Change my attitude

When in training, it is SO EASY to fall into the trap of focusing first on what went wrong with each workout, on the negative parts of how your body is feeling. It's easy....and a surefire way to totally derail your goals.

I am trying to catch myself from falling into this trap on a daily basis right now. As you know from my last blog post, I am definitely struggling with the weather. It's hard to train right now. I'm still working through some physical discomforts from my last training cycle that are sometimes frustrating to me.

HOWEVER, here's what I'm going to do. For every single negative thing I feel before, during, or after a training session, I am going to think of and WRITE DOWN (I have an old school training journal for this cycle) a positive. Because there is ALWAYS a positive.

Heck, I'm using a whole lot of all caps just to get this point across to myself!

Yesterday, I ran my longest run since the Boston Marathon. 14 miles. FOURTEEN! That's a really big deal to me, especially considering I didn't start base building after my setback until June. But I had some struggles coming into the run. Last week, the weather really wore me down and I was finding it necessary to dial things way back into order to keep my heartrate in check and not overdo it. So, in order to make the run productive and to have a better attitude, I decided on doing a run/walk workout. Run 10 minutes, walk 1 minute. Not ideal, very slow, and I had a terrible time with my right calf muscle tightening up and cramping during the run...but here's where the positives come in:

1. I completed 14 miles without feeling overwhelmed.
2. I didn't feel hot until the last 2 miles, despite it being close to 80 degrees and very humid.
3. My heartrate stayed in the 120s until the last 3 miles, when the breeze died down and I actually started feeling the temp. And even then, it didn't leave Zone 2 until I hit some inclines in the last 1.5 miles.
4. I am not at all sore. Despite my calf having a lot of trouble, I didn't even notice it in the evening last night.
5. Knowing I have some tight muscles forces me to spend some time working on loosening those muscles today before my next workout tomorrow, and being forced to do recovery is never a bad thing.
6. I did a great job in hydrating and consuming electrolytes before and during the run and I think I have dialed in a good fueling strategy.

Our mind is so powerful. We have the ability to achieve our goals, but the wrong mindset and a focus on the wrong things can negate all the hard work we've put in.

If you're struggling with these negative thoughts and putting too much focus on them, I challenge you to write down a positive for every single workout, no matter how poorly you think it went. It really will make a big difference by the time you get to race day.

Weather Blues

I think Austin turned into Houston.

This humidity is atrocious. It was 81 and a dew point of 75 when I started my run yesterday morning, and I might as well have been running in soup because it felt about the same.

I'm struggling in the weather this summer, way more than last year. I had to restart running in June because I rested my inflamed psoas, after already taking time out for marathon recovery, so by the time I got back into it, my fitness was minimal and it was already very warm out in the mornings. I just had no time to acclimate. Then in July I spent three weeks in Southern California, where the temps were easier to bear, despite a heat wave that wouldn't quit (Although, let's not talk about my 75 degree humid-as-heck runs while Austin was enjoying a truly bizarre cold front and 58 degree mornings....RUDE). I could breathe a bit better there than here, which didn't help me stay acclimated to 75 dew points.

I've tried to be patient, and some runs have definitely gone better than others. But I'm still struggling. Yesterday morning's interval run was probably the toughest it's been for me, even though I just ran 12 in 73+ dew point on Sunday (and I thought THAT was bad). It wasn't even a difficult interval run, and yet my heartrate was sky high and my legs felt like lead.

While I know that the weather will start shifting to cooler in another couple weeks, I need to readjust my attitude and my training before then. I need to allow myself to just slow it down more, and I probably need to work better on consistent hydration. This morning I ran as slow as I could and dropped the distance by a mile, and felt much better than yesterday. My heartrate was substantially lower....thankfully.

Admittedly, it's hard to not get freaked out that I'm not as strong as I was two years ago. I have goals and I really REALLY want to achieve them. So, rather than continue this pity party, and just like while I was training for Boston, I need to focus on the things I'm good at and I know the training will fall back into place, particularly when we get a break in morning temps Labor Day weekend.

• I'm consistent. When I write a plan, I make it a priority. It doesn't mean I don't shift things around or tweak a run here and there, but I put in the miles.
• I have endurance. It felt like it was never going to come back after so much rest in the spring, but I can complete my long runs and keep upping my miles week after week. The endurance is there.
• I respect the distance. The marathon can't be faked. I never lose sight of this. If I want to achieve my goals, then I need to put in the work. And I do! Even when the weather makes me want to hurt someone.
• I know when to run easy and when to run hard, and I know that easy runs will pay off on race day. 
• I'm not afraid to hurt. I don't like it, but I know not to give up. So while the weather makes me whine, I will still get my butt out there and do my best and push through the pain. All the stupid crap that I've endured over the last 10 years has made me a fighter. 
• I pick some really cool races to run. I am SO EXCITED to go to Sacramento and race CIM in December. Picking new and fun races in other parts of the country is part of the run of running marathons. There are so many places to see and experience.

I'm in Week 4 of training for CIM. Race day is less than 16 weeks away. My build takes a big turn this weekend, when I'm running 14 miles on Sunday. Passing the half marathon distance in training definitely helps me shift my attitude and lights a fire in me to continue strong in training. I'm not anticipating the strongest of 14 milers, but I'll get the distance in and I won't overdo it like I did last weekend. I'll come back home, jump in the pool, and feel the accomplishment of another long run completed. The weather will still piss me off, but I can't control it and have to embrace it...somehow!

I also can't really discount how much outside stress can impact my body during training. My husband is traveling a ton right now...all over the world...and it coincides with the start of school. My kids are both in high school, at two different schools, and my son is DRIVING to school (yikes!). I'm handing it all on the home front, and trying not to get too caught up in all these big changes, but I'm admittedly very weary right now. I'm tired from the stress, I miss my husband, and I'm anxious about how school is going to go for both of them. I suppose it has caught up with me and when combined with the physical response to the weather....well, yeah, I'm a little beat up! It's TEMPORARY.....thank God! And it makes me circle back to my commitment to myself to just slow it down and focus more on taking better care of myself.

There's a light, and cooler temps, at the end of the tunnel and it's closer than I think.

Two High Schoolers?!? And a Social Media and Training update

Last night I got to unexpectedly see an old friend as she passed through Austin. She and I have been friends since our sons were babies back in 2002. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile, so it was such a nice surprise when she texted us and we were able to see her.

It made me think about just how many years it's been since we were both new moms, and how it seems so unreal that our babies are now almost adults. She was one of my best friends in the Bay Area before I moved to Texas and we spent a lot of time together. Life back then was just so very different when comparing it to now, with kids who are so much older and more independent and embarking on their senior year of high school, and when she and I are now in our mid 40s instead of freaking out over turning 35.

Look away for just a moment and BAM, you're almost empty nesters.

On another topic, with the school year almost starting up (my daughter starts high school on Thursday, and my son starts his charter school next Monday), I figured that after two months of no social media, I'll venture back into it, albeit reluctantly. I do miss my friends' postings of their lives, adventures, kids, etc. I do not at all miss the negativity and the politics. I absolutely LOATHE the politics. The myopic view that so many people display is just aggravating and immature. I shudder to think of what I'm going to see when I get back on.

But, alas, it will be done. Thankfully, I still do hold the power to remove what I don't want to see or deal with, and that just might mean a cleansing of the friends list. Sorry, not sorry, right?

I've spent the last two months focused on my family and getting things on an even keel and tuning out the noise, and I think I've been successful with that. I even chopped off all my hair. I feel like my kids are ready for school, are ready for the requirements this next year will have for them, and that my family is shifting into our next phase of life. I did it with minimal distractions, and that makes my two month silence totally worth it. I know that in the past, I have been open with the struggles we've had over the years, and while I do want to continue to be open, I also need to balance it with more privacy.

We embarked on another road trip last month and had a fantastic time with our family. My daughter spent extra time solo with her grandparents, and I think that was just what she needed to rejuvenate her soul. We had busy days, days where we played pool while listening to vinyl at my in-law's house (okay, so that was WAY COOL), and days where I spent too much time in Los Angeles traffic, plus Greg and I enjoyed several runs together (although, it was during a SoCal heat wave, while Austin enjoyed record low July temps, so that pretty much pissed me off). Add in some wine tasting and an arts festival, and I'd say we had a great time.

Speaking of running....thank God I have continued to overcome my latest setback and I'm consistently building my running volume as I prepare for marathon #16. The heat of the summer has not been kind to me and I'm not nearly as adapted to it as I was last year. Having to restart my running in June was just damn HARD. But I'm up to 11 miles in my long run and I know my cardiovascular strength is improving. I'm only running in the morning and won't be adding in any afternoon/evenings runs for awhile. It's so much better for me to start my day with exercise rather than think all day about an upcoming evening run. Most of my runs are solo and that's been pretty good for me. A lot of time for focus and reflection and being intentional with each particular run.

I'm currently in week 3 of a 19 week marathon plan, leading up to California International Marathon on December 8. I'm at 33 miles this week, and will slowly build up my volume, with a peak at around 60 miles and more room for stepback weeks. I was in great shape leading up to Boston, but I think I can further tweak my typical training to include a bit more rest before my hardest weeks. Each training cycle teaches me a bit more about what works for me, and I'm eager to see how this newest plan will translate on race day. Boston 2021? That's the goal!

Now cross your fingers I don't regret getting back onto social media.

Changes

I can't believe it's been nearly three months since I last blogged. I've started a post, then never finished it. It's been an interesting time since I last published a post in April.

The high I rode from Boston quickly became an "oh crap, how in the world am I injured AGAIN??"

My psoas, abdominals and adductors became strained and inflamed and just would not calm down so I went to physical therapy a few times and it worked very well. While I'm not 100%, I am back to running 25 miles per week again. My lower body is strong right now from all the strength work I'm doing and I'm cautiously optimistic about my next training cycle. I'm frustrated by my right side and all the trouble it has had over the last 10 months. I'm frustrated that some of my injuries weren't even running related. But I'm back on track and trying my best to be smart and patient. Running only 56 miles in May was defeating. It made me realize again how important that time to myself and that endorphin release was to my mental health and stress level.

I wasn't doing so well with my stress and anxiety and that made me change a few things in my life in the last several weeks. I knew that these changes would need to happen and I'm so glad that I just ripped the band aid off and did it. The weight is being lifted off my shoulders and it's a great feeling.

Right now is a time in my life when I need to be introspective, selfish, and focused on my family. I hate to use the word selfish, but I don't know another way to describe it. I am such a people pleaser and usually so willing to be a reliable, go-to kind of person. It bothers me to no end when I feel like I have failed anyone. The sensible part of me knows that by turning my focus inward was absolutely the right thing to do, the emotional part of me still feels bad. At first, it felt pretty isolating and that makes you think deeply about a lot of stuff.

Removing distractions from my life that were in any way negative also meant that I stopped checking social media. No Instagram and no Facebook for over a month now. For 11 years I checked Facebook probably daily, and yet I have not really missed it. My husband is on still, and he lets me know when important things are posted by friends or family, so that's good. It's WEIRD not being active on these platforms, and apparently I had a few friends mention that there was no way I could take a real break from it, but it's been a very good thing to do. I don't know when I'll be back...a month, a few months....I just don't know. You see, being exposed to petty complaints, negativity, frivolous stuff was messing with my head way too much. Add in the political rants that just wouldn't quit and the nastiness that was embedded in those posts, and it was just making me angry almost on a daily basis. Going down those rabbit holes was shifting my focus away from what is actually important to me. I don't know why I couldn't just focus on all the good things that are on social media, but try as I might, it just wasn't happening.

The weight that if off my shoulders is awesome. I wake up every day knowing that I'm giving attention to my kids and husband and family, I'm getting projects done that make me feel accomplished, I've had an eventful summer, and I'm planning the rest of our summer adventures. I'm looking ahead to the rest of the year, I was able to get my son all his driving hours in so he could get his license (and he did!), I am reading more, I'm taking the dogs on more walks, and I'm just enjoying the summer. It makes the heavy stuff easier to bear, and unfortunately, the heavy stuff was plentiful this year.

There have been some good things that are happening with my family, too. My husband is continually being recognized at work for his successes and we are all very proud of him. Since he's the sole breadwinner, it's important to him to do his very best for our family, and he's gone above and beyond lately. It's been a busy few years for him after changing companies after 15 years at his old company, trying to make a name for himself in his new role, and he's been very successful. I'm excited to see what the future holds for his career. We are planning for retirement that will hopefully happen earlier rather than later.

I recently returned from California after taking my daughter to VidCon in Anaheim. It was tiring! But the time I spent one-on-one with her was priceless to me. There is nothing better to me than seeing her happy. She had a great time meeting her favorite YouTube personalities and being around a fun convention. I was a bit worried that the noise and activity would overwhelm her, but she seemed relatively unaffected by the chaos, and I'm so proud of her. We got a chance to walk over to Downtown Disney for lunch and shopping on the last day of the convention and I'm glad we did that. It's been awhile since I've been at anything Disney. Seeing my girl so happy makes me incredibly glad that we decided to go. I headed back to Austin, but she stayed behind with the grandparents and they are off on their own adventures with her in Mammoth Lakes.

In a few days, my husband, son, dogs and I will drive to SoCal to meet back up with her and the grandparents for the rest of the month. It's a bit of a crazy travel schedule, especially since my poor husband has to fly back to Austin (!!!) for a two day executive meeting right in the middle of our vacation. We are making the best of it and plan to really enjoy this time with family.

School starts again for my kids in the middle of August and I'll have two high schoolers. I didn't think the reality of this would hit me so hard, but it honestly has. I'm melancholy. I have two cool kids and we are in the twilight years of child-rearing and I don't think I'm quite ready for that. I'm excited about what adulthood will bring for them, but saddened that another season of my life will soon be over. I look at my baby girl and just can't picture her as a high schooler, even if she looks like one, and I want to snuggle up with her and never let her go. It makes me especially thankful for the time I spent with her last week.

Now I'm off to more adventures, off to training, off to a whole lot of fun!

Why do I love this?

I know that people probably don't understand me, and why I'm passionate about certain things, why certain things are really important to me.

And that's fine.

The beauty in our world lies in our uniqueness. If we were all alike, it would be pretty boring and we'd never learn anything new. So it's okay to not understand me, or not share my passions, or even care about my passions.

But I still like to talk about them. I still like to share them. As a matter of fact, I LOVE talking about what's important to me and why.

Finding out that I truly loved the journey of training for and running marathons was a huge surprise to me. If you had told me 15 years ago that I would be doing this as a hobby and a form of staying healthy and fit, I'd have laughed at you. I hated running, or so I thought.

Funny how when you give something weird or different a chance, you find out so much about yourself that you never even knew or understood.

First, it's always been important to me to be healthy. I have had fits and starts but for the most part, I've always taken very good care of myself. I want to be that 75 year old grandma who doesn't slow down or need assistance to do anything. I don't want my age or health to take control of me, ever. So it's really no surprise that I found a routine that works for me and keeps me healthy. It's not just running....I also make sure my nutrition is 95% good. What you put in your body is vitally important to health, just as exercise, as we all know. If it wasn't running, it certainly could've been something else equally good for me.

So why running? Well, it was easy to get started, it was easy to find running partners, and there were races all over the place to keep me motivated. It didn't cost a lot of money or require any fancy equipment or gym memberships. It was natural. We were meant to run and move our bodies.

Over the past 12 years, running has certainly evolved for me. After my sister passed away from obesity-related complications of flu and lupus in 2009, it spurred me on even more to remain healthy and inspire others to be healthy. It hurts deeply to see so many people in this world be flippant with their health. That would never be me, and I wanted to show others that it didn't have to be them either.

I learned as much as I could about running and proper training. I started running marathons in 2009 but it was more as a hobby and I didn't really push myself much to get better at it. I was much more successful at shorter distances, winning age group awards here and there, but I was very fearful of racing a marathon. "Jogging" one was much less daunting and for the majority of my 12 marathons up to 2017, that's what I did. I "jogged" them. Oh but trust me, they hurt regardless, however.

Well, I frankly got sick and tired of allowing my fear to take over and keep me from taking the marathon distance seriously. I also had allowed some other medical issues to wreak havoc on my wellbeing and in 2017 I was done with that crap. Things were changing.

Enter this crazy plan I hatched to qualify for the Boston Marathon. What a perfect way to face my fear head on. A perfect way to find out just how tough I was, how I could cultivate discipline and confidence and commitment that would hopefully spill out into other parts of my life.

Trying to get better....scratch that....trying to get GOOD at the marathon distance became my passion.

Now, "good" is relative. Boston qualifying standards are relative to your age and gender, so as a soon-to-be 45 year old woman, I had the benefit (I like to think of it as benefit) of having a reasonable qualifying standard of 3:55 (at the time, but has since changed to 3:50 for 2020). That's 8:58 pace. Not a scary pace for me normally, but scary as hell for 26.2 miles straight.

There were so many stressors in other areas of my life that often threatened to take me down. My daughter has gone through years of mental health hell, my son is a genius who lacks discipline, the country is full of people acting out in childish ways against each other, and I was getting burned out by all of it. Finding something that I could put my laser focus on, that would make me feel fantastic about myself, of which I could be in control, seemed ideal. Finding a newfound confidence in something I was fearful of was bound to help me in all other areas of my life.

This passion was sure making a whole lot of sense to me!

So therefore, the Boston Marathon, and being able to run it in 2019, became so important to me. But like with most things in life, it didn't exactly go as planned. I qualified in my 13th marathon....sort of. If the course hadn't been mismarked, it would've been an official qualification. But since it was not, I had to do everything in my power to put that aside and try again. Talk about FEAR. But I did and by a whole lot of luck, I was on the winning side of the nasty 4:52-under-BQ cut off.

I got to run the Boston Marathon and it was everything I ever dreamed it could be.

Boston is not a big deal at all for so many people. Pretty much every time they toe the line at a marathon, they qualify and it's relatively easy for them. There are a lot of people out there who don't know anything BUT a BQ, it's that "easy" for them. So getting into Boston is an annual thing for them. Year after year. Those people are beasts. Some understand how lucky they are, some blow it off as no big deal and don't get why people put so much energy into it.

That is not me at all. Just because I've made it there once does not guarantee I'll do it again. I certainly didn't come close to a qualifying time at Boston this year. I was what you would call a "squeaker." A BQ is the exception, not the rule, for me.

And that's why it's so important to me, why it was such a big deal to me that I got to run that race, why I will use that standard every time I run a marathon. It's HARD for me to run a 3:50. It's not a given. It's something I have to work hard for and fight for with every step, making it that much sweeter and more rewarding when it happens.

So when you think I'm out of my mind for making this one race so important, understand that it's not just about running a marathon. It's about facing my fears, cultivating discipline, becoming a better version of me, never taking health for granted, overcoming obstacles, and developing mental and physical strength that transcends the marathon.

That is why I love this distance. It's simply perfect for me.

The Boston Experience: Race Day

It's weird to start a race at 10:50am.

I didn't have to get up on race morning until 7am. We needed to catch the shuttle to Hopkinton from Boston Common by around 8:30am, so we had plenty of time.

We awoke to a nasty thunderstorm and a message from B.A.A. that they had to have all participants at Athlete's Village and Boston Common seek shelter because of its severity. Well, that wasn't exactly a relaxing thing to wake up to.

I was a really nervous runner, not so much because I was fearful of running 26.2, but because I just really wanted a good experience, to enjoy myself, and not piss off Greg too much!

Thankfully, the storm passed fairly quickly and we were able to walk the mile to Boston Common in light rain. We were kept nice and dry by our ponchos and we had our race shoes safely tucked under the poncho, with throwaway shoes on our feet. Athlete's Village was bound to be very muddy, just like the previous year, and we were prepared.

That was such a long bus ride! I think it took at least an hour to get to Hopkinton and Athlete's Village, and I was getting more and more anxious about the race start. At one point I told Greg I couldn't talk anymore! But we finally arrived and it was just as much of a mud pit as I had expected, but the rain had stopped. It was muggy, that's for sure. We were both pretty thankful we had worn an old pair of shoes.

so much mud

We didn't spend much time in Athlete's Village. By the time we hit the potty and navigated through the mud and changed into our clean and dry shoes and socks, it was time to walk to the start. I decided to leave behind the shoes I wore when I qualified for Boston in Baton Rouge. They were the shoes that got me to Hopkinton, so I left them in Hopkinton.

The start line is about 3/4 of a mile from Athlete's Village. By the time we made it there, we realized we'd already walked nearly 4 miles that day, before the marathon had even started! I swear this race isn't for the weak!

The sign behind us says "There's only one Boston, and it all starts here!"

Clearly this was before we started running

This race is so crazy awesome organized. To be able to get 30,000 runners into the tiny town of Hopkinton, then get them to walk to the start and get into the proper corrals at the right time, and then send them off in waves, without any issues, is truly incredible. We always knew exactly where to go and when and it was flawless. 

WE WERE ABOUT TO START THE BOSTON MARATHON! I had a really difficult time holding back my emotions, and I think Greg felt the same. We've seen the images of the race countless times, but here we were IN HOPKINTON, at the start, seeing it all firsthand! And THEY WERE LETTING US!! This girl who had once run a 5:09 marathon was going to run a marathon that she had to QUALIFY for with a 3:55 marathon. AND SHE DID! And on top of that, this was only Greg's second marathon because the badass qualified on his very first!

But damn, did I mention it was muggy? There was a lot of cloud cover and I hoped to God that it stayed that way. I could handle the temps with cloud cover, or at least it wouldn't hurt quite as badly. My plan was still to start the race with the thought of breaking 4 hours, even if barely. 

I had to hold back even more tears when we crossed the start line and I started my Garmin AND OH MY GOSH WE WERE RUNNING THE BOSTON MARATHON!!

We've been warned countless times that the start of the race is downhill, and that if you get ahead of yourself and go out too fast in those first 5 miles, it will bite you in the ass when you get to the Newton Hills in the last third of the race. 

Well, they weren't lying. It was downhill all right. 

I settled into an 8:50-9:15 pace in that first 10K and I felt pretty decent. I didn't feel great, or light on my feet, or fearless, but I felt okay. I thought I could maintain this for the race, provided my quads held up in those hills and then in the downhill finish. 

It seemed like the town signs were coming so quickly..."entering Ashland," "entering Framingham," and it was so cool to see them! All in all, we would go through seven towns on our way to Boston. 

First 5K was in 28:10

Second 5K was in 28:24

We saw Greg's parents right where we thought we would by the train station in Framingham after the 10k point and that was really awesome! They were so excited and had signs made for us and everything. 

I'm not quite sure exactly where it happened, but before we had even hit 15K, the sun came out and there was a collective groan from everyone running. NOT THE SUN, PLEASE NO. 

I didn't totally panic, but I wasn't happy about it. I didn't feel good enough in that first 15k to feel comfortable with adding sun to the mix. It already felt like the temp had risen a few degrees and I estimated we were into the upper 60s at this point. 

Third 5K was in 28:38

In Natick

Before we hit the 20K point, I made the decision to slow down for a few miles. My heart rate was climbing to an uncomfortable level and my breathing was not as controlled as I had hoped it would be. My thought was that if I slowed down for a few miles, I could get a second wind, perhaps the clouds would return, and I would feel strong entering Newton and the four Newton hills. 

Fourth 5K was in 29:25

Unfortunately, my heartrate continued to climb and I was uncomfortable and frankly, pissed. I had to make another decision. Slow it down, take the pressure off myself, and have a good time. We were in Wellesley at this point and the famous Scream Tunnel was coming up. I was still running under 9:30 pace, and that made me pretty pleased. 

THE SCREAM TUNNEL!

All I can say is that it lived up to its hype! You could hear the roar about a half mile out and it was an exhilarating feeling. When you could finally see the girls with their signs and their screams, it was a huge boost! You couldn't help but smile the whole time you're running by them. We both got to kiss the girls and high five them and we had the best time! I don't think you can run through the scream tunnel and ever forget it!

I hit the halfway timing mat in 2:01:04. Not the sub-2 I had hoped for, but not embarrassing at all. 

I wish the good feelings from Wellesley could have lasted, but that wasn't the case. In the 15th mile, after running a 9:53 for mile 14, I gave in momentarily to my defeated feeling and I walked. 

I didn't walk at all in my last two marathons, and this pissed me off to no end that I would allow myself to do that in Boston. But walk I did. I ran the 15th mile in 10:40. It sucked.

Fifth 5K was in 31:25. That was rough. 

BUT we were coming up on the Newton Hills, a series of four hills from miles 16 to 21, with the final hill being the infamous Heartbreak Hill. After this, the majority of the race would be downhill into Boston and the finish. 

In order to get through these hills, I took them one at a time. They were not fast by any means, but I was getting through them. I walked through the water stops, rehydrated, threw water on my head, and kept going. Greg told me at one point I said to him "don't talk to me" but I have assured him that what I actually meant was "I can't talk." 

Sixth 5K was in 32:19 and I suppose it could be worse.

When I got to the top of Heartbreak Hill I felt pretty triumphant! I turned to Greg and asked him it that was it and he said yes. 

But WAIT. 

As I hit the next water stop and walked a bit to recharge, I realized we were on another hill. I looked at my watch and saw that we weren't at Mile 21 yet. 

OH SHIT. We had miscounted the number of hills we had already run up. We weren't done.

I WAS WALKING UP HEARTBREAK HILL.

Dammit all to Hell. 

AND THERE WAS A PHOTOGRAPHER RIGHT THERE. 

We call this my "Petulant Child" face

Shoot me now.

So I guess you could say this was my low point. But it was also what spurred me to start running again and not look back. There was a dude at the top of the hill holding a sign that said "Heartbreak is behind you now." YES IT WAS!!

Now the race was going to be epic. I had 5 miles left of the Boston Marathon and no way in hell was I going to let it be anything other than incredible. It was time to run my ass off.

Seventh 5K was in 33:00...with an 11 minute mile up Heartbreak. 

Did I mention that the last 5 miles are pretty much downhill? And that I had just climbed a bunch of hills?

So my quads were freaking trashed. But thank you baby Jesus, my lungs felt awesome! And I felt exhilarated! It's really too bad my legs could only muster up 10 minutes miles, but holy crap I felt so much better and I didn't even care. The one thing that I didn't want to happen was that I had overdone it so much leading up to the last 10K that I would hate it and want it to be over. Being so cautious had paid off and even though I was running slowly, I was feeling good and was so happy to be there. 

With about 5K to go, THE CLOUDS CAME BACK! We had just ran through 14-15 miles of sun and nearly 70 degrees and gross humidity, but the clouds were finally back! It was exactly what I needed to get some spark back. I was having the time of my life now, with the last miles flying by. Each one was faster than the last.

In Brookline

I had been told that you could see the Citgo sign for a long time before you actually passed it, and that's definitely not a lie. At about 24 miles, there it was ahead of us, and it was way bigger than I thought it would be. And it definitely felt like it wasn't getting any closer.

Eighth 5k was in 31:07. Not a lot faster, but faster miles nonetheless.

It was surreal to be running the last couple miles of the Boston Marathon and to finally see 9:30s on my watch again. The crowds were insane going through Brookline and Kenmore Square. Everywhere we stepped there were people screaming that we were awesome, that we were almost done, to keep on running, to not give up AND IT WAS GLORIOUS. I just can't say enough about the spectators. I have never seen anything like it! When we finally passed the Citgo sign, I knew we only had one more mile to go. 

Sure enough, painted right across the road was something to the effect of "one more mile." And by now, IT WAS POURING RAIN!! 

I didn't think it was possible, but the crowds were even louder now. The rain was falling harder and I was feeling incredible. 

Before we even got to Hereford Street, I started getting emotional again. There had been a few times during the race that I had to catch myself as my eyes were welling up with tears. So many moments had struck me as just being totally surreal, that I really was running these streets. It was hard NOT to cry. Knowing that I was about to make the famous "Right on Hereford, Left on Boylston" was overwhelming.

And then we did. 

Right on Hereford

I didn't even know there was a photographer there, and he captured perfectly every emotion I was feeling.

I can't describe the feeling of turning left onto Boylston Street. It's really something that has to be experienced firsthand to really understand it. We saw the finish, we passed the site of the second bombing, I said a prayer, we kept running, passed the site of the first bombing, Greg grabbed my hand, and we ran through the finish line.

Left on Boylston 

BOSTON MARATHON FINISHERS. 

I think I was so stunned, I couldn't even cry. 

4:15:15

I had run my 15th marathon on 4/15, 15 months after I qualified and made the cut off by 15 seconds. 

4:15:15!!

It was my third fastest marathon, and although 25 minutes off a (a new and tougher 3:50) Boston Qualifying time, it was a perfect finishing time in my book. 

I can't finish this post without mentioning that one of my best friends was also running this marathon. My Bahston girl, Karen, ran her heart out, with two Starbucks stops, and a beer up Heartbreak Hill, after raising an insane amount of money for a local charity near and dear to her heart. It couldn't have been more perfect.

You would think that after running a difficult marathon, I would enjoy a nice long break. And while I am taking some time off from running, I am also eager to get back out there and chart my next adventure. I want to run Boston again. It's by far my favorite marathon so far. My next attempt to qualify will be on December 8 in Sacramento at California International Marathon.

I can't wait.