Friday, July 1, 2011

Which is worse? Watching The Bachelorette or getting shot in the head?

I will admit that I'm kind of a Bachelor junkie.  I've watched most seasons of both The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, but do tend to skip the seasons of the people who just completely annoy the crap out of me. Take, for example, Bachelorette #6, Ali Fedotowsky.  She's a pretty girl, but let's face it. She's ANNOYING. That little whine of hers? Holy cow, it makes me want to scream. When she whined and carried on when she had to leave during Jake's Bachelor season, I literally threw things at the TV. ABC then did the unthinkable - they cast her as the next Bachelorette. That was going to be one season I avoided. Weeks and weeks of non-stop Ali whining was not my cup of tea.

* side note - Greg made the mistake of turning it on during week 3 or 4 and we subsequently got totally sucked into it...of course. That may have had a lot to do with the beefcake on her season. Just saying.

ABC did it again. They cast the most annoying girl of Brad Womack's Bachelor season, Ashley Hebert, as the next Bachelorette. Now granted, most of the ladies on Brad's season were pretty awful, but Ashley? Miss Indecisive, Miss "I Can't Communicate"? Would there really be 25 men actually interested enough in her to want to be on the show? She may be perfectly fine in real life (who knows??), but as a TV reality star? Are you flipping kidding me? It stills boggles the mind that Mr. Womack even kept her around as long as he did.

I immediately told Greg that NO! We weren't watching the next season. He didn't listen. He invites people to our house to watch it. I'm forced into it.

So what's my solution? BLOGGING!!  It's most definitely time for me to blog about my irritation. This will not be pretty, I'm sure.

One of the things that bugged the crap out of me about Ashley during Brad's season was that she was so wishy-washy about her feelings for him. When he confronted her about their "future", she didn't exactly get all giddy at the idea that in order to become his wife she'd have to move to Austin. Well, DUH. He owns bars in Austin. It's his life. You can't exactly move that somewhere else, now can you? But to be a dentist? Last I checked there are dentists in every city in America. And her insecurity was off the charts. Did you think you wouldn't be competing with other women on THE FREAKING BACHELOR? Well, there's another big DUH for you.  So instead of getting all freaked out, insecure, bitchy, and annoying, just chill out, enjoy your dates, and take the opportunities as they come for time alone. You got the first one-on-one date, lady....CHILL OUT. She just got worse and worse as the season continued. What a mess.

It was painfully clear that this is one woman who is completely not ready for marriage, sacrifice, compromise, and anything that involves being selfless. To cast her as The Bachelorette certainly makes for dramatic (you knew I'd use that word) reality TV...but not GOOD reality TV, that's for sure.

I don't read up on spoilers, so I have no idea how the season will play out. I'm convinced she ends up with no one. If I'm wrong, don't ruin it for me. While I keep saying I'm not going to finish out this season, Greg has other ideas.  But I still say she ends up with no one.

Before I continue my Ashley-bashing, I will point out a few good things about her. Because, let's face it, I'm not completely insensitive and mean. She is a decently pretty girl and of course she's in shape. Two completely pointless things in the long run. Anyone who bases everything on looks is just asking for disappointment in life. Actually, being in shape is kinda important. It's vital to be healthy and not a couch potato. But I digress. She's cute enough.  She is apparently educated, as she's in the middle of dental school. She will be Dr. Ashley Hebert soon, supposedly, and it's good that she plans to have a rewarding career that will provide future stability for her family. Lastly, she obviously wants to be in a relationship, but I'm not sure if this is good or bad. Desperation breeds disappointment. I'm running out of good things to say. Oh...she has nice teeth.

Now let's start the long list of why Ashley sucks as The Bachelorette and why she is subsequently sucking the joy of watching the show out of every ounce of my being.

1. Worst Judge of Character EVER.

Okay, seriously, Ash, you were WARNED about Bentley. Now, mind you, it was from Michelle Money, the biggest freakshow on Brad's season. But still, YOU WERE WARNED. Had I been in her shoes, I just would've flat out confronted Bentley on Day 1 about what was said about him. If there's one thing I've learned after so many years of watching friends go through bad relationship crap, it's that if there's a warning about someone, IT'S USUALLY TRUE. At least in some capacity. And even if she hadn't been warned about him, Bentley has sleeze written all over him. Compared to some of the other guys on the season, he's a total slimebucket. The guy can't even carry on a meaninful conversation. And he spends entirely too much time on his hair. A guy who spends more time that I do in front of the mirror has got to go. Plus, this is the guy WHO WALKED AWAY! Yes, he told her it was for his daughter (which we all know was BS anyway) but still, HE WALKED AWAY! And left her hanging! If that didn't give her red flags to realize this guy was not worth it, then nothing was going to knock sense into her and her judgement (or lack thereof).

2. Her Inability to Communicate

Watching Ashley and Bentley try to have a conversation is worse than having my fingernails pulled out one by one. Although that's never actually happened to me, I'm pretty sure it would suck worse than anything else ever. That's what it's like trying to sit through two communication-duds trying to get their feelings out. I tried to get Greg to fast forward through their last scene together but he's the remote Nazi and he wouldn't budge. I think he likes me to suffer.

And then there's the scene where she tells all the guys that she saw Bentley in Hong Kong. Really, could she have handled it any worse? "Hi guys, I totally fell for Bentley, and I had unresolved feelings, and I got to see him here in Hong Kong, but he's gone now, and everything is okay, and all you guys are better than him anyway." That's not really how she said it all, but that's the general idea. How easy would it have been to tell them she hadn't been able to shake him, although she was developing strong feelings for them as well, and she felt she needed more closure from him to truly move on and give the guys the attention they deserved. Did she have to mention she completely fell for him? And then to blow it all off like it was no big deal and not even give them an opportunity to say much to her about it. What does she then do? Walks away. Uh....okay. Yeah, that's a good problem solver right there.

Kudos to Mickey for taking off. He finally figured it out.

3. Her ridiculously annoying INSECURITY

Can this woman just get over it already? Insecurity breeds more insecurity. Look in the mirror, find some self-love, stop freaking out over every little thing. Yes, when William roasted her, that sucked, but he was a tool. I would have been pissed off, too, but MOVE ON ALREADY.  Be secure in yourself, realize that you have things to offer, and get to know these guys on your own personal merits. Insecurity is incredibly unattractive. No man wants to spend his life trying to bolster up your sagging ego and reassuring you that you're swell. Talk about exhausting. And a relationship-killer. I've been insecure before and it's stupid. I like myself a lot now. I've been with Greg for 16 years. Yay! I got over it and found success.

4. Her choice of clothing....or lack thereof

Ashley, I'm going to let you in on a little secret: It's not necessary to constantly wear itty bitty little miniskirts and to show your abs in 90% of the scenes. As a matter of fact, it kinda makes you look easy. No, not just kinda. It REALLY makes you look easy. Of course you have a nice body, but why not leave just a little to the imagination?  If you're always having to cross your legs when you sit so the guys aren't looking up your super short skirt, then maybe it's time to put some jeans on instead.  And is it necessary for every dress to be skintight? And every shirt SEE THROUGH? I laughed out loud during the boxing group date when she was parading around in her sports bra. A tank wasn't good enough? seriously?  We know you have good abs, my dear. But if you find it necessary to use your body to attract the guys' attention, then what does that truly say about what you have to offer them?

5. Her lip biting

Okay, so we all have stupid little physical quirks that might be deemed unattractive and annoying to others. But Ashley's lip biting drives me batty. Sometimes it's her lip, sometimes the inside of her cheek, but she constantly does it. Especially when she's on the hot seat by one of the guys. It's like her nervous little tick. And you know what it says to me? That she resorts to it because the girl CAN'T COMMUNICATE!  She has no idea how to get her feelings out in a constructive, meaningful way, so she bites her own face. Add to it her constant use of "uh huh" and you have yourself one irritating chick.

So now that I've shown my mean side in spades by trashing Ashley, what do I think about the guys?  I really have no idea, because I've spend so much time focusing on my annoyance with the Bachelorette that I almost forget that there are worthy guys still on the show. Good looking worthy guys. I will say that I thought I liked Ryan, but if the other guys are that completely annoyed with him, it's likely I'd get fed up pretty quickly, too.  Never mind that he's hot. I do like J.P. and Ben the winemaker. Well, duh, of course I'm going to like the winemaker. Maybe that's what I need to focus on in the next episode. Staring at the guys. Yeah.....

1 comment:

  1. Hi from a new reader and now follower! I've never watched a single episode of the Bachelorette but reading this was hilarious :) Off to browse a bit more.

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