Nine years

Nine years ago today, I hugged my sister for the very last time. I had no idea that would be it. She died two weeks later.

Nearly every year, I write a blog post about my sister around this time of year. It helps me to get through the milestone dates and to keep her memory alive. It helps me come to terms with my grief, which ebbs and flows through the years but never disappears. It never will. The loss is too great.

From 2017: 8 years later

From 2016: If I could call you

From 2015: When something is missing

From 2012: Reflections


When I saw her the last time, I hadn't seen her in four years. FOUR YEARS. Looking back on that, I'm so upset with myself by not making it a bigger priority to see her. We lived in two different parts of the country, had young families, and traveling was difficult. We happened to both be traveling to California in July 2009 and got to spend a couple days together. That was all....only two days in four years. Not nearly enough, but I'm so grateful for those two days. Knowing that I had just seen her has helped me tremendously over the years in getting through my grief.

It doesn't matter how many years have passed...I still wish with all my being that I could pick up the phone and call her. She was my only sister. I could use a sister right now. As I'm entering the last years of raising my kids and am in the throes of teenagerhood, it would be so nice to commiserate with her and get her advice. Sure, I've got so many friends dealing with similar issues, but family is a whole different thing. There is nothing like family. They are irreplaceable.

I want to always be thankful for the people that are in my life, especially our parents. I am beyond excited to see them next week when we travel to California. I wish we had more time there, but it's a crazy schedule with having to fly to Washington for Greg's race as well. However, I'm going to use every minute I can to soak up the love. I never want to take them for granted. Our kids are very lucky to still have both sets of grandparents around. I never knew my paternal grandpa as he passed before I was born, and my paternal grandma died when I was 16. My maternal grandparents both passed over a decade ago. If my kids could spend every week with their grandparents, they would. I do hate sometimes that we live so far away, and I feel some guilt for willingly moving far away, but I think we do a good job of making the most of our time together.

Tell people you love them, appreciate them, and then go and make time for them, even if it's just a phone call. Show grace, find the positives, and for just a minute, think about how you would feel if it was all gone suddenly. Because it can happen.