a better version of me, never taking health for granted, overcoming obstacles, and developing mental and physical strength that transcends the marathon.

That is why I love this distance. It's simply perfect for me.

Being our own worst enemy + Training update

There's something about writing on this blog that I find so therapeutic and helpful, particularly during training. Life throws a lot of curveballs, and my mind isn't exactly the most reliable when it comes to navigating through things...I often don't cope well. But as I'm training, my mind sometimes works a million miles an hour, and I like to get those thoughts out on the blog as often as I can. Looking back at old posts during each cycle can definitely give me new insights and motivations to keep working harder, and this often translates to how I deal with other areas of my life. It's a pretty big win for me.

One topic I've been thinking so much about....probably because I struggled with it in the past pretty often....is how we sabotage ourselves.

There are so many things that can derail training...illness, weather, emergencies...but after 11 years of doing this marathon thing, what I have found is that the biggest obstacle to a great training cycle is OURSELVES.

We are truly our own worst enemies.

When you sign up for a race, you have made a big commitment. Sometimes it seems a bit overwhelming, particularly if it's a long distance race like a marathon or Ironman. But you succeeded at the first step of committing.

After securing a coach and/or a training plan, obtaining the proper equipment, and taking a deep breath, it's time to dive into training. 

And then the excuses begin, right?

Why did I think I could do this?

I'm not fit enough.

The weather sucks.

I feel like crap.

I overslept.

Why did I eat that? 

I'm so slow.

I'm sore.

With the exception of the weather conditions (let's face it, we live in Texas and the weather will always be a crapshoot), we are in control of all those other excuses and hindrances to good training.

Yes, you can do it. If you train properly.

Yes, you will be fit enough. If you train properly.

The weather sucks but so what? Race day might bring the same kind of weather. 

Of course you feel like crap. You're human. Unless you're truly sick, get out there and try.

So you forgot to set it or you turned off your alarm instead of getting out of bed like you committed to. Either get out there now or commit to an afternoon or evening workout. Oversleeping doesn't get you out of training.

Why DID you eat that if you knew it would make you sluggish? Some foods are delicious, sure, but they will definitely work against you sometimes. So skip it. You won't die.

The only person who cares about your pace is you. I wish I was a 6 minute miler, too, but unless it's for a half mile, I'm just not and nobody cares. No matter our pace, we can get out there and compete and enjoy ourselves. Also? If you train right, you'll get faster.

Of course you're sore. You're in training. But the better you train, the less likely you'll be sore after a hard workout. Or you can just do a recovery workout. But get out there anyway.

I have probably used all these excuses and then some over the years. But two years ago I told myself to stop sabotaging my training.

Did I commit to a plan? Well, then I'm sticking to it (unless sick or dealing with an emergency, of course).

Unless there's lightning or dangerous ice, I'll be out there training...or at the gym. I have options.

Sometimes I'm going to wake up not at all wanting to train, but I will still get up and do my best and 9 out of 10 times, I feel a million times better when I'm done.

If I oversleep or choose to stay in bed, I know that it might mess me up for that training day if I don't commit to doing the workout later in the day. But I also know that my training is structured in a certain way and messing with it too much is a disservice to me and could bite me in the ass.

Do I want the chocolate cake? Sure I do! But I also know there are other healthy sweet options that will curb my sweet tooth and not work against me. It's possible to say no to sweets and foods that don't allow you to perform at your best, I promise you, and it's really not that big of deal and you won't really miss them much.

As for speed, well.....I'm really only competing with myself. I've done the research on how to improve my speed and I know it doesn't happen overnight. Chipping away at it every day will reap huge rewards later, so I know I just need to hang in there and show up everyday. The speed will come and there's no use whining about it today (I might still whine, though).

Sometimes after a really tough workout, I am sore. Like very sore. That doesn't get me out of my workout today or tomorrow. Chances are, it will help me to be LESS sore. So I stop whining (mostly) and I get to work.

It's easy to let the negative thoughts overpower the positive ones. We are human. But we must train our minds to focus on what we CAN do and not where we are lacking. There are far more variables within our control than there are left up to chance. Focus on that! Control what you can!

When I was frustrated and fed up with years of bad races, I vowed to pull myself out of it. I looked at everything I could control: my nutrition, my medications, my schedule (to a point, of course...life happens and I get that), my attitude, my priorities, my strengths. And I got to work. Every time I had a win (whether it was one pound or inch lost, a healthy snack I chose, a faster interval workout, better heart rate data on a run, a better night's sleep, picking up a heavier weight at the gym)....I celebrated it, since every little win was a positive and an improvement. It did me no good to dwell on the negatives or the things out of my control. It's HARD to shut that off, but over time you CAN do that.

When I got injured in September, it messed with my head BIG TIME. When I was able to get back to training I had lost a lot of fitness and had missed two races. But if I chose to complain about it everyday versus plugging away workout by workout, I never would have been able to get to where I was on my January 20 race day, where I shaved two minutes off a six year-old half marathon PR. And now, seven weeks from my next marathon, I'm seeing my hard work paying off little by little. I get out there everyday and do my prescribed workout, and on rest days I relish in the relaxation while my body gets stronger.

It all comes together when we choose to stop sabotaging our efforts.

Even after my half marathon, I had a few doubts creeping in on whether or not I'd be BQ ready for Boston, even though my race time translated to being on the cusp. But that race was very, very hard for me. I don't think even my BQ marathon felt that hard. I needed to get away from this mindset. I needed to have a few breakthrough workouts so I could see a glimpse of what was possible.

That's exactly what has happened. My last three interval workouts have been some of my best ever. I've averaging in the low-7's for 3-4 miles of intervals and I'm feeling great. My recovery intervals are mostly all jogging rather than big chunks of walking, and my VO2 max has climbed after being somewhat stagnant for a few weeks. All of this is happening during a 200 mile month, which is A LOT of miles for me.

I have my first 20 miler of the cycle this weekend and I'm looking forward to seeing how I feel. It's just a simple easy pace run, no workout built into it, so the pressure of pace is off. I'm focusing strictly on perceived effort and trying to dial in a comfortable pace.

I'm also finding that with this increase in mileage, I am HUNGRY ALL THE TIME. I ate three lunches today, for crying out loud! I am at my racing weight and know that I need to up my calories so I don't lose anymore weight. Just a terrible problem to have, right?

53 more days.

Commitment

I started this post about a month ago and never finished it. As I get closer and closer to Marathon #15 and try to dial in my goals, I feel my anxiety creeping up. So I thought a mindset shift was in order, and I revisited this post to finish it. Hope you enjoy.

***

As I approach my half marathon taper and am now 2 weeks out from race day, my mental strength has started to waver a bit. Nothing like an ill-timed injury to make you second guess your ability, right? That dumb September injury has tried over and over again to screw with my head, even though I'm pretty much recovered from it.

I have started to re-read some of my old blog posts in the hope of tweaking my mental outlook. I need to start focusing only on the positives of the last several weeks and not the fact that I had a blip in the road. And, of course, anytime I start thinking too much, a blog post forms in my head.

Focus on the positives? Okay, here it goes.

What are my strengths this training cycle?

The big one that keeps popping up into my head is COMMITMENT.

If I am anything when it comes to training, it's that I am committed. I write a plan, I plan my calendar, I look days in advance to be sure I can fit in what I need to do, and I EXECUTE the plan. Am I about to have an incredibly busy day that starts really early but I still need to run 8 miles? I guess I'm setting my alarm for 4:30am and getting my butt to bed early.

Since coming back from injury in October, I have only missed one run and that was because I was feeling unwell. One run. I'm pretty damn proud of that. I battled fatigue and laziness but I still got out there and put in the work. I committed to 26.2 miles and damnit I'm not throwing that away! Obviously, many factors can come into play that can wreak a little havoc on a training cycle - the early signs of injury, which should never be ignored, illness, and the occasional unexpected emergency that robs you of your time. I've been pretty lucky so far. But even the occasional blip shouldn't ruin your commitment. There's a reason I'm a morning runner the vast majority of the time and that I like to get up before dark to train...if I keep putting off my run or I schedule a lot of evening runs, there's a bigger chance that something will come up and I have to skip it. Nope....I'm starting off my day right instead!

Another strength? I find JOY from training. Doing this does not wear on me...usually! It invigorates me emotionally. I might be physically tired, but my mind is clear and happy when I get to train. I love this journey. I genuinely feel lucky that I am healthy and able enough to do such good things for my body. I try to never take that for granted.

Another vital attribute that I think is important, particularly when getting into the latter parts of a training plan or if you're starting to have doubts, is FOCUS. This goes a step further than just being committed to your training. Every single training run has a purpose. I don't believe that there is such a thing as junk miles. I have structured my plan in such a way that I'm gaining benefit from every single run, whether it's a 10:30 pace recovery run, or a tempo run with a few miles at 7:45 pace, whether it's an easy paced long run, or a long run with a marathon pace workout built in. While I always need to look at my training week as a whole, I also aim to focus solely on the workout I'm in and try not to lose sight of its purpose.

But I am also not a slave to my training plan if I feel like I need to tweak it. Being FLEXIBLE is sometimes necessary. During one particular week I was feeling a bit more fatigue than normal, and I had already run several faster paced miles that week, so I changed my scheduled 7 mile track workout to a 7 mile easy run with strides. I felt fantastic the next day and it led to a very solid weekend of training. I had overshot on how many hard miles I had scheduled into the week and needed to change things. I didn't reduce my mileage, but I knew when I needed to ease up on intensity, even for just one run. Next weekend on Sunday the 17th, Greg is running the Austin Half Marathon, and I have a 16 miler on my schedule that day. I want to be at the finish line to see Greg, so I am shifting my long run to Saturday instead. I'll get up early with him and get my six mile recovery run in before I head to downtown Austin. Still getting in my miles, but being flexible on the order and that's okay!

Lastly, I think I'm pretty good at seeing the BIG PICTURE. At the end of the day, the week, and even at the end of this cycle, I need to remember that I am lucky I get to do this. I have a healthy body (mostly) and the ability to pursue this passion. No matter what happens on race day, my journey is fun and fulfilling. Only 10% of marathoners qualify for Boston, and that statistic is not lost on me. I have the opportunity to run in the world's oldest marathon, and THAT is the most important thing. Add to that the fact that I'll be running every step of it with my best friend, and it makes whatever number the finish line clock shows completely irrelevant. The 20 week training journey, the trip to Boston, the time spent with Greg, every single one of the steps from Hopkinton to Boylston Street.....THAT is the Big Picture. I need to keep remembering this when I start to feel anxiety on whether I'm in as good of shape as I was last January in Baton Rouge.

67 more days!

The ridiculous journey to Boston

I need to play catch up on the journey to Boston story. For those who don't know the whole, long, ridiculous, exhausting story, here are the previous blog entries that pretty much tell it:

My first attempt at a BQ....not so fast!!

My second, successful attempt at a BQ

My husband's crazy idea

My husband's crazy marathon and BQ

The Boston cut-off

So yeah....in a nutshell:

• I qualified for Boston a mismarked course, so no official BQ for me
• I legitimately qualified again 5 weeks later on a perfectly marked course, with 5:07 to spare
• Husband decides to run his FIRST marathon just so he can qualify and run with me in Boston
• He crushes his first marathon, getting a BQ with 4:43 to spare
• Oh, crap, the cut off was 4:52. He missed actually getting into Boston by 9 seconds. 

And then that same week we got that crap news, I injured my hamstring. It was a shit show of a week.

Thankfully, I'm back up and running, and just crushed a personal best in the half marathon in Houston last weekend (race recap soon!).

So, not only did I get a PR this past week, but it was also my birthday on the 15th and on that same day, the husband got the BEST NEWS EVER.

He would run the Boston Marathon after all. He works for Dell EMC and they get several sponsor bibs in conjunction with raising money for a local Hopkinton charity called the Michael Lisnow Respite Center. You can read about this incredible charity HERE. Not only that, but because he is a Boston Qualifier, he gets to use that time to be seeded in the first waves (likely the second one) rather than being put in the charity runner wave, meaning that I wouldn't have to move back in order to run with him. He could come back to my wave (likely the third) and run with me around others with my same speed.

This is not how I would have wanted to write my Boston Marathon story, but it sure makes for a good story, doesn't it? I think it's pretty spectacular that not only does the husband get to run after all, but he also gets to raise money for a charity that Dell EMC has been in partnership for many many years. I really encourage you to read more about it in the link above.

Also, if you are so inclined, we'd love for you to consider a donation to help support the charity, and us in our quest to spend our 20th anniversary together running the oldest marathon in the world!

Click here to donate to the Michael Lisnow Respite Center

79 more days!!

Bucket List Update

In September 2012, I wrote a Bucket List.

I thought it would be fun to go back and reevaluate where my head was at six years ago. I have changed so much in these last six years and have many other things I'm focusing on and I figured looking at this list would make me laugh at its absurdity (I also need to do a bucket list regarding non-sports related desires. So many things to do in this life and so little time!).

It's actually not that crazy of a list!

1. Run a sub-4 hour marathon. I have always had the ability to run a sub-4. I just didn't really believe it...something just about every marathoner has struggled with. The only time I tried before this past year was back in 2012. Unfortunately, the weather was horrendous and I completely fell apart and didn't even come close. A few weeks after this, however, I ran a 1:51 half. I was in shape to go sub-4 at this time in my life but a combination of the wrong kind of training, horrid weather, and a crappy mental attitude made that impossible. I didn't believe I could or even try again until 2017. That's when I succeeded....TWICE in five weeks. Although my December 2017 race was about a quarter mile short I still consider it a sub-4. I was feeling awesome at that end of that race and it's just really unfortunate that it was mismarked. Let's just count my 10 minute warm up before the race and call it a full marathon, ok? Awesome, thanks.

2. Run an ultramarathon. Nope. Haven't done this. My last long trail race, a 30K at night back in 2013, kind of turned me off to trail races of any kind of significant distance. I like running trails, but other goals have gotten in the way of me making trail running a habit. I haven't tapped into the desire to run an ultra. So I would no longer consider this a bucket list item.

3. Boston Qualify. I didn't even get the qualifying times right when I wrote this post. I said I needed a 3:50 at age 45, and it was actually 3:55. Super cool I got to knock two items off my list in the same race. Now I really do have to run a 3:50, however, as the qualifying standards shifted by another 5 minutes. Seven years ago, you could run a 4:00 marathon as a 45 year old and it's now 10 minutes tougher. I'm actually really glad for this. It makes me that much more focused on quality training. Plus, hopefully this means most qualifiers can actually gain entry into the race, instead of 25% being denied entry. Oh, and that silliness I wrote of maybe not actually running Boston, but just qualifying? Ha! I'm definitely running that race! Go watch the Boston documentary and you'll understand why.

4. Complete a triathlon. I've done seven! I think? But I only competed for two seasons. That part of my life may be behind me, but you never know!

5. Run around Lake Georgetown in its entirety. Have not even come close, nor attempted this in any way, shape, or form. I think my longest run on the lake might be 8 miles. When or if I get into trail running, I will for sure do this. It's a little over a marathon, with a lot of technical parts, so it's not for the timid.

6. Run the Rome Marathon. I'd still love to do this, but it won't be in 2020. Funny thing is, this was actually going to be my husband's one-and-done marathon, but he ran his first this year. Yes, honey, I said your "first." You're going to run another one.

7. Century Ride. Longest ride is 53 miles so I am a very long way away from this goal. I don't know when I'll spend the time to build up to this, but someday I would like to. Cycling has not appealed to me in about a year. I actually have a bit of a fear of it because of the horrible attitude of drivers towards cyclist and the number of accidents that cyclists suffer with cars. I'm simply a little afraid of getting back out there.

8. Run Rim to Rim (to Rim?). I'm thinking one way across the Grand Canyon is plenty, and yes, I'd love to do it still!

9. Back to back marathons. Um...nope. This will not happen. I did back to back 5Ks and half marathons in one weekend and that destroyed me. I was injured for months and had to back out of a marathon because of it. Taking on something like that just doesn't work for me. So we can say goodbye to this item!

10. Complete an Ironman. Sooooo....this was a joke entry, but there was actually a few months last year when I decided that I was going to do an Ironman (clearly I was on drugs). Because I have not gotten back my desire for triathlons, I'm putting this on the back burner, maybe indefinitely.

So, six years later I have completed three of my bucket list items. I'm keeping four of them (Lake Georgetown, Rome, Century Ride, and Rim to Rim), and getting rid of the other three. With only four items on my list, I need some new ones. So here we go:

1. Run a marathon with my husband. We were going to do this in Boston, but the cutoff was so insane that he missed it despite a 4:43 cushion. Still bitter, still sad, and still frustrated as hell. But we will run a marathon together. I'm thinking either CIM next year since I deferred my 2018 entry, or Chicago in 2020 since we have guaranteed entry (unless they change the current rules), but we will see if I can convince him.

2. Qualify for New York City Marathon. It's already insanely difficult to qualify. I would need a 3:38 full or a 1:42 half and although 3:38 was my original goal for Boston, my injury has my time goal up in the air. I would LOVE to qualify and run it just once. I'll keep working at it.

3. Break 7 minute pace in a 5k. My best is 7:12 pace. And it was a short course, but details. It's not easy to chip away at 5K pace, and getting another 12 seconds per mile out of my legs would be pretty epic. I'd really have to focus on that kind of goal, however, and I'm just having so much fun with the endurance stuff right now.

4. Break 8 minute pace in a half marathon. I wanted to attempt this in Houston in January, but I have lost too much fitness from my injury layoff so it's really unlikely to happen yet, but I really really really do want to accomplish this! I need a fall 2019 half marathon, maybe?

5. Pace a marathon. I keep saying I'm going to be a pacer. I just need to do it! A couple more solid sub-4 marathons under my belt and I will feel more comfortable with the idea.

6. Win a race. I have actually come so close to accomplishing this. Not looking for an overall win (ha!), but overall female. Three times I have come in 2nd in a race, and 3rd twice. The thing is, if you're not a super fast runner and I'm not, it's really a combination of picking the right SMALL race and hoping nobody fast shows up! The shorter the race, the better for me. To actually outright win one would be the coolest thing, even if it's because of luck! Super long shot, but always a fun thought.

And now to come up with a non-sport related list....how fun! What's on your bucket list??

I am my own coach...for now

Do I use a coach? I have had many people ask me this, and many people suggested I hire a coach when I talked about wanting to qualify for the Boston Marathon.

No, I don't use a coach. I am my own coach. I have all sorts of reasons for making this choice.

I have been coaching runners both professionally and as a volunteer for about 8 years. I became RRCA certified nearly six years ago and briefly had my own business. My volunteer duties with a local running club ended a few years ago but have been sporadically coaching runners on my triathlon team through our group workouts. I dissolved my business officially last year. I am a full time mom to two high needs teenagers and decided to dissolve my business and instead focus on their needs. Keeping the business did not seem necessary and I knew that down the road, I could always restart that career. The volunteer duties are at my discretion and that works well for me. I also spend some time advising friends on their running and goals and I always enjoy those talks.

I was an ok coach for a bit, and I was actually coached by others during my early marathon pursuits. But I remained a poor marathoner as compared to shorter distances. I absorbed all the knowledge from my RRCA course, tried to listen to others (good and bad advice, unfortunately), and continued to study training methods over the years. I went through a difficult couple of years medically that set me back in my marathon pursuits and took a couple years off from the distance.

In 2016 when my health started on an upswing and I felt like I could give the marathon distance another chance, I decided that I didn't just want to get better, but I wanted to become a good enough to go to Boston. Fortunately, for the 2019 race I'd be aging up and get another 10 minutes added to my qualifying standard, so my target timeframe became September 2017 to September 2018, the qualifying window for the 2019 Boston Marathon.

I had a lot of work to do. I had never taken heart rate training seriously, and few in my training circle had ever really suggested it. I vaguely had an idea of my training zones, but honestly wasn't comfortable with the idea of taking it as easy as the heart rate plans suggested. Training a minute or more over my marathon goal pace? That was a tough pill to swallow for my ego, even though I knew that was what I was "supposed" to do. What I always thought felt like easy pace was always too fast, and it took me a long time to realize this. Hence, why I was a crappy marathoner. When you are in big group settings and being pushed by others, it becomes very difficult to tune that out and do what you know is right for YOU. Having never been a runner until I was well into my 30's, I hadn't learned discipline yet and it took me forever to shut out the noise. Honestly, I needed to tune everything out and get into my own head, on my terms.

I didn't want to hire a coach. I wanted to do this on my own. I wanted to work around my own schedule, to be able to still train a couple times per week with my triathlon group, to analyze my own data without prying eyes, and frankly, I wanted to see if I could do it. I realize this sounds incredible stubborn, and I was incredibly stubborn.

Plus? Coaches are expensive and my family did not need another expense. Remember those high needs kids? One of them has needs that are quite expensive and that was way more important to me than anything else. I could coach myself for free, and I liked that.

If I failed, I'd suck it up and hire a coach.

In the meantime, I spent the rest of 2016 getting to know "heart rate training." It was a process and I was ok with it that first year. My body responded well, I had a good half marathon that October that told me I was going in the right direction. Unfortunately, I had not been able to completely control my asthma, and struggled in warm and humid weather considerably. My January 2017 marathon was very warm and humid and I had no choice but to take it easy during that race. I was very fearful of going into an asthma attack. But, I was happy with my race, although it was 40 minutes over what I would need later that year in order to qualify for Boston and 18 minutes over my PR set in 2014.

Meanwhile, I continued to read as much as I could, to pour over article upon article about training as smart as possible and adding in volume and getting my head right so I could believe I was capable of reaching a very crazy goal.

In April I changed up my diet and ended up losing 18 pounds by December, and 23 if you go back to my health issues from 2015. I was as lean as I'd ever been and stronger than I'd ever been. My asthma was being controlled better through some treatment changes on the advise of my doctor, and this was a really big deal.

I never relented in my pursuit and to do it ON MY TERMS. This isn't something that everyone can do. Many people need an accountability partner in order to stick to a plan AND I TOTALLY GET THAT. This was very hard on some days, and many times I wanted to just skip a run and sleep in, or to cheat on my nutrition plan, or not do that speed work. Many, many times I struggled.

But every time I looked in the mirror, and every time I analyzed my run data, I saw the vast improvement and it continued to spur me on to keep going.

I wrote a really tough training plan (for me). But I was disciplined when needing to run really easy, and frankly I started to love these easy runs. To not worry about hitting a certain pace felt so freeing to me. I didn't have to feel embarrassed at the time on my watch. It made sticking to the hard days a little bit easier and those hard days were getting better and stronger and I was getting much faster. I did leave one run per week in the hands of my triathlon club leader (on Tuesdays, we did either intervals or tempo runs) and she gave me the paces I needed to run. I sometimes thought she was crazy for saying I could run that fast, but her faith in me pushed me to do it. I'm not sure I would've had that same discipline without her. Christine remains a huge reason why my I developed my confidence.

I spent a lot of time working on my mental strength. While you do feel the physical effects of the distance as you enter your last hour of the race, most of the struggle truly is in your head. I knew that I needed to silence my doubt so I read as much as I could on the subject and felt much more mentally tough heading into my race season.

Writing my own training plan and being accountable to myself worked so well (thank God!) and I succeeded in my goal to qualify for Boston. My qualifying race gave me a 28 minute PR, and I ran it 46 minutes faster than the year before. I squeaked into Boston.

During this last year, I also ended up coaching my husband. He basically used the same plan that I had used, even though it was actually his first marathon. He wanted to BQ, too. He succeeded but unfortunately didn't make the cutoff to run Boston (9 damn seconds!!). This told me that how I was approaching training was working, that I had come up with a really good formula, and that I would stick to it.

I do believe that if I hadn't become injured (pulled muscle from strength training aggravating by interval running), I would have had a pretty good shot at setting a new PR at my planned December 2 marathon. I was running well through the summer, despite the horrid weather that just wouldn't go away. I tweaked the plan a bit to make it higher volume and a little more intense and I was getting through it, although there were definitely still times I wanted to sleep in instead of run. I'm very disappointed I had to pull the plug on my races and I'm basically starting over as I ease back into running after a four week layoff.

So there you have it. I am my own coach. I experimented with it and took a big chance that between my plan and my triathlon team leader's guidance, I could improve enough. Will I hire a coach in the future? Maybe! But right now, this works for me and I enjoy the challenge. We are all individuals and with different needs as runners, and what works for one person may be bad for another person. Only we can decide that for ourselves.

We make a great team!

Big Fat Change of Plans

You know what sucks? Bad news on top of bad news.

So....I'm injured. I pulled my hamstring....and did quite a number on it. If you've ever pulled your hamstring you know that the recovery time pretty much sucks and it's a long process. It can plague you for MONTHS if you don't let it properly heal. There's a small possibility there's a small tear in it (not likely) but the treatment is the same regardless. REST. REST. REST.

I've battled with my head repeatedly in the last week on whether I'm going to fight through this, hope to be back to running sooner rather than later, and still be able to salvage my 2018 racing season.

Yeah....NOPE.

I'm going to rip the bandaid off and say that I'm officially out of the Houston Half Marathon and the California International Marathon. In reality, I need to absolutely rest my hamstring if I want it to be back to normal in time to ramp up my training again for the Boston Marathon. Fighting through this is simply not worth it when I look at the big picture. CIM is only 61 days away. I simply do not have the time to rest and then be back in the right shape to run a good marathon. I do not want to toe the line just to finish this race and then potentially be back at square one because I re-injure myself.

On the bright side, I can defer both races to 2019 for a minimal charge. The husband *may* even have said something about "should we run CIM together next year?" I may hold him to that!

It was a super crappy week last week, first with me getting injured and seeing just how serious it was, and then finding out the cut-off for Boston was 4:52, leaving Greg off the official entry list. What a freaking rollercoaster of crap.

The good news is that I booked flights on points, so it's easy to cancel. My hotel can be canceled for no penalty. Even better? We are actually heading to that area two weeks before CIM because a friend is getting married (best news I've gotten in the past week!!). So while I'm canceling one flight, I'm booking another! I can still hopefully squeeze in a little time with the friends I'm not able to see for CIM.

Even better news? I just happened to look at flights for Boston. They were so stupid unbelievably cheap that I booked those, too. I was flight booking crazy this morning.

This is not how I envisioned ending 2018. I was having a pretty great training season, despite being sick of the icky weather. I felt strong and was very much looking forward to running a race like California International Marathon. I wanted to requalify for Boston with the new, tightened 2020 standards. I wanted to test my speed on 10/28 in a half marathon in Houston. I was even going to race a 10 miler this coming weekend. It's hard to let go of three races just like that.

I still have the Aramco Houston Half Marathon on January 20 to look forward to. That was my "A race" half marathon anyway. I should be well on my way to being back to normal by then if I play my cards right now.

What a crazy-ass journey!

Oh my gosh, today sucks.

Boston Athletic Association finally announced the 2019 Boston Marathon cut-off time for entry into the race.

4:52

You had to run 4:52 under your standard in order to gain acceptance into the race. Absolutely nuts!

Greg was 4:43 under his qualifying time. So he got the denial email. The disappointment we feel is hard to put into words.

Nine freaking seconds.

If you've followed my BQ journey, then you know that my husband was not a marathoner before I qualified. He enjoyed running, had raced shorter distances, and was quite talented, but wasn't planning on running a marathon any time soon.

When I qualified, he decided he wanted to run Boston with me. So he signed up for a race. I've blogged about it a few times:

My husband the marathoner

Go Time

Boston Bound times two

There was always the chance that the cutoff would be something massive this year, but we never fathomed it would be more than his cushion.

When I saw the Facebook post from the B.A.A. today, I was instantly devastated. He worked so hard and sacrificed so much to work towards this goal and he nailed it. He ran such an incredible race, fought for every single second, and earned that BQ. To have it not be quite good enough for entry is a really tough pill to swallow.

I am incredibly proud of him. He did this for me, to be able to experience a bucket list item with me, and wanted so badly to be there with me at the starting line and the finish line and every single step of the 26.2 miles in between. I can't even put into adequate words how I feel about him and what he did for me. He will always be a Boston Qualified marathoner!

I feel like I'm the luckiest wife in the world to be married to someone like him. And I am so heartbroken for both of us. I am still incredibly excited to run the Boston Marathon next year but I can't help but think that I will feel like something is missing.

I barely made it in, with only 15 seconds to spare over the cut-off. If I hadn't been able to speed up during mile 26 at my qualifying marathon (it was 17 seconds faster than mile 25), I would've been less than 4:52 under and out of luck.

I also can't help but thinking that the debacle of a short course in Mississippi in December is a true blessing in disguise. I blogged about that race here:

Disappointment and Learning to move on

Success

I would not have run a fast enough time in Mississippi if the course hadn't been short and disqualified. The best I could've done was a 3:50:45, only 4:15 under my standard. I summed it up in the January 17 post:

It's interesting to me to look back on the past 38 days and everything that's happened. I BQ'd on December 10, only to see that the course was short. My time would've been just under 3:51 had the course been accurate. I had to recover fast and smart and try not to lose too much fitness over the next five weeks so I could do it again. I BQ'd again, this time by more than the 4:00 minute buffer I would've had in Mississippi. I think that's a really big positive to take out of this. I had a better finish time in Louisiana, so I have to see that as a silver lining to the stress from the last five weeks. Had my BQ counted in Mississippi, I doubt I would've raced as hard in Louisiana, and quite possibly would've only run the half marathon. 

I probably wouldn't have run a 3:49 in Louisiana and would not be running the 2019 Boston Marathon. 

The short course in Mississippi was a GOOD thing for me....who would've thought that at the time?

But in the meantime, the Hahn house is a sad and disappointed house. We are not angry. There's absolutely nothing that could have been done or anything that we could've controlled to have a different outcome. My husband raced as hard as he could and left everything on the course. There just happened to be a massive interest in the Boston Marathon and an impressive number of fast Boston Qualifiers out there this year. They only took 220 applicants out of more than 7600 who applied with less than a 5 minute cushion. 2.8% is all they could take! They had a record number of applicants, at over 30,000.

I would still love to run a marathon with my husband. He has no desire to try to qualify again. With the new standards, he needs to be even faster and I can totally understand not wanting to put himself through that. There are other races out there and perhaps we will find one that is meaningful for both of us.

Damn, I love that man.

The Process

I began this blog post last week and then decided to not post it until after I gained acceptance into the Boston Marathon. Well....

I AM IN!!

I got my confirmation of acceptance today and of course, immediately burst into tears. In the lead up to this morning, the Boston Athletic Association was making it really clear that it would be tougher than ever to get into the race.

Here's my post from last week:

*****

It's finally here...registration week!

I have lots of family and friends who are not runners, and I know the Boston Marathon process can seem pretty darn confusing. When I first started running, I had no idea you had to qualify to run it. And then I had no idea they had a charity program. And then they changed up all the rules a few years ago, and it got more confusing.

Qualifying doesn't necessarily get you into the race. You can check "Qualified for Boston" off your bucket list, but to secure a spot at the starting line, it can be tougher than that.

Back in 2012, Boston changed up the rules because the race was selling out so fast and some of the fastest runners out there weren't getting into the race. The qualifying standards got tougher, and they instituted a rolling registration schedule.

Currently the qualifying standards are as follows. They are based on gender and age group, and your qualifying time needed is based on your age on Boston Marathon race day.

MEN

18-34: 3:05
35-39: 3:10
40-44: 3:15
45-49: 3:25
50-54: 3:30
55-59: 3:40
60-64: 3:55
65-69: 4:10
70-74: 4:25
75-79: 4:40
80+: 4:55

WOMEN

18-34: 3:35
35-39: 3:40
40-44: 3:45
45-49: 3:55 <----that's me!
50-54: 4:00
55-59: 4:10
60-64: 4:25
65-69: 4:40
70-74: 4:55
75-59: 5:10
80+: 5:25

The qualifying window is typically 7-19 months prior to race day, mid-September to mid-September. Registration is in the September in the year prior to the race. The qualification window for the race will close when registration closes, so you can qualify right up until the last minute.

The registration process goes on for about 2.5 weeks. It is a rolling admission schedule, starting with the fastest qualifiers in his or her age group.

The first day of registration, in this case September 10, is for those who met their standard by 20 minutes or more. On the third day, September 12, it is opened up for those who met their standard by 10 minutes or more. On the fifth day, September 14, it is opened up for those who met their standard by 5 minutes or more. Each new group gets a chance to register provided the field size has not been met.

The second week of registration, starting on September 17, includes all qualifiers provided they reopen it. They will announce the evening of September 15 if they are reopening registration for all qualifiers. Then registration is typically open for a couple more days, and then they will announce if the field size has now been met and if they will be able to accept all qualifiers up to this point. With the exception of 2013, there have been too many applicants for the available spots and this is where it kind of sucks.

Because there are too many applicants, they have to determine where a cut-off needs to be. It's not first-come, first-serve, but rather based on how far under your qualifying time you were able to run. Last year was the strictest cut off since they began this new process, at 3 minutes, 23 seconds under your respective qualifying standard. So if you ran a 3:31:37 and you needed a 3:35 to qualify, you got in. But if you ran a 3:31:38, you did not. Pretty brutal!

It takes them over a week to determine what this cut off is going to be since it's based on how many register and who registers. I would imagine it's a nerve-wracking wait to find out if you are really getting in or if you'll have to try again next year.

I have a cushion of 5 minutes, 7 seconds, so I get to register on September 14. I will be on pins and needles waiting for the announcement on September 15 on if they will be reopening registrations for all qualifiers. If they do, then I know my cushion was big enough.

Greg has a cushion of 4 minutes, 43 seconds. So he has to wait until September 17 and will be one of those who is on pins and needles. However, I would imagine if they reopen, then that kind of cushion should be enough. You never know for sure until the announcement, but I think he'd be pretty safe.

I had an interesting road to my qualification. My first shot at it, at Mississippi Gulf Coast, ended in disappointment not because I didn't run fast enough, but because the course was mismarked and came up short. I calculated that had it been accurate I probably would've qualified with about a 4:10 cushion, not fast enough to avoid the dreaded wait. But because Boston is not accepting any times for that race, I had to run another qualifying time. I did that in Baton Rouge a few weeks later, and ended up with a bigger cushion that what I would've had in Mississippi. While at the time, the shock of a messed up course was agonizing after all that hard work and a great race, it could end up being a blessing in disguise. I honestly don't think I would've pushed as hard at the Louisiana Marathon knowing I had already qualified with over 4 minutes to spare. Or maybe I would've wanted that 5 minutes. I just don't know for certain. Instead, I HAD TO qualify to actually get the opportunity to apply to run Boston. Wouldn't it be crazy if the cut off is 4:15 or something like that? I'm not sure I would've been fast enough in Mississippi! That truly would've sucked.

So there you have it. The crazy Boston Marathon registration process.

They will also be indicating if there will be any changes to the qualification standards for future races. Will they toughen the standards again? Should they? I'm in the camp that thinks they should toughen the standards starting in 2021, particularly if it's a very large cut off again this year. But maybe it'll be smaller and they won't feel the need to tighten things. It certainly would give me a kick in the pants to push myself even harder in the coming years if I want to continue to qualify.

*****

And now....here we are on Monday, September 17, and they did reopen registration for all qualifiers, but they very clearly stated that they would only take a "small percentage" of Week 2 submissions. The cut off is going to be massive. Greg is sitting on a 4:43 under and he registered this morning. He will need to wait about 9 days to find out if it's enough. I think he'll be just fine and we will REALLY celebrate when he gets that email!

Training Update

For crap's sake, I'm ready for the cold temperatures of fall and winter.

This summer has SUCKED!! I don't remember the last time I ran in weather that was under 75 degrees. I had a taste of a sub-70 dew point last week and it was glorious, but once in dozens of training runs is definitely not enough!

Give me frozen boogers and numb fingers, please.

Of course, when that actually happens, I'll be wishing for tank top running weather. Isn't that how it always is?

I am in Week 9 of California International Marathon training and it's going well. Not spectacular because, like I said, the weather sucks and I'm pretty much totally sick of "80 degrees at 5:30am" training runs. But I am not injured, my endurance is really good, and I'm enjoying training nonetheless.

I just wish I could see my speed and know where I really truly stand with my marathon goals. Pretty hard to do that when it's so oppressive and it takes major discipline to keep my heart rate in control during 18 mile training runs, discipline that means I'm running pretty slow so I don't burn out and overdo it and end up injured.

Let's talk some positives now....

My heart rate data is better than last year, and yet the weather is worse. I'm consistently keeping a lower average heart rate during easy, recovery, and long runs. This morning I ran 8 miles and tried to keep a faster cadence and push a bit more than a very easy run, but never looked at my watch data. At the end of the run my average heart rate was 129, solidly Zone 1 and 2. But I was quicker than usual (not fast, definitely not fast!). For it being 100% humidity out and a pretty long run for mid week, I'd say that was great!

My interval times are faster. It might not seem like much to see a half mile interval split faster than this time last year when you compare that to racing 26.2 miles, but it's still a positive data point.

I'm putting in higher volume earlier in training and I'm not dying (yet) from it.

It's so easy for a marathoner to get burned out trying to train in the summer, and it's hard to see fitness improvements when you know you're running way slower than ability because of the weather constraints. I like to keep a few things in mind while I train through this and wait for cooler temps. First, it's okay to be slow right now. It's okay for the intervals to be a bit shorter right now. It's okay to ease into goal pace work during long runs. My main concern is building my endurance and watching my effort level, to becoming comfortable with faster paces during intervals, to watching my heart rate trends and seeing them move in a positive direction week over week, and to take my recovery very, very seriously.

When the temps start trending down this upcoming week, I am hoping to see my training improve with regards to pace vs effort level. I think I saw a glimpse of that this morning. Plus, if last Friday's run in better weather is any indication, this improvement should be pretty noticeable. I have a long run planned this weekend with four goal marathon pace miles. I'm actually looking forward to this because it should give me a lot of good feedback to use in my future training weeks. The temps will hopefully be a few degrees cooler than they have been but even if they aren't, it's *only* four race pace miles. I can do four!

I'm pushing myself into 45+ mile weeks now, and a 200 mile month for September. Next month I have two races planned to gauge my fitness. On October 7 is a 10 mile race and on October 28 is a half marathon. I have never raced a 10 miler before, but I have an idea of how I want to approach it. What I'm really curious about is how fast I can run a half marathon. My PR is old as dirt and I haven't broken 1:50 yet and I haven't ever attempted it. I really REALLY want to obliterate 1:50. So Houston, could you pretty please give me good racing conditions on October 28? K thanks.

Things for me to keep in mind as these weeks get tougher leading up to my December 2 marathon:

1. Consistency. Show up and do work everyday, whether it's a hard effort or a recovery run. Every run has importance and I need to take them all seriously. My friends will just have to understand why I can't stay late at that party on Saturday night.

2. Self care. More sleep, better eating habits, consistent hydration, stretching and rolling. Keep the damn cookies away from me. I ain't eating them!

3. Recovery. Why do people have such a hard time with this concept? If you ran hard every single time you laced up your shoes, you would never improve! Recovery effort is Zone 1! If that means you run 11:00 pace when your marathon pace is 8:45, then that's what you run. Truthfully in the summer I find it pretty hard to stay completely in Zone 1, but trust me when I say I am crawling and I'm not even breathing heavy in very low Zone 2 so I cut myself some slack here. I am totally in love with runs like this.

4. Warm up. That first mile is a really easy one, for every single run. When I take that seriously, the rest of my run goes so much better. I'm almost 45 years old. I need to warm up, dammit. On Tuesdays when we do our intervals and tempo runs, our first mile is often well over 11:00 pace. We take it very easy and incorporate drills a few minutes in. When we start our first speed interval, our bodies are ready for it. This will be especially important to do prior to any race start.

5. Believing in myself. It might seem crazy to consider approaching 8:30 pace for a marathon, but at one point I thought under 8:50 pace was insane, and I did it twice in five weeks. I'm in better shape now and I have to believe I'm capable of improvement.

6. Celebrating the small victories. Was my pace 10 sec/mile faster at the same effort compared to my run two weeks ago? That's a victory! Did I maintain Zone 2 over three hours into my long run? Victory! Did 7:30 pace during my interval feel almost easy compared to last week? Another victory! Every little improvement gives me more confidence to take into the next run.

I have 88 more days until California International Marathon. 12 weeks, 4 days. Lots of time to train, to get stronger, to get more confident.