Writing has become very difficult

I have started countless blog posts, only to delete them. I don't often find myself struggling for words, but right now I'm struggling. Everything I write seems shallow and dumb and unimportant.

I don't like having this attitude. This is my blog, this is about my life, my thoughts, my experiences. Despite the global issues surrounding us, this is still my life and I want to live it to the best of my abilities. Finding joy and freedom in everyday things leads to peace.

That means I get to write about me if I want to. This isn't ignoring anything else going on in the world. If you are a friend in real life and spend time with me, then you know that I often have meaningful conversations with those I love. I am a deep thinker, a free thinker, and can absolutely make a difference in this world with how I choose to live my life and the values I choose to impart upon my children. Judging someone's intentions based on whether they shout from the rooftops their values or if they quietly live them and show them to the world through everyday actions isn't effecting change. Judging is not at all necessary and can be quite destructive. On another note, opinion discrimination is a disgusting practice and is the exact opposite of tolerance. Think about that. Think really really hard about that.

Here, on my blog, I'm going to talk about running right now.

I am about to embark upon a very ambitious training block in the hopes I get to run the Chicago Marathon. But I honestly don't have any delusions that I'm going to be running the Chicago Marathon. I think it will be a couple more months beyond that before there's any thought to a race. However, I would like to begin my training regardless. Honestly, I am struggling with motivation, as the world continues to lack normalcy and security. So how to I push through this obstacle?

By reminding myself of HOW to train properly, by reminding myself of WHY I need to train properly.

First and foremost, I must take care of my body. I must baby it while also pushing it to be stronger. I will be running six days a week, for up to about 65 miles per week, with two "something of substance" workouts per week, as the Hanson Marathon Method refers to them. These are the interval, "strength," and tempo runs. Every other week, the long run is run at a more moderate pace. This means that 3-4 runs per week are easy runs. Really easy runs. If we don't take that easy part seriously, we can't succeed at the SOS workouts. Through an 18 week block, this method gets you to the starting line ready to smash your goal, hopefully!

So, let's talk easy. Hanson bases your pace ranges on current fitness and marathon goal. My marathon goal is still 3:45 since I haven't quite hit that yet. This equates to an 8:35 overall pace. My workout paces would be as follows:

Recovery - 11:01
Easy Aerobic - 9:39-10:21 (based on the book, but online calculators show the range is even slower, at up to 11:05)
Moderate/Long - 9:18
Marathon Pace Tempo - 8:35
Strength - 8:25 (after a block of shorter speed training, we start running strength workouts run at 10 seconds under marathon pace, in repeats of 1.5 to 3 miles)
Speed - 7:33-7:52 (we do a speed block in the first half of the training cycle, of up to 1600 meter repeats)

However, and this is really important to remember, these paces are based on relatively ideal weather conditions. Hanson adjusts pace based on less-than-ideal weather. And what do we have from May to October in Texas? LESS THAN IDEAL WEATHER. So I won't actually be running any of these paces, but rather SLOWER.

For example, let's give this morning's weather as an example. It was 75 degrees and 90% humidity when I started my run. If I plug that info into the pace adjuster (found online), my paces are now as follows:

Recovery - 11:15+ (there's not an actual field for this in the online calculator, so it basically becomes slow enough to stay in Zone 1 as much as humanly possible...that to me says over 11:15 pace, which I've never actually done! Might need to change that)
Easy Aerobic - 10:04-11:51 (in other words, you've got all sorts of wiggle room)
Moderate/Long - ~9:45 (again, it's not exact online, so this is my average interpretation, but some miles could likely be slower)
Marathon Pace Tempo - 9:16 (yes, that's 41 seconds per mile slower than marathon pace)
Strength - 9:05
Speed - 7:56-8:30

There's a wide range because we all react differently to heat and humidity, but the general consensus is that in order to maximize the gains from training, you must go by effort and throw a lot of your expected paces out the window when weather gets rough. If I need to run 10:45 to stay in Zone 2 on my easy days, then that's what I will run. Some days I might be able to push it to 10:15 or faster without overdoing it. For my long runs every other week, the key is to stay easy to moderate and avoid threshold. In good weather, 9:18 pace wouldn't be a problem. In bad weather, it's definitely going to be much closer to 10:00. Tempo days are used to mimic the marathon, so my effort at 9:16 pace in bad weather would equal my effort on race day in good weather.

I need to remember that it's okay to run 11 minute miles. How am I supposed to run 6 days per week and push myself everyday and not get injured? The answer is I DON'T. I need to run miles that feel pointless and slow, because my head knows that this is how we actually get faster.

So this means that over the course of my training, depending on weather, I could see my run average in the 8's or all the way to the 11's. There should be a big range of training paces throughout the cycle. But the majority should absolutely be much slower than marathon pace, particularly in a climate like ours.

If your goal is a 3:30 marathon (about 8:00 pace), then I shouldn't be seeing from you a bunch of runs averaging in the mid-8's. But I do see this from people ALL THE TIME. And then there's the people that run in the 10's for almost every run, and their marathon goal is 4:30 (10:16 pace). That makes no sense whatsoever. Either you are running too hard everyday or your goal is too weak. If you're finding yourself saying that there's no way you could run your usual pace for 26.2 miles, but you're also in the same breath saying that pace is "easy," then you're probably not running an actual easy pace. Confusing as heck, right?

This is why I like paying attention to my heart rate in addition to going by effort. It keeps me honest. My Zone 2 heart rate range is 127-141. I get lucky and can run well under 10:00 pace and still maintain that appropriate effort, but other days it's just not happening (like a couple times this past week!). I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to slow down to maintain the right effort and keep my heart rate in check. The benefit is the same.

My last hard workout was on Tuesday and we did a marathon pace workout, with a warm up mile, then two sets of two miles at marathon pace with an easy mile in between. The weather was upper sixties so I adjusted my marathon pace to 8:50 vs 8:35. I averaged closer to 8:40 for all four marathon pace miles, but my heartrate stayed in Zone 3, telling me I was definitely running the correct pace for the conditions and how I felt that particular day. I was also breaking in my carbon fiber shoes, and that could've allowed me to run 5 seconds per mile or so faster than I expected at the same effort. All in all, I chose the right pace in the right conditions and executed the workout properly without overexerting myself and missing the mark on the point of that particular workout. Even in the fourth mile, marathon pace did not feel very difficult, which it shouldn't four miles in.

It's obvious I love data and I love analyzing and I love seeing it all come together in a training block.

I am fearful that the weather will take a bigger toll on me this summer, even if I properly adjust all my paces. I am not a happy camper when it's hot out. I am fearful that despite telling myself, it's okay to view marathon pace at 9:16 instead of 8:35, it's going to bug me a lot and I'm going to sabotage myself and run faster and overdo it. When you see others running much faster, but with the same general marathon goals, it's hard to hold back and stay in your lane and do what you know YOU should be doing. Putting faster runs on Strava is just so much sexier than 11:00 pace runs when you're talking about running a BQ marathon as a goal.

I also need to continue to focus on my form during my runs. Running slower miles can contribute to a breakdown in your form if you don't pay attention. I do worry about this, so I need to remind myself throughout each run to go through my checkpoints and make sure I'm not exhibiting a form breakdown.

My hope is that I can throw all my misgivings out the window just like I did back in 2017 when I first embarked on my BQ goal. I was successful then, and I am itching to be successful again.

But did I mention my motivation is lacking? It really is. I know that some of this is because my mental strength is being tested by society. Some of it is because we haven't heard an update from Chicago Marathon yet and in the wake of the Boston Marathon cancellation, it makes me antsy to be so unsure.

I'm going to spend some time this week reading a really phenomenal book by Dr. Jordan Peterson called "12 Rules for Life." I'm truly fascinated by this genius of a man and looking forward to finding my best self through knowledge and learning. I'm also learning to drown out the negativity from the pervasive culture that tells me to shut up and that my opinion is wrong, although I'm admittedly not successful on that front. I'm just getting really f*cking angry.

God Bless!