Tragedy

I wrote the first part on Tuesday, July 31 while driving through California on our road trip back home:

I got on my computer with the intent of writing my race report for the San Francisco Half Marathon, but I’m distracted by the real things that matter in life right now.

Yesterday there was a terrible accident in Bastrop County, and although I was in California at the time I read the Austin news on Facebook and Twitter so I was aware of the accident pretty quickly. Something about it made me incredibly uncomfortable, and when the reports came in that two children were killed, it made my heart sink. 

I had no idea those who died were part of a good friend’s family until last night. My friend lost her younger sister, two young nephews, and an unborn niece or nephew. Just like that, a man is left without his entire family, just when he was preparing to become a family of 5.

I can imagine the pain of losing a sister – the third anniversary of Trisha’s death is in a mere 5 days – but losing babies, too? The heartache is truly unimaginable. All I want to do is wrap that family in my arms and I am 3 states away.

When I got up this morning and hit the shower, I lost it and the tears would not stop coming. That family is experiencing a loss most of us could never ever imagine. And they are such incredible people.

I’m angry. It’s unfair. It HURTS. The thought of what the suddenly childless widower must be feeling is overwhelming to me. I truly can’t imagine such an enormous loss. My heart hurts so very much.

Please say prayers.

This part was started last night and finished today, August 2-3:

As my family and were driving through Arizona yesterday morning, I had a huge urge to try to make it to the funeral, which was set for 11am today. The problem was that I was still nearly 1000 miles away...a very long drive with two children when you are only expecting to drive 650 miles.

I think fate intervened and made the decision out on a stretch of I-40...it was closed due to a big rig fire 4 miles ahead. We were stuck, for possibly hours. The irony of it being a fiery accident did not escape me. Greg and I quickly realized that if we were stuck out on I-40 for much longer we weren't making it to Lubbock and our booked hotel room before it got late. By the time we would get there, the kids would already be asleep and it would be incredibly disruptive to move them and all our stuff into a hotel room for a few hours rest. It suddenly became clear...we needed to keep driving, and I was going to attend that funeral.

Now, hours later, with a million thoughts in my mind, I sit feeling numb, sad, emotional, and heartbroken. Not for myself, since I did not ever meet Liz or the boys, but for the family and for the widower left behind. I buried my sister 3 years ago this month....but today's funeral was the most gut wrenching experience of my life. 

The Dowdy and Herro families are exceptional. Liz was married to Sam, who is brothers with Dan, who is married to Lauren, Liz's sister...did you catch that? Sisters married to brothers. One amazing family connected to another amazing family. I'm friends with Lauren and Dan, have spent countless hours with them as a runner and as a friend. They are two of my very favorite people in the world. Through Lauren's photographs, I was able to get a view into Liz and her spirit. She was always someone I wanted to meet and I know had I had the opportunity to spend time with her and the boys, I would love them. Lauren's photographs are just breathtaking.

Liz's dad, Jeff, spoke first. He spoke not of grief but of miracles. Julie, Liz's mom, spoke as well. She gave us a window into who Liz was. There were countless photos to beautiful music, comforting words from the pastor, and a beautiful speech and song by Liz's father-in-law, Sam Sr. We sang worship songs and watched in heartache as the caskets left the sanctuary. The service was almost 3 hours long and words can't really describe the true beauty of the celebration of 4 lives. I'm not even going to try to describe it. If you were there, you know. 

I woke up this morning so profoundly sad. The tears come easily. It amazes me that although I never knew Liz or the boys, I can feel this level of grief. Perhaps it's because it hits close to home, perhaps it's part of who I am to be that sensitive, I don't know.

I have walked away from that experience a different person. The family's words on who Liz was and how we should all be echo in my head. She and Sam were the best of the best when it comes to being parents, the best of the best when it comes to being committed and we should all learn from their example. They have shown mercy, compassion, and unbelievable love. LOVE was a common theme during the service. Sometimes life is as simple as that....just LOVE. 

Adding to my list

Several months ago, I realized that I needed "something" in my life that didn't necessarily revolve around my kids and spouse. Not in a negative way, but something that was "mine" and possibly involved me actually providing for my family financially.  I needed it to be flexible and hopefully be fitness-oriented, since that's my passion. I couldn't see myself sitting at a desk in a 9-5 job. I didn't expect a huge salary by any means, but something that could supplement my husband's income and possibly allow us more disposable income for travel and leisure, hobbies, etc.

Since then I've branched out and taken a few leaps of faith...although I'm not making any money yet. But that's okay. I'm figuring it out as a go and trying to make myself marketable in the long run. I am currently studying through NASM for my Personal Trainer Certification and will be certified in September, I still coach for Round Rock Fit (we start up again next month), I'm branching out into triathlons, I'm waiting for a relatively close class for my RRCA running coach certification, and this week I added a new "job" to my list.

I'm on Team Luke's...which is basically an ambassadorship for Luke's Locker, a Texas-based running store. I join a group of local runners in representing both the store and the fitness community at races, expos, and volunteer gigs. I will hopefully inspire and influence more people to get active. This "job" is not about winning races. It's about believing in an active lifestyle and supporting a business that shares my same philosophy on fitness - everyone should be active, anyone CAN be active, we must make it one of our priorities in life, and we must pass it on to future generations. If everyone was active, the world would be a happier place.

I'm excited about the many turns my active life is taking me. I'm not exactly sure what it will turn into in terms of a "career" but I'm pretty happy getting my name out there, learning all that I can to help others, and to continue to improve my own fitness.

It's a fun passion to have.


(and a huge thanks to Tricia Minnick for telling Luke's about me)

My training continues

I'm learning a lot about myself while training for a summer half marathon. Back in 2009, when I trained for the July Napa-to-Sonoma Half Marathon in sweltering Texas weather conditions I vowed to stick to cooler weather long races. It was so tough for me to keep up my motivation, and it showed during the race when I bonked at Mile 10.

For some reason I felt like this year could be different, and since we would already be in California in late July I decided to sign up for the San Francisco Half Marathon. Let the training begin!

Luckily, because I've been forcing myself to run in warmer conditions (98 degrees on Thursday night!), I'm getting acclimated. Last weekend's 10-miler was pretty awesome and I felt great the whole time, although the weather conditions were milder than normal. But it gave me a confidence boost.

This morning's run wasn't quite so awesome, but I really have no complaints. The plan was for 10 miles again, and with temps higher than last week, a 72 degree dew point (which basically means it feels like a sauna outside), and 85% humidity, I knew it quite possibly could hurt a bit. I headed out at a very slow pace and hit the first mile in 10:03. A good, easy start. Miles 2 and 3 were a lot faster, both at 9:23, and I was definitely warmed up. But I felt sluggish and tired and for some reason Mile 4 just dragged. I wanted to walk so badly, or turn around...anything to just not be running. Totally surprised it came in at 9:03.

I forced myself to run to my turnaround at 5 miles and then cut myself some slack and stopped so I could take my Gu. What a relief to stand in the shade for a few moments and catch my breath. Once I began running again, I started making deals with myself....just run another mile, just one more mile and maybe take a break. Okay, mile 6 is done, but I decided I didn't need a break....I was tougher than that. Right after 7 miles was a water fountain and I knew I'd need a refill so I concentrated on just keeping a steady pace and making it to the fountain. I gave myself a few moments to catch my breath again, but it was just hard to breathe out there. 2.85 miles left in my run...small beans compared to the 7.15 already in the books, right?

There was a girl out on the trail that had passed me on the first 5 at a very respectable pace, and she was about to pass me again right around 8 miles. For some reason that gave me a bit of motivation to not stop until I was done. Only 2 more miles to go...and I felt like I could just suck it up. My heart rate was high, but remained steady. Once I hit 9 miles (my only sub-9 minute mile), I slowed down a bit to make Mile 10 a little easier, more like a cool down mile. I could see the faster girl not far in front of me, running about the same pace. Funny enough, that last mile ended up being my second fastest (at 9:01) although it felt much slower.

Overall, I'm really pleased with my 1:32:35 finishing time for the 10 miles (running time, not counting my two short breaks). Overall a 9:15 pace, only 7 seconds slower per mile than the previous week's 10-miler. Not bad at all. Painful, but done.

I feel like I'm learning something new every time I get out there:

1. Heat training does work...the process just sucks
2. You're tougher than you think you are
3. You can always run one more mile
4. Speedwork benefits will show up in your long runs
5. A stronger core will help with form, and therefore pace
6. Sometimes we just need a rabbit to chase
7. Eating more the day before a long run will help in the later miles...I was getting hungry out there!
8. Hydrate hydrate hydrate!!

3 more long runs until the San Francisco Half Marathon...two here in Texas and one in California. 4 weeks until race day. I'll keep plugging away.

On my long run trail

No justification needed

A friend on Twitter posted this yesterday:

Those you inspire are saying: 
"You're crazy." 
"I wish I could run like that." 
"Maybe I could run that far." 
"If he/she can run, I can run." 
"I'm going to try to run." 
"I can do it!" 
"I DID IT!"


So many people say to me that they "can't run"...for whatever reason. 90% of the time it's not true. Some just need to start slower and easier....but I can guarantee that the vast majority of people have the ability to be a runner, and to be a good one. So I just loved this quote. We aren't capable of finding out what we're made of until we try, until we push past the pain, and find the nirvana. It's there, and it's pretty amazing.


But onto the point I have for this blog post...


The more I read over this quote, the more I got stuck on the words "You're crazy."


Do you have any idea how many times I've been told that? I'll joke around with people and tell them that I'm crazy and that's why I run marathons, but I think it's actually a defense mechanism of mine. I don't know why I say it, because I know I'm not actually crazy for taking on the goals that I take on. I think I'm really quite sane...and smart. I'm not putting myself at any real risk by doing what I do. As a matter of fact, I'm turning into the healthiest version of myself that I can. Not crazy at all.

I know most people mean nothing when they say it...perhaps they're in awe, perhaps a little envious, hopefully inspired and eventually motivated to try it themselves. But every once it awhile, it kind of hurts a little. I don't want people to think I've lost my mind by making bigger fitness goals for myself. 

Then I started thinking...why do I need to justify any of these choices? I DON'T NEED TO JUSTIFY THEM.

I don't.

In my life, I will complete at least 30 marathons.

I will complete ultramarathons.

I will complete triathlons.

I will complete back-to-back races.

I will travel internationally for races.

I will qualify for Boston.

I will break 7-min pace in a 5k.

These are my goals and they are lofty. But I will do them. 

Because I can. 

And to anyone who thinks "I'm crazy" for wanting all this...why don't you try it for yourself? There's plenty of room for all of us.

Wait...WHAT???? A triathlon????

Where did Steph go?  Does the blog post title actually say "TRIATHLON"???

If you know me, you know that I have always maintained that I will NEVER do a triathlon. Frankly, I just love running too much. I don't know how to properly swim, lakes freak me out, and I hate going fast on a bike. I don't even own a road bike!

So why would I even consider doing a triathlon?

Let's just call it peer pressure.

In February, right after the Austin Marathon, I started running with a triathlon group in Georgetown, although I always made it very clear I was there for the RUNNING...no one was getting me in a pool or on a bike. When new folks would join us for runs, I was always referred to as the one who only runs.  But slowly, in the back of my mind, I was thinking that maybe if I just took some swim lessons, my triathlon-phobia would ease up a bit.

This month, the family trekked out to Lake Pflugerville and spectated the sprint triathlon there. I had several friends competing, some in their first tri, and I have to admit that the excitement was sort of contagious. These people were having fun. And it was a sprint, which didn't seem all that daunting. 500 meter swim, 14 mile bike, 3 mile run.

My kids have both taken swim lessons (my littlest one is still doing them) and they are progressing so well in actual swimming ability. I'm kind of jealous. I can swim, but I have no idea how to properly breathe, I fear putting my face in the water, and I'm not all that speedy. I won't drown, but I make it all look ugly. In contrast, my kids look like naturals.

Okay, so I needed to take some lessons. FINE...I'll do that.

Once I made that choice...oops....a triathlon started sounding like a good idea. Dammit.

So I made it known I would do one in 2013...to all 594 Facebook friends. I officially became a member of Georgetown Triathletes. I have 58 comments on the status update announcing my new goal.

Holy hell, I'M SCREWED.


(But I'll never do an Ironman)

Reflections

I know this blog is mostly about my fitness journey, but today...right now...it seems right to talk about my sister.

Many of you know I lost my sister nearly 3 years ago. August 5 is the anniversary of her death, and as it approaches I find myself thinking about her more and more. These milestone dates are not really getting easier...every year since her death I have struggled through July to September. July 18, 2009 was the last day I saw her, August 4 the last day I spoke with her, August 5 was the day she died, August 11 was the day we buried her, and September 4 is her birthday.

This morning in my Twitter feed was a link to this article - "Do You Have Any Siblings?" and it got me thinking a little. I get asked this question all the time by people I have just met or are getting to know. I usually have no problem saying I have both a brother in California and a sister who passed away. But it does feel awkward. If they ask I usually tell them how she died, and I have a hard time gauging if they are uncomfortable with the conversation. If they're asking they do want to know, right? There have been times when I haven't mentioned her, and other times I don't mention that she's gone. It's a tricky thing to judge split second how you should respond to that question. But above all, no matter what my answer is, I'm so proud and so blessed to have had her in my life for 35 years.

So how am I doing with my grief journey? I think I'm doing okay. I was in therapy earlier this year and my therapist helped me to let go of a lot of the guilt I feel for not being able to "save" her. But I have my moments, and I always will. There is no neat and tidy way to grieve.

I still have moments where I go to grab my phone to call her to ask her opinion about something or to tell her something funny about my kids. I have random thoughts about how proud she'd be of the things my kids are doing and I wish in vain that I could turn back time to when she was here. It's hard for me to fathom that at the time of her death I'd run only 1 marathon (I have 6 under my belt now). I want to tell her about all the things I'm planning on doing....and it hurts that I can't. Sometimes she's the ONLY person I want to share things with.

A heartache that won't stop hurting? Damn right it is.

A really really REALLY great run

For weeks now I've been forcing myself to run in the heat. Every single Thursday night I do hill repeats with a triathlon group in Georgetown and for the past few weeks the temps have not been below 90 degrees. The last couple weeks they pushed 95. This past Monday night I ran 3.25 in 95 degree temps as well. I have a half marathon in San Francisco on July 29 so I have no choice but to keep doing long runs. Even early morning temps are rarely below 75, with 80+% humidity...very uncomfortable for a long run....so by forcing myself to run in even worse conditions I hoped I would eventually just get used to it.

Last Saturday (June 16) I attempted 7 miles in warm sticky weather and just felt awful. Of course, I had a hamstring pull from my 20+ mile trail run 6 days prior that was barely healed, and quite frankly was probably still recovering from the sheer distance of that run. But I just really really felt bad. I ended up only running 5.7 miles before my hamstring tightened up and I walked the last 1.6 miles home. It was a little disheartening, although my running pace was 9:28...not bad, but not my usual pace.

My goal in San Francisco is a 1:55, which is 8:50 pace. I was getting slightly worried that if I couldn't run long at close to race pace, I wasn't going to be able to pull it off. But the weather conditions were really getting to me. Even my shorter speedwork days were starting to feel pretty tough.

This morning I woke up to better conditions. At my trail the temps were 72 degrees. I didn't check humidity, but I think it must have been maybe 70%, so not as bad as usual. It felt pretty great outside, actually. Once I started running (the plan was for a 10 miler) I marveled that it didn't really feel warm at all. 3 miles into the run and I still felt like I had just started. I kept my pace relatively conservative for those first 3 miles just in case the wheels started falling off. First mile splits were 9:57, 9:39, and 9:26.

I intentionally sped up after this and tried to get my miles closer to 9-9:15 pace, and then hoped to be able to do the second half at sub-9 pace. At the 5 mile turnaround I fueled up and crossed my fingers that the good feelings would continue.

I didn't even feel that sweaty. I knew the temps had climbed just a bit, but it was still bearable.

Could I pull off a super fabulous run??

Sometimes I do this crazy mental game where I count my strides, so I tried that to take my mind off the distance. There are 1/4 mile markers along the trail so I concentrated on counting how many strides it took to reach each one, with the hopes that I could reduce the time it took over the course of the final miles. Strangely enough, it worked and made the next 3 miles fly by. Once I hit 8 miles I knew I was going to do just fine. My splits from miles 4-8 were 9:10, 9:02, 9:16, 8:56, and 8:57.

I pushed it for Mile 9, figuring maybe I'd use Mile 10 as a cool down and slow down just a bit. Mile 9 was 8:43, but I still felt really good. My legs just wanted to fly so I went with it.

Mile 10 was 8:19. 

When I glanced at my watch and saw I had run 10 miles in 1 hour, 31 minutes in warmer than usual conditions....IN JUNE IN TEXAS....I was elated. The more I thought about it the happier I got. It was third fastest 10 miler ever. The 2 faster runs were in cold conditions.

I HAD A REALLY FREAKING FABULOUS LONG RUN!!!!

And best of all, it showed me I absolutely can nail that half marathon in San Francisco.