Race Calendar+Goals+Pride

After the excitement of finishing my marathon season, it's been nice to take the pressure off myself a bit and just get back to enjoying running and thinking of future goals. There was a restlessness, however, that was eating at me and I knew I needed to get serious about picking out some races leading up to Boston 2019.

Since my half split times in both marathons were some of my fastest half marathons ever, I knew it would serve me well to focus more on that distance. Before these marathons, I hadn't run a sub-2 hour half since 2014, and my PR of 1:51:36 is now five years old. I have a big goal that I'm eyeing in Boston (provided, of course, that my 5:07 buffer is sufficient and I get in, and if the weather cooperates), and I'd like to get in some tune up races well before the buildup to Boston.

So I have picked two half marathons so far, both in Houston, but on two totally different courses. The Houston Half is on October 28 and is on a looped course through downtown and on Allen Parkway and Memorial Drive. It's a great section of Houston to run and I'm excited about it. It's easy to travel to Houston and it's on a Sunday so I don't have to disrupt our family schedule by having to travel on a Friday. It's not a huge race as far as big city races go (less than 4000 finishers in 2017). At first I was going to run a Shreveport half marathon that weekend, but it's on Saturday and a couple hours further away than Houston. Houston Half just seemed better logistically. Besides, it was only $50!

The second half I'm signed up for is Aramco Half, which coincides with Chevron Houston Marathon in January. I've run this race five times so far, four marathon distance and one half distance. Four out of five times the weather has been great so I'm hoping for that good luck to continue. I love this race for so many reasons. The organization can't be beat, it finishes at the convention center so you get to be inside after the race, the course is great, and the crowd support is the best I've experienced so far. The 2019 race will be my first race in my new 45-49 age group. It comes three months before Boston, so perfect timing to gauge my fitness and figure out where I need improvement before I build up for April 15. I'm hoping that my time qualifier is fast enough to get me in A corral (that's a big deal in a huge race like Houston)...but I think it will. Fingers crossed. This Houston race will really be a big goal race for me, provided the October race goes well and I can still see ways for further improvement.

I'm not sure how much I'm really going to talk about my specific marathon and half marathon time goals. I haven't told anyone beyond the husband what they are, and they frighten me a little. But if I learned anything from 2017 and my two marathons, is that I am perfectly capable of the hard work and discipline that is required for lofty goals, so why stick to the same when I have the potential to be even faster? But...to throw those goals out there into the open so early in the year? No, I'm not ready to do that just yet. My mind is going a million miles an hour strategizing the next several months and I'm looking forward to new challenges.

In March I'll be racing in the Texas Independence Relay for my 9th year in a row. It's been cut down from 200 miles to 180 miles this year, which means only three legs for me and not four, and probably a max of about 16 or 17 miles total for me to run. I committed to 8:15 pace and I'm nervous and excited all at the same time to see if I can maintain that kind of pace over my three relay legs. Two weeks after the relay is my first 10K road race in nearly 6 years. My goal is to shave 5 minutes off my PR. I have a relatively slow (for me) 10K PR since I have only raced a handful of times at that distance. The weather is a crapshoot in April in Texas, however, so I'll cross my fingers and hope it cooperates and I can suck it up enough to meet my "A" goal.

The hubs pointed out something funny this morning. Because I am planning to do Boston next year, that means that my thought of running Ironman Texas is on hold right now and he's so happy about that! Truth be told, so am I! While the idea of Ironman is not off the table at all, I'm so ill-prepared to start that kind of training. It's pretty much a relief to table that craziness for at least another year.

Now enough about me...I want to talk about my husband! He's running his first marathon in July, and a goal half marathon in April, and he has already been working his butt off. I wrote up a tough training plan for him, and he's flying through it in such an impressive way. He doesn't at all question the crazy things I make him do, even if they scare him, and he totally trusts the process each week. He tells me all the details about each run and how he felt so we can adjust if necessary, being mindful of doing too much too soon and risking injury. His dedication is off the charts awesome and if he's able to continue at this with the same determination, consistency, and commitment then he has a really big shot at qualifying for Boston at his marathon. He figures if he's going to go big, he may as well go REALLY big. He's seriously a coach's dream client. He just makes me damn proud!

After spending so many years training to "finish" marathons and never committing to my true ability, it feels so good to know that I am finally a good marathoner and have the ability to get even better. Crazy fast (for me) goals no longer scare me as much as they used to, although I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. But I know if I plug away one week and one run at a time, and track my progress, and adjust where I need to, and dial in my nutrition and racing weight like I did in 2017, I'm not totally crazy for wanting these new goals. I am so thrilled at the thought of crushing my goal in Boston next year!

My Husband the Marathoner

Something CRAZY just happened in the Hahn House.

The husband registered for his first marathon. The husband, and I quote, thinks "marathons are stupid."

HE'S GOING TO RUN 26.2!

Years and years ago, he told me he would run one marathon, and that would be Rome, and we arbitrarily picked 2020 as the year to do that together. He's always maintained that he would be one and done and he would have a great time in a beautiful city doing it.

Well.....

I think he cooked up this idea while I was racing Mississippi Gulf Coast. When he saw that I was going to Boston qualify, he started thinking about running Boston with me, but as a charity runner. As soon as I was done with that race and had caught my breath, he told me this crazy idea, and I was so excited.

Come to find out that it's not quite so easy getting picked as a charity runner, plus they start in a different wave than where I would start, so we couldn't run together if he was a charity runner. So that plan started to evolve into something even crazier.

He's going to try to QUALIFY for Boston and run it with me. Boston 2019 happens to be 3 weeks before our 20th anniversary, making it extra special.

So, the man who says marathons are stupid, who's never run longer than 2 hours and 3 minutes, is going to run 26.2 miles on July 29. He needs a 3:25 to qualify and will be shooting for a 3:20.

He's a great runner, but has only raced long distance once, a half marathon back in 2009, at a 7:50 pace while injured and on relatively low mileage (fast bastard). He has run several half marathons since then, but always with me or in training. Talk about an awesome and inspiring leap of faith!

I get to be his coach, and over the last two months I've been helping him build up his base miles and endurance, knowing he was thinking about taking on this challenge. He's up to 30 miles per week already, and provided he stays consistent and healthy, we will get him over 50 miles per week as we approach summer. Yes, a Texas summer spent running 50+ mile weeks, which will only serve to make him even stronger on race day.

I'm so excited about the opportunity to coach another runner to a Boston Qualifying time, or at least die trying! To take on the challenge of doing this for a new marathon runner will be even more exciting. If I didn't think he was a strong enough runner, I wouldn't want to do this, but my husband is pretty damn incredible. He has the discipline and focus to stick to a schedule, he's fast, he saw how hard I worked to hit my goal and the commitment doesn't scare him. All those factors are huge in order to pick such a lofty goal for a first marathon. He chose a downhill marathon, with a gradual downhill that will hopefully not destroy his legs but instead give him that extra boost to achieve his goal.

We have 5 1/2 months to work on this.

BQ or Bust!

Control

As I was finishing up my last blog post, another topic formed in my mind that I feel the need to write out and work through. In case you haven't noticed, my mind works in overdrive sometimes and having this blog is a great way to dissect these thoughts.

I talked a bit about how important it is for me to focus on the things I can control in my life. I have so many things that are total crapshoots for me on a daily basis that without something concrete to focus on, I'd literally lose my mind.

For starters, my kids. Oh, my darling kids. Mind you, I love them with all of my being. I think they have incredible minds, incredible talents, and with a bit of direction, are really going places in this world. But parenting them is far more difficult than I ever envisioned. They are smart as can be, so I thought school would be a breeze for them.

Nope.

They have a ton of talent...my son is a computer whiz and my daughter is fully immersed in the arts - she can sing like nobody's business and her artistic talent is being fine tuned on a daily basis. So of course, they'd be super focused on success because of this, right?

Nope.

It's frustrating. That's putting it mildly. Actually, it absolutely kills me. It stresses me out like nothing else in my life that they always manage to find a way to get distracted, to not care, to perform less than they know they're capable of. I have absolutely no control over this, and I refuse to be a helicopter parent no matter how much the school pushes me to micro-manage them. I've spent years trying to find a balance between guiding them, hovering over them, harping on them, and talking about it until I'm blue in the face, while forcing them to take control of it themselves, to be responsible, and to allow them to fail and learn a lesson. I can't do the work for them, I can't force them to care, I can merely guide them and support them. Basically, it's totally out of my control and my mind wrestles with this on a daily basis.

So that's my kids for you. I don't have control over what they choose to care about or on what they focus their attention, but I have control over accepting them for who they are and supporting all their successes and their failures.

My kids are only a part of the uncertainty that surrounds me on a daily basis. There are so many things that I struggle with personally, and find difficulty in controlling. I have come to accept many of these variables, however, but it was a long process.

First, mental health. For a very long time I was unaware that I suffered from depression and anxiety and that it was an actual disorder that I would be struggling with for the rest of my life. I always viewed my "bouts" with depression and anxiety as just that....temporary bouts. It wasn't until a few years ago, that, after discussing it at length with my doctor, I was found to be clinically depressed and suffering from a legitimate anxiety disorder. Temporary fixes wouldn't make it go away. I would always have to be proactive about treatment and I could not be complacent. I'm so thankful for the counselor that I found who worked with me in those early days to come to terms with this problem and find ways to reset my mind. I'm thankful for my doctor for taking me seriously and then opening my eyes to reality, and spending time reworking my medication so I finally found one that my body could tolerate long term.

Anyone who suffers from mental health disorders understands just how significant all these steps are. I have accepted that this who I am, I have a husband who supports me daily and understands when it's just "not my day...or my week" and doesn't make me feel guilty about it, and I continue to find ways to battle through the dark times without giving in to that darkness.

I do not have control over my diagnoses, but I have control over how I let it run my life.

Next, the negativity in the world. I gotta be honest here. I think the way people have treated each other in the last couple years...publicly...is just insane. It's disgusting and unnecessary and it shows a complete lack of character. The name calling, the lack of common sense, the lack of decency, the inability to really think about what they're saying and doing. It blows my mind. I can't control what other people think or do or say, but I certainly don't have to join them in their immaturity and irrational behavior. It's forced me to remove people from my life (trust me, I only did this after a lot of soul searching), and to avoid some people, and to keep my mouth shut about many things. I want to be known for my compassion and grace, not for being a raging bitch when I don't agree with someone. So I've quieted my mind and my mouth. It's truly a freeing experience.

Lastly, let's talk about physical health. I am a healthy person...mostly. However, what isn't so obvious on the outside is that I do suffer from many physical ailments, and my family medical history is downright frightening. I have asthma, eosinophilic esophagitis and dysphagia, and scoliosis. My family has suffered with countless bouts of cancer, high blood pressure and cholesterol, and diabetes. I sometimes feel like I'm on borrowed time because I've not yet experienced anything truly life threatening. My disorders are incredibly frustrating at times, however. I had hoped in the last year to put myself as a priority and work on a better solution to my gastrointestinal issues, but because of my family's medical woes in the last year and the astronomical amount of money we were spending on that, I had to put myself on the backburner. I really need to get treatment again (surgery or meds? both? not sure). I finally said enough is enough and I scheduled doctor appointments with a new team of doctors after I was dissatisfied with my last one. That appointment is on Monday and I'm optimistic that I will see relief soon. It's been a long time coming and it was time to put myself first. With regards to my asthma, thankfully, with the weight loss and more focused marathon training last year, I feel like I've made big strides with improvement and better control of my asthma. I didn't have any real trouble with it. However, my allergies that lead to asthma issues need to be addressed in a more permanent manner. I finally scheduled the appointment I will need to begin allergy shots. It's a huge commitment but it was time I stopped putting it off. The scoliosis? Yeah, that's not exactly going away, and because of the imbalance it creates in my lower body, I have to be extra diligent with physical therapy exercises and weight lifting to keep my imbalance from causing running injuries.

My family medical history is probably one of the biggest motivators to me taking charge of my physical health. I can't control genetic predispositions to anything, but I can still do whatever I can to fight off other preventable diseases. I refuse to be limited by things that I am 100% in control over, and when I've seen things start to go sideways I always try to right the ship by putting more focus and effort into nutrition and exercise. To people on the outside, I seem obsessed. I really don't care. I know how devastating preventable illnesses can be and if it's something I can control, well, then that's what I'm going to do. I have a lot of plans for the present and the future and I don't want any limitations.

I guess the moral of the story is that when you're feeling completely overwhelmed by things outside your control, sometimes what can bring you back from the abyss is finding those things that you CAN control and putting more focus into those. It can be something small, or many small things, or something big. But there is always something that is within your control. Taking hold of that can help you reset your mind and bring a bright spot into what can many times be a very dark and dreary time.

Random Thoughts

In the last week, I've started and deleted a few blog posts. None of them sounded right to me, and frankly, I thought they were boring.

It's been 18 days since the marathon, and I'm definitely finding a dullness in the aftermath. Don't get me wrong, I am still so thrilled with my race and impatient for April 15, 2019, to get here. Heck, for registration to get here in September even.

But there's definitely a lull in the storm right now and I'm feeling a little all over the place.

So maybe that's how this blog post should be. Random and all over the place.

I'm slowly getting back into 30+ mile running weeks, but the comeback is slow. My legs are still pretty spent, although I've had a few good runs. This morning's was not so good as I tried to incorporate some short speed intervals into the run. It was a little too much and my heartrate was too high and it felt like too much of a chore. So back to some really easy miles this weekend and we'll try again for the speed next week. This slow comeback is probably completely to blame for the lull I feel.

I've got a few races on my calendar, two 10k's and a 12-person 200-mile relay. I'd like to have some strong performances so I am focusing my training on those races right now. I'll be keeping long runs and some good volume into my training plan, with some tough speedwork thrown in as soon as my body can handle it. I haven't raced a road 10K since 2012, and much longer than that since I've tried to PR, so it's time to shave a whole heck of a lot of minutes off my really soft 10K PR. I'm hoping for good weather and a 48 minute race. My other 10K is a trail race, so that will be a nice change of pace. The relay will require some long run dedication, and I'm fine with that as it's a great excuse to keep up on my weekend long runs, which I love (for the most part!).

But we all know my mind has been really consumed with thoughts of Boston. My apologies already, because I'm officially obsessed. My thoughts have been a bit crazy at times. It still seems surreal to me.

I'm a decent runner, but I've had a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea of being good enough for the Boston Marathon. It's always seemed like the race for OTHER people, and I was always in awe when my friends would qualify and run it. It wasn't until pretty recently that I started to really think about my chances. Back in 2016 when I realized the qualification window for my new age group opened up the next year (for the 2019 race, when I'd be 45), I couldn't get it out of my head. My husband traveled to Hopkinton for business and bought me a Boston shirt to get me excited about the possibility of chasing this goal. He took photos and the start and finish and it definitely affected him being there. He wanted this for me, too. The seeds had been planted and the journey would begin.

But in reality, I had so far to go. I just wasn't a good marathoner and even a 3:55 seemed insane to me. But it was worth a shot. I knew I needed to whittle my weight down to 125 pounds (while keeping my muscles and strength...not of this skinny crap without substance for me) and really increase my running volume and the quality of my training plan if I had any shot to get that much better. Luckily, I had time on my side (although, in hindsight, it wasn't a lot of time at all).

The thought that I wasn't deserving of joining this elite group of runners was always in the back of my mind - ALWAYS - no matter how confident I appeared to be on the outside. I'm just not one of those folks that's seen a lot of glory. I fall short often (that sure sounds whiny), and I don't really view myself as much of a "winner." To be a Boston Qualifier, you've gotta be damn good.

Waiting until I turned 45 would give me far better chances of succeeding. To go from a 3:45 to a 3:55 qualification time was huge to me. It almost felt like cheating to be able to qualify in the 45-49 age group while I was still 43 years old, but after realizing that tons of other people have this advantage as well made me feel a little better, and this is how Boston has it set up, so who am I to argue?

Something sure clicked in my brain over the summer because I accomplished the things I set out to do - weight loss, higher volume, no injuries, faster paces. It came together for me and I ended up running two really stellar races. I legit earned my place at the start line (you know, provided 5:07 is a good enough buffer).

When the fiasco with the shortened course happened in Mississippi, it very easily could have broken me. I honestly wasn't surprised something like this would happen to me. After all, I wasn't one of those folks that wins. So of course, even though I ran a fantastic race, of course it didn't matter and I wasn't really a qualifier. Frankly, the fact that it didn't break me kind of shocks me. I struggle with many mental issues, so this could've gone pretty badly for me.

But, except for a few really down days, I don't think this was much more than a blip for me in the land of self-pity. I bounced back almost right away. My good attitude seemingly came out of nowhere.

I've been thinking a lot about that attitude, which leads me to the next random thoughts on this post.

GRACE. Y'all know what grace is, but few people truly know how to show it. Our country is in the midst of a complete failure of grace...it seems like nobody has any idea of how to show it and instead people retreat into their own little selfish spheres, and it's truly sad. People are just awful to each other about the smallest things. I had to show a whole heck of a lot of grace to the race directors of Mississippi and Louisiana (my second chance marathon). I could've ripped into them like countless other folks did. But I refused to. They felt bad enough. Grace could help carry me to the start line in Louisiana. There was definitely a higher power at work on my mind in this, however. No way could I have had the kind of attitude I had without some major intervention on God's part. He found a way to speak through me and my misfortune. Not that I want to pat myself on my back, but I am really proud of how I handled that situation.

CONTROL. I had zero control over the disqualification of the Mississippi course. Anything I did or said or whined about wasn't going to change what happened. But there were a million things I could control and I had to push the situation out of my head so I could get back in the game and work on all those things within my control. I was in control of my training, my diet, my sleep, all the things I needed to be on top of to have another great race day. And I could control my attitude. I HAD TO.

I honestly think those two things are what carried me across that second finish line in 3:49:53. Sure, I had to be physically capable, but if I had allowed the Mississippi situation anymore room in my head, it would have derailed the race in Louisiana. Mind games can ruin the most perfect race. Not to say it wasn't a struggle. Forcing the disqualification out, coupled with forcing my doubt out of my head, helped me succeed a second time.

But the DOUBT. Oh my gosh, there was so much doubt no matter how much I knew I was capable of an encore BQ. How could I not doubt it? I had never even come close to a 3:55 before, and here I was trying to do it TWICE in 5 weeks? What kind of crack was I smoking? So yeah, pushing the doubt out was just a wee bit difficult.

Something pretty amazing happened at that start line, though. The stars aligned, my mind was right, the course was spectacular, and my legs and my heart did what was expected of them.

So needless to say, I'm now obsessed with Boston and the fact that I will be running with thirty thousand others from Hopkinton to Boyston Street. Envisioning the race gives me goosebumps. Remember, this race is for the best marathoners out there! A year ago, I was a crappy marathoner! This isn't something that was supposed to happen for little ol' me. But it sure looks like reality now, and reality is pretty sweet, I must say.

Perhaps I'm focusing so much on this small aspect of my life because I feel so OUT of control in other areas. There are plenty of times when I feel like the world's worst parent and my son and I are struggling mightily to get along with each other. My daughter and I are doing okay, and after a really difficult time, she seems to be feeling better about herself. But I honestly don't have much control over where their heads are, as much as I try to support and guide them. Having my running goals is a good way to channel my energy into something healthy that I can control (....or mostly control). It's a big fat positive in the middle of some difficult and negative years on the parenting front. Perhaps this is why I cling so fiercely to my physical health...I can control it almost entirely and it gives me a sense of peace and direction and strength. I now feeling a whole new blog post taking shape in my mind as I write this.

Thanks for listening to my randomness. It always helps to write it out and work through it.

Success

I am so glad that is over.

The last five weeks have been very stressful for me. It felt like there was a huge weight on my shoulders, needing to get a legitimate Boston Qualifying time, while recovering from an illegitimate Boston Qualifying performance, and putting way more pressure on myself than I should have. I just wanted it to be over and done with and to breathe a huge sigh of relief that I wouldn't need to keep trying again and again to succeed.

I DID IT.

Five weeks after elation and heartbreak at Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon, I am an official Boston Qualifier, having run 3:49:53 at The Louisiana Marathon.

3:49:53!

You know what that 5:07 under my qualifying time means?? It means that I will likely know within a few days rather than a few weeks whether my time is accepted. I won't be in the last group to register, wondering whether I squeaked in under the cut off or not. Up until this point, the strictest cut off was 3:23, so I'm crossing my fingers and hoping that 5:07 is enough. If they open up registration again after my group registers, then I know I will be accepted.

I'll be running the Boston Marathon on April 15, 2019, as a QUALIFIER!!

It's surreal to me that I could improve on my marathon time so much that I could earn myself a spot at the starting line. I finally figured out how to race a marathon. It just took 9 years and 12 marathons to get it right. My 13th and 14th marathons were nearly perfect and finally showed me what I'm capable of.

But, Marathon #14 was still so different from Marathon #13. It was an epic battle of wills practically from the start. Where do I even begin?

I was a nervous wreck the entire week leading up to the race. The weather forecast was not really helping. It would be cold, but in all honesty, it was almost going to be TOO cold. The forecast kept dropping until it was set to be about 25 degrees at the start and not getting above freezing until I was well over halfway done with the race.

Packing for the race wasn't easy. How many layers would I want? What if the forecast changed again? Do I wear tights or capris, long sleeves or short sleeves, have a throwaway jacket, one or two pairs of socks? I basically packed about five different outfits. This would be my coldest race ever and it was making me nuts! On a positive note, I was running the 5K the day before, so it would give me a chance to test out clothing to see if I felt too cold or too warm.

Deja Vu time again - running both the 5K and the Marathon

LOUISIANA 5K

Saturday morning really was a lot of fun. My husband decided to also run the 5K and one of my friends, Tony, was also with us and was running the 5K while trying for a Boston Qualifying time in the marathon as well. It was COLD, windchill of 22 because of the 10 mph winds. My face hurt. But I layered up, sucked it up, and got my cold butt to the start line. The crawfish platter we'd earn for running both days was totally worth the freezing temps (not really.)

My plan was to run about 20 seconds faster than race pace overall, trying not to overdo it too much but trying to shake out my nerves. I had only run twice during the week so my legs were nice and rested. Greg was going for a sub-7 min pace 5K and Tony, who I had been coaching for this marathon, was told to take it easier than he'd like (he didn't listen). My first mile was right at my super stretch goal race pace of 8:35, and I picked up my pace slowly after that, finishing with a 7:40 final mile. Overall I ran 25:06, an 8:05 pace, about a full minute faster than last year's 5K but it seemed easier, so that was really nice. The cold weather probably helped. I got too warm during the race so I knew I was overdressed and it gave me a good idea on how to dress for Sunday's marathon.

I had a super competitive age group as my 25:06 got me 8th out of 112 in my age group. I was 28th overall woman, so there were a large number of those faster ladies in the 40-44 age group! Greg ran a 21:34, meeting his goal at 6:58 pace, and missing an award by 5 seconds. He's damn fast. Tony got a talking to since he didn't listen to me and raced too hard to pull off a 22:55 and first place Grandmasters. He's a pain in my butt.

The finish festival at the Louisiana Marathon is the best I've ever experienced but we only stuck around long enough to get a couple beers, some gumbo, and collect Tony's award for being the fastest old guy. Greg and I also collected our Beach to Bayou medals for racing at Mississippi Gulf Coast and Louisiana. We spent the rest of the weekend teasing Greg about his destination 5Ks and that he should start a 50 state 5K club. I need to get that guy to run another half marathon or actually want to run a marathon.

SUNDAY MORNING...

I was an absolute bundle of nerves as soon as I woke up. I was scared and excited and I pretty much wanted to cry. I was looking forward to racing through Baton Rouge, because it's a great city, but I knew I'd be in a lot of pain and just hoped it wasn't so much pain that I couldn't enjoy the sights.

I wore the same thing as I did in Mississippi, plus the pink jacket

Greg was awesome. He ran all the way back to the hotel to grab a second pair of socks for me because my feet were frozen as we waited for the race to start. Having to wear two pairs of socks during the marathon was definitely a first for me. But it really was stupid cold.

Tony and I spent several minutes warming up before the start. Just like in Mississippi, there would be no warm up miles in this race. We would both be going out racing right from the start. My stretch goal was 8:42 pace, which would get me under my 3:48:17 time from the shortened course Mississippi race. But what I really wanted as an "A" goal was to get under 3:50, giving myself the 5 minute buffer on my qualifying time. I'd have to run a few seconds per mile faster than Mississippi. I planned to speed up sooner than I did in Mississippi and just try to hold on to that pace, and hopefully speed up further, in the second half. It would once again be a big risk, just like in Mississippi, but I was willing to take that risk. If I didn't, then I'd kick myself for not putting in a surge sooner and missing my goal. Tony needed a 3:40 to qualify and didn't really have any goal under that necessarily; he just wanted to qualify whether it would be enough to get into the race or not.

Louisiana is a much bigger race than Mississippi. Instead of starting with 440 other marathoners, we started with over 3000 people, marathoners and half marathoners together. The half/full split wouldn't happen for 11 miles, and there are seven miles that meander around the lake by LSU. This was where I was going to get very nervous. Mississippi was straight for 24 miles, so I never added on any distance due to turns. In Baton Rouge, I needed to cut the tangents as tight as possible, which would mean paying attention to any runners behind me so I didn't cut anyone off. I'd have to be hyper focused for several miles until we left that area and moved into the neighborhoods, where there were many more straight sections. My goal was to add in less than 2/10ths of a mile.

FIRST 10K

The race started off without much fanfare. I planned to get through the first two miles in 18:20 and they came in at 18:09, with a 9:08 and 9:01. Those were the only miles over 9 for the entire race. Looking back, it's pretty funny that so much of my race mimicked how I ran Mississippi. I passed the 4:00 hour pace group during mile 3, and that mile was a bit fast at 8:41. I needed to chill out and relax. I slowed it down to around 8:45-8:50 pace for the next few miles. The first opportunity to see Greg would be at the 10K point, and this was where I planned to give him the lightweight jacket I was wearing over my tank/arm sleeves. I was a little nervous about taking off the jacket, however. I was sweating but not really very warm. It was still probably only about 27 degrees out, with very little wind thankfully. I wasn't wearing a throwaway I could toss wherever (I wanted to keep that jacket!), so either I needed to give Greg my jacket now or have to wait until I saw him again at the halfway point.

Running my pace felt only "ok." It wasn't as easy and effortless as in Mississippi. The combination of the sub-freezing temps and the shortened recovery period was most certainly having an effect on how I felt. I tried not to let it get to me, because I knew this was still a pace I could run and hold. It just would hurt more, and I wasn't looking forward to how that would feel. I needed to get over it, though, because my goal was way more important to me than a few hours of discomfort. I was terrified of failing.

I saw Greg right before the timing mat at the 10K point and I threw my jacket at him and stuck my tongue out at him like a moron. Nice photo, honey.

I was so glad to see him. I am so thankful he decided to come with me and that his parents could watch the kids at home while we were gone. I'm not sure I could have done this without knowing I would see him during the race. 

I hit the timing mat at 55:15, 8:54 average pace, with 6.22 miles on my watch, running a bit faster than I had in Mississippi. This was where I wanted to be.

ONTO THE HALFWAY POINT

After I left Greg, it was time to put my game face on. 20 miles to go and it needed to be fearless. I was warmed up (okay, so actually now I was kind of freezing my ass off without my jacket). I was in a good groove on my pace, not needing to look at my Garmin very much. It would soon be time to speed things up into the 8:30 range. We were running around the lake and I was focused on all the turns on this part of the course. There was one lady running right off my left shoulder who kept telling me she was on my left. I think she thought I was going to run her off the road or something because I was staying close to the edge. Thankfully she pushed ahead of me and stayed there for awhile because I didn't need someone getting feisty with me when I was, in fact, being vigilant about not cutting anyone off. I noticed that a lot of the runners were also trying to run the tangents well so it was fairly easy to follow along with them. 

I eased into some faster miles after a bit of a slow mile 7 (8:54). By mile 10 I was down to 8:51 average pace overall and hadn't added too much distance on yet (my Garmin read 10.03 miles when I passed the 10 mile marker). I think I was speeding up a bit too fast here as mile 10 was 8:36 and it felt like a little bit of a struggle, so I held back a bit during mile 11 (8:51) and calmed down, before easing back into some faster miles. Now it was time to have my miles in the 8:30s and hopefully not slow down. Damn, this wasn't going to be easy at all.

Greg was hanging out at the 13 mile marker and he was a sight for sore eyes. As I passed him I told him this wasn't going to be easy but he reassured me with his faith in me and off I went past him. 

I hit the halfway point timing mat at 1:55:49, and my Garmin read 13.15 miles, so I had run the tangents pretty well up until this point. I was a minute ahead of my halfway point time in Mississippi. From 10K to 13.1 I had run 8:47 pace.

HALFWAY POINT TO 19 MILES

It got a little awesome and then it started getting really hard. This was most definitely a different race than in Mississippi, yet at the same time it was a better race than that one was. I was now pulling 8:30 miles, including my fastest marathon mile to date at Mile 15 in 8:28. After seeing me at Mile 13, Greg ran through the neighborhood and waited for me around a corner before I hit mile 14. He's kind of awesome like that. I had been chatting with a couple runners who were aiming for a sub-4 (they did it, by the way!).

Mile 14 included an out and back section, where I got to see that Tony was about 3/4 of a mile ahead of me and we high-fived and then about halfway between us was the 3:45 pacer. Do you have any idea how awesome that was? I was only a couple minutes behind the 3:45 pacer, something I never in my life thought I would ever be. And the running buddy who I had coached through this training cycle was well on his way to a huge PR and possible BQ. This was also the section that needed to be 100% accurate on a turnaround in one location. Sure enough, as we came upon the turnaround I noticed a permanent painted "x" right there in the road. It was accurate! Big weight off my shoulders, that's for sure. It was really the only point on the course that could have gotten screwed up and it didn't. 

I think what kept me going during this 6 mile stretch was knowing that I would see Greg at mile 19. I wanted as many miles under 8:40 as I could get, but it just was not at all easy to hold that pace mile after mile. My heartrate was okay, however. I was still averaging no more than 150 and I wasn't seeing any unusual 160+ spikes. I think I was just feeling the fatigue from having done this only 5 weeks prior. Doing that is just damn hard. 

Greg was a sight for sore eyes at Mile 19. He mentioned something about a 3:45 being mine, but he was a liar. 3:40-something, sure, but I didn't think I could catch that pacer. 

I hit the 19 mile timing mat at 2:46:27 and had dropped my average pace down to 8:47. My mileage on my Garmin showed 19.07 so I was still doing very well not adding much distance. From 13.1 to 19 miles I had run 8:35 average pace. I still needed to try to drop the pace more, however.

THE FINAL STRETCH

This was where things just got HARD for me. I needed to maintain some semblance of a pace under 8:50 in order to break 3:50. It was a good thing I kept running the numbers in my head on how fast I needed to run to hit my goals, because it did keep my mind off the pain somewhat and it made the miles go by a bit faster. 

When mile 20 came in at 8:44 and then mile 21 at 8:48, but it didn't feel any slower, I sort of wanted to cry a little. I refused to slow down anymore and was getting really really worried I would truly hit the wall. Mile 20 to 24 messed with my head like you wouldn't believe. I knew I had less than an hour to run, and then when I had only five miles left, I only had to pull 9:50 miles to BQ, and 8:50 miles to break 3:50. I could do it. It would hurt, but it was totally within reach and that is about the only thing that got me through the next 45 minutes of this race. 

I'm pretty sure I did hit the wall somewhere around mile 22. I was full on in hell at this point. Everything was hurting, my mind was playing ridiculous tricks on me, and there was a lady that was run/walking, except when she ran she was probably going 7:30 pace, would pull out in front of me, and then start walking. Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate when you can't shake someone who keeps walking right in front of you? Eventually I didn't see her again and my focus went back to my own fight to finish strong.

After a long straight stretch, there are a couple turns that will eventually lead to North Blvd. and the final 2 kilometers of the race. Every turn I made, my mind became clearer as I could finally see the light at the end of this incredibly dark tunnel. Miles 22-24 were 8:49, 8:51, and 8:51....certainly very steady despite feeling like I was turning into a sloppy runner but not what I wanted to be running. I figured I could try to make a final surge after hitting the 24 Mile marker, but I still struggled through that mile, getting through it in 8:53. 

Right before the 25 Mile marker comes the only real hill during this race, an overpass. I don't think it looked so bad, and frankly was surprised that it didn't even feel any worse than running the flats. Perhaps it was the recruitment of some different muscles, I don't know, or the elation of knowing my final mile was coming up. As I crested the hill and passed the mile marker, my watch showed just under 3:40. A little over 10 minutes to run the final 1.2 miles. I had absolutely no choice but to speed up if I wanted to break 3:50. This was it...do or die!

I used the short downhill on the other side of the overpass to try to relax. I slowly quickened my pace until I saw the lap pace on my watch drop to the 8:30s. Oh, my gosh, this mile was SO DAMN HARD. I had so little left in the tank that even though there were less than 10 minutes to go, it was going to be a battle. I kept looking straight ahead, hoping to see the final turn coming up at 4th Street that would take me to the last 3 or 4 minutes and the finish line. The previous 3 hours and 40 minutes had seemingly gone by fast, but every minute now was a slow crawl...isn't that how it always is at the end?

I looked at my watch every 20 or 30 seconds to be sure my pace wasn't slowing. It wasn't, thankfully, staying right around 8:35. I just needed to get to the 26 mile marker with 1:50 to spare and I would be just fine. I passed it at 3:48:10 after running an 8:36 mile 26.

1 minute and 43 seconds later, I crossed the finish line.

3:49:53

A BQ by 5:07

The feelings I had when I stopped my watch were surreal. That's the best way to describe it. It just didn't seem like this had actually happened. I had pulled off the impossible, and had run even faster than at Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon. It was a whole hell of a lot harder, but I had managed to fight through those last miles to accomplish my goal. I didn't beat the shortened course time in Mississippi of 3:48:17, but that's okay. This was still my new personal best. An 8:46 pace marathon. A Boston Qualification by 5:07. 

(Side note: somehow in the finish chute, I restarted my watch, and I'm still thoroughly pissed about that. I edited the Garmin entry to reflect that I stopped my watch at the finish at 3:48:54 and 26.3 miles, but sadly my Garmin watch stats now show my fastest marathon as 3:57, the time I noticed I had inadvertently restarted my watch. Small beans in the big picture, but still annoying.)

I saw Greg and Tony right away. Tony was still in the finish chute waiting for me, Greg on the sidelines with what sure looked like tears in his eyes. I got my medal from the sweetest young lady, who gave me purple Mardi Gras beads from around her neck in addition to that hard earned medal. She asked for a hug, and I started crying. It wasn't the ugly cry finish in Mississippi, but rather much more subdued, but the tears were still there. What a sweet volunteer she was to give me the hug I desperately needed.

I got hugs from Greg (more tears!) and Tony (and more tears again!), who missed a BQ by only 51 seconds (those 51 seconds that he should have tacked on to his 5K, but hey, he gets to be 1st Grandmaster! Haha), but took 23 minutes off of his PR and ran a sub-4 hour marathon for the first time ever. A 3:40:51 marathon was just phenomenal. He and I were in an incredible amount of pain as we tried walking out of the chute. A few steps, cramping, a few more steps, whining, a few more steps. Did I mention I was still REALLY REALLY COLD? Greg got me blue and yellow balloons and made a sign for me to celebrate my second BQ (and first legitimate BQ). 

Just wow. 

Now, 3 days later, I'm still in a little bit of awe. I honestly don't know where that strength came from to do this twice in 5 weeks, to do it faster (barely!) the second time, and to push myself to Boston Qualifying caliber. I get to run the Boston Marathon and it just seems so damn crazy. I am one stubborn woman who just never gave up, even when I wanted to, even when my doubts were overwhelming, right up until those last few minutes of that race, when I finally knew I could do it and that I would. I'm also in awe that I basically coached myself (and Tony) to these new marathon times. I wrote the plan and executed it without anyone telling me what to do, with the exception of Tuesday morning interval and tempo workouts. Coach Christine from my triathlon group was the boss that morning every week. She would tell me what to run and how fast to run and I did what she said. Tony and I have to give her so much credit for making us truly see how fast we could run. Our determination combined with great running buddies, great advice, and priceless support all around, helped us to succeed.

It's interesting to me to look back on the past 38 days and everything that's happened. I BQ'd on December 10, only to see that the course was short. My time would've been just under 3:51 had the course been accurate. I had to recover fast and smart and try not to lose too much fitness over the next five weeks so I could do it again. I BQ'd again, this time by more than the 4:00 minute buffer I would've had in Mississippi. I think that's a really big positive to take out of this. I had a better finish time in Louisiana, so I have to see that as a silver lining to the stress from the last five weeks. Had my BQ counted in Mississippi, I doubt I would've raced as hard in Louisiana, and quite possibly would've only run the half marathon. I also learned something from this race that didn't really come into play in Mississippi. Be careful of hydration. I did not hydrate enough because of the cold and I'm sure that slowed me down a bit at the end. I still would've felt pretty icky but perhaps a little less. I fueled with gels very well, however, and I'm pleased with that. Every 45 minutes practically on the dot I had a gel and that was enough nutrition for me, in addition to the salt a couple of times during the race plus the hydration mix in my water bottle. But the water consumption was too little and I need to be better about that in cold weather. 

We learn something from every single race, no doubt about that. 

I have to note that I had three teammates running the Houston Marathon, and each of them ran a great race, too. Two new PRs and a BQ. I was actually the slowest marathon out of all five of us, so it was certainly a really great day. 

The rest of the day consisted of gumbo, beer, rum and coke, a hot bath, pizza, Fireball, more beer, king cake, Starbucks, and some good times checking out Mike the Tiger on LSU campus. Poor Greg had his hands full babysitting us. But I think it was worth it to him to be able to see me run another awesome marathon.

BOSTON!!!

Racing all the races

There have been times when I wanted to race EVERYTHING. At least a race a month, maybe more. The last couple years? Not so much.

Some years it's just better to be particular about what you do. Racing can be hard, and recovery can take awhile, and the last thing I want to do is mess up my body and turn out mediocre race after mediocre race. It's also very expensive. If I wanted a sub-par performance, I can do that in training without the $150 entry fee.

In 2017, I completed 4 5K's (one was legit racing, three were for fun, and two of the fun ones were the day before a marathon), one 5 mile race, one trail 10K, two marathons, one half marathon (training run), and one relay. That was plenty of "racing" for me.

As for this year, it remains to be seen what it's going to look like. My main focus right now is marathons. My year will take shape completely dependent on how the Louisiana Marathon turns out this weekend. If I BQ, and by what I think is enough of a margin, then perhaps Boston 2019 will be my next marathon. If I don't succeed in this goal and want to try for another one during the 2019 qualification timeframe, I'll have to find another marathon. That will be my priority. This means that once again, I'll be the world's worst triathlete.

But I'm okay with that. I'm finding that when I stretch my focus across too many goals, then I suffer. It's much better for me to focus on just one thing at a time. I feel like I'm in such great marathon shape right now, and I LOVE THAT, so for now that focus is exactly right for me.

A part of me misses all the racing I used to do, but then again not having to worry about tapering and recovery of minor races meant that my focus during the training season was 100% on my marathon training plan. Using the one half marathon I did as a training run was the best decision, although at the the time I was irritated about the weather derailing my ability to race it. In hindsight, by slowing it down and focusing on form, cadence, and breathing, without having to worry about a recovery period after the race, it did me far more good than had I raced it. I swear, you learn something new every training cycle!

I did race the 5 miler 2 1/2 weeks before the marathon, and because it was a short race in very cold temps, it ended up serving as a big confidence boost, a lesson in pace control and breathing, and exactly how to deal with freezing temps since that's what race day offered up. Because of it's short duration, there was no recovery required beyond one rest day. Instead, I was able to chalk it up as an intense speed session.

I'm nervous as heck going into race week. Louisiana Running Festival is this weekend, with a shakeout 5k on Saturday (aiming for marathon pace in that one), and then the marathon on Sunday. Start temps won't be above 30 if this forecast holds (and I think it will, or just get colder, because since the 15 day forecast came out, all it's done is get colder and colder and colder), so I know I'm being blessed with the exact conditions I need to run my very best. I have to hope that I did my recovery correct. My body is not perfect, but I think my grit and determination can make up for any deficits caused by the marathon last month. I know, based on the data, that I still had something in me to push even harder in Mississippi, so I'm going to try my best to tap into that on Sunday. I will be crossing that finish line with NOTHING left. Greg should have that inhaler ready!

I know what it feels like to qualify for Boston. It's the most indescribable feeling for someone like me, who wasn't born with a bunch of talent and had to fight hard to get to that caliber. I need to be thinking of that during every moment of that race.

And then, when it's all done, I can think about how the rest of my year will shape up and where my focus can be. Marathoner or triathlete...or both? Remains to be seen!

Breathe

When 2017 started, I chose PEACE as my "word for the year." It served as a reminder of who I wanted to be and who God wanted me to be. In order to accomplish my goals I needed to embrace peace. I'd like to say that for the most part, I was successful. It took a lot of outside help...friends, my husband, medication, a whole lot of running with some big goals, and a few cocktails.

It was a tough year on the parenting front. So very tough. I feel like I say that every single year, but it's true.

I just don't have easy kids. I have a genius son who has trouble expressing compassion, thrives on being contrary, and doesn't live up to his potential at school (although there's a lot of improvement this year), and an overly sensitive, anxiety-ridden daughter who requires therapy and struggles greatly at school.

It's never ending and exhausting and there are some days when I want to scream because WHY CAN'T IT JUST BE EASY. It's incredibly hard to not compare my situation with others' whose family lives seem relatively easy, with kids who smile for the camera, love adventure, and get straight A's. You know, what everyone thinks life is going to be like when you have kids.

Ugh.

But somehow I made it through the year with more peace. Somehow, some way, I managed to have a whole lot of wins in the midst of the losses.

This year, my word is BREATHE.

You know how when you're in the middle of a tough workout and you feel like your breathing is just way too hard and rapid? But then you take some deep breaths and force yourself to slow it down and you start to feel so much better and stronger?

That's how I need 2018 to be. I need to remember to BREATHE.

The other day we were driving from Southern California back home to Central Texas. My husband and I decided to take a little side trip to Tombstone, Arizona, a place we'd never been and thought might be fun to see. The week in California had been more stressful than we had anticipated, with a medical emergency that threw us for a loop and a bit of a chaotic Christmas Day that caused my daughter an incredible amount of social anxiety. We wanted to take our time a bit more on the roadtrip back home, to appreciate what was around us rather than being anxious to get home.

My son was having none of it. No way did he want to take a two hour side trip to a little town with "nothing to offer." He was just plain nasty to us. To keep from throttling him, I had to force myself to take deep breaths and to do my best to keep my mouth shut. Not too successfully, I might add. Unfortunately, his attitude didn't get better, but somehow we got back on the road with him still alive. It was a total test in parental patience. The next day his attitude did not improve much, as we took a side trip to Cloudcroft, New Mexico, for tubing. Once again, he was having none of it. Thankfully, once he started tubing, he actually found himself having fun. But leading up to that first run down the tube hill I was a wreck from dealing with his surly attitude and the effect it was having on his sister's emotions. I removed myself from his presence, took the dogs on a walk, and remembered to BREATHE. Things turned around and the day was successful after all.

Did I mention that I just really want things to just be easy? Just once?

I will have another opportunity to focus on "just breathing" in 13 days, when I try to qualify for Boston again. As you know, my first qualifying marathon from 22 days ago was disqualified due to a short course, forcing me to try again if I want to run the Boston Marathon in 2019. It's not ideal. It's actually downright scary. I waver between confidence and terror on a daily basis right now. Because I raced hard on December 10, my body needed time to recover in order to turn around and race hard again on January 14. I think I've done a decent job with recovery, even with the travel, but I'm not 100%. I know I'm doing things right, but I'm also slightly scared that I've messed up my fitness and that I won't be ready in time. I got so used to running 50 mile weeks that these last weeks of much lower mileage and intensity are really messing with my head.

When I feel like my anxiety about it is getting out of hand, I close my eyes and take a few deep breaths and feel so much better. Taking those moments to breathe deeply and focus on the positives I have going into the race definitely helps.

BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT

When I'm running the marathon, I'll need to remember to breathe slowly and deliberately. It's easy to allow your breathing to get shallow and rapid and it's a surefire way to derail a good race. With experience, I've managed to turn this around time and time again during a race. In the last 6 miles of my last marathon, I found myself coming up alongside several folks who were really struggling, as many do in the last part of a marathon. They were breathing heavy, losing their form, and just trying to get through each mile one step at a time. It reminded me to stand up straight, throw my shoulders back, take another deep breath, and relax my breathing so I didn't fall victim to this dreaded "wall." I'm sure I'll need to do this countless times on January 14.

JUST BREATHE.