Friday, August 28, 2015

When something is missing

August is a tough month emotionally for me, every single year. My sister passed away August 5, 2009, and with that milestone date I tend to be a bundle of crazy emotions. It's hard to shake the memories and the grief. With so many other stressors right now, this month has been particularly difficult for me.

I came across this note I posted on Facebook on August 28, 2009:

"I've gotten many emails from my friends and those who knew my sister and each and every one is so meaningful to me. This one stood out to me, however, and I just had to share it. I made the mistake of reading it 15 minutes before I had to leave the house! :)

To Jim, Jocelyn, Richard, Karen, Stephanie and Mark,

In January 2001, I had one of those once in a lifetime moments. I met and hired Trisha Masen to work with at Ballard Spahr Andrews and Ingersoll. Five minutes into the interview, I knew we had a keeper. Sometimes you just know that you have been given a gift.

Trisha was so talented she could have run any IT department at any firm, but like so many of us, she wanted to work and be a Mom. And what a great Mom she was. There were pictures of Jocelyn and Jim everywhere. She used to talk about what a patient, great father Jim was...and gush about Jocelyn all the time...

I loved hearing her house hunting stories. When she ended up buying her house in Aldan, I couldn't wait to drive by and see it, as I had grown up in the town next door, Lansdowne.

Trisha and I had alot in common and we used to share some great conversations...She shared her March 2000 Mommies Favorite Recipes, "with a pinch of advice and a dash of wisdom with me" - and I pulled it out just now, to start reading it again at bedtime...When I had miscarriage after miscarriage, Trisha and I shared some teary eyed moments and then a great laugh when I finally had my red haired daughter, Hailey.

I always think of Trisha with a smile. She had a heart of a giant and was one of the most giving people I every worked with at Ballard. The firm was lucky to have her and I was luckier to know her."

The "On this day" feature on Facebook probably hasn't helped my emotional state this month, as so many buried memories are cropping back up and bringing those difficult moments from the past back to the present.

I miss my sister. I miss her wisdom. I miss her heart. I miss her being a phone call away. She was so wicked smart and such a great sounding board. She knew me and my quirks better than anyone, and even when we disagreed (which was often!) she loved me fiercely and only wanted me to be happy.

I could use that wisdom right now. Or even just her ear. I know I have so many wonderful people around me that support me, but there's just something about a sister that is so irreplaceable.

I was pretty much knocked to my knees in grief over reading this again. Yet another reminder that grief is a lifelong process.

You will never be forgotten, my darling sister.

1 comment:

  1. I can't even begin to understand the pain of such deep grief that comes with the loss of a sibling. Especially when that relationship is a close one. My sisters and I are very close and though I've always cherished the relationship, I hold them a little tighter now when we hug and I make it a point to stop everything I'm doing to give them attention when they reach out to me because I know it can all change in an instant. I hate this month too as you know and despite the grief I share with you, I know it's not anywhere near the pain you experience but I want you to know that I'm so grateful to have gotten a chance to really get to know you. We don't always get to know our best friend's siblings (they're either too little when we're teens) or they're not part of our circles when we're adults either due to physical distance or divergent interests. But, I'm so happy to have met you and made a connection with you through this loss. I hate that it happened because of loss but I'm thankful for you every day. I may not comment on every post or see them all but I love to see your updates and know your beautiful family through the posts.

    Trisha was truly a force and a light that will never dim and you, my friend, carry her light in your smile and resilience daily.

    I just wanted you to know that. <3<3