Goals? What Goals?

When 2020 started, I had SUCH A PLAN! I was going to be killing it in 2020. I bet a whole lot of us planned on killing it. Instead, we got a killer virus and all hell broke loose throughout the planet.

Good times.

Last January, I wrote a blog post titled Personal Victories. In it I outlined the "victories" I hoped to accomplish in the coming year, using that term versus Personal Best as I felt it better reflected my mindset. Let's do a little check in on how that went:

I want to be injury-free.

Well crap, that didn't go so well. However, let it be known that although I sustained my injury while running, it's not a "running" injury so to speak. It's not a stress fracture or overuse injury. I tripped like a dumbass. 

I want to be joyous and thankful in every run. Even the bad ones. Because at the end of the day, I am so lucky I can step outside and run whenever I want, that my body is healthy and strong and allows me to enjoy the outdoors in a unique way. That kind of gratitude goes a long way in keeping me motivated to run and train. I've always said that I refuse to slow down as I age, and I'm sticking to that. I know that eventually my race times will stop dropping, and it's probably sooner rather than later since I'm turning 46 next week, but I will ALWAYS keep moving. I'm so lucky to be healthy and I want to keep it that way.

I think that up until October 18, I was pretty good at this. I had some GREAT runs in 2020 and was well on my way to a great marathon in December. I was thankful and grateful to be healthy. And now, as I recover from rotator cuff surgery, I am thankful for ANY movement I get to do. When I embark on that first run back I am going to be all smiles. 

I want to inspire someone. I have been told that my marathon running is inspirational, but if that's the case then I want to be the reason that someone tries running, or that they come back to it after an absence, or that they tackle a new goal for themselves. I want to see someone get up and outside and be fearless because they were inspired by me. It makes the painful miles worth it to help out another person.

I really really really hope that this happened. I hope that someone saw me being consistent in running this year, even with no races and through a pandemic, that they maybe got a little more motivated to get out there. 

I want to run 2020 miles this year.

I was on pace to run over 2100 miles. I was at 1666 miles when I tripped and my running for the year abruptly stopped. However, if you count my walking miles that I started tracking in March, I was well over this goal. Also, if you counted the 12 month period of October 1 to September 30, I was well over this goal. I'll take all I can get! I don't expect 2021 miles in 2021 since I'm still not running yet.

 

I want to run in new places. The best part about me seeking out destination marathons is that I get to run in new places. 

I was able to run in Atlanta in March and I'm so grateful for that experience! Chicago got cancelled, sadly, so I am waiting until 2022 for that. 2021 will probably only see me racing in Biloxi again. We will see how traveling goes this year, but I will definitely explore and run in any city I'm able to visit, racing or not.

 

I want to let go of toxic things. Whether it's people, or situations, or habits.....I want them all to go away. I worked on this a lot in 2019 and was successful, but there's still a ways to go before I'm satisfied. I have tightened my circle, have let go of negative situations, and am seeking out positive encounters as much as I can. I have a lot of stress in my life that is not within my control, so when I can control something, I'm doing a better job of ACTUALLY CONTROLLING IT. 

I was so much better about this in 2020! We were constantly inundated with negativity, whether it was Covid or the election or the riots...so many negative things. In June I deactivated my Facebook account and focused only on Instagram and Strava. I felt much more in control of the content I fed my brain. I also didn't hesitate to let go of people and situations that were hurtful. I actually had a "friend" post on their Facebook that they wanted to be unfriended by anyone that voted for Trump. This was a person who I absolutely considered a friend, but when it was clear that this person looked at someone like me as a pariah of society, as racist and homophobic and hateful and basically disgusting, well then that's not much of a friend, is it? There was no effort for discussion and understanding of the issues. Let it be known that I vehemently disagree with this person's assessment of the values of those of us who support the President and their characterization of the issues we find important. Their version of President Trump and his accomplishments looks nothing like our version, and when intelligent discussion is shut down so forcefully with an unwillingness to look at things with clear eyes, and instead choose to throw out disgusting terms, then there is no middle ground. This person was extremely clear that they wanted zero friends on the other side, that we were worthless to them. So I did what was asked and unfriended and blocked and all those things. I will have no more interactions with anyone who feels this way. I would never treat someone like that. Ever. I care about how someone votes, sure, but I care about the person and the friendship more and I find differing opinions and experiences enriching. I will also never back down from being a conservative and wanting to uphold constitutional policies. I have no need to apologize.

I want to be strong for my kids.

Well, my kids definitely saw their mom at her absolute bottom. My son wasn't home when I was injured nor when I had surgery and didn't see the few days post-op that were absolutely atrocious. I was at rock bottom and it was miserable. But he's seen me fight my way back, as has my daughter. I hope it makes its mark on them. 

I want to be the best wife I can be. I've been married for 21 years, and marriage is freaking HARD sometimes. But I'm fully committed to seeing this thing through for the rest of my life. That means putting my husband first, and putting our relationship in the forefront of all our decisions. 

I'm not there yet. I think I was doing alright until I got hurt. It's hard to be everything to someone else when you're hurting so much yourself, but every day I'm trying to find a new way to be better, to do more, to BE more. I am 100% committed for life and I hope he always sees that, even when I'm at the bottom. 

So now that 2020 is behind us and we are embarking on a new and uncertain year, I am reflecting again on what I hope to accomplish, on what I hope my "victories" will be. I think I'll keep it pretty simple.

I want to start running again and build up my base.

I don't have the green light yet, but as soon as I do I'll be out there getting back into it. It will be slow and short at first, with a lot of walking involved. I have to be so careful about my shoulder. I don't want to do anything to compromise the healing. Rotator cuff repair has a notoriously high failure rate and I refuse to fall into that camp. But I miss running. My patience will have to be impeccable as I get back into running shape.

I want to let go of any thoughts of speed.

By this, I mean to let go of any thoughts of being just like I was pre-injury. 2021 is not the year to chase personal bests. It's merely the year to become consistent and strong with running again. Thinking of my pace in terms of being speedy is not a goal of mine. I have a marathon in December that I deferred from last year and that will hopefully serve as my endurance comeback. I need to let go of time goals (to a point). 2022 will be the year for speed to return. If I don't approach this year in a smart way, I'll never get back the way I want to. Time and time again, people bite off more than they can chew when they come back from injury and they suffer for it. It makes zero difference what pace I run when I return. It only matters that I come back slowly and SMART.

Focus on what is in my control.

There are many things that I can't control in the world....viruses, politics, people. I can choose to be upset and miserable and angry and lash out over things I don't like or outcomes that are disappointing, but it doesn't serve me or my family. There are many things that infuriate me, sure, but I still refuse to be a miserable cow. My word for 2021 is "control" and it seems very appropriate. Let's lump in "listen to my doctors" with this goal, since my recovery is within my control as long as I follow the plan.

Be consistent in the lessons I teach my kids.

Strength, resilience, consistently, focus, priorities, family, security....I try to exemplify traits like these every day for me kids. I often think it's not sinking in, but perhaps in time they will see it and realize it and put it all into practice in their own lives. 

Don't apologize for my beliefs.

I am who I am, I know what I think, I know how I feel, I am informed and bright and full of compassion and grace. I am not what a lot of people would have me think. I will not apologize for what I hold dear, for what values I have, for how I feel the world should be. I will hold firm in this.

It really should be an interesting year indeed.