Uncertain Plans

 As we get further into August, I am becoming increasingly aware of my flagging motivation to properly train for my next race. It's hard to believe there is still so much uncertainty. Next week is technically the start of my 18-week training cycle for Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon, which is scheduled to take place on December 13.

Today I received my "In Training" t-shirt for registering within the first week, and I really like it! But it's also a little bittersweet as I look at it. Marathon training is hard, and I was already 5 weeks into training for Chicago before the plug was pulled on that race. I have still been running and am actually maintaining a solid 40+ mile/week average. 

But dammit, it's hard. Summer in Texas means even before sunrise, temps are ALWAYS in the 70s or low 80s. Every single day. Dew points hover over 70 and are sometimes 75+. Day in and day out, even with slowing my pace considerably, it gets tough. The motivation declines. The desire just isn't there some days.

It was so different 3 years ago when I started training for my first BQ. I was so determined and there was no real fear of the race not happening. Life was so much easier back then! Last year I trained to BQ again and didn't have much trouble with motivation. But this year? Just ugh.

Today, my husband was going to sign up to run the half marathon while I ran the full, but he noticed a little caveat in the registration terms that I honestly do not remember seeing, or I scanned over it very quickly and it didn't stand out to me.

Runners bring their own pre-race and during-race hydration/nutrition

Oh, boy.

I always carry a handheld 18 ounce water bottle when I race long distances. I refill at the water stops. I can get through a half marathon, in cooler weather, with just that 18 ounces if necessary. But a full marathon requires way more hydration than that. So am I supposed to run with a camelback? I never do that and the thought of starting a race with 50+ ounces of water in a camelback sloshing around? That doesn't seem too appealing. Or a vest with spots for a couple water bottles? Would that even be enough hydration for 3 hours, 45 minutes of running? Or do I have Greg be my water stop and switch water bottles out at certain spots on the course? 

So Greg didn't register, just in case I need him. Using a spectator as my hydration sherpa is something I obviously don't do since it's not technically allowed under USATF rules, and since I am gunning for a BQ, I'm very cognizant of racing 100% within the rules. But in a race with no on-course hydration support? That provides a bit of a conundrum. In a situation like this, however, it may be reasonable to assume that assistance may actually be allowed.

I'm sure I'm not the only one who is thinking about this.

So, in the meantime, I will start my specified training (with a very easy and lower mileage week next week before the intensity and volume kicks up). I will try to silence the doubt inside my head. It's easier said than done right now. I knew when I registered that the race may not occur, and that was the risk I was willing to take. I can defer my entry if need be, and besides, it's not an expensive race anyway. What I'm really worried about is not developing the focus and fortitude I need to hone in on my time goal. Getting a Boston Qualifying time is at the upper end of my ability, so it's not something that will just come to me without much effort. I need to be ready for my A game on race day. Without the mental strength developed over the course of the training cycle, it become difficult to tune into that mindset. I've done it before and I know I can do it again if I can shake off all the extraneous BS. 

Times are still so damn uncertain. On top of race uncertainty, there have been a lot of other stressors impacting my daily life. I haven't talked too much about them like I have in the past, but the stress is there and front and center and ever-present in my daily life. It wears on you. I'm honestly just not doing well with it. 

Did I mention my son moves out in 13 days? And I paid my first college tuition and college apartment rent for him this week? That was definitely eye-opening and painful!

2020, you are such a pain in the ass.

 

 

20 things I've learned so far in 2020

It's a year like no other. And the lessons that I've learned are countless. Some things I already knew, to a degree, but I guess I could say that this year has further cemented my values.

1. Grace is a powerful virtue. There is very little of it in the world, so it's extra important that we find within ourselves the ability to show grace to both ourselves and to others. It's easier to judge, but grace allows for much better growth and compassion.

2. Freedom can never be taken for granted, not even a little. I have never really taken it for granted as I have always understood the great benefit and blessing of living in America. It's the greatest country in the world. I have never really thought we'd lose our freedom, but it really can be taken away so easily, and it is subtle, and underhanded, "for the greater good," and before we know it, we are no longer America. Don't let that happen.

3. Only keep people around you who deserve your attention. Do they improve your life? If not, and if they don't value you, let them go. You'll be richer for it.

4. We can not grow if we do not allow for differing opinions or perspectives on vital issues. It doesn't mean we have to agree, but it does mean we have to allow for freedom of thought and speech and expression. Tolerance means just that. You allow for all to have a voice. You might learn something new. Or it might cause you to recommit to your convictions, even stronger than before. I have spent the last few months becoming even stronger and bolder in my values, and that's not because I tuned out opposing views.

5. Judgment is toxic. I actually already knew this, but I have never seen it to this degree.

6. Dogs are the greatest creatures on the planet.

7. Most people do not want to hear your opinion. They want to hear THEIR opinion coming out of YOUR mouth. Don't give in to the mob. Opinion discrimination is a thing and I hate it and too many people think it's just fine.

8. Don't compromise your values just to keep the peace. If you piss someone off, but you know what you are saying has value, don't sweat it. They'll live.

9. Loneliness is devastating. We were meant to be social. I'm an introvert, but even I can't handle this isolation for long.

10. Uncertainty wreaks havoc on mental health. I think the uncertainty of our future is the single worst thing to happen to our collective mental health. I know it's the one thing that causes me the most anxiety.

11. I value hugs far more than I ever realized.

12. I am stronger than I ever realized. And I've been through a whole lot of nasty stuff in my life.

13. Bad habits can take root when you aren't paying enough attention. Pay better attention and squelch that shit before it gets too bad.

14. I truly believe that there are far fewer bad things in society than people would have you believe. We are better than the narrative that is being fed to us. Don't follow blindly. Do your own research and form your own informed opinions. You might be surprised at what you learn.

15. I have a lot more gray hair than I ever realized, now that it's been four months since my last hair appointment.

16. We are clearly too far removed from the Cold War to remember the devastation of communism. If you think for even a second that a communist government is good, you may want to dig deeper into your memories. Or talk to someone who escaped from it.

17. I used to think a big house was a burden. It's not a burden during a pandemic. It's how my family is still alive.

18. We actually have far more control over things than we realize. I deactivated my Facebook account so I could better control the toxic information that was flooding my brain. What a relief. Facebook is truly awful right now.

19. I can't be put in a box. I sort of already knew this, but now I REALLY know this.

20. I have strong opinions, strong values, and live by them. I will also die by them. As much as someone wants to shout me down or make me doubt what I believe, I instead choose to die on this hill.

What have you learned?

Writing has become very difficult

I have started countless blog posts, only to delete them. I don't often find myself struggling for words, but right now I'm struggling. Everything I write seems shallow and dumb and unimportant.

I don't like having this attitude. This is my blog, this is about my life, my thoughts, my experiences. Despite the global issues surrounding us, this is still my life and I want to live it to the best of my abilities. Finding joy and freedom in everyday things leads to peace.

That means I get to write about me if I want to. This isn't ignoring anything else going on in the world. If you are a friend in real life and spend time with me, then you know that I often have meaningful conversations with those I love. I am a deep thinker, a free thinker, and can absolutely make a difference in this world with how I choose to live my life and the values I choose to impart upon my children. Judging someone's intentions based on whether they shout from the rooftops their values or if they quietly live them and show them to the world through everyday actions isn't effecting change. Judging is not at all necessary and can be quite destructive. On another note, opinion discrimination is a disgusting practice and is the exact opposite of tolerance. Think about that. Think really really hard about that.

Here, on my blog, I'm going to talk about running right now.

I am about to embark upon a very ambitious training block in the hopes I get to run the Chicago Marathon. But I honestly don't have any delusions that I'm going to be running the Chicago Marathon. I think it will be a couple more months beyond that before there's any thought to a race. However, I would like to begin my training regardless. Honestly, I am struggling with motivation, as the world continues to lack normalcy and security. So how to I push through this obstacle?

By reminding myself of HOW to train properly, by reminding myself of WHY I need to train properly.

First and foremost, I must take care of my body. I must baby it while also pushing it to be stronger. I will be running six days a week, for up to about 65 miles per week, with two "something of substance" workouts per week, as the Hanson Marathon Method refers to them. These are the interval, "strength," and tempo runs. Every other week, the long run is run at a more moderate pace. This means that 3-4 runs per week are easy runs. Really easy runs. If we don't take that easy part seriously, we can't succeed at the SOS workouts. Through an 18 week block, this method gets you to the starting line ready to smash your goal, hopefully!

So, let's talk easy. Hanson bases your pace ranges on current fitness and marathon goal. My marathon goal is still 3:45 since I haven't quite hit that yet. This equates to an 8:35 overall pace. My workout paces would be as follows:

Recovery - 11:01
Easy Aerobic - 9:39-10:21 (based on the book, but online calculators show the range is even slower, at up to 11:05)
Moderate/Long - 9:18
Marathon Pace Tempo - 8:35
Strength - 8:25 (after a block of shorter speed training, we start running strength workouts run at 10 seconds under marathon pace, in repeats of 1.5 to 3 miles)
Speed - 7:33-7:52 (we do a speed block in the first half of the training cycle, of up to 1600 meter repeats)

However, and this is really important to remember, these paces are based on relatively ideal weather conditions. Hanson adjusts pace based on less-than-ideal weather. And what do we have from May to October in Texas? LESS THAN IDEAL WEATHER. So I won't actually be running any of these paces, but rather SLOWER.

For example, let's give this morning's weather as an example. It was 75 degrees and 90% humidity when I started my run. If I plug that info into the pace adjuster (found online), my paces are now as follows:

Recovery - 11:15+ (there's not an actual field for this in the online calculator, so it basically becomes slow enough to stay in Zone 1 as much as humanly possible...that to me says over 11:15 pace, which I've never actually done! Might need to change that)
Easy Aerobic - 10:04-11:51 (in other words, you've got all sorts of wiggle room)
Moderate/Long - ~9:45 (again, it's not exact online, so this is my average interpretation, but some miles could likely be slower)
Marathon Pace Tempo - 9:16 (yes, that's 41 seconds per mile slower than marathon pace)
Strength - 9:05
Speed - 7:56-8:30

There's a wide range because we all react differently to heat and humidity, but the general consensus is that in order to maximize the gains from training, you must go by effort and throw a lot of your expected paces out the window when weather gets rough. If I need to run 10:45 to stay in Zone 2 on my easy days, then that's what I will run. Some days I might be able to push it to 10:15 or faster without overdoing it. For my long runs every other week, the key is to stay easy to moderate and avoid threshold. In good weather, 9:18 pace wouldn't be a problem. In bad weather, it's definitely going to be much closer to 10:00. Tempo days are used to mimic the marathon, so my effort at 9:16 pace in bad weather would equal my effort on race day in good weather.

I need to remember that it's okay to run 11 minute miles. How am I supposed to run 6 days per week and push myself everyday and not get injured? The answer is I DON'T. I need to run miles that feel pointless and slow, because my head knows that this is how we actually get faster.

So this means that over the course of my training, depending on weather, I could see my run average in the 8's or all the way to the 11's. There should be a big range of training paces throughout the cycle. But the majority should absolutely be much slower than marathon pace, particularly in a climate like ours.

If your goal is a 3:30 marathon (about 8:00 pace), then I shouldn't be seeing from you a bunch of runs averaging in the mid-8's. But I do see this from people ALL THE TIME. And then there's the people that run in the 10's for almost every run, and their marathon goal is 4:30 (10:16 pace). That makes no sense whatsoever. Either you are running too hard everyday or your goal is too weak. If you're finding yourself saying that there's no way you could run your usual pace for 26.2 miles, but you're also in the same breath saying that pace is "easy," then you're probably not running an actual easy pace. Confusing as heck, right?

This is why I like paying attention to my heart rate in addition to going by effort. It keeps me honest. My Zone 2 heart rate range is 127-141. I get lucky and can run well under 10:00 pace and still maintain that appropriate effort, but other days it's just not happening (like a couple times this past week!). I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to slow down to maintain the right effort and keep my heart rate in check. The benefit is the same.

My last hard workout was on Tuesday and we did a marathon pace workout, with a warm up mile, then two sets of two miles at marathon pace with an easy mile in between. The weather was upper sixties so I adjusted my marathon pace to 8:50 vs 8:35. I averaged closer to 8:40 for all four marathon pace miles, but my heartrate stayed in Zone 3, telling me I was definitely running the correct pace for the conditions and how I felt that particular day. I was also breaking in my carbon fiber shoes, and that could've allowed me to run 5 seconds per mile or so faster than I expected at the same effort. All in all, I chose the right pace in the right conditions and executed the workout properly without overexerting myself and missing the mark on the point of that particular workout. Even in the fourth mile, marathon pace did not feel very difficult, which it shouldn't four miles in.

It's obvious I love data and I love analyzing and I love seeing it all come together in a training block.

I am fearful that the weather will take a bigger toll on me this summer, even if I properly adjust all my paces. I am not a happy camper when it's hot out. I am fearful that despite telling myself, it's okay to view marathon pace at 9:16 instead of 8:35, it's going to bug me a lot and I'm going to sabotage myself and run faster and overdo it. When you see others running much faster, but with the same general marathon goals, it's hard to hold back and stay in your lane and do what you know YOU should be doing. Putting faster runs on Strava is just so much sexier than 11:00 pace runs when you're talking about running a BQ marathon as a goal.

I also need to continue to focus on my form during my runs. Running slower miles can contribute to a breakdown in your form if you don't pay attention. I do worry about this, so I need to remind myself throughout each run to go through my checkpoints and make sure I'm not exhibiting a form breakdown.

My hope is that I can throw all my misgivings out the window just like I did back in 2017 when I first embarked on my BQ goal. I was successful then, and I am itching to be successful again.

But did I mention my motivation is lacking? It really is. I know that some of this is because my mental strength is being tested by society. Some of it is because we haven't heard an update from Chicago Marathon yet and in the wake of the Boston Marathon cancellation, it makes me antsy to be so unsure.

I'm going to spend some time this week reading a really phenomenal book by Dr. Jordan Peterson called "12 Rules for Life." I'm truly fascinated by this genius of a man and looking forward to finding my best self through knowledge and learning. I'm also learning to drown out the negativity from the pervasive culture that tells me to shut up and that my opinion is wrong, although I'm admittedly not successful on that front. I'm just getting really f*cking angry.

God Bless!

April Check in + Virtual Racing

It's been over a month since my last blog post, but I haven't felt like writing. What could I possibly say that hadn't been said before? This is a crappy time, the stress is ridiculous, and the unknown is even worse. I miss our normal lives, and I am fearful of how different our "normal" will become when we are able to reopen our country.

We are all feeling some pretty intense emotions right now.

But I've been thinking this week about a few things that I really did want to write about. The bad emotions can be greatly helped when we think of gratitude, and I've made it a point to repeat to myself the things I am grateful for.

1. My husband still has a job. He's working ridiculous hours, sometimes from 6am to 11pm holed away in his office, with time here and there to eat and interact. But he has a job, he's busy (job security?), and for that I am incredibly grateful. 

2. My daughter doesn't have to worry about the social stress from being on a 4000+ student high school campus, although she desperately misses her close friends.

3. We have a house big enough for us to all make our own space. We aren't on top of each other, and we can all find quiet places when we need them. I may never downsize.

4. I am still able to exercise (and I do have a lot to say about that, particularly since this is a running blog!)

5. We are able to find food in the grocery stores and make good meals and are cooking so much more than normal.

6. While our grocery bill is much higher, our other expenses are much lower. We don't need to buy gas and we haven't been ordering drinks at restaurants and those two things alone are saving us a lot of money!

7. My dogs are thrilled we are always around and have warm laps.

Now I want to talk about my running.

I'm supposed to run the Chicago Marathon in October, but I have to be honest...I don't expect there to be any major marathons for the rest of the year, so I am not counting on it. I am pretty sure I'll be deferring to 2021, but will make that decision when I'm forced to. For now, I have a hotel room booked and no plane tickets yet!

The lack of certainty surrounding my marathon has had no impact on the amount of running I'm doing. I am actually running more in an off season than I have ever run. I'm almost at marathon volume, but with far more easy miles. In a typical week, I am running 40+ miles with probably 90% of them at an easy zone 1 and 2 heartrate pace. The high volume of easy vs fast miles is keeping my body feeling absolutely great. I'm running really really well right now and it's weird.

At the beginning of March, I was under a great deal of stress (not even coronavirus related), and it affected my running negatively. My heartrate was constantly elevated. But I kept being consistent and still getting out there and running, keeping it easy. After a few weeks, and within the confines of this stay-at-home order, my running has improved dramatically. My heartrate has slowly come down while my pace has quickened. In a nutshell, it's been amazing. Being able to still get out there almost everyday and exercise has been vital to keeping my emotions in check. There are a million things we can't control, but we can certainly control getting in some exercise.

There is a local 5K race held every month that costs only $1, but because of the stay-at-home order, the race has gone virtual. Greg and I ran last month's together at more of a half marathon pace and got our results listed and it was fun! This month, the race director decided to add in a 10K, half marathon, and marathon distance in addition to the 5K, over a 4-day period. We could run any or all distances and submit our times. I started my week running as normal, with a hard interval run on Tuesday that went very well. I had planned to run the rest of my miles easy and then "race" a half marathon over the weekend to count for the virtual race. But in looking at the weather forecast, it seemed like Thursday would be the best time to run (the virtual dates were April 16-19). I ran for an hour Wednesday as normal, and then figured why not just race on Thursday, even though I wasn't at all rested, nor had I even fueled very well. I didn't even have a route in mind, just knew I'd run in the neighborhood. Didn't really matter, since I had no intentions of running faster than marathon pace (8:35).

So here we are on Thursday morning. I didn't even bother with a warm up and set out to run the first couple miles at a faster-than-normal-but-not-fast pace. Easy pace for me is around 9:30-10:15 and I ran that first mile in 8:55, so definitely a bit faster than it felt (good sign?). Mile 2 came in at 8:24 and I'm not lying when I say I absolutely thought I was running slower. It freaked me out a little, as it was early on and I didn't want to get caught up in that "but I felt so good in the beginning" mentality and then hate myself at Mile 10.

The miles just kept clicking off in the low 8's and I honestly felt just fine. It wasn't easy at all, but it felt very doable for 13 miles. I saw Greg at four miles in and he ran a few miles with me back towards our house so I could refuel. Greg acted as my water stop volunteer so I didn't need to lose too much time. He was done with his run, so now I had about six more miles to run to finish this out. I was on pace to run about a 1:50 half marathon, which technically would be my third fastest ever. This seemed completely unreal to me and like it must be some kind of fluke. But then again, I still had six miles to go.

I ended up speeding up a bit and my miles were just flying by in just over 8:00 pace, and I calculated I could actually come really close to my PR of 1:47:49. By the time I realized this, I couldn't speed up enough to actually break it, and besides, it wouldn't have been much fun to say you ran a PR and it technically not count. But I knew if I just kept running, I was on pace to run my second fastest and that became the plan with the last 5K to go.

I ended up running 1:48:26 for 13.11 miles and an 8:16 pace. I ran the first half in about 8:22 pace, so it was a nice negative split. And I was strangely not that tired after I was done. My average heartrate was only 149 and it was a Zone 3 run. For my January race, where I PRd on a net downhill (very gradual) course with a slight tailwind, my average heartrate was 158.

I just think this is so weird. I haven't been doing any specialized training. Just running a lot of easy miles, staying consistent, running long every weekend, and doing one hard workout per week. EASY MILES MAKE YOU FASTER!!

So now I still have all these miles I still want to run this weekend. I decided that this morning, I would run the virtual 10k BUT DEFINITELY NOT FAST. My 10k PR is a 7:52 average (48:54), not in the cards two days after a fast half marathon. I'm crazy but not that crazy. Once again, I thought marathon pace would be just fine.

I actually did warm up for this one, a nice 1.25 mile jog with the husband, who was going to run a fast 5K. I eased into an uncomfortable pace that didn't hurt my legs too badly (they were fatigued, but not sore). First mile was an 8:29, and the second mile wasn't much quicker so it seemed like this was the pace my body would go. Fine by me! My heartrate once again was very much in control, solid Zone 3. It ended up being a very good run overall, and I negative split it. My last mile was 7:49 and that really made me happy! My time overall was 51:15 and an 8:14 pace. It was also my second fastest 10K ever.

Two races, two days apart, second fastest in both. When I wasn't rested, wasn't fueled, and had run 44 miles the week before. I don't recommend an unconventional approach like that to racing, but it sure worked out well for me this week!

My body isn't used to that many fast miles in one week, so I'm taking the next couple runs very easy. I still plan to run long tomorrow, but all in Zones 1 and 2.

What does this mean for marathon training that is supposed to start in less than two months? Well, I'm going to continue running 40+ miles per week, continue with one hard workout each week, and start my training plan mid-June. Regardless of whether Chicago happens or not, I will still train for it and I will still run a marathon that day. It won't be a PR marathon (because if I did that I would run a BQ pace and it would piss me off to no end to BQ but not really BQ because it certainly won't count). I have never run a marathon distance by myself outside of a race. But I will do it. I'm running so well right now and want to keep this up.

I'm going to forget about the fact that summer is coming and Texas summers suck and I'm going to actually die running in the heat. I won't think about that right now.

A Little March Update

I've alluded to the fact in Instagram that it's been a difficult month so far, even more so than what's going on globally. I took a break from Facebook for Lent, and it's probably for the best with all the craziness. I'm pretty sure social media + semi-quarantine are not a good mix, especially when it comes to Facebook and the overabundance of opinions spewed on that platform. 

Life took a turn for the extra difficult and our family is working to navigate it. It seems to be a pattern, but if you've endured any kind of mental illness in yourself or a loved one, then you know that there is nothing normal or serene about it. You could have a great couple months, and then your world turns upside down on a dime. Welcome to my reality. I never know when it's going to hit and when it does, sometimes it's particularly bad. We are navigating as best we can, but right now, the stress is threatening to do me in. I honestly don't remember the last time I felt this amount of stress. I'm helpless and exhausted.

Add on top of that the fear and uncertainty with COVID-19, and our anxiety is compounded. I know it's a temporary disruption in our lives, but it's still difficult. At first I wasn't so concerned with my immediate little family contracting the virus, but then I remembered that technically I am part of the compromised community. While I have it relatively under control, I have asthma. It's impossible to know how a virus like this could affect me. It could be mild, like when I had the flu a couple years ago, or it could hit me hard. I'd really rather not find out. Because of this, I'm very much trying not to go out in public. I'm still running (although avoiding water fountains and public bathrooms if at all possible), and I will likely still make quick trips to the grocery store, and I have appointments that are vital, but I want to avoid as many people as I can. I don't have a huge problem with this. I'm an introvert, so alone time is not a burden. I have a big house project I'm working on so it gives me free time to work on it. 

Without any races coming up (which is a little weird), I don't have a set training plan. But I want to continue to run 5 or 6 days a week for the mental health therapy. I think it's so important for me to start my day doing something good for myself. With so many things out of control around me, I need to grab onto this part of my life and hold on. If I had to quarantine and be forced to not go outside, it could really really suck. Stair repeats, anyone? I don't own a treadmill!

I have been thinking the last couple days of our blessings. There are a lot of people out there truly scared about how this world has changed...they can't afford physically and/or financially to get sick, they don't know what to do if they can't work and they need to work to get paid, they don't know what to do if their kids' schools close because they don't have childcare available. I am lucky that this isn't my reality....very very lucky and I never want to take that privilege for granted. When people harp on businesses and the government about taking so long to shut down public areas/schools/businesses, etc, we all have to understand that while that might not greatly affect US, there are millions of people out there who will most definitely be impacted and their plight needs to be taken into account. I do not envy those in charge of these decisions and I'm very much impressed with the vast amount of work these people are doing right now. I can't fathom their exhaustion. 

Show grace and be kind. 

We also need to understand that while the cancellation of a certain event or trip might seem meaningless, it's still a big loss to some people. Much of our joy is derived from our extracurricular activities or watching pro sports or traveling and all of those things are an awesome escape from work and the stressful parts of life. Most of that is gone right now and for the foreseeable future, and it's going to eat away at us eventually. We are going to crave something outside our homes. So it's okay to feel that loss. But it, too, shall pass. 

So again, I say to be kind and show grace.

We had an event upcoming at the end of March that I was looking forward to that was just cancelled. My son, my firstborn baby, accepted admission to the University of Texas in Tyler and will begin his freshman year there in the fall. Later this month we were planning to visit the campus for a all-day tour and information session. I've never been to Tyler and I'm so nervous about sending off my kid to college, so this day was a big one for us. I'm sure we will get an opportunity to visit before he moves there in August, but it is still a big bummer. On a positive note, I'm so proud of my kid for getting accepted into the UT system. He will be transferring to Austin after freshman year and graduate a Longhorn, which was his ultimate college choice. A big positive in our lives, for sure. 

Please be aware when you are out in public, that there are so many people who need you to stay healthy and not spread this virus further. Don't galavant around with no thought for others. 

Work together every day to make this better. 

Feeling Guilty & Fast Miles & What's Coming Up Next & Picking Marathons

I haven't written a post in a few weeks, so it's time to play catch up.

I'm feeling pretty much mentally exhausted STILL. I never know what each week is going to bring and I start the week with a mixture of dreadful anticipation and cautious optimism. The start to the semester hasn't exactly been easy for my youngest. She's missed several days of school and it's a battle to get her to change her perspective on a few stressful feelings she's having. This mom just needs a break of more than a day or two from the drama.

These feelings of mine are now morphing into massive guilt. I'm an introvert, so being busy and constantly around activity and noise and conversation can drain me when I'm already tired and in need of a recharge. Sometimes interactions are good, but I'm continually feeling like I need solitude lately. It's frustrating. So now I feel guilty because I'm not good at reaching out and making plans right now. I'm great at responding to texts (well, the vast majority of time) and that seems to be my go-to interaction. Isolating, yes indeed. So there's a balance to be found somewhere in there, and I'm seeking it out. In the meantime...GUILT.

ANYWAY....moving on....

Two weeks ago, I wasn't sure if I would be racing the half I had signed up for. I was a little ambivalent about it, as it wasn't an A race, but it was a fast course and it would've been fun to see how fast I could run. My hamstring was sore and I was leaning towards being careful rather than actually injuring myself.

Thankfully, I was feeling pretty great the day before, so I decided to get my butt to the start line. The weather was perfect and I couldn't have asked for more.

What a good decision I made.

I hadn't really had structured training between my December 8 marathon and this race, 6 weeks later. I was keeping up my long runs, and incorporating tempo runs and intervals twice a week, but I kind of made it up as I went along, just trying to keep up my fitness without being crazy. So what I could do on race day was kind of an unknown. I didn't have much to lose, and I wasn't putting a lot of pressure on myself, so I could afford to let go and see what happened. If I imploded, it wasn't going to be a big deal.

Can I just say that putting so little pressure on myself is like the magic pill?

IMAGINE THAT.

I ran a 97 second half marathon PR. At 46 years old. Six weeks after a tough marathon. A week after hurting my hamstring. Go figure.

I'm really proud of how I executed this race. It wasn't perfect, but I pushed myself beyond what I thought I could do, and didn't freak myself out during the race. I just kept pushing, mile after mile.

I had written down a pacing plan that would get me to my stretch goal of sub-1:48. My PR going into the race was a 1:49:26, set last January in Houston. Breaking 1:48 was a pretty lofty goal, much like my hopes to run a 3:45 marathon, but nonetheless, I wrote out a pacing plan just in case the day was going well for me.

My first mile was supposed to be an 8:45. After a very slow first couple minutes (hold up.....let me interrupt this blog post to bitch for just a second. WHAT IN THE HECK in up with people who line up with a certain pace group when they have zero intention of running that pace? I lined up between the 1:50 and 1:55 pace group, off to the side, because that aligned pretty closely with how I wanted to start the race. Almost immediately, I was stuck behind people running AT LEAST a minute per mile slower than that, people who started walking within 90 seconds of the start, and I was on the far right side intentionally so I didn't hold anyone back myself. It is by far one of the biggest pet peeves I have at race starts. It's just disrespectful to not place yourself properly so as to not impede other runners. OK, rant over...).....I noticed that the pace was about 9:30, so much slower that what I wanted to be running. I maneuvered around a couple people and picked up the pace to what I thought felt more like an 8:30-ish, hoping to still salvage an 8:45 mile.

Mile 1: 8:33 (well, that's nice because no way did I think I was running fast enough to have hit 8:33)

I maintained the pace I was running, and it felt pretty good. Like, way better than I expected to feel. Still early, but I was taking it as a good sign.

Mile 2: 8:08 (had planned to run a couple of miles at 8:30, so I knew this was probably a bit much)

Slowed it down a bit and ran Miles 3 and 4 in 8:10 and 8:08 (so I TOTALLY didn't actually slow down).

So at this point, I'm four miles in and over a minute under my goal time at that checkpoint. DAMN. So for the next two miles, I really did slow it down a bit and give myself a breather.

Mile 5: 8:16
Mile 6: 8:13

Almost halfway done and I'm still feeling like this pace is completely doable. I felt so good considering my heart rate was solidly in Zone 4 and I was pushing threshold. Don't get me wrong, it was a hard pace to run, but my head just kept telling me to keep running hard and it would be fine. So I listened to my head.

At this point, we are running on a stretch of the course that nobody likes. Great Northern Blvd just sucks. It's over a mile long, runs along a freeway, and it just boring as hell. There were more spectators that I expected, so that was a boost, plus I'm used to running it in the opposite direction as I did when I ran the Austin Marathon five times. This direction felt much better. I must've still wanted to get it over with because I ran Mile 7 in 8:02.

This is the point where my head started doing math. I was averaging 8:13 according to my Garmin, but I was a few seconds off from the mile markers due to some turns early in the race. Still, my pace was in line with my stretch goal and it was a pace I felt I could keep running. I was way under my personal best pace. Even if I ran around 8:25-8:30, I could still break my PR. But I was going to try to click off miles as low in the 8's as I possibly could.

I never looked at my lap (current mile) pace during the race. I was running by feel and just trying to get into a rhythm. It was working very well.

Mile 8: 8:04
Mile 9: 8:09
Mile 10: 8:12 (if memory serves me correctly, there was an uphill stretch here)

Now, with a 5K to go, I knew this race was going to be really really good. I only needed a 27 minute final 5k to break my PR and I was hoping for more like 25 minutes.

The hills come in the last couple miles of this race and if you're not careful, they can kick your butt and take away all your gains. As I approached each one, I just focused on the fact that they were short hills and there was a downhill after each one, plus that I really was almost done with the race. We were running through UT campus and I was loving it. The steepest hill comes with only about a half mile left in the race, so once you are done with that, it's smooth sailing to the finish.

Mile 11: 8:12
Mile 12: 8:08 (those hills! Was really hoping for sub-8)
Mile 13: 8:03 (and still no sub-8)
Last .19: 1:29

Making that last turn with about 2/10ths of a mile to go and seeing the finish line was so awesome!  I didn't have any kind of finish kick, and ran that last section at 7:43 pace. I crossed the finish line just barely breaking 1:48.

1:47:49!

The husband ran a personal best of 1:38:07!

I was so thrilled with this race! My hamstring didn't hurt much and my heel with mild tendonitis didn't hurt at all (it yelled at me the next day, though). I'm so glad I made the choice to run this race.

I learned a couple things about myself during this race.

1. I'm getting better and better at figuring out when to back off pace and when to push it. The half marathon distance is perfect for being fearless and not foolish, just long enough to test you but not long enough to totally destroy you. Because I couldn't speed up much heading to the finish line, I know that I didn't hold back during the race. I ran my best and didn't have a final burst of energy that I failed to leave out on the course. I think this is awesome because it tells me I ran hard.

2. I wasn't crazy to think I could qualify for Boston at CIM in December. I had the fitness that day, I just didn't get the weather I needed. Had it been like 3M weather, I have no doubt I would've hit my goal. It was a gratifying realization.

3. It's easy to get caught up in age. I turned 46 four days before this race, and at that age I think a lot of people believe personal best times could be a thing of the past. It never occurred to me that my age was a factor. I still don't think it is, and I'm glad I'm not letting it control me. Sure, it's going to come into play sooner rather than later, but until then I still want to see how fast I can get.

So what's next for me?

On March 1, I will be running the Atlanta Half Marathon, which takes place the day after the Olympic Marathon Trials. I am excited to see the Trials, especially since my husband is coming with me. He and I are both running the half, and he gets to run with Meb, who is the 1:40 pacer. I'm just planning on running hard but not too hard. I don't feel the need to shoot for another PR, especially since that course is very hilly. I'm going to enjoy the experience of my first visit to Atlanta.

March to June will include just one other race so far, a 10K trail race the last weekend in March. Then I'm going to just enjoy running because I love it, and I'm going to keep up my base mileage, running mostly easy, but still with a good bit of volume.

June 10 is the official start of my Chicago Marathon Training. Running through the summer months at a high volume is daunting, no doubt. But I know how to adjust for the weather and I know how to be disciplined with hydration and rest. It will be interesting, regardless. I'm pretty excited that my husband is also running this race. I'm going to train differently this time around and use the Hanson's Marathon Method. It's an 18 week program that has you running about 45-65 miles per week, 6 days a week, with your max long run at 16 miles. There's a lot of data to back up the cumulative fatigue theory behind the plan, so I'm all in on trying it out. Plus, I'm happy with the volume on this plan....it's high, but not overwhelming.

With Chicago being on October 11, it means that I have the entire winter race season open and I've been thinking a lot about how I want to approach it. I could run a second marathon, and having a backup is probably not a bad idea. I've been wanting to go back to Biloxi and run the Mississippi Gulf Coast Marathon again, so right now that's my top pick for a second marathon. It's flat, fast, straight, and beautiful. I'm still avoiding Texas marathons and enjoying looking at other destinations for now.

Dang, I had a lot to say.

First race of the year....maybe?

I've been laying a little low this week (well, except for birthday shenanigans, of which there weren't many because #old). On Monday of this week, I noticed a definite issue with my left hamstring. I find it weird that all of a sudden my body is deciding that instead of my right side harboring all my physical issues, now it's my left side. Overcompensation? Probably.

Anyway, my hamstring was very sore and tight and I honestly don't know why. I was pulling weeds over the weekend and therefore doing a lot of squatting, but it was only my left side that was sore so I'm not sure that was even why.

I ran a few easy miles Tuesday and it didn't feel any worse, but also not any better. A lot of trigger point, foam rolling, using the Stick, slathering on anti-inflammatory cream....I pulled out all my tricks. I had a deep tissue massage on Wednesday and the massage therapist (Cassandra at Renew Med Spa is THE BEST EVER) worked for a really long time on the hamstring. She noted that there wasn't tightness at the insertion point, so that was a big positive. She did, however, note that I seemed to be dehydrated and needed to remedy that right away. I felt substantially better by Wednesday evening.

It's now Friday and the soreness has definitely dissipated, and I've barely run this week (only an easy 3 miles yesterday after Monday's and Tuesday's easy runs). I'm continuing my self-care on the area and hydrating has been kicked up a bunch of notches. You could say I'm very well rested, that's for sure.

Race day is Sunday.

After my hamstring injury 16 months ago, I'm extremely cautious when it comes to tightness in that area. It takes forever for hamstring tears and sprains to heal and the last thing I feel like dealing with is another big problem that takes away running therapy. I know I'm in shape to run well on Sunday, quite likely a personal best, and the weather couldn't be more perfect - 40ish, dry air, and a 10mph tailwind on a slight downhill course. All the other stars are aligning for a great race, so to have any kind of potential issue is worrisome.

However, this isn't an A race or anything like that for me. I haven't raced this course since 2013 and since my husband is racing, I thought it would be fun to do so as well and see if I could pull off a PR (1:49:26). But I'm not very invested in it. Not sure if this is a good attitude to have or not!

I knew on Tuesday that whether or not I race will likely be a Sunday morning last minute call. I am not going to run unless I can REALLY RUN. I would rather have a DNS than just run an easy long run. It would irritate the crap out of me to hold back during the race for fear of hurting myself, so unless I'm comfortable running 8:15 miles, I'm not going to run at all.

There's always a lot of talk about how a DNF (did not finish) isn't as bad as a DNS (did not start), but frankly I think that's total bullshit. If I start this race and hurt myself and can't finish and therefore can't run for a few weeks, that's pretty foolish if I could have just bowed out gracefully and planned to run a different race down the road. To have the foresight to back out of a race to avoid injury seems way smarter to me than to be stubborn and force myself to "just try." I have a friend who has been working on finishing marathons in all fifty states. A few months ago, she chose, literally at the last possible minute, to not start a race, even though she had traveled far to race it, because she knew she couldn't give her best that day ("best" being a good attitude and gratitude for being able to run 26.2 miles time and time again, and not necessarily a fast time...after all, running several marathons a year means you don't race hard in all of them). She had slogged through a different marathon not long before this one and it pissed her off to no end afterwards to have failed to find happiness and satisfaction during the race and to her, it felt like she disrespected the distance. So when she knew she couldn't give her best again, she did the right thing for her and stepped away (she ended up going back to that state and made up for it and is actually finishing state #50 this weekend!). I totally get what she's saying. In my case, racing with a potential physical problem when it's not my A race just seems foolish and it's not what would make me happy.

Either I'm all in or all out. And I refuse to be disappointed by that.

So Sunday morning will arrive, and will I be at the starting line? I sure as hell hope so, because I'm honestly excited to see if I can get a personal best, but I'll listen to my gut and do what's right.