Respect

Every year, I choose my "word." In 2017 it was "peace." In 2018, it was "breathe."

I've chosen my 2019 word.

RESPECT.

In 2019, I'm putting RESPECT first and foremost in my decisions, my daily activities, and my interactions. Not just for me to show respect, but for me to demand it back.

I have felt like there is a lot of that lacking in my life right now and I'm getting kind of overwhelmed by it.

It is not difficult to have respect for each other and for yourself, yet it seems like a rare characteristic. How sad is that?

I could talk about the obvious blaring disrespect we witness everyday in the media when people have different opinions, because blatant disrespect for opposing views is rampant, and that is disheartening. But I'll refrain from saying anymore than that on the subject. Just know that I find it utterly appalling.

On a personal level, however, it seems even more hurtful to witness it and experience it.

My top priorities in my life are my children and husband and my relationship with God. When I see any of this disparaged, you will lose my respect. Unfortunately, there have been several circumstances over the last couple years where I have had to end my relationships with people due to blatant disrespect and malice, and while it makes me sad, I am glad that not only did I respect my family but I respected myself enough to know that my grace was too great and instead I needed to say "enough is enough."

And that's really where my personal struggle with respect comes in. I am a non-confrontational, "wears my heart on my sleeve," compassionate kind of person. I am extremely sensitive. I take things personally. Because of all of this, I have often allowed myself to be treated poorly, to brush things off, to hope that it gets better, and to give way too many chances. I don't want to harden my heart, but I know that I have to do a better job of protecting it.

Simply put, I deserve better. WE DESERVE BETTER.

We only have so many days on this earth. Every moment that I spend time thinking about the hurt caused by another, the effort I put forth to make things better knowing that it's fleeting, is a moment of joy that I am allowing to be stolen. I would much rather spend those days with the ones who love me, who are looking out for my well-being and joy 100% of the time, and who understand when they've been less than respectful.

Never do I think that I am perfect, but I also never go about trying to disrespect anyone. If I have done so, I will make it better. But I also will not compromise my beliefs and values. It can be a difficult balance to maintain, and I plan to spend this year focusing on being better to myself and to others.

At the end of the day, when we respect each other and ourselves, we really can't go wrong.