My body is trying to kill me

Welp. 

So where were we? I was getting help for a “pulled muscle” and hoping to get back to running so I could race a half marathon to celebrate my newfound AARP status. 

That didn’t go as planned.

My pulled muscle actually ended up being a herniated disc in my lumbar spine, plus three more bulging discs. The pain I was having became excruciating. It actually scared the shit out of me.

I did not see this coming at all.

While I’m so thankful I found the right doctors and got the scans I needed for an accurate diagnosis and I have a great physical therapist helping me get back to being a marathoner…..holy Jesus, this is hard as hell. I have had five PT appointments so far, and today we actually progressed to more impact and added weight to the exercises. Positive forward momentum is what I am hoping for!

So the herniated disc is the worst of it all, but it’s not the only thing. Do you have popcorn handy? I feel like we need popcorn.

I have started referring to myself as the most messed up healthy person out there, because while I've spent nearly two decades focused on being healthy, functional, strong, and "young for my age" (for crap's sake, I was a personal trainer!), I have entirely too many frustrating physical issues. For the third time in 3 years, I have been sidelined from running for an issue not even related to running. A herniated disc might not be as big of an issue as that damn busted rotator cuff from 2020, but it's a pretty big deal regardless, enough so that I have to take recovery really seriously and be dedicated to daily physical therapy for the foreseeable future. Coming back to running without nerve pain is going to be a huge endeavor. I'm tired of huge endeavors, you know?

Anyway.....a recap of my history unrelated to rotator cuffs and herniated discs to get up to speed on everything I've been dealing with the last few months....

In 2009, I was diagnosed with eosinophilic esophagitis, which is a chronic immune system disease where white blood cells called eosinophils build up in the esophagus, creating strictures that can cause food to get stuck. It's a potentially deadly disease if left untreated, as you can choke to death due to the strictures. It can be triggered by allergens and acid reflux, of which I have both. I have actually had this disease my entire life, but didn't have a name for it. All I knew was that I could never swallow any pills other than tiny ones, and food often got stuck in my throat, causing spasms and an inability to swallow for hours at a time. I finally went to an ENT, who then referred me to a gastroenterologist. I had an upper endoscopy done, where my esophagus was actually stretched (and then repeated two months later) and I had an official diagnosis.

So all the people who made fun of me for never being able to swallow pills....screw you. I physically couldn't and not one doctor thought to look further into that. They all thought it was psychological. 

For the past 14 years, I've been on and off acid reducers, and have had several upper endoscopies done with my esophagus stretched each time. It was looking like I would need to repeat this process every two to three years for the rest of my life. I had come to terms that this was just the hand I was dealt, and I was thankful to always have great health insurance and the financial ability to continue to pay for the procedures. 

Late last year, however, I got hopeful news. My allergist mentioned a drug, Dupixent, that had just gotten approval to treat eosinophilic esophagitis and would be the very first drug that would treat the actual disease, and not just the symptoms. It's a drug that is typically used for eczema and asthma (basically, shit that happens when your body attacks itself), but had shown promising results of actually reducing the number of eosinophils in the esophagus. I was thrilled at the possibility of actually getting control of my disease vs. just managing it. I started the weekly injections in March (I inject myself...it's not so bad). 

My insurance was requiring me to get another upper endoscopy done (my last one was in November 2022), in order to see if the medication was working. It's an extremely expensive drug and I needed positive results. Right after being informed of needing to get this scheduled by January, I had an episode that landed me in the ER in September.

While on a walk in Seattle, I started having intense chest pains, had trouble taking deep breaths, and my heartrate skyrocketed. I made it back to the apartment, thankfully, but my distress was increasing rapidly, so much so that I had to call 911. I had no idea where an ER was and just needed help. I didn't know if it was my heart or something else, but the pain was rapidly increasing. I got to head to the ER in an ambulance....oh how fun (and embarrassing).

Virginia Mason Hospital in downtown Seattle took great care of me. I had EKGs, a cat scan, tons of blood work done, and I got to rest a bit. The pain decreased but never dissipated completely. I had some scar tissue that showed up in my lungs (probably from my recent bout of Covid) and they could tell I had eosinophilic esophagitis, but nothing was totally alarming. It basically all pointed to a major acid reflux attack. I needed to chill out and go see my gastroenterologist for an upper endoscopy, which got scheduled for December 15. In the meantime, I needed to again be on an acid reducer in the hopes my stomach issues resolved themselves. I had a several more weeks of constant stomach pain but eventually it did substantially dissipate. 

Unfortunately I had one more intense physical ailment that scared the crap out of me before I had the opportunity to have my procedure. On December 4, while in Seattle (why does this city try to kill me?), I had a very sudden, very unexpected allergic reaction. About two hours after I had eaten, and right after an easy elliptical workout (during which I felt like absolute crap), I felt my bottom lip start to tingle. Within minutes, I could tell it was starting to swell. It very quickly reached an alarming level and I did a video visit with Teledoc. The doctor was concerned enough to tell me to head to the ER as it could move to my throat and cause anaphylaxis. 

Ever taken an Uber to the ER? I have!!

Greg met me at the ER (it's only a half mile from his office), and they saw me very quickly. At that point it wasn't getting any worse (the two Benadryl I had taken as soon as it started finally kicked in) but I needed to be monitored for about two hours to be sure it didn't spread. They got me set up by the nurse's station to hang out, I sent Greg back to work, and I got settled in to hope the swelling dissipated and I could just go home. People pay good money to get lip filler to look as ridiculous as me and I really don't understand that at all. 

While I was there, I got to witness a drug overdose, someone convulsing, someone vomiting in front of me, a screamer, a drunk lady in very bad shape (doctor quote: "were you drinking to celebrate or because you're really sad right now?"), and a dude on drugs who threw his shoes at the nurses next to me. Downtown Seattle on a Monday afternoon is pretty exciting, people.

My lip finally reduced in size within two hours, and they gave me even more meds, so I was ready to head back home. I even made it to Greg's work event on our rooftop that night for a little while, although I was drowsy from the drugs and didn't stay long. 

Now, mind you, this is all happening while I'm trying to do physical therapy for my back. Frankly, I'm getting tired of all this shit. I want a normal week in the life of a healthy Steph. Too much to ask?

So now we are at December 15, I have eliminated some things from my diet so I don't have another allergic reaction, and I am ready for my procedure to check on my esophagus and my stomach. It all went very smoothly, I even let Greg videotape me coming out of anesthesia because I was damn hilarious (Me: "can they give me more drugs?", Greg: "maybe we can get some to go!", me: "that's illegal. It killed Michael Jackson"....intriguing stuff right there). And now for the first bit of positive news in a really long time....

The drugs are working! Dupixent is actually REDUCING the eosinophils in my throat, it looks great, there's no sign of the gastritis that likely prompted September's ER visit, and I can continue taking the medication and don't need to see my gastroenterologist until June. It was honestly the absolute best case scenario.

After several months of frustrating ailments that seemed to keep happening one after another, this was welcome news! 

I know that some of my gastrointestinal struggles likely stem from chronic emotional stress. It's been a challenging couple of years and our routine as a family has taken a bit of a beating. As much as I try to manage my stress, I've had several bouts of being "too" stressed, it's affected my body and my frustration has increased. I need to continue to find ways to practice gratitude, to pray, to look for the positive, and to center myself. There are so many things that have been out of my control, but I am the only one in charge of my reactions to what life throws at me, and I need to better own that and to look for ways to steer my life in a better direction when I can. 

There are so many things to look forward to in 2024....starting with a 50th birthday trip to Napa with Greg, my in-laws, and some friends next month. Knowing that I'm physically healthier on some fronts, and working towards being more physically functional (and a marathoner again!) definitely reduces my anxiety. I don't want to get stuck in the funk...I want to LIVE. 

Positives and Negatives

So many plans...so many ways they can get screwed up! 

It's been a rough couple of months for me, so I'll start with the crappy stuff. 

Back in early September, I had a bit of a health scare while in Seattle that required a trip to the ER. I'm fine, but it requires a follow up with my specialist here in Round Rock, scheduled in early November. I seem to be improving but I likely will need a minor procedure done before the end of year. This all came only a couple weeks after having a pretty bad bout of Covid. Could be related, not really sure. The good thing is that for the most part, I'm feeling better. I have had blood work done and things look good on that front.

(This of course happens when I'm starting serious marathon training for my February 4 race)

During September I was also having some sciatica trouble, had a pulled gluteus medius, and just general tightness in my hips/back. I did what I could and continued strengthening and running, but it was slow going. On October 15, I ran 10 miles and actually felt pretty great. Unfortunately the good feelings didn't last as within a couple hours, I had debilitating sciatica. I hoped some rest that day and night would help it ease up, but I woke up Monday in even more pain. It just wasn't normal and my movement was severely limited. I was scheduled to fly with Greg to Seattle the next day, and found an Airrosti provider a few minutes' walk from our apartment there, so I booked him. There was just no way I was getting to the bottom of my pain without some professional help.

Unfortunately, the news wasn't great. I have a severely inflamed gluteus medius and piriformis, and very tight psoas muscles. What I was doing was actually making it worse, not better, and I had to immediately stop running (which I had already done) and only do the physical therapy and stretching prescribed by the doctor. The inflammation needed to come down in order for me to be able to start running again.

With less than 4 months from my marathon and not nearly enough base miles in the bank, I had to downgrade my race to the half marathon. I refuse to half-ass marathon training. I will never disrespect the distance by not putting in sufficient work leading up to the race, and with my ability to run still questionable, I would not be able to properly train. 

A big fat positive in all this - Greg is signed up for the half and is going to run it with me. I told him he could race on his own, but because he's pretty much the best husband ever, he would rather enjoy the race with me.

SWOON

I saw my regular Airrosti provider here in Texas yesterday and he found the same issues that the other doctor did, and I have added work to do to get me back in shape. It's not going to be easy, but I have to follow doctor's orders. 

I'm really REALLY hoping I can resume running next week. Slowly and carefully of course. 

I have another marathon on my radar for June of next year, The Light at the End of the Tunnel marathon in Snoqualmie. Should be plenty of time to be a good patient, get my body into better shape, and complete a respectable training cycle. 

So what's happening that's positive?

The Best Husband Ever has booked us our 25th anniversary trip for next year. 

25 years!!

The gratitude I feel at that kind of milestone is immense. We could just be hanging out at home in our pajamas to celebrate and I would love and appreciate every second of it, but instead we will be on an Alaskan cruise, embarking just down the road from our apartment in Seattle. I am not a cruise girl and have only been on one over 20 years ago, but I have always thought an Alaskan cruise would be so fun and interesting. I'm really excited!

Did I mention 25 years??

Another really meaningful thing we've started is leading a marriage class (ReEngage) at our church and we are working on being commissioned as leaders. Giving back and building community as church leaders is something I'm pretty passionate about and it feels good to have a new purpose. My faith is my Number One, and if I can reach others and help them improve their marriages, well then that's pretty freaking awesome, isn't it?

I was also able to fly to Michigan to see a few of my incredible friends this month. Just what my heart needed. 

Being down on my luck physically....and missing Greg a lot since he's in Seattle so much and I don't always get to go with him....is tough to deal with. I have good days and bad days, but I'm trying to practice gratitude and pray for contentment in all circumstances (thank you Philippians 4:11). 

So here's to making more memories, great marriages, awesome travel, the bestest friends, and seriously cool adventures. 

First Race Report in a REALLY REALLY Long Time

FINALLY.....I actually ran another race. 2022 had a whopping ZERO races for me. I had foot surgery in March and didn't really have a desire to race again until recently. Foot surgery and my lack of effort made me slower....resulting in lack of motivation....and I could go on and on with excuses. 

BUT I FINALLY RACED AGAIN....and that's really all that matters.

First things first....I hardly trained, with a couple 12 milers thrown in and 20-25 miles per week total. Did I mention a lack of motivation? I have no excuses other than I just hardly trained. Not the usual Steph Hahn attitude, but alas, it is what it is. Kind of a lot going on this past year. Training wasn't a priority. Being uncomfortable wasn't a priority. 

(Side note: I don't want this particular version of Steph Hahn to hang around much longer).

I went into this "training" with one goal....just run a damn race. I picked one in North Bend, WA, since we have a place in Seattle and I knew I'd be there a lot, and it's a beautiful area, and Greg got his BQ there. Lots of great reasons! It also helped that it's a downhill of 1100 ft, so the pressure was off a bit. Even with mediocre training, maybe gravity would help me not be embarrassed by my pace. Secretly, I really did want to break two hours. Logically, I knew even that, with how little I was actually running, would be a long shot. I'd have to really want it, and to feel really good. My personal best is 1:47.....kinda laughable at this point in my life, but still something I aspire to again in the future. 

Checking out the finish the day before the race

The morning of the race was pretty uneventful. It was EARLY AS HELL. We had to leave downtown Seattle at 4:15 to get to the drop off point at 5:00, to walk uphill for at least a mile to the start (and it was quite a hill, over 300 feet of climbing). I'm glad I wanted to park so early, because I beat the port-o-potty lines and was able to start the race on time, unlike dozens of unlucky people still needing to pee. 

The weather was incredible, mid-50s and overcast. For a half marathon, I'm perfectly happy with that weather (for a marathon, however, I want to be freezing my ass off). The course is on a dirt trail in the Snoqualmie area on the Iron Horse Trail, which has a very gradual downward slope, so subtle you almost can't tell. But it does help your pace and your heartrate. 

I was making all sorts of bargains with myself. I wanted to start off not fast AT ALL, just ease into a faster-than-easy-run pace and hold that for at least 30 minutes just to see how I tolerated it. After the first couple miles coming in around 9:40-9:45, I determined I really liked that pace. I really liked the trail. And I absolutely LOVED the scenery. I was glad I elected to forgo headphones, because listening to nature (waterfalls!) beat music hands down. I highly recommend it.

I was really enjoying myself. I honestly didn't even care if my finish time started with a 2. I just wanted to have fun, enjoy the beauty of my surroundings, and express gratitude that I was racing again, feeling really good, was healthy, my husband and in-laws were waiting for me at mile 8, and not everyone gets to do this shit. If I felt like speeding up eventually, I would, but a 9:30-ish pace half marathon was also something to celebrate for sure. 

I spent a lot of my time watching my footing. Having tripped on a run back in 2020 and decimating my rotator cuff and embarking on the worst year of my life rehabbing it, I was nervous as hell I would trip on a rock. But eventually I did chill out (with one eye on those damn rocks just to be safe). No tripping happened!

I paid attention to when my watch was beeping at the miles in relation to where the mile markers were placed and for the most part I was within 10-15 seconds at each mile, although mile 7's marker seemed to be way off. I assumed my GPS was probably pretty accurate. I hit 6 miles, according to my watch, at 57:54 (9:39 avg pace). Would be pretty hard to break two hours without significantly speeding up, and I really didn't want to. I had a fear of feeling like utter garbage if I turned on my speed, and crashing and burning in agony at the end, and I very very much wanted to cross the finish line feeling happy and excited. 

But then mile 7 was in 9:11 and I didn't realize I sped up much. Granted, it wasn't a lot faster, but it felt pretty effortless and in line with the previous miles, so maybe that was the boost I needed to just push a little bit harder. 

The mile 7 mile marker came way earlier than I expected, but I think that was a race crew mistake, because 8 was more in line with my GPS. It was also mile 8 where I found the family! Cedar Falls has a trailhead and is a perfect spectator spot. Five years ago I saw Greg here during his marathon. Seeing them certainly gave me a big boost and I kept my pace a little quicker than expected. I yelled to Greg to expect me to finish in 2:05. 

I looked dumb in all the pics from the front so here's my backside at Mile 8

I continued to speed up and at this point decided that 2:05 was too slow and I could cut it down to 2:03 or so and that would be really respectable, plus I felt great! (Have I mentioned that already?)

Mile 8 was 9:04, mile 9 was 9:06 and it still didn't feel particularly hard. But I could feel the fatigue in my legs, partly due to low miles in training, partly due to the downhill. With only four more miles to go, I wanted to speed up a little bit more, ease back if I needed to, but never go below a 9:15. 

Mile 10 was 8:51 and that excited the shit out of me. I was remembering what it was like to be fast(er). And I wanted that again. 

Mile 11 was 9:05 and according to my watch, with 2.1 miles to go I was at 1:43:13. Wasn't going to break 2 hours without running the rest in 8 minute flat pace (big fat NOPE), but it was going to be more like a 2:01 if I could speed up just a little bit more. 

I hit the 12 mile marker at just under 1:52 and at this point I'm a little wistful I didn't speed up more just a bit earlier. But again, if the mile markers were accurate (and I thought they were pretty close since they almost totally coincided with my watch), I'd be at 2:01. 

Imagine my surprise when I saw the finish line flags WAY earlier than expected, when I thought I still had about a third of a mile left to run. I was running about 8:20 pace at this point and just did my best to run hard past all the flags (state flags for all the participants, yet I didn't see Texas...hmmmm....) and across the finish line. 

I FELT FREAKING AMAZING AND STRONG AND SO DAMN HAPPY CROSSING THAT FINISH LINE. 

I looked at my watch after I stopped it.

2:00:12

12.99 miles

So the mile markers weren't totally accurate after all....and my GPS didn't quite keep up. 

(And yes, the course was accurate and certified at 13.1 miles, it started and finished in the exact right spots, so there were NO mistakes on distance). If I had run just 1 second per mile faster, I would've broken 2 hours!

I honestly didn't expect that I could run that well AND still feel as good as I did. I didn't race all out, I didn't kill myself to get to the finish line as fast as I could, I instead ran comfortably hard, kept my heartrate from redlining (it was pretty much zone 3 majority of the race), and I finally remembered that I'm a damn good runner when I put in the time and effort and volume a fast race requires. I got my feet wet again, got my runner's high, and the itch to race again finally came back in full force.

And I barely broke a sweat doing it (THANK YOU PHENOMENAL PACIFIC NORTHWEST WEATHER). 

Having Greg, Ed, and Linda at the finish line was the icing on the cake. I love my freaking family.

I took the same selfie from when Greg raced!

My husband is hot

I'll be running this course again next June as I plan to sign up for Light at the End of the Tunnel (so will Greg but he just doesn't realize it yet).

But first? My 18th marathon on February 4, 2024, to celebrate turning 50, with Greg waiting for me at the finish after he races the half marathon that day. 

I hate saying I'm blessed, but I am damn blessed. 

AND NOW FOR SOME BONUS CONTENT....

So great to have Ed and Linda there

Greg got me a scooter. I successfully navigated it.

I love sending Greg funny mugs

Living less than a mile from the arena meant BRYAN ADAMS CONCERT!

I went on a lot of walks because HELLO....it's gorgeous here

He loves me and my weirdness....can't you tell?

Mid Year Shenanigans

I'm starting to feel like I'm the world's worst runner. I have my first race since December 2021 in about two weeks, and while it's *only* a half marathon, I'm feeling a bit unprepared. It's definitely low mileage, mediocre-effort training, I'm not even attempting anything near a personal best, and I could completely embarrass myself. But on the bright side, it'll get my feet wet again on the race front, it'll be in the Seattle area (thank you cooler temps), and it's got a net downhill of about 1100 feet. So low mileage be damned....it'll still be a great time!

Greg met up with me on my 12 miler around Lake Union

In the meantime, while I'm in Austin I'm LITERALLY DYING. The heat has been on another level this summer....either that or I'm just a big fat baby now that I spend so much time in the Pacific Northwest and constantly lose all my heat acclimation. After a week in Seattle, I tried running in 80+ degrees this morning. It was pretty freaking pathetic, but 6 miles were done and I feel pretty good about that.

Speaking of races.....

I SIGNED UP FOR A DAMN MARATHON!!

On February 4, I'll be running Marathon #18 in Huntington Beach. I'm equal parts excited and terrified. It means I actually have to take this running thing seriously again. I'm planning to write up a plan as I approach August and recover from the half marathon. It'll be lower mileage than my last few marathons, and I don't have a time goal (YET), and I need to take my nutrition more seriously, and I need to stop being a loser. So basically, it'll be entertaining I'm sure. Maybe I'll even start treating this blog like a running blog again.

I'm trying to convince Greg to become more of a runner again, but he's fighting me on that. A girl can dream, though. I love running with him. He's pretty freaking awesome.

ANYWAY, although my running isn't taking center stage in my life, I have been doing fun things! I've taken quite a few trips to Seattle with Greg over the past few months, and have more coming up....and I'm loving it. I don't love that he has to travel there almost every week, and I'm home in Austin without him way too much, but the times I get to go with him are so special to me. Seattle is just a damn cool city, the weather is phenomenal in the summer, we get to explore a lot (without a car 95% of the time!), and Greg kicks ass at work (as much as one can kick ass at Amazon). We've entertained the idea of buying a place there (almost certainly not going to), we have a whole list of things we still want to do, and are about to renew our apartment lease (eek!). 

The view that never gets old

Just this last week, the kids came out with us for the first time. Brady has never been there, and Dani hadn't been there since we moved into the apartment. A lot of fun was had, a lot of togetherness was had, and I was not ready to come back home to Austin. The dogs missed us, though. And the pool had turned green in our absence so that was neat. 

(I think I'm getting closer to being ready to sell my house)

Watched Lake Union fireworks from the rooftop on 4th of July

San Luis Obispo's Bubblegum Alley came first. Sorry, Seattle.

Mount Rainier

In addition to a lot of traveling, we are being crazy concert people as well. We've already seen Duran Duran this year (my first time seeing them in 30 years!), unfortunately Thomas Rhett and Cole Swindell were canceled in Louisiana last month, then we are seeing Bryan Adams in Seattle and Luke Bryan in Nashville next month, and lastly 3 Doors Down in Austin at the end of summer. Basically, we are booking things on a whim and having a great time doing it. And we aren't inviting the kids to any of it because it's way more fun to just date your spouse.

ALSO....MY KIDS GRADUATED!!! My son graduated with his Bachelor of Science in Computer Science with Cum Laude honors from the University of Texas at Tyler in April, and my daughter graduated from high school in May. They both still live at home for now and that's just fine by me! They are pretty awesome dog sitters for when I'm off causing trouble with Greg. 

An award for Top Computer Science Student of 2023

All the grandparents, too!

Happy Kid!

Once Fall comes around, Greg and I are embarking on another journey. We plan to help lead a marriage ministry/class at our church along with several other phenomenal couples. This is going outside our comfort zone but we feel we have something to offer other couples, whether they are really struggling or are just going through a rough patch. Becoming more involved at church has been incredibly important to me for the last year and I'm looking forward to growing as a faith leader. 

Speaking of faith, can I just again say how grateful I am for my Christian faith? It has saved my life, my sanity, my family, and my marriage. Surrendering to God is the best thing I've ever done. And I know Greg will agree! It's the foundation for every single thing in our lives. 

As the year comes to a close in a few months, fully expect me to be slightly (not just slightly) freaking out over my impending 50th birthday in January. But until then, enjoy a few more pictures of a pretty great 2023. 

Birthday #49

And Greg's #49

Anniversary #24

Fishing at Lake Palestine

Cool Seattle retro sign

We might be famous

Can't beat the sunset

Great Wheel

Mount Rainier

First time here!

Is this what I need?

Whale watching

No blog is complete without the dogs