My Word for 2017...and beyond

I guess I have a lot to say this year so far! Three blog posts in as many days has got to be a record for me.

The message at my church on New Year's Day was about finding our "word" for the year.

"Picking a word of the year is different than your typical New Year's resolution. It doesn't exist to be a constant reminder of what you 'should be doing.' Instead, it stands as an inspiration of who you really are in Christ and how you want to live. The words invites you to think about who you want to be, who God created you to be. So, will you choose a word of the year that will help you experience this?" (Gateway Austin)

As I was listening to the message, the word that kept popping up in my mind was "Peace." It's something that I've been working on for the past year, and something I'd like to continue to improve upon. The more peace I feel, the happier my family and I are. This road is not easy, and my mental fortitude has been tested over and over the past few years. But I do think I made some headway this past year.

It's the most important "word" I could find to define how I want to live in 2017. And I know it's how God wants me to live.

This got me thinking (because we all know I can never shut my mind off). What else do I need to work on this year? What could be my secondary words? What do those around me need to work on? So I made another list and it has four words on it, so far.

Patience

Grace

Understanding

Trust

I think a few of these can go hand in hand and can complement each other. Progress on one can lead to progress on another.

Patience
I'm all over the map when it comes to patience. It's a very situational thing for me. I've got unlimited patience when it comes to certain things, while other things receive zero patience from me. Being a parent requires more patience than anyone ever thought possible, and exponentially so when you're talking about high needs kids. Self care and medication has improved my reaction to stressful situations, particularly with the changes I've made over the past year. But there is always room for improvement.

Grace
This is where I start to talk about politics. If this bothers you, then please stop reading. I hope you won't, however. This election cycle was nasty beyond measure, and it made me so disappointed in people. I lost a lot of the grace I felt I had worked so hard on embracing. Likewise, I think many people forgot completely what grace means. We all make mistakes, we all have views that might be questionable to someone else, we all say things that make people cringe sometimes. But with grace, it allows us to step away and view things more objectively, to allow people room to be who they are and to atone for things they may have done or said that they regret, and to be a safety net for those who desperately need one. The words that have been used to describe those of us on my side of the political spectrum have been horrendous, profoundly untrue for the vast majority of us, and frankly, downright unfair. It's so easy to throw out labels on those you disagree with and to make blanket statements about the kind of person they must be, simply because of how they voted. We don't fit in boxes, and we don't deserve those labels. Neither side deserves that. I didn't always show grace to those I differed with, and I certainly felt very little in return. Even two months after the election, I'm still seeing this lack of grace. It's pervasive on social media and it hurts deeply. I wish I could unsee some of the posts and comments that I feel are a direct attack on my character. So I'd like to remember this when I disagree with someone. I'd like to show grace towards them and I would hope they could find it in their heart to do the same.

Understanding
This leads right into my third word. I think "grace" and "understanding" go hand in hand in many situations. For the past few months I've tried to make a very big effort to understand the other side of the aisle. It's not necessarily as difficult for me because I spent eight years on that side before reassessing my views and what I felt was important for society. There are a few things that I'm decidedly moderate about. But, mostly because I got tired of hearing "how could you vote for him?," I vowed to try my hardest to not do that, even when my brain was screaming "how could you vote for HER?" At the end of the day, many of our goals are the same, we just disagree with how to get there. But we need to understand WHY each side feels the way that they do, and maybe the nastiness wouldn't be so pervasive. Take a deep breath, bite your tongue, and don't be an ass. You can be passionate about your beliefs while still being understanding towards those who feel the opposite. I want to continue to do my best to be the understanding person I expect others to be. We all deserve that. (One caveat....there are some extreme views and idiocy that I will never understand. Period)

Trust
This is my husband's word for the year. He wants to loosen up on his control issues and allow others the freedom to take control. I like that he's chosen this word, as I think this will help us in our household. On that same token, I'll embrace this word as well. I am not a delegator, which is why I would be a terrible boss. I like to do EVERYTHING, because most of the time I think I do it best. Therefore, it's time to loosen up and trust that others are just as capable. It will take a lot of work, but I'm willing to make the effort. I'd still make a terrible boss, however.

What words should I add?

Reflection on the Process

With two weeks to go until Marathon Day, I'm spending some time reflecting on my training. I went back and read some of my blog posts early on in training, as I was also preparing for a half marathon in October, and it inspired me to write my thoughts down in a new post. The hardest part of the training is done, and looking back on how I've gotten to today is kind of fun.

Back on August 31, with five weeks until my goal half marathon, I wrote this after reading David Boudia's book (he's an Olympic gold medal diver):

(Quoting David's book) "Be process oriented, not results oriented. Remember the Olympic creed? The important thing is not the triumph, but the fight. So many times in our lives, results are out of our hands and we are dependent on things we can't control for the outcomes we desire. Learning instead to focus on the process, the journey itself, allows us to focus our energies more on the things we can control. That, in turn, leads to greater fulfillment and more enjoyment s we go through life leaving our ultimate path in the Lord's hands (Psalm 37:5)."

Although I do have goals and I like to keep some focus on them as I train, he's totally right that in order to achieve our goal we have to focus on the process. The process in marathon training is months long. Each week serves a purpose, each workout serves a purpose. When the big picture and a focus on everything you still need to do in the months ahead, when you have a million doubts because you're having a tough training spell, you have to step back and focus on the process...what is the purpose and goal of THIS workout, why is it important, what does it mean if it's successful, what does it mean if it's not, what have I learned that I can take into the next workout, the next week, the next month, or even race day? We have complete control of that attitude.

Now, with two weeks to go, having seriously trained since July, I can look back and say with confidence that this is exactly how I approached training. I wrote myself a training plan that would require a lot of dedication, but I knew it would work in long run. I looked at each week separately, and focused on the purpose of each individual run and how it would benefit my training in the long run. I compared my improvement in similar workouts from previous weeks. I had a goal for each workout, and mostly managed to keep my focus on that small individual goal, then move on to the next run or the next week. I knew I had tough weeks ahead, but my successful training up to that point would help me be successful during those weeks as well.

I did have a tough time wrapping my mind around the 22 mile training run planned three weeks out from race day, the last really tough long run before the taper. It weighed on me going into that week and it was a bit tough to focus on the week's earlier workouts. I did what I could to shut my mind off, and juggled a couple of things around that would make me even more ready for that run. It helped that the only goal for that run was to finish it, not to be fast (which was impossible anyway, since it was 70 degrees and 100% humidity that morning), to be consistent from Mile 1 all the way to Mile 22, and to still feel some strength at the end of the run. Speed would never come into play, merely endurance. Despite the nasty weather, I got through the run and felt great for almost all of it, which is a huge win for me.

15 miles into the 22 miler, joined by the husband for the last 7 miles

This past week, I had my longest speed session planned (on Thursday) and again, I had a hard time keeping that out of my head early in the week. It would be a 9 mile run overall, with 10x800 meter repeats and a 400 meter recovery jog between. The goal is to be consistent with each 800 and your average time is a good indicator of a realistic marathon time. This workout would typically be done on the track, but because of schedules I ended up doing this at a nearby trail (mostly dirt and concrete). I figured my repeats would be a bit slower than on the track, but I could still use the workout to gauge whether or not my training had paid off. The importance of the run weighed on me. The wind that day wasn't helping! It ended up being a great run. I figured I'd average 4:05 for the 10 repeats, possibly slowing during the end of the workout (it's a lot of miles!), but I did better than that, even with the 20+mph headwinds in the second half. I averaged 3:58 per 1/2 mile repeat. I don't remember the last time I had that many miles of speed at less than 8:00 pace. The best part was that when I was done I definitely didn't feel like I had just run 9 miles.

With those two workouts done, and successful, it showed me that being so methodical about my training was the right plan...looking at each run as having a purpose, focusing on one run at a time, having a goal for each one, and then completing each one and moving onto the next. Mostly the workouts were successful, some were really tough, but I learned something from each one and could take those lessons into the next week.

So as I sit here, with two weeks to go, with all the "hard" workouts behind me, I can continue to reflect back on the last 5+ months, on my great October half marathon, and see how I can apply all of this to my marathon, both for my mental game and my physical game.

Also, can I just say that I think my training plan was seriously kick ass? I'm kind of proud of that!

Hey 2017, throw me a bone, would ya?

2016 can kiss my ass. What a crappy year.

It's possible it's going out on a couple of high notes, but over all, it was kind of the worst.

STRESS, STRESS, STRESS.

Not everything was horrible. I actually got healthier and leaner, I got my medication woes figured out, I've had a good marathon training cycle, I got to race in California, my daughter is getting better (although I'm not sure heading into teenagerhood is a real improvement), I have a pool, and I'm not unhappy about the election results (deal with it, I'm Republican).

But UGH, so much crap happened that I was not at all anticipating and it really floored me. Thank God I've had a pretty decent human being by my side to do this life thing with, because if I was muddling through without a partner it could've been exponentially worse.

But 2017...you're going to have more good than bad, right? RIGHT?!?!

You freaking better.

I'm doing everything within my power to bring good things into my life. I'm a firm believer that if you don't try to take charge when things go south, you're making things a lot harder on yourself than necessary. So many things are still under your control, so you hold onto those things and make them as positive as you possibly can.

That's why you see me busting my tail at marathon training and taking care of my physical self. I am in complete control of that, it's something I can focus on daily, and frankly, it's why I get out of bed some days (if you have mental health issues, you understand this). It's imperative that I have one thing that is totally mine, that is not dependent upon anyone else. It's empowering and puts my mind in the right place. Kind of important for someone with my issues. Not to say it's easy, because it's the last thing I want to do some days. But then I circle back to that whole "taking charge" thing and I get back on target. Besides, it makes me feel really good about myself, and that's priceless to me.

My kids are entering the second half of 6th and 9th grades. It's still a bit of a struggle to get them to understand how important education is, and they fumble here and there. But with maturity it's getting better and I have high hopes that things will continue to go smoother on this front. Now, if only we could do something about those mean middle school girls.

I know I have many things to look forward to in 2017. I'm going to continue to add things to the list, and spend time with good people, and love on my kids, and do my best. Some days will suck, some days I'll feel like an absolute failure, and some days I'm just going to need to feel sorry for myself. But some days will most certainly shine.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! Not going to miss you at all, 2016!

Reflections on my training cycle

It's getting HARD.

When I wrote my training plan for the Louisiana Marathon, I knew I was going to focus on more volume and longer interval and tempo runs to build up my endurance. I was going to replace my third 20 miler with a 22 miler, a distance I haven't built into a training plan in years (yes, even 2 miles makes a difference). I was going to engage in more 5-run weeks rather than just 4 runs per week. Strength and core training were going to be consistent and key to keeping my body in tip top shape. All of this meant that I was going to be doing some SERIOUS training.

So how's it all panning out?

Actually, pretty well, although I wasn't always so sure about it.

My biggest training months leading up to a marathon in the past were about 120-130 miles in volume. I'm seem to be happiest when I hover around 100 miles per month. But keeping the status quo wasn't going to do me any favors after a 2 year absence from the marathon distance. November is officially my highest volume month in the 9 years I've been running at 150 miles. Next month will be 176 miles of running. Looking at those numbers is staggering to me. But I'm hanging in there so far, and I think I am seeing the rewards of my hard work. Race day is 45 days away.

I'm definitely slower than I have been in the past. For months it really ate away at me to know that I've declined since my last marathon, and I was beating myself up pretty bad about it. But in the last week or so I've gained a sense of peace about where I'm at. The last two years have been incredibly challenging emotionally. The stress level that I've had could knock anyone on their ass, and I've had to realize that it's truly to blame for my decline. Stress absolutely wreaks havoc on your physical well being in addition to your emotional well being. While my stress level is not great right now, it's slowly improved this year. There's a lot more light in my life, although dark days still creep in. It's been a huge battle to try to reverse these detrimental effects on my body and I'm clawing my way back to my previous ability, day by day and run by run.

So while the runs themselves might not be quite as speedy as in the past, I think the volume is paying dividends, even if they are tiny dividends. Sunday was a 14 mile run with 4 miles of it at marathon goal pace. I ended up running the final 8 miles at that pace and while I was tired, it felt really great. Yesterday I had a 7 mile tempo run, with 1 mile at warm up pace, 4 miles at short tempo pace, and 2 miles cool down. My triathlon team leader told me my tempo pace for that run was to be 8:33. The previous week's workout was 5 miles of tempo (7 mile total run) at a 9:03 average, so this run was going to be quite a bit faster, and harder. After a bit of a shaky start, and an annoying uphill during mile two, I ended up nailing the run. The 4 miles of tempo came in at 34:12...exactly 8:33 average. It was NOT easy for me, but looking back on it, it didn't kill me. I felt absolutely fine after the run was finished. As I drove home I realized that by nailing this run it basically proved that my training is working.

When I first wrote up my training plan I had in my head that I really would try for a PR at the Louisiana Marathon. I'm basing my workout paces off of this goal. I'm not quite sure I have it in me to achieve this goal, but I'm keeping it in the back of my head regardless. December is going to be a crazy training month. I have to be diligent about staying healthy. But I think if I start seeing the hard work paying off even more then I will absolutely shoot for that PR.

A Tale of Two Races, 2016 Edition

It's done! My two half marathons this month, 7 days apart, are DONE.

They were SO DIFFERENT it's really quite laughable. Now, I knew I was only pushing myself for one of them, the City to the Sea on October 9, and I was going to hold back on the second run, Nutrabolt Oktoberfest on October 16, and finish it about 5 minutes slower. That was the plan, anyhow.

For City to the Sea, the weather was perfect! It had been unusually dry leading up to the race, with morning temps in the 50s. I was thrilled because I knew the only thing that would hold back my pace was my own legs and not my lungs. It all worked out perfectly, as I finished in 2:02:39. Not the ultimate stretch goal of under 2 hours, but I am very happy with how I strategized and executed and I'll take a 2:02!

For Oktoberfest, the weather could not have been more miserable. Practically 100% humidity, with an atrocious 75 dew point, and temps in the 70s. Your basic Texas summer morning....only it's the middle of October now. In the back of my head I knew even trying to run my marathon pace of 9:40-9:45 was NOT going to be "holding back" for me, but rather my new ultimate stretch goal for this race. At about mile 6 I knew there was no way I was going to see anything even remotely close to it, although I did manage to hit the pace for the first half of the race, but that was HARD. Anyway, long story short, I finished in my second slowest road half time of 2:16:30. Truly atrocious morning.

But let's go back to the awesomeness of the City to the Sea Half Marathon. Can I just say how much I absolutely love to race in my hometown of San Luis Obispo? I was (mostly) all smiles before the race, hanging out in downtown, totally excited (and nervous) about running through town, through the canyon, and then to the beach. It's a great little college town and a beautiful place to run.

My nerves were off and on. I REALLY wanted a good race. I knew breaking two hours would be tough, but I also knew that if I kept my head in the game I could possibly do it. I was also worried about the hills in the second half. The first half of the race is a gradual decline, with pretty much all the 500 feet of elevation gain coming in the second half. I was hoping to capitalize on the good downhills in the second half if the uphills slowed me down too much. I figured I had nothing to lose, however, and my strategy was to run as well as I could for as long as I could, and when and if I couldn't any longer, I'd suck it up as best as I could.

The start line on Higuera Street in downtown San Luis Obispo

I started off the race at my usual half marathon racing pace, and moved into the 9:00-9:10 pace within the first three miles. It wasn't particularly easy, but it actually wasn't very difficult either. I wore my heart rate monitor and checked my heart rate occasionally, which told me I was doing just fine. One of the great things about this race is that we ran on the same road for the first five miles. No turns, therefore no need to try to run tight tangents. I wasn't picking up any extra mileage like one normally would on a race course with lots of turns. The miles were clicking off nicely and I was through the first half in about an hour. If I could maintain that pace and pick it up in that last mile, I'd squeak in under one hour. At worst, I'd be a minute or two over. Can you say THRILLED?!?! My race was going great and I felt great.

BUT I knew about those hills coming up...and sure enough, as soon as we turned onto San Luis Bay Drive halfway through the race, the first hill taunted us. It was a doozy.

San Luis Bay Drive, mile 7

Surprisingly, however, I ran mile 7 in 9:17. Not bad, but off pace. I sped up on the downhills in the next mile, and Mile 8 came in at 9:14 and Mile 9 back down under 9:10. I was at 9:12 pace overall through 9 miles. The canyon miles were no joke, and now I needed to be faster to break 2 hours, as I had picked up about 15 second of extra distance in the last few miles, in addition to the extra time I picked up in those two slower miles. I knew I was getting tired at this point. I could run the pace, but the hills were taking their toll on my legs. Needing to run sub-9 from here on out was going to definitely start to hurt.

Good grief

And then there was Mile 10. The entire mile is uphill. I wouldn't say that I threw in the towel right here, but this is when I decided that trying to push myself harder just wasn't going to happen. It was also right about here that we could finally see the ocean. So that's when I said, 'okay, I've proved my point. I can run a good pace again, and I have more sub-2's in my future.' It was time to enjoy myself, so I backed way off going up this hill. It was so much slower, that I ran it in 9:55. I sped up in those last few rolling miles, running between 9:20 and 9:35. Seeing that ocean was totally worth giving up a couple minutes on my race time. You couldn't wipe that smile off my face if you tried.

I crossed the finish line in 2:02:39. I had kept pace for about 9 miles, and had it not been for the hills, I would have probably broken 2 hours. This is so huge for me right now. I felt like I had broken through a physical and mental barrier. My IT band was achy for most of the run, but I never felt real pain from it. Perhaps it would have been more painful had I pushed it on those hills, so I'm glad I held back. My average heart rate average for the race was only 153, lower than I expected, and that's a very good sign of things to come.

Why yes, I did grow up here

So...onto the following weekend. The Nutrabolt Oktoberfest Half Marathon in College Station, my "marathon race pace" half marathon. Except that the weather was probably the worst that I've raced in for an endurance event. Coupled with racing just seven days before and a travel week, and I knew in the back of my head, this wasn't going to go so well, but I could still give it a shot.

I decided to run as even paced of a race as I could. Of course my Garmin lost it's signal in the first mile and I actually have no idea how fast I ran that mile. But based off the mile markers on the course, I think within the first three miles I was at 9:35 pace overall. Too fast, but at that point I thought maybe I could hold it for most of the race. I intentionally backed off after mile 3 and then the wheels pretty much started to fall off.

Mile 6 felt harder than the previous miles, even though it barely came in at under 10 minute pace. At this point I looked at my heart rate and it registered a 165. That's WAY too high for an "easy" pace for me, especially considering how in control I was in the previous week's race. I was struggling to keep my lungs working and my heart rate down, and my legs were feeling like lead.

This wasn't worth it. I crossed the timing mat at the 10K in 1:00:15, a 9:40 pace, and at the halfway mark, I walked. My heart rate needed to come down or I'd throw myself into a massive asthma attack.

So for the next 6.5 miles, I ran 5-7 minutes (I couldn't get the running under 10 minute pace) and walked a minute or two. Did I mention they found every single hill in College Station for this route? They felt like mountains (they weren't really bad). The sun came out. Everyone was walking portions of the race. Nobody was really very happy. All the happy people were done at this point. The rest of us wanted to be put out of our misery.

This weather was REALLY REALLY bad. This race was REALLY REALLY ugly.

About 11 miles in, I was so frustrated that I thought of bailing on the whole thing. But then I remembered that we got to finish in Kyle Field and that I'd get a beer stein and a medal with a beer opener on it. Time to suck it up and finish, no matter how ugly.

After what felt like a day and a half, we could see Kyle Field in the distance and I sped up to a blazing 10:15 pace (for real, this was the fastest I think I could run at this point).

That stupid clock said 2:16:30 when I crossed the finish line. I hate that clock.

With Tony and Barb, my badass GTT teammates 

Officially this was my second slowest road half marathon out of 17. I ran one trail half that was slower, and one road half that was slower. And 15 that were faster. Damn.

However, considering how great it felt the week before, I'm not letting it get me down. Especially since on Monday I came down with a doozy of an illness. It's entirely possible I was actually sick during this race, which would mean that of course I felt as horrible as I did....I had pretty much everything going against me.

Did I mention my friend Tony ran this race 19 minutes faster and he's 14 years older than me? Butthead.

The bright spot....I realized 11 miles in that I hadn't felt my IT band AT ALL during this race. I had actually forgotten all together that I was even injured. That's a pretty big win right there. Rehab is the bomb.

Two half marathons in 7 days are done. I have 12 weeks until the Louisiana Marathon and despite, the mediocrity of the Oktoberfest Half, I'm feeling pretty great going into the hardest part of marathon training. I have a great training plan laid out, I have some pretty kickass training buddies (side note: my friend Jeff ran 10 miles with me this past Saturday, just 6 days after the half and coming off an icky sick week, and I ran 9:35 pace overall. Guess what? The weather was great...imagine that), and I'm being a good girl with my physical therapy.

Baton Rouge better be ready for me. 

Race Week is Here

If you had asked a month ago what my ultimate goal was for the City to the Sea Half Marathon on October 9, I would have said "sub-2."

I've run a few sub-2 hour half marathons, but most have been in the 2:00-2:05 range. There was a time when a race under 2 hours was a given, and I never wanted to see another 2+ hour half.

Ha! Funny.

If you asked me yesterday what my goal was, it would be "please don't let me embarrass myself."

All summer I've been using the weather as my excuse for feeling so horribly slow. However, the last few weeks have really forced another issue to come to the forefront and that is my right leg. It's just not cooperating! My gluteus medius muscles are apparently weak, and my right psoas muscle is very tight. My right IT Band is pretty locked up, and the outside of my knee is where the pain has manifested. I am a pretty good girl about foam rolling and trigger point, but I have to admit I haven't been really great overall with my consistency.

I couldn't ignore this problem any longer and knew I just needed someone to work on it and guide me through some rehab without actually having to stop running. We all know I'm not going to stop running.

Enter Airrosti. I've known about them for a long time. Heck, they even came to my house in January for an Injury Rehab Clinic...oh, the irony there, I know. Since they accept my insurance I got on their schedule. I have appointments every 3 days until my race this weekend, and then I will see them again next week.

My leg is HURTING. It's very sensitive to the touch because there is some bruising going on along my IT band and in my glutes because of the work the doctor is doing. I can still run, but my leg makes sure I know it's there. I have strengthening and stretching exercises to do daily so I can fix this damn imbalance problem.

See, this is why I'll never be the fastest chick out there! Scoliosis, a leg length discrepancy, and the resulting nagging muscular imbalance is a serious buzzkill.

But it's fixable (to a point) with diligence on my part. I've gone years at a time without issue so I know it can happen again.

Sitting around icing and complaining, however, has given me time to think. I'm frustrated, and I've thought more than once if it's worth it to keep trying this whole endurance thing. Maybe I'm not cut out for it, maybe I should just take a year off, maybe I need a different hobby. After all, this can't possibly be good for me.

But then another perspective has slowly crept into my mind. I'm a healthy and active middle aged woman, I'm at a good weight and have never been overweight, I don't have any obesity-related illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, or high cholesterol, I'm not in a high risk medical group, and it's because I AM ACTIVE and I take care of myself. Plus, I love my exercise and healthy cooking hobbies. I have a focus on long term health.

If some discomfort because of my endurance endeavours is occasionally the result, then I'll take it. It's far better than the person I would be if I was sitting on the couch night after night, taking the easy way out with my exercise and eating habits. It's far better than developing obesity-related diseases and shortening my life span. Perhaps this is my personal price to pay for the rewards that I will reap in the long term.

I'm going to keep thinking like this as I go through this round of rehab. I posted on Facebook yesterday that years from now I'll see this as merely a blip and I won't regret not giving up.

Nope, definitely not giving up. This is the only body I have and I'm going to continue keeping it healthy and strong....I just have to put a bit more focus into my poor glutes being strong!

Did I mention it's RACE WEEK!! On Sunday, I'll earn myself this sweet medal.

I get to run from my hometown of San Luis Obispo, through the canyon, down to the beach in Pismo. Seriously, you just can't beat that. What a way for me to experience where I grew up in a unique way. And that medal! 

4 more days!

Bigger isn't always better....and that's just fine

The thing about being a part of a running or triathlon community is that it's really easy to get caught up in the atmosphere of "it's time to do a marathon" or "you're ready for an Ironman!" It's easy to start registering for race after race, longer distance after longer distance until you're out $1500+ and insanely busy training for the next 8 months.

For some people, this is awesome. It's what they do and they love it.

Me?

Holy crap, the thought of all that just exhausts me.

I've had a few years where I raced a lot and I did love it. I did 3 marathons in one year and they were the three fastest I'd done at the time. Last year I did 6 triathlons, but none longer than an intermediate distance, and I had a really great time. So much fun that I signed up for an Ironman 70.3 (through life circumstances beyond my control I had to cancel that race, so it didn't actually happen).

This year has been extremely low key and while I do sometimes miss the constant thought of "when is my next race and how am I going to improve from last time," I have to admit that the low-key year has been really great overall. I have long term goals that I'm slowly chipping away at. I'm in no hurry to sign up for a last minute race "just because." Or to sign up for something bigger.

I'm hardly racing at all this year. As a matter of fact, I've only done 4 races this year, with only 2 more planned. What a relief! Seriously.

BUT....

It's tough sometimes not giving into the pull of "SOMETHING BIGGER." It's tough listening to my friends and their crammed race schedules, or the friends who are signing up for another Ironman, or another century ride, or another ultramarathon, and thinking that I SHOULD WANT TO DO THAT TOO!! Is there something wrong with me that I have absolutely NO DESIRE to train like that? They are so dedicated and their training is so regimented and it's a really big freaking deal to them (as it should be). Meanwhile I'm over here like, yeah, my marathon is still over four months way. It's only a little marathon.

Damn, it really just kind of messes with your head. A marathon is a big deal, every single time I do it. And I'm making it sound like it's "just another race." Perspective has clearly been lost in the age of BIGGER AND BETTER.

I didn't get to do my 70.3 and I'm pretty disappointed about that. I really did want to do it, and I would still like to tackle that goal. I've thought about which one I might want to sign up for, but in all honesty the big desire I had last year has dissipated and I'm not yet pulling the trigger on a race that big. And I'm certainly not giving any thought whatsoever to an Ironman 140.6. I know my friends don't believe me when I say that I don't want to do one, but seriously, I DON'T WANT TO DO ONE.

Then I start thinking, but maybe I really secretly do want to do one and they're all RIGHT. Maybe this Ironman thing is really really cool and I should want to be in the "club" because Lord knows just about everyone I train with now is part of it. But no...I'm going to stay on the outside.

I've been thinking a bit about how I want 2017 to shape up. It's going to start out with my Birthday Marathon in January and I'm seriously excited about that race. Then I have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE PLANNED. So far. Nothing.

There is not one thing...YET...that has interested me enough to commit to it (although...and I'll get to that in a bit...my eyes are on a super special prize I might compete for later in the year). But it's been weird to feel like I "should" want to cram my race schedule with bigger races and yet have little desire to do so. It's making me feel like something is wrong with me. And then I started thinking about how this attitude is just so pervasive in society in general, about so many different things.

Where is the heck did contentment go? Why isn't small and simple okay anymore? Or rather, why are we telling ourselves that simple is not okay?

IT'S FREAKING OKAY! At least for me, it is. For those who relish in the big races, go after it. I just am not ready for that.

So, if I were to go after something bigger, it would be Boston. It's funny because for so long I didn't really give much thought to qualifying for Boston but it's been in the back of my mind for a couple of years now. Mind you, I'm not nearly fast enough. I have some work to do, and I have to be careful about the race or races that I choose. My qualification window for my next age group opens in a year, and I keep leaning towards going after it as soon as I can. I have a couple races picked out that I'm pretty excited about, but I've got plenty of time to commit. So, with this goal looming, it's hard to focus on many other goals. I'm not really one who can think of achieving a whole lot of greatness in a short amount of time (that's typically when I get injured, and there's no more time for that crap). So the 70.3 might be on the backburner for a year.

It leaves room for sprint triathlons, however. It might be fun to do a few of those during the spring and summer before the crazy BQ training begins. It all keeps circling back to small and simple, and this makes me happy. I don't feel stressed. I need to shut the voice up inside my head that keeps trying to tell me I should want something more.

Instead I'll cheer on those of you who do want that.